When to tell a provider I’m a virgin?

[Peter Eater]

On 1/26/2025 at 5:26 PM, BenjaminNicholas said:

This is also what I would recommend.

An escort is only going to exacerbate your social issues by making it too easy. 

You need to force yourself to make friends, go out, be social, fail, succeed.  This is life.

Live life. 

Live life now.

Shorter version: Come out. The closet kills.

[Peter Eater]

On 2/6/2025 at 3:38 PM, 246sbsslc said:

No longer lost; No longer lonely (even though still alone); My soul has been salvaged; The gate of heaven has been unlocked; Let the wild ride begin + continue

Congratulations! Sounds great. Next time, try fisting. That’ll really open you up. 

[d.anders]

2 hours ago, ShortCutie7 said:

Those of us who are less experienced are also less desensitized.

That's probably true. But here's the ugly truth, experience brings forth the good and the bad. An inexperienced gay guy needs to get smart about the bad, so he can make better choices for himself.

1 hour ago, Peter Eater said:

Next time, try fisting.

I'm all for sexual exploration, but when we're talking about the extremes, I highly recommend an inexperienced guy does his research, like having a conversation with a gay doctor if you can find one (not easy). I have too many gay friends in my age circle (over 50) who are now experiencing serious health issues with their rectums. Some of these guys are in agony, and most people don't want to talk about this stuff. Be careful what you wish for.

[ShortCutie7]

3 hours ago, d.anders said:

That's probably true. But here's the ugly truth, experience brings forth the good and the bad. An inexperienced gay guy needs to get smart about the bad, so he can make better choices for himself.

I'm all for sexual exploration, but when we're talking about the extremes, I highly recommend an inexperienced guy does his research, like having a conversation with a gay doctor if you can find one (not easy). I have too many gay friends in my age circle (over 50) who are now experiencing serious health issues with their rectums. Some of these guys are in agony, and most people don't want to talk about this stuff. Be careful what you wish for.

To be clear, I am inexperienced in terms of great, recent, and/or anal experiences.  I had my share of neutral oral-only experiences back when I was more active, and was never really into anal (until now, which is why I’m trying to get more experience topping providers since I find bottoming uncomfortable and don’t want the rectal issues you mentioned).

[jazeboy]

23 hours ago, Peter Eater said:

Shorter version: Come out. The closet kills.

In an ideal world. But it's so hard ... and all the more so the older you are. I wish I had the courage when I was younger. I wish the world was more tolerant / accepting when I was younger.

[Peter Eater]

On 2/9/2025 at 6:53 AM, jazeboy said:

In an ideal world. But it's so hard ... and all the more so the older you are. I wish I had the courage when I was younger. I wish the world was more tolerant / accepting when I was younger.

It would help if you were more tolerant. Start there.

 

 

[Grey3588]

Some people actually say in their posting that they like working with inexperienced people. And i bet they mean that, sincerely, and that they are fun and attentive as a result. 
 

but i dont think people will have aaaannny issue with it. Most likely itll be a major net positive. I would definitely bring it up thoug , especially if you plan to bottom at some point, be cause if youve never done so, i feel like its better for the top to ease into a bit because it takes some mental rewiring to not let all your muscles seize up on confusion lol

[Wings246]

It’s been 8 months since I started this thread and I realize it was resurrected recently.

I was a silent bystander on CoM for a long while before I summoned the courage one day to create an account to pose a question.  I did (still do) benefit from reading others’ Q&A so I feel somewhat obligated to answer my own questions to shed some light on the subject I created myself.

1.     I did end up telling all the providers I met about my (lack of) experiences beforehand.  I am extremely lucky in that they are all kind, understanding, and receptive professionals who accommodate my needs.  It is true that there isn’t anything they haven’t seen or heard before.  It was silly of me to think that they would be surprised by my full disclosures.

2.     All my appointments have been 2-hour long.  I am not the bang-bang, hit-and-run type — at least not yet (Who knows?  I may evolve into one eventually).  I still need the time to gradually ramp up the temperature.  So to me, 1 hour would be too rush and stressful.

3.     A few providers told me they never hosted for the 1^st appointment to prevent letting psychopaths and serial killers/rapists into their homes, which is totally understandable.  They prefer to meet in a 3^rd party location (e.g. hotel) to assess the sanity of the clients first.  Thus, in-call versus out-call is not necessarily the client's choice.

Lastly, I do sincerely appreciate everyone’s inputs here.  I even find the ones that appear to be sarcastic, bitter, or toxic somewhat amusing and eye-opening.  Thanks for your contributions.

[jeezifonly]

As a client of 20+ yrs, I make a regular practice of telling mine just as they're about to stick it in. Almost always gets me an additional 10m on the house. 😂

[GentJ]

On 1/26/2025 at 8:26 PM, BenjaminNicholas said:

This is also what I would recommend.

An escort is only going to exacerbate your social issues by making it too easy. 

You need to force yourself to make friends, go out, be social, fail, succeed.  This is life.

Live life. 

Live life now.

I couldn't disagree more with this. For those who are starting off a bit late, those who haven't found their way through using the bars or the apps. Escorts make great 'training wheels'. People are fucking mean on the apps. And let's be honest, bars aren't the places to meet new people that they were in decades past. Start on 'easy mode'. Gain confidence. Then do the platforms/bars/apps. 

[Wings246]

On 10/6/2025 at 2:23 PM, GentJ said:

Escorts make great 'training wheels'.

This is my exact thought.  I was hesitant to use the phrase, “training wheel,” because it may sound a bit abusive, condescending, or offensive to some.  I am glad to hear a provider describing it this way.  I can almost liken the relationship to that of having a personal trainer in the gym: he helps me to start the engine and once I feel comfortable enough, I will go out to drive on my own.

I guess it may be difficult for the majority to understand the minority — the middle-aged novice.  I bet most of you can’t even begin to imagine how tough it was for me to express myself anonymously here, let alone to place everything in real-life context.  To me, at the very least, the providers I met have helped me take the first steps to free myself from my psychological prison.

[Nightowl]

7 minutes ago, Wings246 said:

This is my exact thought.  I was hesitant to use the phrase, “training wheel,” because it may sound a bit abusive, condescending, or offensive to some.  I am glad to hear a provider describing it this way.  I can almost liken the relationship to that of having a personal trainer in the gym: he helps me to start the engine and once I feel comfortable enough, I will go out to drive on my own.

I guess it may be difficult for the majority to understand the minority — the middle-aged novice.  I bet most of you can’t even begin to imagine how tough it was for me to express myself anonymously here, let alone to place everything in real-life context.  To me, at the very least, the providers I met have helped me take the first steps to free myself from my psychological prison.

I for one understand.  You’re in good company.

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

On 10/4/2025 at 2:50 PM, jeezifonly said:

As a client of 20+ yrs, I make a regular practice of telling mine just as they're about to stick it in. Almost always gets me an additional 10m on the house. 😂

Does that trick still work when you tell him you're a virgin on the 2nd visit? 😆 

Edited Thursday at 02:10 AM by Vegas_Millennial
Pronouns

[Nue2thegame]

9 hours ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

Does that trick still work when you tell them you're a virgin on the 2nd visit? 😆 

Some of us are born again virgins

[+ Charlie]

I know I told this story here before on a thread about "My first time......" I started my sex life when most gay men were in the closet and there wasn't a resource like this one to consult (the personal computer still hadn't been invented).  I was picked up in a public men's room by a guy who cruised me and took me back to his place, where he introduced me to all the basic acts. As I was getting dressed afterwards, I said, "Wow! I didn't realize that these things were possible!" He looked at me in confusion and said, "But I asked you if you were gay, and you said 'Yes.'" I had to admit that I didn't even know what "gay" meant.

The OP obviously knows what the term means and where to turn for advice about the subject, as I did not. There has been a lot of practical advice offered here about how to start having physical interaction with other men, and the writer has taken advantage of it. I'm wondering whether he now feels "gay" as a result, or simply "sexually experienced."

[Wings246]

8 hours ago, Charlie said:

The OP obviously knows what the term means

 

8 hours ago, Charlie said:

I'm wondering whether he now feels "gay" as a result, or simply "sexually experienced."

I do know what being "gay" means.  As a matter of fact, I knew I'm gay even before my pubertal years.  I distinctly remember how my little man reacted when I saw naked men's bodies at the locker rooms of public swimming pools.  In contrast, I had (and still have) absolutely no responses to any female body parts, naked or covered.  So being "gay" is not a new discovery to me.  I can now say that I'm "sexually experienced" as a gay man.  But I'm still at the entry level if you ask me.   😆

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

23 minutes ago, Wings246 said:

But I'm still at the entry level if you ask me. 

The entry is one of the best parts! 🍆 🎉 

[Wings246]

16 minutes ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

The entry is one of the best parts!

For some strange reasons, as I was typing, I already knew you would come back with a double entendre.  And yes, I agree, the entry is one of the highlights, if not THE highlight.

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

6 minutes ago, Wings246 said:

And yes, I agree, the entry is one of the highlights, if not THE highlight.

THE highlight?  I'll put it in the top 2 😉 

Reminds me of a line in the Best Little Whorehouse in Texas:

Burt Reynolds (about to have sex with Dolly Parton):  Watching you get undressed is the best part. 

Dolly Parton: The BEST part?

Burt:  Well, maybe not the best part... But in the top 2!

[jazeboy]

On 10/2/2025 at 12:10 AM, Peter Eater said:

It would help if you were more tolerant. Start there.

 

 

I’m really curious why you are implying that I am not tolerant?

[GymGuy]

I agree with the recommendation of starting with a massage session with a male.  Perhaps just a "therapeutic" session maybe from a provider on Masseurfinder.com as opposed to RentMasseur, as RM providers most always assume an HE is standard.  Or, maybe just start with a session with a provider on RentMasseur that has numerous good reviews and whose ad is not overly suggestive.  Until I was approaching 40 (but not a virgin) I never thought about hiring for anything--massage or more.  Then decided to experience a "therapeutic" massage session neither assuming or expecting anything.  Had a good massage; at the end the guy ask "would you like a release?"  Took me a few seconds to figure out what he was asking--I responded okay, sure.  That began my comfort with hiring for massage sessions that moved to the sensual-erotic style--then into more.  Massage from a male provider is a good way to develop a comfort zone for hiring in general.

[Peter Eater]

On 3/26/2026 at 6:13 AM, jazeboy said:

I’m really curious why you are implying that I am not tolerant?

Two things:

1.) It is entirely possible to have a real human connection with a provider, regardless of the transactional nature of it (which you deny and deplore). The best providers take great pleasure in giving great pleasure, but you are intolerant of accepting that professional help.

2. You are a closeted adult, which means you are intolerant of yourself, of who you are as a human being. Professional help of another kind is available, which perhaps you are also resisting.

[jazeboy]

4 hours ago, Peter Eater said:

Two things:

1.) It is entirely possible to have a real human connection with a provider, regardless of the transactional nature of it (which you deny and deplore). The best providers take great pleasure in giving great pleasure, but you are intolerant of accepting that professional help.

2. You are a closeted adult, which means you are intolerant of yourself, of who you are as a human being. Professional help of another kind is available, which perhaps you are also resisting.

1.) How am I intolerant of accepting professional help? I agreed with you that coming out is a good idea ... but that it is easier said than done. How does that even remotely imply intolerance to professional help?

2.) What makes you think I am a closeted adult?

[Wings246]

12 hours ago, Peter Eater said:

You are a closeted adult, which means you are intolerant of yourself, of who you are as a human being.

I’m not even sure if I’m still “officially” classified as closeted.  I did tell my doctors, as well as all the providers I’ve met, that I’m gay.  But I haven’t done so with my family, friends, coworkers, etc.  So am I considered “partially” or “secretly” out of the closet?  Is it strictly a binary, all-or-nothing deal?  😁

For the sake of this discussion, let’s just say that I’m still closeted.  I do accept myself as being gay; in fact, I have accepted that ever since I was a teenager (maybe even younger than that).  Yet, I don’t feel like I’m intolerant of myself as a human being just because I am not broadcasting my sexuality / sexual desires & orientation to the world.  To me, the conclusion of being closeted = being intolerant of oneself is a very bold assumption.

12 hours ago, Peter Eater said:

It is entirely possible to have a real human connection with a provider, regardless of the transactional nature of it

I don't doubt this possibility.  Many of the providers I've met share their real-life, personal info with me and I am quite surprised by this.  I may be delusional, but I feel some degrees of "human connections" do exist beyond the transactions.

[BeHappy]

On 3/25/2026 at 9:49 PM, Wings246 said:

 

I do know what being "gay" means.  As a matter of fact, I knew I'm gay even before my pubertal years.  I distinctly remember how my little man reacted when I saw naked men's bodies at the locker rooms of public swimming pools.  In contrast, I had (and still have) absolutely no responses to any female body parts, naked or covered.  So being "gay" is not a new discovery to me.  I can now say that I'm "sexually experienced" as a gay man.  But I'm still at the entry level if you ask me.   😆

Thank you for starting this Thread!  It really put some things in perspective for me!