Overall Rentmen Experience

[Guest]

Forgive the long post. I’m still processing my RM experience and how it has impacted me as a closeted bi married man. Perhaps some of you can relate. 

I discovered RM in early 2020. At the time I had discretionary funds I could use to explore my sexuality for the first time outside a 35 year heterosexual marriage. I met with men in Florida where I live, Chicago, Houston, D.C., and NYC. It was all eye opening and mostly beautiful as I explored intimacy for the first time with other men and made myself vulnerable to other men. My childhood was not a positive experience when it came to males in my life. This was new and wonderful. 
 

I became especially attached to two men and saw them frequently here in Florida. By that I mean approximately every other month, which included overnights. As mid 2023 approached I explained to both that the funds I had to enjoy their company were about to be unavailable, but I hoped we could at least stay in touch as friends. Each had shared many details of their lives, good and bad, hopes and dreams, as had I, and I felt that we could maintain at least a platonic friendship. Both felt the same and told me so. 
 

Well, this worked with one of the men. We still chat off and on and in fact we will be getting together soon in his escort capacity after more than a year. I’m grateful for him. 
 

the other man turned hateful and judgmental. He ranted about my ethics in even hiring escorts. Ridiculed my fetishes. Condemned me for objectifying him. Gaslit me to believe we were friends when we clearly were not, at least in his head. I am now processing my anger, the betrayal, being insulted, mocked, belittled, lied to, snubbed, and misled. This was a man I truly loved and wanted the best for. He left RM for awhile, but as predicted by others here, is now back full force and still wants nothing to do with me, even professionally. He’s blocked me in all formats. 
 

why am I sharing all this? As I said, mainly to process and acknowledge my feelings, but also to seek encouragement, reassurance that I’m a good person, vindication that I’m not crazy, and companionship from others who may have experienced something similar with this man. I have previously raved about him. I’m sure he’s still an excellent escort in every way, as he was with me, but I’ve had to accept that he is not a nice person outside those roles. Which still makes me extremely sad. Thanks for allowing me to share. 

[Poppie]

Thank you for sharing. I'm sure a number of men in this forum have had similar experiences. Good to know that although you found one bad apple, the barrel is still full of men that deserve your time and attention. I too found a special man. We don't see one another very often, but still have an amazing connection. Embrace the path. Savor the memories.

[+ FrankR]

10 minutes ago, PiSquared said:

Forgive the long post. I’m still processing my RM experience and how it has impacted me as a closeted bi married man. Perhaps some of you can relate. 

I discovered RM in early 2020. At the time I had discretionary funds I could use to explore my sexuality for the first time outside a 35 year heterosexual marriage. I met with men in Florida where I live, Chicago, Houston, D.C., and NYC. It was all eye opening and mostly beautiful as I explored intimacy for the first time with other men and made myself vulnerable to other men. My childhood was not a positive experience when it came to males in my life. This was new and wonderful. 
 

I became especially attached to two men and saw them frequently here in Florida. By that I mean approximately every other month, which included overnights. As mid 2023 approached I explained to both that the funds I had to enjoy their company were about to be unavailable, but I hoped we could at least stay in touch as friends. Each had shared many details of their lives, good and bad, hopes and dreams, as had I, and I felt that we could maintain at least a platonic friendship. Both felt the same and told me so. 
 

Well, this worked with one of the men. We still chat off and on and in fact we will be getting together soon in his escort capacity after more than a year. I’m grateful for him. 
 

the other man turned hateful and judgmental. He ranted about my ethics in even hiring escorts. Ridiculed my fetishes. Condemned me for objectifying him. Gaslit me to believe we were friends when we clearly were not, at least in his head. I am now processing my anger, the betrayal, being insulted, mocked, belittled, lied to, snubbed, and misled. This was a man I truly loved and wanted the best for. He left RM for awhile, but as predicted by others here, is now back full force and still wants nothing to do with me, even professionally. He’s blocked me in all formats. 
 

why am I sharing all this? As I said, mainly to process and acknowledge my feelings, but also to seek encouragement, reassurance that I’m a good person, vindication that I’m not crazy, and companionship from others who may have experienced something similar with this man. I have previously raved about him. I’m sure he’s still an excellent escort in every way, as he was with me, but I’ve had to accept that he is not a nice person outside those roles. Which still makes me extremely sad. Thanks for allowing me to share. 

I have noticed that you keep bringing up the same topic. Seems to me, you are asking the right questions, but are you sure this is the right place to seek answers? A therapist can be very helpful in such cases. Recommend you consider it for help in exploring your feelings, thoughts, choices and actions. 

[pubic_assistance]

3 hours ago, PiSquared said:

I’ve had to accept that he is not a nice person outside those roles.

I think that's a narrow perspective.

You seem to misundestsnd the nature of the relationship with escorts. Your "Friendship" with an escort is FIRST demonstrated by your FINANCIAL support. Once you end support for their  most important NEED, then you are viewed as TAKING not GIVING, when you try to reach-out again, empty-handed.

My guess is that YOU are being viewed as the not-nice-person, when you ask your ex-provider.

Two sides to every story, my friend. @PiSquared

Edited September 15, 2024 by pubic_assistance
spelling

[+ sync]

3 hours ago, PiSquared said:

Forgive the long post. I’m still processing my RM experience and how it has impacted me as a closeted bi married man. Perhaps some of you can relate. 

I discovered RM in early 2020. At the time I had discretionary funds I could use to explore my sexuality for the first time outside a 35 year heterosexual marriage. I met with men in Florida where I live, Chicago, Houston, D.C., and NYC. It was all eye opening and mostly beautiful as I explored intimacy for the first time with other men and made myself vulnerable to other men. My childhood was not a positive experience when it came to males in my life. This was new and wonderful. 
 

I became especially attached to two men and saw them frequently here in Florida. By that I mean approximately every other month, which included overnights. As mid 2023 approached I explained to both that the funds I had to enjoy their company were about to be unavailable, but I hoped we could at least stay in touch as friends. Each had shared many details of their lives, good and bad, hopes and dreams, as had I, and I felt that we could maintain at least a platonic friendship. Both felt the same and told me so. 
 

Well, this worked with one of the men. We still chat off and on and in fact we will be getting together soon in his escort capacity after more than a year. I’m grateful for him. 
 

the other man turned hateful and judgmental. He ranted about my ethics in even hiring escorts. Ridiculed my fetishes. Condemned me for objectifying him. Gaslit me to believe we were friends when we clearly were not, at least in his head. I am now processing my anger, the betrayal, being insulted, mocked, belittled, lied to, snubbed, and misled. This was a man I truly loved and wanted the best for. He left RM for awhile, but as predicted by others here, is now back full force and still wants nothing to do with me, even professionally. He’s blocked me in all formats. 
 

why am I sharing all this? As I said, mainly to process and acknowledge my feelings, but also to seek encouragement, reassurance that I’m a good person, vindication that I’m not crazy, and companionship from others who may have experienced something similar with this man. I have previously raved about him. I’m sure he’s still an excellent escort in every way, as he was with me, but I’ve had to accept that he is not a nice person outside those roles. Which still makes me extremely sad. Thanks for allowing me to share. 

I believe you are assuming too much responsibility upon yourself.  The fact is there are nice and not-so-nice people in the world.  The fact that you are rid of that ingrate is a blessing.

[+ nycman]

5 hours ago, PiSquared said:

I became especially attached….

I see the problem.

[marylander1940]

12 minutes ago, nycman said:

I see the problem.

Some people can't help developing feelings, it's called being human. 

@PiSquared

Thank you for sharing! The guy was nothing but an ungrateful bastard. I'm sure others have behaved like that with him and that's why he saw you as an easy target to get back.

Life will take care of him!

Sooner or later he'll mock the wrong client and become the last straw without expecting it. 

Friendship occasionally happens with some escorts after you stop hiring them but that's not always the case and shouldn't be expected. Time is money!

We are glad you're back to hiring!

[marylander1940]

2 hours ago, sync said:

I believe you are assuming too much responsibility upon yourself.  The fact is there are nice and not-so-nice people in the world.  The fact that you are rid of that ingrate is a blessing.

I couldn't agree with you more! 

And this happens in all activities but we're talking about something that is way personal and I am not just referring about the physical part.

[Guest]

4 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

I think that's a narrow perspective.

You seem to misundestsnd the nature of the relationship with escorts. Your "Friendship" with an escort is FIRST demonstrated by your FINANCIAL support. Once you end support for their  most important NEED, then you are viewed as TAKING not GIVING, when you try to reach-out again, empty-handed.

My guess is that YOU are being viewed as the not-nice-person, when you ask your ex-provider.

Two sides to every story, my friend. @PiSquared

Talk about narrow view. Life is about more than financial transactions. Especially when it comes to relationships. Yes all RM experience involve money. But developing a friendship beyond the money exchange is possible. For some. 

[Guest]

8 hours ago, FrankR said:

I have noticed that you keep bringing up the same topic. Seems to me, you are asking the right questions, but are you sure this is the right place to seek answers? A therapist can be very helpful in such cases. Recommend you consider it for help in exploring your feelings, thoughts, choices and actions. 

Thanks. And yes. I’ve been to my therapist. Processing my anger and disappointment was encouraged. If this offends you in some way, I’m sorry. 

[+ azdr0710]

1 minute ago, PiSquared said:

. If this offends you in some way, I’m sorry. 

You're evidently still angry. 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

8 hours ago, PiSquared said:

As mid 2023 approached I explained to both that the funds I had to enjoy their company were about to be unavailable, but I hoped we could at least stay in touch as friends.

To rephrase:

"I told them I would no longer pay them for their services but wish to continue taking up their time, for free".

8 hours ago, PiSquared said:

He’s blocked me in all formats. 

Best decision he could have made.

[marylander1940]

23 minutes ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

To rephrase:

"I told them I would no longer pay them for their services but wish to continue taking up their time, for free".

Best decision he could have made.

I understand your point of view and I also appreciate your direct way to express this opinion but many times a client runs out of money and later on comes back to hiirng because of circumstances have changed.

For instance many people stop seeing escorts during financially tough times and after recovering they went back to their hobby.

This apparently was one of those cases considering @PiSquaredis hiring again.

 

Edited September 15, 2024 by marylander1940

[misterhumphries]

9 hours ago, PiSquared said:

Forgive the long post. I’m still processing my RM experience and how it has impacted me as a closeted bi married man. Perhaps some of you can relate. 

...I became especially attached to two men and saw them frequently here in Florida. By that I mean approximately every other month, which included overnights. As mid 2023 approached I explained to both that the funds I had to enjoy their company were about to be unavailable, but I hoped we could at least stay in touch as friends. Each had shared many details of their lives, good and bad, hopes and dreams, as had I, and I felt that we could maintain at least a platonic friendship. Both felt the same and told me so. 
 

...the other man turned hateful and judgmental. He ranted about my ethics in even hiring escorts. Ridiculed my fetishes. Condemned me for objectifying him. Gaslit me to believe we were friends when we clearly were not, at least in his head. I am now processing my anger, the betrayal, being insulted, mocked, belittled, lied to, snubbed, and misled. This was a man I truly loved and wanted the best for. He left RM for awhile, but as predicted by others here, is now back full force and still wants nothing to do with me, even professionally. He’s blocked me in all formats. 
 

why am I sharing all this? As I said, mainly to process and acknowledge my feelings, but also to seek encouragement, reassurance that I’m a good person, vindication that I’m not crazy, and companionship from others who may have experienced something similar with this man. I have previously raved about him. I’m sure he’s still an excellent escort in every way, as he was with me, but I’ve had to accept that he is not a nice person outside those roles. Which still makes me extremely sad. Thanks for allowing me to share. 

This is the typical hazard when one deals with anyone providing a service that involves human touch (legit massage included). It's called transference. Emotions are stirred. Signals are mixed. While I'm happy for you to have made a friend with the first escort, you cannot cry foul that the second turned on you. Escorting is his business -- first and foremost -- he's not escorting  as a fun way to meet new people.

It's unfortunate that he turned vindictive and insulting towards you, but it's time for you to slough the insults off, put on your Big Boy pants, and move on.

As for validation that you're a "good" person and "not crazy," why come here? I don't know the first thing about you so I cannot offer an opinion (which is all it is, not a certifiable fact based on proof of evidence) on what kind of man you are.

But this could indicate the real issue: You seek validation and affection in questionable places and from comparative strangers.

As Dame Edna would say, "Think about it, possum!"

[pubic_assistance]

4 hours ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

"I told them I would no longer pay them for their services but wish to continue taking up their time, for free".

Exactly this.

@PiSquared 

 

[soloyo215]

14 hours ago, PiSquared said:

...ranted about my ethics in even hiring escorts. Ridiculed my fetishes. Condemned me for objectifying him. Gaslit me to believe we were friends when we clearly were not, at least in his head. I am now processing my anger, the betrayal, being insulted, mocked, belittled, lied to, snubbed, and misled. This was a man I truly loved and wanted the best for. He left RM for awhile, but as predicted by others here, is now back full force and still wants nothing to do with me, even professionally. He’s blocked me in all formats.

First, reassurance, a big hug and no, I wouldn't waste time assigning blame to you I any of it, even if you said or did things that might have given him reasons to. Under any circumstances things like that should happen or escalate to that point. Minimizing judgement,seems like you were honest, direct and candid about running out of funds and about what you wanted to happen next, which I personally appreciate in people.

That said, the first thing that came to mind when I first read the part that I quotes was "welcome to dealing with gay men and their BS". I wish I could say that this is the first time that I've heard of men having a complete 180 over some type of relationship, not just a provider/client type. I've heard of and experienced myself similar stories of people going from 0 to 100 in a second over (sometimes) nothing. Of course, as you can see by the other guy, not all and not always things take that turn, but at least in my experience I have seen it happening way too many times.

Then there is the business aspect of it that cannot be neglected or pretend it didn't exist. What others have pointed out is true. You are paying for a fantasy, mostly sexual. That connection with men that you (and most-to-all of us) need might net be achieved with a person that you have to pay to give you company. You shouldn't expect a level of intimacy that you might need from  provider, or even friendship for that matter. What others are pointing out is true, that might be your contribution to the unsavory situation.

I'm sorry that this unsavory situation happened. Don't allow it to escalate. I'd just stop communication. Sometimes there's nothing that you can do or say that will make things better. It's ok to be angry, but don't act it up in unhealthy ways.

Best.

[Rudynate]

On 9/15/2024 at 3:07 AM, PiSquared said:

Forgive the long post. I’m still processing my RM experience and how it has impacted me as a closeted bi married man. Perhaps some of you can relate. 

I discovered RM in early 2020. At the time I had discretionary funds I could use to explore my sexuality for the first time outside a 35 year heterosexual marriage. I met with men in Florida where I live, Chicago, Houston, D.C., and NYC. It was all eye opening and mostly beautiful as I explored intimacy for the first time with other men and made myself vulnerable to other men. My childhood was not a positive experience when it came to males in my life. This was new and wonderful. 
 

I became especially attached to two men and saw them frequently here in Florida. By that I mean approximately every other month, which included overnights. As mid 2023 approached I explained to both that the funds I had to enjoy their company were about to be unavailable, but I hoped we could at least stay in touch as friends. Each had shared many details of their lives, good and bad, hopes and dreams, as had I, and I felt that we could maintain at least a platonic friendship. Both felt the same and told me so. 
 

Well, this worked with one of the men. We still chat off and on and in fact we will be getting together soon in his escort capacity after more than a year. I’m grateful for him. 
 

the other man turned hateful and judgmental. He ranted about my ethics in even hiring escorts. Ridiculed my fetishes. Condemned me for objectifying him. Gaslit me to believe we were friends when we clearly were not, at least in his head. I am now processing my anger, the betrayal, being insulted, mocked, belittled, lied to, snubbed, and misled. This was a man I truly loved and wanted the best for. He left RM for awhile, but as predicted by others here, is now back full force and still wants nothing to do with me, even professionally. He’s blocked me in all formats. 
 

why am I sharing all this? As I said, mainly to process and acknowledge my feelings, but also to seek encouragement, reassurance that I’m a good person, vindication that I’m not crazy, and companionship from others who may have experienced something similar with this man. I have previously raved about him. I’m sure he’s still an excellent escort in every way, as he was with me, but I’ve had to accept that he is not a nice person outside those roles. Which still makes me extremely sad. Thanks for allowing me to share. 

You win some, you lose some.  It just makes you human.

[dbar123]

People are complicated.

Life is short.

Learn from the experience and move on.

The world has many more interesting assholes to discover- both good and bad.

Grant yourself a guilt release. 

[ICTJOCK]

Thank you for sharing your experience and both the good and challenging.   As a provider,  I never try to be judgmental.    I have a friendly relationship with many of my regular clients and am friends with a few of those who I don't see in the role of provider.    Doesn't matter why they don't,   I respect them.   They aren't obligated to continue the 'booking relationship" and the best thing is to show appreciation (if at all possible).   

My own experience as a provider on RM is largely positive and have only had a couple of challenging experiences,  which I largely credit it the situation    You live ,  learn and move forward.