How to politely "fire" a masseur?

[+ 7829V]

So there's this masseur who, whenever he's in town, always sends me a text soliciting business. I'm not interested in hiring him again. It was a combination of not having great technique and not being my type for sensual/erotic play. I only hired him once, and that was it, but he's very persistent with texts every time he's in town.

Should I just ghost him? So far, I've been trying to politely say that I don't have time, that I'm out of town, etc.

Should I just say, "Please do not contact me again; I'm not interested in hiring you in the future"? I guess he's not getting the hints, or I'm not being direct enough.

How do you "fire" masseurs?

[+ FrankR]

3 minutes ago, 7829V said:

So there's this masseur who, whenever he's in town, always sends me a text soliciting business. I'm not interested in hiring him again. It was a combination of not having great technique and not being my type for sensual/erotic play. I only hired him once, and that was it, but he's very persistent with texts every time he's in town.

Should I just ghost him? So far, I've been trying to politely say that I don't have time, that I'm out of town, etc.

Should I just say, "Please do not contact me again; I'm not interested in hiring you in the future"? I guess he's not getting the hints, or I'm not being direct enough.

How do you "fire" masseurs?

You are such a nice guy. But you dont owe him anything. You’ve said your piece - he is being pushy. He is basically spamming you. Just block his number at this point. 

[56harrisond]

21 minutes ago, 7829V said:

Should I just ghost him? So far, I've been trying to politely say that I don't have time, that I'm out of town, etc.

Should I just say, "Please do not contact me again; I'm not interested in hiring you in the future"? I guess he's not getting the hints, or I'm not being direct enough.

How do you "fire" masseurs?

 If/when he messages you again I would respond with a simple, "I'm no longer hiring." This doesn't invite a follow-up conversation, but if he does reply, there is no need to answer.

[soloyo215]

1 hour ago, 7829V said:

So there's this masseur who, whenever he's in town, always sends me a text soliciting business. I'm not interested in hiring him again. It was a combination of not having great technique and not being my type for sensual/erotic play. I only hired him once, and that was it, but he's very persistent with texts every time he's in town.

Should I just ghost him? So far, I've been trying to politely say that I don't have time, that I'm out of town, etc.

Should I just say, "Please do not contact me again; I'm not interested in hiring you in the future"? I guess he's not getting the hints, or I'm not being direct enough.

How do you "fire" masseurs?

I have some who have reached out to me, who I have no interest in rehiring. I've texted them back simply saying that I am currently not looking for a masseur, and that I will reach out if I decide to hire him again. That did the trick for me.

In other instances with other services, when I find pushy people, I increase the level of directness and unpoliteness until they get it. There's no need to be nasty right way if there's a chance that he will get the message when told nicely.

Edited August 16, 2024 by soloyo215

[marylander1940]

1 hour ago, 7829V said:

So there's this masseur who, whenever he's in town, always sends me a text soliciting business. I'm not interested in hiring him again. It was a combination of not having great technique and not being my type for sensual/erotic play. I only hired him once, and that was it, but he's very persistent with texts every time he's in town.

Should I just ghost him? So far, I've been trying to politely say that I don't have time, that I'm out of town, etc.

Should I just say, "Please do not contact me again; I'm not interested in hiring you in the future"? I guess he's not getting the hints, or I'm not being direct enough.

How do you "fire" masseurs?

You're not firing him, you're certainly now willing to hire him again because you didn't like him.

• tell him, you moved out of town
• block him
• tell him, you're no longer hiring
• tell him you have a regular in town and you're not interested in seeing other guys (including him). 

No big deal!

Many escorts/masseurs if they don't hear from a client after a couple of trips simply remove it from their contact list. It happens in all professions! 

[LookingAround]

Just block him. No need to respond with any message at all. 

[Simon Suraci]

47 minutes ago, soloyo215 said:

I've texted them back simply saying that I am currently not looking for a masseur, and that I will reach out if I decide to hire him again. That did the trick for me.

^Something along these lines is the best way, I think, to go about it. You’re being direct but not mean or rude.

You’re probably open to hiring other masseurs (just not this particular masseur), so rather than lying, you could be direct and upfront. You don’t even have to say why.

Placing the ball in your own court to contact him gives you say in whether you want to engage with him in the future. Maybe that is never, and that’s ok. The result is the same: your masseur knows not to contact you going forward.

There’s no need to block. Blocking is for people who won’t respect boundaries, or people playing childish games on hookup apps. Would you appreciate being blocked or ghosted? (No, it’s a rhetorical question). Then don’t do it to someone else without reason. Him asking if you want to hire him isn’t exactly violating boundaries. Persistent? Yes. But hardly something to be upset about.

In fact, I would commend your masseur for being proactive in giving you an opportunity to book again. I do this with my clients when I travel to other cities and most of them book again. In Dallas, some of my clients missed out because they waited too long after my notice ahead and I was too booked up to accommodate the times they could see me, especially for same day last minute requests or narrow windows of availability. I easily could have made those times work if they booked ahead. That’s why I contact them ahead.

Really, it’s a courtesy I am extending by taking the time to individually reach out to give existing clients scheduling priority. I book up either way, so extending that priority to my existing clients is a privilege. I understand not everyone is able or willing to book ahead, and sure not everyone will want to repeat as in your case, but your masseur spending time reaching out to you individually is a favor to you as much as it is a way for him to generate business.

You might do him a reciprocal courtesy by helping him conserve his time now that he knows not to reach out. It’s a win-win.

Here is a sample response message:

“Thanks for reaching out and for taking my appointment last [month, year, summer, whatever]. I don’t anticipate hiring you for more sessions when you’re in town, but I’ll be sure to reach out if anything changes.”

[BuffaloKyle]

One excuse I use to stop unwanted inquiries from providers is "I actually am in a committed relationship now and am no longer hiring"

[Hot4latin]

Or another option...

“Thanks for reaching out.  As soon as I clear up this burning case of herpes and genital warts, you’ll be my first call. In fact, I’m feeling optimistic. Want to pencil me in for Saturday?”

I can almost guarantee this will get you on the provider’s do not call list. 🤣

[+ JamesB]

My typical response would be: "Thank you for the update regarding your visit to my area. However, I am not currently interested in hiring. If that changes in the future, I’ll be sure to let you know.

[viewing ownly]

Unless you ignore him, he'll persist. If you ignore him enough, he'll eventually leave you alone. Making nice excuses is what's making matters worse for you. Also, polite firing is as awkward as desperate hiring. Neither should be done.

[maninsoma]

I have no problem ignoring a provider who continues to contact me after an initial appointment when I don't want to see them again.  If it's a traveling provider, I cannot really fault them for sending texts to previous clients to announce their next visit since that's likely a more fruitful way for them to get repeat business than simply putting travel dates in their ads. 

[+ DrownedBoy]

Just block them.

I've had providers keep texting me even after a clear "no" from me.

[pubic_assistance]

I don't like lying to people.

"Thanks for reaching out but I am no longer interested"...seems the most direct and honest response without being mean and without all these lies. (I am dating/ I moved etc).

 

[marylander1940]

On 8/16/2024 at 8:30 PM, BuffaloKyle said:

One excuse I use to stop unwanted inquiries from providers is "I actually am in a committed relationship now and am no longer hiring"

Sooner or later committed relationships become open relationships... Knowing that an escort might hit him up a year later. 

Besides it sounds like bullshit, blocking is way nicer.

 

[LookingAround]

He is obviously sending out texts to all his clients in that area. I doubt he is sitting by the phone dwelling over each client. If he doesn't hear from you I doubt he will even notice. If you block him be will not be aware of it. There is no notification he is blocked. 

i, too, don't like lying to the escort. Also why give a song and dance that you're no longer interested etc. Lots of drama here over a small thing. 

Edited August 18, 2024 by LookingAround

[TonyDown]

I got a text from someone I hired 10+ years ago.  Took me a while to figure out who.

Blocking a number from someone you don't want to see again makes the most sense to me. 

The provider will be OK.  Don't worry too much about that.

 

[caramelsub]

51 minutes ago, LookingAround said:

He is obviously sending out texts to all his clients in that area. I doubt he is sitting by the phone dwelling over each client. If he doesn't hear from you I doubt he will even notice. If you block him be will not be aware of it. There is no notification he is blocked. 

i, too, don't like lying to the escort. Also why give a song and dance that you're no longer interested etc. Lots of drama here over a small thing. 

But if you block someone on your phone they can’t text you anymore so they are notified when they send a text and it doesn’t go through. I have had to block two escorts, and both times they texted me again from a different number, then I blocked them again. One of them insulted me for blocking them. Before blocking someone I don’t want to hire, I would just say “I am not interested in hiring anymore.” If the escort gets angered by that statement or berates you, then I would block them. But be aware most escorts have multiple numbers, so you may have to block them multiple times.

[Simon Suraci]

I believe the question was: how to politely “fire” a masseur?

Here are a bunch of impolite suggestions I’ve heard so far:

Lie

Block

Ignore

Joke about STIs

The polite, mature thing to do is tell him directly in your own words that you are not interested in hiring him anymore. Most masseurs will get it and stop contacting you. Only a small minority of guys will fail to respect your wishes, in which case it makes sense to block or ignore.

The roundabout suggestions offered here only invite drama, resentment, confusion, and disrespect from both sides.

Personally I hope you all take a moment to consider how to better treat your fellow humans. You are all adults, many with 1.5x, 2x, or more years under your belt than the men you hire. You should all know better by now. Use your words, fellow adults. It’s not difficult.

[LookingAround]

Simon

You and I have the opposite viewpoint of what is the polite approach.  
I think it's impolite to say "I'm really not interested."

this man is sending out a marketing message no doubt to multiple clients. Why do you believe no response is impolite? I believe ignoring it is sending a polite "no" without insulting him. If you go in a date with someone and they don't contact you again, that's a polite way of saying "I'm not that interested." Why should they affirmatively reject you by saying "Thanks but I'd prefer not to see you again" unless you force their hand?

Edited August 18, 2024 by LookingAround

[caramelsub]

7 minutes ago, LookingAround said:

Simon

You and I have the opposite viewpoint of what is the polite approach.  
I think it's impolite to say "I'm really not interested."

this man is sending out a marketing message no doubt to multiple clients. Why do you believe no response is impolite? I believe ignoring it is sending a polite "no" without insulting him. If you go in a date with someone and they don't contact you again, that's a polite way of saying "I'm not that interested." Why should they affirmatively reject you by saying "Thanks but I'd prefer not to see you again" unless you force their hand?

I agree. Nothing wrong with ghosting or ignoring someone you are not interested in seeing. I find that more polite than saying “I don’t want to see you anymore” or “I’m not interested in seeing you.”

[+ Jamie21]

28 minutes ago, caramelsub said:

I agree. Nothing wrong with ghosting or ignoring someone you are not interested in seeing. I find that more polite than saying “I don’t want to see you anymore” or “I’m not interested in seeing you.”

Me too. He contacted you unsolicited. There’s no reason to reply. Just delete his message and forget it. If he continues to leave you on the mailing list just block his number.

I personally don’t use the ‘hey want to hire me again?’ approach because I don’t travel so I’m not able to use the I’m in your area excuse. Plus I don’t like the implied neediness in the approach. If they liked me they’ll book again, if not they won’t. It’s their choice. I’m not chasing business. 

 

[Simon Suraci]

5 hours ago, LookingAround said:

Simon

You and I have the opposite viewpoint of what is the polite approach.  
I think it's impolite to say "I'm really not interested."

this man is sending out a marketing message no doubt to multiple clients. Why do you believe no response is impolite? I believe ignoring it is sending a polite "no" without insulting him. If you go in a date with someone and they don't contact you again, that's a polite way of saying "I'm not that interested." Why should they affirmatively reject you by saying "Thanks but I'd prefer not to see you again" unless you force their hand?

Yes, our views differ. A date is an imperfect analogy because this is business, but I’ll roll with it to walk through my thinking. 

All is well and good if neither party is contacting the other for a second or third date. The problem is when Party 1 contacts Party 2 for another date and Party 2 doesn’t want to see Party 1 anymore. It’s so easy for Party 2 to simply say, “No, thank you.” Or any unambiguous variation therof. That way Party 1 knows not to keep asking.

To say anything different would be leaving the door open to Party 1 continuing to follow up, and that wastes Party 1’s time and energy to keep following up. To tell someone in so many words or between the lines that you don’t respect their time and energy is rude (my opinion, yours apparently differs on this point). The polite thing would be to not waste Party 1’s time and energy.

“I’m going to a work function that night” means the reason Party 2 is not seeing Party 1 is because Party 2 has plans. Party 1 will keep following up, and that wastes Party 1’s time to have to keep coming up with more excuses each time. It behooves Party 2 to be honest and straightforward, so as to not waste their own time dealing with responding to more invitations from Party 1. Plus it’s respectful to Party 1 because Party 1 can spend their time and energy elsewhere.

If Party 1 is polite, they won’t keep asking when Party 2 states simply and directly that they aren’t interested in meeting again. Simple as that. Everyone is being polite and we are all much better off for it. It’s only when Party 1 ignores Party 2’s polite response that it’s necessary for Party 2 to resort to dealing with the situation by ignoring/blocking/ghosting, lying, etc. At this point, these behaviors are perfectly acceptable because it’s the only way to get Party 1 to leave Party 2 alone.

My argument is to give Party 1 a chance to show respect. By jumping straight to the impolite response from the get go, Party 2 is saying that they don’t trust Party 1 on respect their “No” response. A lot of the time Party 1 is a decent human and will respect a polite decline. I’m saying it’s polite to have faith in humanity, to give people a chance to reciprocate your respect. Jumping straight to block/ignore/lie assumes everyone is bad and won’t respect your boundaries when you say “No”. You may be surprised at how many DO respect “No” and don’t contact you anymore. All I’m saying is it’s polite to give people that chance, and by doing so, to acknowledge and respect the humanity of that other person.

Ghosting I view as impolite, lazy, and cowardly. It’s like you care so much about how the other person will take your “No”, that you feel it’s better to say nothing at all. “No response is a response” is the toxic hookup culture bleeding its way into our daily lives. But these are not hookups. It’s business and these are people on both sides. It’s all too easy to dehumanize one another through a screen. I argue that by being honest and straightforward, you’re embracing your own humanity and respecting that of others.

Just because ghosting/ignoring/lying is normal and common does not make it right. But y’all have different opinions about it being ok to ghost. I’ve said my peace. I’ll agree to disagree. 

Edited August 19, 2024 by Simon Suraci
Mistake re: Party 1 vs Party 2 corrected

[LookingAround]

Yes. We will agree to disagree. Lots of words on your part but quite unconvincing. 

[caramelsub]

I wouldn’t put blocking/ignoring/ghosting in the same category as lying. They are different things.

Edited August 19, 2024 by caramelsub