Long term relationship between gay man and bi man

[moonlight]

Has anyone ever seen a successful example of this -- a long term, committed relationship between a gay man and a bi man? (even if it's an open relationship)

I know it might seem like a silly question but I'm genuinely curious. I don't have any examples of this in my own life.

What I hear most from gay men about this is that bi men will tend not to choose a man as a romantic partner due to social and family goals/pressures.

But I also know bisexuality is a spectrum with many preferring guys over women, but even then that preference may be purely sexual and not romantic. 

So I'm curious if any of you have seen this play out in real life and what your experiences are.

Just want to add that I love bi men and don't mean for this to be disrespectful in any way.

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

1 hour ago, moonlight said:

Has anyone ever seen a successful example of this -- a long term, committed relationship between a gay man and a bi man? (even if it's an open relationship)

I know it might seem like a silly question but I'm genuinely curious. I don't have any examples of this in my own life.

What I hear most from gay men about this is that bi men will tend not to choose a man as a romantic partner due to social and family goals/pressures.

But I also know bisexuality is a spectrum with many preferring guys over women, but even then that preference may be purely sexual and not romantic. 

So I'm curious if any of you have seen this play out in real life and what your experiences are.

Just want to add that I love bi men and don't mean for this to be disrespectful in any way.

I know lots of man/man couples who are married, where one or both men have children from previous man/woman relationships.  So yes, a gay/bisexual relationship is common.

Edited March 27 by Vegas_Millennial

[+ Charlie]

One of my late husband's brothers is happily married to a formerly bi-man with grown children and grandchildren. We are one big family.

[MikeBiDude]

It’s worked for me twice, one time better than the other but yes, it can work.

[moonlight]

8 hours ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

I know lots of man/man couples who are married, where one or both men have children from previous man/woman relationships.  So yes, a gay/bisexual relationship is common.

 

6 hours ago, Charlie said:

One of my late husband's brothers is happily married to a formerly bi-man with grown children and grandchildren. We are one big family.

The only examples I've seen of this in my life have actually been gay men who were married to women but who were deeply closeted (like Mormons). Having been married to a woman doesn't necessarily denote bisexuality which is kind of confusing. That may be a debate among some but I consider sexual orientation to be based solely on intrinsic attraction and not on behavior, which introduces a lot of potential confounding factors. E.g., gay-for-pay guys are not actually gay.

Charlie, that's great to hear you are all a big family now!

Edited March 28 by moonlight

[+ Charlie]

3 hours ago, moonlight said:

 

The only examples I've seen of this in my life have actually been gay men who were married to women but who were deeply closeted (like Mormons). Having been married to a woman doesn't necessarily denote bisexuality which is kind of confusing. That may be a debate among some but I consider sexual orientation to be based solely on intrinsic attraction and not on behavior, which introduces a lot of potential confounding factors. E.g., gay-for-pay guys are not actually gay.

Charlie, that's great to hear you are all a big family now!

I have never discussed with my brother-in-law's husband his sexual interests and activities when he was married to a woman. I do know that after his marriage ended, he did sleep with other men before he married my brother-in-law, so he may have simply been a closeted gay man when he was married and fathered his two children. He and his ex-wife maintained a good relationship after they divorced, and my brother-in-law helped to raise his children.

[+ Just Chuck]

Bisexuality becomes invisible in most cases the moment that you enter either a same or opposites sex relationship with just one person.  (I guess less so if you're in a relationship with an androgynous non-binary person.)  Unless I run across the right people who I want to join me in a throuple or polycule, I'll always appear to be either gay or straight to most observers.  

A set of terms that helps me understand is to not only add hetero-, homo-, bi-, and pan- to -sexual but also to -romantic.  I've met a lot of bi-sexual people who are either hetero-romantic or homo-romantic.  Meaning they are sexually attracted to a spectrum of genders but romantically attracted to just one.

[+ Charlie]

15 hours ago, Charlie said:

I have never discussed with my brother-in-law's husband his sexual interests and activities when he was married to a woman. I do know that after his marriage ended, he did sleep with other men before he married my brother-in-law, so he may have simply been a closeted gay man when he was married and fathered his two children. He and his ex-wife maintained a good relationship after they divorced, and my brother-in-law helped to raise his children.

I think it must have been confusing for the kids when they had to explain their family structure to friends, especially after their mother remarried: they had a mother, a father, and two stepfathers, all at the same time, and sometimes all together in the same place on a holiday.

[+ DrownedBoy]

I know quite a few, but the key here is the partner calls himself bisexual. Like everyone here said, you can't really look inside their mind.

It's a change. When I was in college, the "Gay and Lesbian Alliance" was still debating whether or not bisexuals belonged in our group. Back then, there was the stereotype of bi men as just opportunistic, untrustworthy horndogs who had no loyalty, and could just hide in plain sight when gay bashing started. Now everyone's bi.

[marylander1940]

Most people who called themselves BI are simply in denial or they're so young they can f*** whatever is available doesn't matter the gender. 

 

 

[marylander1940]

On 3/27/2025 at 11:44 AM, Charlie said:

One of my late husband's brothers is happily married to a formerly bi-man with grown children and grandchildren. We are one big family.

Many gay men got married earlier in life to be accepted as straight and receive all the benefits of that condition. Later on, obviously their marriages collapsed but because of having children they still benefit from social acceptance.

I feel sorry for the women they used in their endeavor.

Edited March 29 by marylander1940

[BuffaloKyle]

I've hooked up with tons of bi guys that are vers so they top with women and bottom with guys. The last guy that I hooked up with a few times had an open relationship with his gf on this. So I'm sure it could work the other way too. Although if a guy likes to bottom with guys and top with women if his partner is vers I'm sure they might be like hey you can top me just as easily as you could top a woman. And yes a woman could top her bf as well with a strap on but for some reason guys love a real dick in them. 😅

[+ purplekow]

26 minutes ago, marylander1940 said:

Most people who called themselves BI are simply in denial or they're so young they can f*** whatever is available doesn't matter the gender. 

 

 

You are entitled to your misguided opinion but neither you nor anyone else who is not bisexual can know what desires a bisexual person has and how he is acting on them.  As a bisexual man, I have had long periods of time when I was monogamous with my wife, and prior to that, had sex almost exclusively with women. two single episode encounters in my teens.    Since my wife passed, I still find mmany women sexually desirable but I have found that dating them is too much work and too restrictive and as a result, though I have had sexual relations with women over the last 15 years, I would not pursue a long term relationship with one.  Nowadays, I clearly prefer sex with men, as it is generally easier emotionally. 

I do regret that it did not happen the other way for me.  When I was younger I had the looks which would have made me popular with gay men and I probably would have gotten laid a lot more often in my teens to thirties.  Now, with older heterosexual women,  sex is much more readily available and let's face it men in their 60s are not the prime target for most gay men.  

[marylander1940]

49 minutes ago, purplekow said:

You are entitled to your misguided opinion but neither you nor anyone else who is not bisexual can know what desires a bisexual person has and how he is acting on them.  As a bisexual man, I have had long periods of time when I was monogamous with my wife, and prior to that, had sex almost exclusively with women. two single episode encounters in my teens.    Since my wife passed, I still find mmany women sexually desirable but I have found that dating them is too much work and too restrictive and as a result, though I have had sexual relations with women over the last 15 years, I would not pursue a long term relationship with one.  Nowadays, I clearly prefer sex with men, as it is generally easier emotionally. 

I do regret that it did not happen the other way for me.  When I was younger I had the looks which would have made me popular with gay men and I probably would have gotten laid a lot more often in my teens to thirties.  Now, with older heterosexual women,  sex is much more readily available and let's face it men in their 60s are not the prime target for most gay men.  

You lost me at "misguided opinion"!

 

Edited March 29 by marylander1940

[+ Just Chuck]

10 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

Most people who called themselves BI are simply in denial or they're so young they can f*** whatever is available doesn't matter the gender. 

 

 

In my teens, I was in denial that I was bisexual.  I had sex with other guys and loved it.  At the time, I'd never even heard the term bisexual and thought of orientation as a gay/straight binary. I knew that I was attracted to women.  I told myself that I was having sex with men just because I had such a high sex drive that it spilled over and that sex with men was just like an extension of masturbation for myself.  

I was well into my twenties when I finally became comfortable admitting to myself that I really am attracted to men as well as women and began using the label bisexual for myself.  As time went on and the culture allowed people who don't fit into a gender binary to live openly in their own way, I realized that I really am drawn to those people too.  

I'm not that young.  I'm starting to close out my fifties.  I don't discriminate against sex partners based on gender.  But, I'd be hard pressed to say that I'd "f*** whatever is available."

[pubic_assistance]

On 3/28/2025 at 5:39 AM, Just Chuck said:

Bisexuality becomes invisible in most cases the moment that you enter either a same or opposites sex relationship with just one person.

Only if you choose monogamy.

13 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

Most people who called themselves BI are simply in denial or they're so young they can f*** whatever is available doesn't matter the gender. 

I don't think there is any reliable scientific research data on that subject. In MY experience with bi, men...it's generally NOT "denial". They are well aware of the fact they are different than mainstream people. They just struggle with identity, because most people are very binary in their thinking....and will try and force them into a *this*or*that* category.

On a personal level having romantic relationships with girls in high school...I didn't even know what bisexuality was. In college it was still girls for the first two years but I craved experience with men..but still didn't identify as bi. Once I hooked up with a man, I thought maybe I'm gay. Moved to LA and identified as gay for a while and mostly slept with men. Then back to college and started sleeping with women again. I think it was at that point of my back and forth that I heard about bisexuality. Moving to NYC, I jumped into the underground sex scene and had TONS of sex. So...like @marylander1940 claims...I was rather opportunistic and could double my chances of getting laid by being open to whatever.

Eventually I felt that my relationships with men were somewhat superficial as they were always sniffing around for the next thrill and it seemed that "love" wasn't really something that gay men were capable of. (Just my opinion at the time). So I ended up marrying a former drunk-fuck gal pal from college who was also bisexual, and was for years, my best-friend. For BOTH of us, we never were in "denial"...more confused because OTHER PEOPLE want you to "pick a team".

Once you enter into a loving relationship you do initially become an "invisible" bisexual. But sexual monogamy is a CHOICE, not the ONLY way to enjoy a romantic relationship.

I think as a bisexual...IF I had found a gay man who I truly believed LOVED me unconditionally I could have made a same sex relationship work. I just never found that man.

Edited March 29 by pubic_assistance
grammar

[marylander1940]

3 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

Only if you choose monogamy.

I don't think there is any reliable scientific research data on that subject. In MY experience with bi, men...it's generally NOT "denial". They are well aware of the fact they are different than mainstream people. They just struggle with identity, because most people are very binary in their thinking....and will try and force them into a *this*or*that* category.

On a personal level having romantic relationships with girls in high school...I didn't even know what bisexuality was. In college it was still girls for the first two years but I craved experience with men..but still didn't identify as bi. Once I hooked up with a man, I thought maybe I'm gay. Moved to LA and identified as gay for a while and mostly slept with men. Then back to college and started sleeping with women again. I think it was at that point of my back and forth that I heard about bisexuality. Moving to NYC, I jumped into the underground sex scene and had TONS of sex. So...like @marylander1940 claims...I was rather opportunistic and could double my chances of getting laid by being open to whatever.

Eventually I felt that my relationships with men were somewhat superficial as they were always sniffing around for the next thrill and it seemed that "love" wasn't really something that gay men were capable of. (Just my opinion at the time). So I ended up marrying a former drunk-fuck gal pal from college who was also bisexual, and was for years, my best-friend. For BOTH of us, we never were in "denial"...more confused because OTHER PEOPLE want you to "pick a team".

Once you enter into a loving relationship you do initially become an "invisible" bisexual. But sexual monogamy is a CHOICE, not the ONLY way to enjoy a romantic relationship.

I think as a bisexual...IF I had found a gay man who I truly believed LOVED me unconditionally I could have made a same sex relationship work. I just never found that man.

Many in this forum would disagree about love not being possible between gay men.  

We're glad things work out with your "drunk-fuck gal"! The two of you are lucky to have found each other.  

 

[+ purplekow]

17 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

You lost me at "misguided opinion"!

 

Not suprising as you seemed lost on this topic before that.  

Edited March 29 by purplekow

[marylander1940]

1 hour ago, purplekow said:

Not suprising as you seemed lost on this topic before that.  

Why always so intolerant? 

Talk about overreacting.... 

 

 

Edited March 29 by marylander1940

[marylander1940]

Back to subject: in this day and age when monogamy between gay men practically doesn't exist I wouldn't be surprised about a gay man dating a truly bisexual guy, who every now and then meets women or Tinder or hires female prostitutes.

 

[+ DrownedBoy]

8 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

Only if you choose monogamy.

No.

Only if you choose to appear to be monogamous.

[+ friendofsheila]

Yes, but I don't know details about ahow long they have been togther.

[+ purplekow]

4 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

Why always so intolerant? 

Talk about overreacting.... 

 

Have you looked in the mirror regarding intolerance.  You are dismissing an entire group of men with no personal knowledge of their thinking or lifestyle.  I am not surprised you are lost in this topic, you are probably better off staying with your cut and paste, because your words betray you.  

[+ sniper]

13 hours ago, Just Chuck said:

In my teens, I was in denial that I was bisexual.  I had sex with other guys and loved it.  At the time, I'd never even heard the term bisexual and thought of orientation as a gay/straight binary. I knew that I was attracted to women.  I told myself that I was having sex with men just because I had such a high sex drive that it spilled over and that sex with men was just like an extension of masturbation for myself.  

Unfortunately, I think that there are a LOT of men for whom partnered sex is essentially an extension of masturbation. Women are usually less willing to put up with that treatment.

[moonlight]

I asked this question because I have a good friend who I thought was straight but has been dropping hints with me that he might be bi, while also dropping hints that he might want to play. I value my friendship with him too much just to risk it with a fwb situation. But I would consider a LTR with him and he's one of only a few people I've ever met who I could say that about.

It's easier to compartmentalize those feelings with a straight guy but it opens a can of worms if he's bi. He's also hot af.

So I was just curious how common a successful gay/bi ltr might be in general since I've never actually seen it.