Regular providers reach clients out often?

[big-n-tall]

On 2/13/2025 at 12:36 PM, Dingdi said:

I’m curious about relationships between clients and their regular providers. Do you often chat out of “business” hours?

Do you do any other non sexual activities together? (A fine dinning before going to bed is not included here. I think it’s a kind of foreplay. )

My story. I meet this escort around every two or three weeks if he is in town. During our meeting, talks and interactions have always been good. 
I sometimes try to talk with him by WhatsApp. My messages are always replied but long time delay although it shows he is online. Of course it’s a polite way to say “shut up”. It makes sense no one is obliged to “work” over time. So I don’t contact him unless to schedule meeting time. Confusingly, he sometimes also reaches me out asking how you are doing or have a nice weekend. When I reply there is always another longtime silence. I guess maybe all his regular clients received same message at that time. 
Before I ask him directly someday or never, I’d like to hear your experience. 

Do you often chat out of “business” hours?

Some providers do... most don't.
Personally, there are some providers I've known closing on 15 years and we've built a strong rapport. So we talk/text rather frequently. There are a few I've met relatively recently and we just clicked.
The providers I have a connection with will occasionally see how I'm doing or I'll see how they are doing. I don't expect immediate responses. People get busy, but they usually respond eventually, if not immediately. Sometimes we'll talk on the phone about random things.

Do you do any other non sexual activities together?

The vast majority of the ones I have some type of comradery with, I'd say we don't. That's mainly because they live in other states or the are visiting for work... so they just don't have the time. However, we do "non sexual activities" during overnights or longer, of course. There is a small number I say the relationship is just as much a friendship as business. Those select few, we do of the clock nonsexual advertures frequently (even if I don't hire them during their work trip).

With all this said, try not to force something other then the client/provider relationship. If a friendship blooms naturally... then awesome. If it doesn't, relish the time spent in the bedroom, even if its purely transactional.

[+ DrownedBoy]

20 hours ago, ApexNomad said:

Being in a relationship doesn’t automatically prevent someone from developing a bond or feelings with someone else. Connections can form in all kinds of situations. Just because there’s a financial exchange doesn’t mean a bond can’t develop. Maybe not for you it seems, but if I were seeing a man for 8 consecutive years—partnered or single—I’m almost certainly forming some kind of bond. To me, that’s natural—it means I like this person and care about them on some basic level to want to see them for 8 consecutive years. Doesn’t mean I love them.

Some of the most genuine connections can form outside of traditional relationship structures, where both parties are clear on boundaries but still manage to bond in meaningful ways.

Maybe the better question I should be asking—what do you mean by bond? Never forming a bond during a session? Maybe I’m not understanding. 

Correct, it doesn't. This forum discussed many immature, selfish men who ditched their long term partners for some young piece of ass. Perhaps some men shouldn't hire even if they're married, if that's how they handle it.

A bond IMHO is emotional or friendship, distinct from being on good terms with someone. I've had the same barber, mechanic, and accountant for much longer than 8 years, and while I'm on good terms, the relationship only exists as long as we do business.

Yes, working relationships often lead to deeper friendship - but usually not until you stop working together. That's my experience. And as much as I wish we'd treat sex work like any other type, most people seem to have difficulty separating them.

And to be blunt, I don't hire escorts based on chemistry - that's how I choose a date. I hire based on their body, looks, and obedience. If one of those go, so do they. Bonds are created between equals, not between a person who needs money and someone who has it.

Edited February 15 by DrownedBoy

[BrooklynIrish]

1 hour ago, DrownedBoy said:

And to be blunt, I don't hire escorts based on chemistry - that's how I choose a date. I hire based on their body, looks, and obedience. If one of those go, so do they.

Are you an S/M top? That’s what it sounds like but in the past I’ve gotten a different vibe. 

[+ ApexNomad]

3 hours ago, DrownedBoy said:

Correct, it doesn't. This forum discussed many immature, selfish men who ditched their long term partners for some young piece of ass. Perhaps some men shouldn't hire even if they're married, if that's how they handle it.

A bond IMHO is emotional or friendship, distinct from being on good terms with someone. I've had the same barber, mechanic, and accountant for much longer than 8 years, and while I'm on good terms, the relationship only exists as long as we do business.

Yes, working relationships often lead to deeper friendship - but usually not until you stop working together. That's my experience. And as much as I wish we'd treat sex work like any other type, most people seem to have difficulty separating them.

And to be blunt, I don't hire escorts based on chemistry - that's how I choose a date. I hire based on their body, looks, and obedience. If one of those go, so do they. Bonds are created between equals, not between a person who needs money and someone who has it.

Bonds are only created between equals? Power dynamics exist in all kinds of relationships—mentorships, marriages, friendships, even parent-child relationships—and yet meaningful bonds still form. Financial disparity doesn’t automatically negate emotional connection. If that were the case, then friendships and marriages with economic imbalances wouldn’t exist.

I appreciate your perspective. I think we have a difference of experience and philosophy. I will say if someone’s been having sex with me for eight years straight, there’s a bond forming, whether we acknowledge it or not. My barber isn’t in my bed. There’s a difference between being familiar with someone who provides a service and having an ongoing intimate connection, even if money is involved. You may not define that as a bond, but I’d argue that kind of consistency means something.

[Seamusss]

On 2/13/2025 at 12:36 PM, Dingdi said:

I’m curious about relationships between clients and their regular providers. Do you often chat out of “business” hours?

Do you do any other non sexual activities together? (A fine dinning before going to bed is not included here. I think it’s a kind of foreplay. )

My story. I meet this escort around every two or three weeks if he is in town. During our meeting, talks and interactions have always been good. 
I sometimes try to talk with him by WhatsApp. My messages are always replied but long time delay although it shows he is online. Of course it’s a polite way to say “shut up”. It makes sense no one is obliged to “work” over time. So I don’t contact him unless to schedule meeting time. Confusingly, he sometimes also reaches me out asking how you are doing or have a nice weekend. When I reply there is always another longtime silence. I guess maybe all his regular clients received same message at that time. 
Before I ask him directly someday or never, I’d like to hear your experience. 

Your experience mirrors mine exactly. I’ve been seeing this guy from Seeking about every two weeks for over a year. We hook up but we also do non-sexual stuff like movies and dinners, and we spend hours chatting when we’re in person. But whenever I text him to make casual conversation he usually doesn’t respond for days, and when he does his replies are pretty short. He says it’s because he uses Google Voice to text me and doesn’t check it often. He also says he’s not a texter. It took me a long time to appreciate that he does this because he wants to compartmentalize this part of his life off from his normal life. I don’t text him to make casual conversation anymore.

[Savage D]

I had a provider who would reach out to me now n then to ask how I’m doing or fill me in on his life. I expect it was probably cuz he needed funds, but i appreciated the personal touch and he became a regular because of it. Noot in love, but feels like throwing business towards a friend.

[+ DrownedBoy]

11 hours ago, ApexNomad said:

Bonds are only created between equals? Power dynamics exist in all kinds of relationships—mentorships, marriages, friendships, even parent-child relationships—and yet meaningful bonds still form. Financial disparity doesn’t automatically negate emotional connection. If that were the case, then friendships and marriages with economic imbalances wouldn’t exist.

I appreciate your perspective. I think we have a difference of experience and philosophy. I will say if someone’s been having sex with me for eight years straight, there’s a bond forming, whether we acknowledge it or not. My barber isn’t in my bed. There’s a difference between being familiar with someone who provides a service and having an ongoing intimate connection, even if money is involved. You may not define that as a bond, but I’d argue that kind of consistency means something.

Well that's it - I don't bed escorts, just use them, as someone just reminded everyone, for BDSM RP. Subs require obedience too.

[Dingdi]

On 2/16/2025 at 3:30 AM, Seamusss said:

Your experience mirrors mine exactly. I’ve been seeing this guy from Seeking about every two weeks for over a year. We hook up but we also do non-sexual stuff like movies and dinners, and we spend hours chatting when we’re in person. But whenever I text him to make casual conversation he usually doesn’t respond for days, and when he does his replies are pretty short. He says it’s because he uses Google Voice to text me and doesn’t check it often. He also says he’s not a texter. It took me a long time to appreciate that he does this because he wants to compartmentalize this part of his life off from his normal life. I don’t text him to make casual conversation anymore.

Would like to shake hands with you. 
 

For sure the providers we talked about don’t want to spend extra time. It makes sense and I totally understand. I have many clients, in other industry, too. Some of them are really nice. Always pleasant to do business with them but that’s it. It’s better they don’t contact me except placing order. However it’s still upsetting to find out that in his business WhatsApp, each time I check, his last online time is always in 1-2 hours while my message is ignored for one day. 

Did you propose to hang out with him? You paid the same rate as in bed?

 

[Rod Hagen]

On 2/13/2025 at 9:36 AM, Dingdi said:

I’m curious about relationships between clients and their regular providers. Do you often chat out of “business” hours?

Yes, since my first days working in 1999, and lunch, and hang time, and I'm still friends with them.  Hypocritically, as that youth I too bristled in this forum at the suggestion that my time with clients would ever be anything other than On The Clock, while simultaneously becoming friends with clients, OFF the Clock/Cock.

Edited February 19 by Rod Hagen

[d.anders]

26 minutes ago, Rod Hagen said:

as that youth I too bristled in this forum at the suggestion that my time with clients would ever be anything other than On The Clock

Maturity in a man can be a wonderful thing. The youth often have to be excused, because they're too young to know better.

[Colton]

On 2/13/2025 at 6:03 PM, soloyo215 said:

the stripper with daddy issues and an award-winning ass, who took all my fun money last December

I can’t tell if you are reminiscing about a good time / money well spent, or complaining about being taken advantage of. 

[Seamusss]

On 2/17/2025 at 2:36 PM, Dingdi said:

Would like to shake hands with you. 
 

For sure the providers we talked about don’t want to spend extra time. It makes sense and I totally understand. I have many clients, in other industry, too. Some of them are really nice. Always pleasant to do business with them but that’s it. It’s better they don’t contact me except placing order. However it’s still upsetting to find out that in his business WhatsApp, each time I check, his last online time is always in 1-2 hours while my message is ignored for one day. 

Did you propose to hang out with him? You paid the same rate as in bed?

 

For just hanging out I pay half of what I pay for doing more. It’s not often, just when I feel like chatting but not in the mood for sex.

[+ purplekow]

My experience is very different from most of the posters here.  Some escorts are escorts and they wish to maintain that dynamic.   Others may have other reasons for contacting me and conversing with me on a regular basis.  Sometimes it is for professional advice.  Sometimes it is as a result of seeing them frequently and feeling like they want to check in.  Sometimes, it is just to try seduce me into making an appointment.  However, there are several escorts with whom I have maintained a relationship long after I stopped hiring them.  I have mentioned before that one asked me to be the best man at his wedding.  Another, used to dog sit for me for a week at a time and was welcome in my home at any time of day or night.  There is another escort with whom I text or talk just about every day for the last 5 years dating back to the start of Covid and his interest in my role in caring for those patients.  Recently, I was hiring an escort about once a month but speaking to him several times a week because we shared fandom with several sports teams.   

I am surprised sometimes, when I look down on my list of recent texts or calls to find the majority of them are with men I met as escorts.  Now that I have moved across the country, the real test will be if these relationships survive that change.  That is also true for my more traditional relationships.   

 

[VictorMcHugh]

On 2/13/2025 at 5:03 PM, soloyo215 said:

Well, the stripper with daddy issues and an award-winning ass, who took all my fun money last December in Puerto Vallarta reaches out to me all the time, probably for more money. Does that count as socializing?

Oh you have those too? I have a slew of boys from PV contacting me all the time, eventually asking for money for some personal emergency.

[DznNYC]

I'm not sure if I'm an anomaly or what, but friendship with clients seems like a very natural result of this kind of work.  If you show up and bring any of your human self to bear in the moment, real connections do happen.  Sometimes you find you have common interests.  Sometimes you just get to know each other over repeated sessions.  There are any number of client/provider situations where people make friends and think nothing of it.  Personal trainers, yoga instructors, hair stylists.  An escort is a more intimate relationship than any of those, so it only stands to reason.

Yes, boundaries are always important.  Most of us juggle varying degrees of complicated lives.  And we can't always be available to everyone all the time.  I've been lucky that pretty much everyone I've met so far has intuitively understood that. 

 

On the question of answered texts, I think what you're observing is not unique to escorts and their clients.  This is an issue with humans who text.  

As a general rule, do not presume to know why a person has left you on read.  You literally have no idea what someone's life might be at any given moment.  Maybe they're driving.   Maybe they opened your text by accident.   Maybe they're about to go into surgery.  And don't presume to know why someone's not looking at your text but their chat light is green.  Maybe they're texting their grandmother on her death bed.  Maybe they're late to an event and texting for directions.  Maybe they just don't have time for you in that moment.  None of this is inconsistent with friendship.  None of this is inconsistent with checking in on you at later time.  You need to be careful not to confuse the access that comes with friendship with 24/7 availability.