Vetting

[+ APPLE1]

What is your "vetting" process before meeting up with a guy?  When I read comments here, I get the impression some guys go through a labored scrutiny, and I am unclear what exactly is being scrutinized. I certainly understand that if someone is being paid, there is obviously the question of "am I really getting what I paid for, " or "am I actually going to get paid" but beyond that, I am a bit mystified.

Is there something inherently dangerous that I am missing about an introduction via a hiring website, or grindr, or any other app?

Edited May 16 by APPLE1

[ShortCutie7]

Yes, it’s inherently dangerous in that you’re alone (and often in a vulnerable position) with a stranger!  He could rob you, hurt you, or even kill you!  And beyond that, the potential embarrassment and/or illegality that comes with the encounter makes it less likely for the client to report the crime.

My vetting process on Grindr involved chatting over the course of several days.

My vetting process with an escort would involve ensuring he has multiple reviews by people who gave other reviews on RM and on here.  The reviews don’t necessarily have to be positive but it’s important that he look like his pics and not be deceitful.  For the one escort I have met, I was able to figure out his real-life identity and confirm that he was a real person with friends, family, etc.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

I read the reviews on their profile, looking for consistency and checking if the people leaving the reviews are legit. For example, have they reviewed other providers? If they have a link to their socials, I'll take a look at those as well. Then, I'll search for them on here and consider those accounts. 

I'm really looking for an overall picture that is consistent. 

I'm not really worried about danger, particularly if the provider has a decent history and shows his face, gives me his phone number, etc. From there, I ask questions to get a sense if it's a fit. 

Honestly, I think Grindr might be more risky. 

[jmichaeliii]

I stick with guys who are local, well reviewed and have been around the area for awhile.  Fair or not, I don't really trust travelers.  There is a profile on rent masseur Billy_gun which has now been claimed by like 4 different people and whoever the flavor of the day is has been through my area multiple times.  How would I know that though if I had not been vetting?  

[RyanDean]

Just now, KensingtonHomo said:

I'm really looking for an overall picture that is consistent. 

Ditto. I try to crosscheck, from as many angles as are available.
Before I make first contact I try confirm that (A) they are who they say they are and (B) their approach to the gig seems sane/safe/sensible.

So I look at the profile. Definitely search here. Then I scan any social media that might be accessible. Sometimes I sign up for their OF. If they're dancing at Adonis, I might try to make a trip. Then I contact them and see how it goes...

But mostly I'm just trying to confirm that they're real and that they're professional in their approach to the gig.

[+ DrownedBoy]

Ditto to that. In order:

1. Check his other RentMen reviews, and check the type of clients who give him 5 or 1 stars

2. Search CoM

3. Make a direct, to-the-point text and watch how he reacts and answers

You should do a photo search, and I need to start doing them. It's just a pain, with the new RM site, that you have to take a partial screenshot, and aren't able to right-click-save the pics like on the old site. However, there's a provider I might have hired, but someone on CoM posted that his photos were stolen.

[+ APPLE1]

I think I phrased my question poorly. I completely understand the concepts of making sure they look like what they say the look like, and they they provide a good experience. What I don't understand is how or why I would put a huge effort into trying to determine if they were somehow dangerous simply because I met them ONLINE.

When guys reference things like hurting, killing, blackmailing, etc., I don't understand why the online introduction puts me in any more danger than taking home a guy I met 10 mins ago in a bar or any other in person setting.

Edited May 17 by APPLE1

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

For escorts: I look for at least one good review from a long-time contributor on Company of Men.  It can even be a few years old (I laugh when I see men "bumping" reviews asking for recent experience, when others have posted mere hours or days prior with their experience).

For masseurs: I look for someone with a reasonable price.  I do not necessarily need to see good reviews, but I check to make sure there are no bad reviews.  I do not pay up front, so I do not worry about patronizing a massuer with no reviews yet.  For even if the massuer provides a less than stellar massage or non-sensual experience, I will at least have had a relaxing session at a reasonable price.

And of course, I always pay it forward by sharing my positive or negative recommendation on Company of Men.

Edited May 17 by Vegas_Millennial
Punctuation

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Reference letters.

SSN.

Tax returns and IRS liens.

Family medical history.

Letter from service department at car dealership.

Grocery store memberships (double or triple couponing preferred).

List of online streaming subscriptions.

Brief phone interview asking the tough questions:  'corn or flour tortillas with your breakfast tacos?'

[+ KensingtonHomo]

We see a bi provider whose partner is a woman and also a sex worker. He told us that her vetting process is extensive: 

• MrNumber search
• Asks for references from other escorts
• No face pics
• Non-negotiable 50% deposit (and her rates are three times the average gay escort) 

And there's some stuff I can't remember. 

I'm not saying we should feel bad for straight guys hiring but, for me, it helps to have a broader sense of the field. 

[Jamie21]

22 minutes ago, KensingtonHomo said:

We see a bi provider whose partner is a woman and also a sex worker. He told us that her vetting process is extensive: 

• MrNumber search
• Asks for references from other escorts
• No face pics
• Non-negotiable 50% deposit (and her rates are three times the average gay escort) 

And there's some stuff I can't remember. 

I'm not saying we should feel bad for straight guys hiring but, for me, it helps to have a broader sense of the field. 

Women providers I know seem to have to be much more careful with their vetting process than I do. It’s understandable. 

I don’t really do much vetting atall except if during the booking exchange they seem weird or want to use drugs etc then they get declined. If it’s an out call I’ll check the area out and will decline if it’s to a bad area. 
 

[blck37]

On 5/17/2024 at 12:30 PM, APPLE1 said:

I think I phrased my question poorly. I completely understand the concepts of making sure they look like what they say the look like, and they they provide a good experience. What I don't understand is how or why I would put a huge effort into trying to determine if they were somehow dangerous simply because I met them ONLINE.

When guys reference things like hurting, killing, blackmailing, etc., I don't understand why the online introduction puts me in any more danger than taking home a guy I met 10 mins ago in a bar or any other in person setting.

I sincerely hope this is some sort of social experiment qs or purely for research purposes. 

[blck37]

Agree that photo-reverse search is amazing tool. Plus ask for reference from my regular escort (granted i trust he always gv honest opinion, albeit might be with some agenda - competition and whatnot but he has never lead me astray).

Cross checking his other socials (OF in particular) is also recc'd - might give you insight on his skills and (actual) sex preference. 

Trust your gut!

[crushme99]

On 5/16/2024 at 7:06 AM, ShortCutie7 said:

My vetting process on Grindr involved chatting over the course of several days.

But don't those repeated chats run the risk of him thinking you are a time-waster?  Much respect for your thoughtful comments and I certainly mean no insult.  Just curious.

[ShortCutie7]

27 minutes ago, crushme99 said:

But don't those repeated chats run the risk of him thinking you are a time-waster?  Much respect for your thoughtful comments and I certainly mean no insult.  Just curious.

I don’t think so… I made it very clear that I wasn’t looking for “now”.  The nature of my conversations weren’t time-wasting (they weren’t lengthy, I just took a reasonable amount of time to respond) and part of the purpose of this tactic was to eliminate guys who were aggressive etc.

[DWnyc]

On 5/17/2024 at 1:30 AM, APPLE1 said:

I don't understand why the online introduction puts me in any more danger than taking home a guy I met 10 mins ago in a bar or any other in person setting.

It doesn’t. And people have different risk tolerance leading to precautionary steps that vary by individual more than situations  

But the hobby by its nature likely attracts more of what some would call “sketchy” folks on both sides so given where we are today with technology there are precautions and research that people can undertake That yoU Might not with a Grindr meet that disappears if you don’t drop everythjng and be present within the next 10 mins.  And despite the howls of protest that often follow such discussion there can be ties between providers and some more unsavory trades (eg p n p - have lost track of how many people I’ve met have offered me discounts if I make purchases in their other lines of work). 

one’s sensitivity is often based on personal experience or situation. I have an Asian friend who has had more than one provider slam the door on him when realizing he wasn’t what they assumed (with abusive commentary, so he knows that’s the reason) so he is particularly sensitive to that issue and whether he will be accepted. Likewise an amputee friend (ex army) who was treated badly and called “grotesque” by a provider who had posted on this forum and claims similar vet status. And if you’ve had the misfortune of ever being shortchanged by a provider or worse you’ll likely want some indication of someone’s fiduciary behavior.  Those for whom discretion is more important than the average client for whatever reason may want to know they can remain (to the extent they themselves are aware) anonymous; providers who require ID or photos or are known to have security equipment may not be for them. 

And there is always the need for both sides to be conscious of potential sting operations. No it’s not an exaggeration. 

 

 

[blck37]

6 hours ago, DWnyc said:

I have an Asian friend who has had more than one provider slam the door on him when realizing he wasn’t what they assumed (with abusive commentary, so he knows that’s the reason) 

Wonder how or why would the race of the client is somewhat important to the provider.....i just cant fathom it. I can see arguement for weight, physical appearance, age or hygine. Just not for race, religion or political belief.

[DWnyc]

46 minutes ago, blck37 said:

Wonder how or why would the race of the client is somewhat important to the provider.....i just cant fathom it. I can see arguement for weight, physical appearance, age or hygine. Just not for race, religion or political belief.

I assume that’s a rhetorical question 

 

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

14 hours ago, blck37 said:

Wonder how or why would the race of the client is somewhat important to the provider.....i just cant fathom it. I can see arguement for weight, physical appearance, age or hygine. Just not for race, religion or political belief.

People will discriminate based on anything and everything.  This isn't new.

It's why I always suggest clients put any hot-button issues out there, up-front.  

If it's something that might adversely affect the time you spend with a guy, it's easier to just lay it out and save yourself from wasting time.

Edited May 20 by BenjaminNicholas

[DWnyc]

45 minutes ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

If it's something that might adversely affect the time you spend with a guy, it's easier to just lay it out and save yourself from wasting time.

Agreed 100%.  I know a few folks who feel they are taking an activist position by forcing a provider to confront prejudices face to face on first sight and they don’t think the door will be slammed in their face but it happens a lot, because it can.

Fight your political and social battles in the appropriate place but why not just enjoy spending your hard earned money with someone who deserves it because they are invested in creating a great experience for you.

[+ glutes]

 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

On 5/20/2024 at 1:32 AM, blck37 said:

Wonder how or why would the race of the client is somewhat important to the provider.....i just cant fathom it. I can see arguement for weight, physical appearance, age or hygine. Just not for race, religion or political belief.

If you can see an argument for weight, age, or physical appearance (I get hygiene), then why not race? Once we accept that some people deserve professional treatment more than others based on immutable characteristics, then it's fair game on everything. I'm seasoned enough to remember when "no fats, no femmes and no <insert race here>" was constant on gay social networks. 

[+ DrownedBoy]

8 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

 I'm seasoned enough to remember when "no fats, no femmes and no <insert race here>" was constant on gay social networks. 

You say it as if it's no longer like that...

 

 

[Rudynate]

On 5/16/2024 at 5:09 AM, KensingtonHomo said:

I read the reviews on their profile, looking for consistency and checking if the people leaving the reviews are legit. For example, have they reviewed other providers? If they have a link to their socials, I'll take a look at those as well. Then, I'll search for them on here and consider those accounts. 

I'm really looking for an overall picture that is consistent. 

I'm not really worried about danger, particularly if the provider has a decent history and shows his face, gives me his phone number, etc. From there, I ask questions to get a sense if it's a fit. 

Honestly, I think Grindr might be more risky. 

This.  I don't do any sort of exhaustive research, but I want to be reasonably certain that he is who he says he is.  

[+ APPLE1]

On 5/19/2024 at 5:36 PM, DWnyc said:

one’s sensitivity is often based on personal experience or situation

Thank you. I have never had a particularly "bad" experience with a hookup or a hire. I'm guilty of forgetting my privilege in this regard, and working to keep reminding myself that other's haven't been as fortune.