Anybody else fall for the men they hire?

[Andreas Porter]

I fell for my masseur. Twice we even worked out together, and he became my motivation to get back in shape. I thought he was single… until I found out he has a wife and child living in the same apartment I used to visit. I was shocked, heartbroken, and overwhelmed. I’ve deleted his number and our chats — no more seeing him, for my own peace. Still, he’s the only masseur who ever did massage the way I needed it.

[Luv2play]

23 hours ago, Dru10664629 said:

I fell for my masseur. Twice we even worked out together, and he became my motivation to get back in shape. I thought he was single… until I found out he has a wife and child living in the same apartment I used to visit. I was shocked, heartbroken, and overwhelmed. I’ve deleted his number and our chats — no more seeing him, for my own peace. Still, he’s the only masseur who ever did massage the way I needed it.

I think someday you may live to regret your reaction. It all depends. 
I have a regular provider who over time let me know he has a wife and child. Because we get on so well in the bedroom, it didn't faze me. 
Previously I had also discovered his real name. Our relationship was built on mutual trust and slowly revealing ourselves to each other, altho I tend to be an open book. But a provider sometimes needs to take longer to trust his client. I try not to judge people and try to see things from their perspective. 

[Andreas Porter]

5 hours ago, Luv2play said:

I think someday you may live to regret your reaction. It all depends. 
I have a regular provider who over time let me know he has a wife and child. Because we get on so well in the bedroom, it didn't faze me. 
Previously I had also discovered his real name. Our relationship was built on mutual trust and slowly revealing ourselves to each other, altho I tend to be an open book. But a provider sometimes needs to take longer to trust his client. I try not to judge people and try to see things from their perspective. 

I respect that different people have different boundaries and comfort levels. In my case, he did not disclose that he has a wife and child — I discovered it on my own after 6 months — and that changed everything for me. I also recognize that my feelings were one-sided, and I don’t want to invest energy into something that has no real future. I value honesty, availability, and emotional safety, so stepping away is me being smart and protecting my peace, not something I’ll regret.

[Luv2play]

No real future? What were you looking for, a husband?

You say he fulfilled your needs as a masseur and a training coach. And you had feelings for him. He probably sensed that, and that is why maybe he was reluctant to disclose his marital status. 
 

You don’t say how you went about finding that out. I hope it wasn’t in an unsavoury fashion. 
 

Nevertheless it was you who tried to cross the boundaries of what is after all a transactional relationship. He was providing a service for money. I think your expectations were unrealistic. 

[+ SirBillybob]

It’s the load bearing; structural cheques called for. 

Edited January 26 by SirBillybob

[Andreas Porter]

9 hours ago, Luv2play said:

No real future? What were you looking for, a husband?

You say he fulfilled your needs as a masseur and a training coach. And you had feelings for him. He probably sensed that, and that is why maybe he was reluctant to disclose his marital status. 
 

You don’t say how you went about finding that out. I hope it wasn’t in an unsavoury fashion. 
 

Nevertheless it was you who tried to cross the boundaries of what is after all a transactional relationship. He was providing a service for money. I think your expectations were unrealistic. 

I didn’t go looking for someone married. I believed he was single because that is how he presented himself. 

Yes, I developed feelings unconsciously. That happens when you consistently spend time with someone who feels safe, supportive, and encouraging. I did not create any drama towards him, i handled it quietly and respectfully. 

This isn’t about trying to cross boundaries or chase unavailable people. It’s about realizing the situation had no real future and having enough self-respect to walk away. As choosing distance is me protecting myself.

[MassageCommunityMember]

On 1/22/2026 at 9:23 AM, ReynST said:

I finish my massages with a hug and it is the one thing he needs to keep going. When his marriage turns sour, when a parent passes, and when he loses his job or his children lash out, he comes. He comes other times as well, but always when he's at his lowest. I give him a hug and sometimes he cries, sometimes uncontrollably. He says that he tries so hard and I say nothing back. I hold onto him as long as he needs someone to hold on to and when the tears have stopped, I let him go. I wipe him down with warm towels, he thanks me and he goes his way. 

The first time he said "I love you" I said "you're welcome". He wanted to express his thanks using stronger words and I gave my response to his gratitude. 

He says I love you every time afterwards and he's been saying it for for years. Recently he moved to a different coast. He has a fulfilling new position and a new house in suburbs of an exciting new city. He also has a great relationship with his children.

Whenever he visits, he comes and he's full of smiles but even still he sometimes cries, and sometimes uncontrollably. And he says I love you.

It's still just a thank you 

(Yes, this is a true story)

This doesn’t surprise me at all.  You are so giving and gracious.  You allow a lot of space for healing and create space that feels safe.  I’m grateful for you and your gift of restorative and awakening energy. 
 

and since this is in a thread about falling for your provider, no I haven’t.  🤓

Edited January 30 by MassageCommunityMember

[Callas]

I think I’m about to fall for another provider. I meet him weekly trying to forget the previous crush. It’s been ~15 months. 

i didn’t miss him. It was just physical. But recently I started to miss him if I don’t see within 5 days between meetings.

why does my heart have to be so weak? I’m so disappointed in me. How to stop falling in love and just enjoy the physical pleasure?

He is the only one I see once weekly. I used to solely see my crush ~2–3x / week, but now I spend the other 1–2x on multiple others. 
 

I probably cannot stop seeing him until he breaks my heart just like my crush, or worse. I’m so helpless 😭

[Manhattan]

On 2/3/2026 at 4:15 AM, Callas said:

I think I’m about to fall for another provider. I meet him weekly trying to forget the previous crush. It’s been ~15 months. 

i didn’t miss him. It was just physical. But recently I started to miss him if I don’t see within 5 days between meetings.

why does my heart have to be so weak? I’m so disappointed in me. How to stop falling in love and just enjoy the physical pleasure?

He is the only one I see once weekly. I used to solely see my crush ~2–3x / week, but now I spend the other 1–2x on multiple others. 
 

I probably cannot stop seeing him until he breaks my heart just like my crush, or worse. I’m so helpless 😭

You are a true romantic @Callas . Don't lose that.

Some people are more likely to catch feelings than others, but we all do it eventually. I've had crushes on masseurs, dated masseurs, and had purely physical experiences with masseurs. It's all part of the messy joy of human connection. 

Be nice to yourself and accept that feelings are an important part of what gives you pleasure. Your emotions will pass so be patient. 

[+ Axiom2001]

In my knowing that my time with the providers was only for a limited time, I never was in love with any of them, but I did enjoy being with these men conversing and fuckin'!  I think some of them liked me as well, but in retrospect, we knew our boundaries in terms of our bonding and connecting.

One very intelligent, dapper, and quite hung and uncut young guy who was a naturalized citizen seemingly enjoyed my company, for he would always avail himself when I requested.  We had super-great convo, and when it came time to become passionate and sensual/sexual, he knew how to fulfill my needed sexual appetite.

One year when I went to the Dominican Republic, I had an accident by falling in a wide drainage hole that was between curb and street and tearing a ligament in my knee.  After I flew back to the States and had my surgery and had returned home to recuperate, I rang my tall, dark, handsome, and heavily hung East Indian/naturalized American.  He drove from the San Jose area to Monterey to give me what I needed, and of the times that I have been fucked, he rendered one of the better ones for me at this particular time.  

I appreciated him and still, at times, mentally recapture the times that we were together--enjoying each other's company as well as the sex.

[JungleForest]

Because I was started developing feelings for him.

Yes, I know, classic. 

I recognized it happening in me and nipped it in the bud. The provider told me he was coming to town and I told him although I enjoyed seeing him that the relationship was becoming more than transactional for me. That for my wellbeing I had to stop seeing him.

Not sure what I expected but I got dust from him. Zilch. I get it. But still disappointed I didn’t get at least an “I understand, wish you all the best” etc. Not really posting for advice just wanted to vent and hear if anyone has had to stop seeing a provider for any reason and how they reacted to it. 

[Reggyreg56]

1 hour ago, JungleForest said:

Because I was started developing feelings for him.

Yes, I know, classic. 

I recognized it happening in me and nipped it in the bud. The provider told me he was coming to town and I told him although I enjoyed seeing him that the relationship was becoming more than transactional for me. That for my wellbeing I had to stop seeing him.

Not sure what I expected but I got dust from him. Zilch. I get it. But still disappointed I didn’t get at least an “I understand, wish you all the best” etc. Not really posting for advice just wanted to vent and hear if anyone has had to stop seeing a provider for any reason and how they reacted to it. 

You did something I couldn't do. I fell in love with a provider and told him how I felt. Instead of cutting me off, we continued  to hook up for over six years! There's A LOT more to this story believe me! Lol. I am glad you cut it off before it got messy.

[+ glutes]

Forest, it is a jungle out there.

You are not the first one, and won't be the last.

 

[Wings246]

9 hours ago, JungleForest said:

Not sure what I expected but I got dust from him. Zilch. I get it. But still disappointed I didn’t get at least an “I understand, wish you all the best” etc.

"Zilch" may not be the response you wish for, but truthfully, it's the best gift you can possibly receive.  It affirms the fact that the relationship was purely transactional; it expedites your waking up to reality.  If he were to lead you on by giving you some ambiguous signals, the final outcome would've been more painful.  Ripping the bandaid off is the most ideal course of action here.

[big-n-tall]

All the time. lol!

Seriously I’ve come to love (platonically) a number of the providers I’ve met. Many of whom have become genuine friends. We talk regularly and we even hang out off the clock. Some of them I still hire… some have retired but we remain in contact and travel together. One guy I met a few years ago calls me family, I still hire him on occasion. I just visited with him for about a week purely to hang out with no funds exchanged and no bedroom activities.

There is a provider who I have known for about 15 years, I have a deep affection for. I’ve talked about the situation in the past on the previous iteration of the forum. Although we’re not quite a couple, it’s probably the closest thing to one. He rarely charges me for encounters. We communicate a lot off the clock. However, I will give him some funds to cover gas and tolls when he travels to see me. I’ve told him how I felt about him and he has reciprocated the same sentiments. I’m happy to remain extremely close friends but if it goes beyond that point… I’d be happy to.

Talking with a number of providers over the years, I know they do sometimes get into serious relationships with clients. I don’t know how common it is. I wouldn’t even suggest seeking out or trying to force something that isn’t there, but it does happen.

We are all human… mostly lol! Some are better at guarding and controlling their emotions in this hobby. Others just let their emotions carry them wherever. I lie somewhere in the middle, I think. I don’t go into these encounters seeking friends or anything beyond the transactional portion of it. It’s just that of all the guys I’ve seen since starting this hobby… a relatively small number of them and I just bonded.

Edited February 21 by big-n-tall

[Veryshyone]

I think it is easy to fall into the moments of being touched, aroused, cuddled, kissed, penetrated, as one would desire from a partner. Wondering how life would be if that was available 24/7. I snap myself into reality that these sessions are there to escape the realities of life and loneliness. Sure, to have these experiences at your disposal would be ideal but for me I realize it is not possible. Regardless of the provider, someone stated on this forum, if it wasn't for the $$$, I wouldn't be in the provider's circle. That keeps me grounded and not falling for someone. Now, I must admit, I do care about people and am very empathetic but realize a provider's life nowhere coincides with mine. 

[JungleForest]

On 2/20/2026 at 6:08 PM, Wings246 said:

"Zilch" may not be the response you wish for, but truthfully, it's the best gift you can possibly receive.  It affirms the fact that the relationship was purely transactional; it expedites your waking up to reality.  If he were to lead you on by giving you some ambiguous signals, the final outcome would've been more painful.  Ripping the bandaid off is the most ideal course of action here.

Welp, I spoke too soon. He did respond to me. He still wants to see me. I also would like to see him but when I getter a better handle on things. As someone here said, if it weren’t for the cash we wouldn’t be in each other’s circle. It’s a good grounding exercise to remind myself of that.

[Peter Eater]

On 2/3/2026 at 1:15 AM, Callas said:

I probably cannot stop seeing him until he breaks my heart just like my crush, or worse. I’m so helpless 😭

The hard truth: You are getting exactly what you want, which is to feel bad about yourself. Therapy can get you out of that state of mind, if you really want to.  

[Callas]

On 2/10/2026 at 1:55 PM, Manhattan said:

You are a true romantic @Callas . Don't lose that.

Some people are more likely to catch feelings than others, but we all do it eventually. I've had crushes on masseurs, dated masseurs, and had purely physical experiences with masseurs. It's all part of the messy joy of human connection. 

Be nice to yourself and accept that feelings are an important part of what gives you pleasure. Your emotions will pass so be patient. 

yeah after a year+ of not seeing my previous crush, I got my sanity back. 
 

i just wanted to have fun, but missing someone after leaving their place was depressing. I love crying watching movies, but I hate crying missing someone in real life.

 

sometimes i wish my heart would never love any man. I can dedicate this life to physical pleasure and it would be so fun!!! Desire for love is the cause of all my depression. 

[Callas]

On 2/23/2026 at 10:25 AM, Peter Eater said:

The hard truth: You are getting exactly what you want, which is to feel bad about yourself. Therapy can get you out of that state of mind, if you really want to.  

I think I need to find another guy to fuck my heart off and turn my brain back on.

Such is hard to find, because these two are the only ones I knew from the very first session that they are the ones.

But I will keep looking :))

 

[Peter Eater]

6 hours ago, Callas said:

I think I need to find another guy to fuck my heart off and turn my brain back on.

Sex addiction won’t fix it, but it will get you through the night!

[+ DrownedBoy]

On 2/21/2026 at 4:05 PM, Veryshyone said:

I think it is easy to fall into the moments of being touched, aroused, cuddled, kissed, penetrated, as one would desire from a partner. Wondering how life would be if that was available 24/7.

I think the same things about some good providers.

However, I view the 24/7 availability as a possible houseboy arrangement, not a relationship with emotional investment.

[+ Tygerscent]

On 6/13/2024 at 7:35 PM, Rgsnva said:

Just wondering if anybody else does this dumb thing or if it’s just me.  I only started hiring about 3 years ago, but I can see a pattern. (Okay, only twice, but still…). When I hire a man repeatedly because there’s great intimacy (at least from my perspective, I start to lose my grip on the reality and develop feelings.  I misread cues and think there’s a mutual thing developing.  Then the reality has to hit home that I’m not a romantic interest or even a hookup interest and I wouldn’t be there if I wasn’t paying. The man I currently see regularly - he pushes all my buttons physically and emotionally, and I could fall head over heels for him.  But I see him in rooms with guys who are hookups, not clients, and he talks about trips in which he meets someone in a room, they chat and are hot for each other, and travel to meet.  And it has to hit me then that I’m not one of those guys he met because he was attracted to them.  Big blow on both my ego and my heart.  Anybody else? Thoughts? Suggestions? And you don’t need to tell me it’s all my own fault - I already own that.  

I feel you there… I’ve typically not really played outside of work for that very reason. I feel like it’s a big confusion when there are people hiring you and then they see you out there playing with everybody. Sometimes. Clients want to see me playing with other people and that’s fine because it’s an agreed situation. Other times they are not comfortable with that at all whether it’s a client or somebody outside of a higher situation. Either way, it’s really important to be mindful of that other person and where they fall with regard to what is acceptable on what is not acceptable behavior, especially when it comes to your emotions and your psychology.  
 Sometimes people can feel threatened to even by caring about play time with other Clients. No judgment on that other than saying that it is something that does happen and again, it’s important to be sensitive and respectful, regardless of whether you think that’s right or wrong. It’s still important to be understanding of the situation and the persons involved~
 I am a ponder… So, I really love it when I develop an ongoing relationship with a Client~ i’ve been a provider for just about 30 years and have in the course of time developed deep and strong meaningful relationships with some of my clients and those relationships have lasted over 25 years. I have been partners with a few of them, and sometimes become family like friends with not only them, but also sometimes their husband. Of two that I have dated, one was somebody who hired me October 2004. We started dating and he died recently 31st of October 2025. It was difficult losing him. There was another client that was closely associated with and he passed away ninth of March 2025. I had known him since 2007. You get to know people during that length of time… For my partner who passed away 31st of October of this past year, it was actually a growing point for both of us because I was becoming more active in my career as a provider and traveling and working extensively and that was difficult for him. I really had to prioritize work given this is a full-time career choice for me. We had to reset our respects and boundaries because he would’ve preferred more physical, personal time with me, but, it’s almost like I had to schedule him in and that was difficult for both of us. In the end, what worked out was he hired other lads and some of them he fell in love with, and I was really happy that they were there to fulfill his physical, emotional and psychological needs, but, when the two of us were together, we were absolutely partners in love. The love Poole is very different than the sex pool. They can intermingle, the needs can be very different and for the two of us love was a prevailing factor. I’m not gonna say that it was easier for me to watch him. Be in love with other people, but also the bonding had with them was more physical and psychological. The two of us shared something that was those things, but also something within the heart and soul

[+ Tygerscent]

You know… This is an interesting social connection when you are hiring or being hired because you are literally engaged with another person or a person on such an intimate level… It’s not just physical you’re dealing with somebody is emotions and psychology and maybe medical issues and maybe family issues and maybe financial issues and maybe… So maybe And they’re not just single affairs, those things are all mixed together to vary in degrees. So when you are bonding with somebody and it’s a strong match, it only seems very natural all that the lines fade between what is a business arrangement and what is the human Quality shared between each other… It’s all kind of there in the same salad bowl 

 for my point of view, I think it is just really important to be aware of and be a good guardian of the other person, psychology and emotions as well as their physical well-being

[+ Tygerscent]

When I talk about the respect and mindfulness of the other people or person that you were with, in my own situation, I find that’s especially important because I have on many occasions also provided myself as a medical advocate where we’re not just together sexually or other levels but also sometimes with chronic or critical healthcare concerns and even end of life situations. We are human beings we are dynamic and nuanced…. Hiring or being hired as rarely simply about sex.