Gay people often have older brothers. Why? And does it matter?

[Peter Eater]

15 hours ago, caramelsub said:

I don’t like the whole idea that there are reasons people are gay or become gay. It goes against the born this way philosophy in my opinion. If people think there are reasons for being or becoming gay, people might think there are ways to not become gay or ways to become straight. Which makes it seem like being gay is a lifestyle choice, which we all know it isn’t.

Quite right. And the whole “absent father/clingy mother” thing is so 1952. The only thing that nurturing has to do with sexual identity (which isn’t binary but exists along a spectrum) is the degree to which one grows to accept, fear, reject, enjoy, deny or embrace it. 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

1 hour ago, marylander1940 said:

Because you have $ and no kids to take care

Actually, a good deal of my time and money is spent voluntarily mentoring kids as a youth activity leader and supporting children all over the world (like some good fathers mentioned earlier).  That's part of what makes my lifestyle so rewarding!

So far, none of my kids I mentor have come out as gay.  I'm not going to spend too much time looking for them amongst the larger families with many older brothers.  Although this study (the topic of this thread) does correlate a higher likelihood of gay men in families with older brothers, that is still a very small contributing factor (only around 1-3%) of the total odds of being gay.

Edited April 17 by Vegas_Millennial
Removed the names of the organizations

[pubic_assistance]

36 minutes ago, Peter Eater said:

But being in a profound relationship with a same-sex partner is a gay life, not “a gay lifestyle.” Being vegan or a hiker or sober - or celibate - is a lifestyle. Being gay is who you are, not what you do.

Well...no.

Since I was BORN bisexual I needed to CHOOSE a "lifestyle". I didn't turn gay when I was dating men. I didn't turn straight when I married my wife.

[Thelatin]

I have two extremely homophobic brothers, both married with kids.  They are so homophobic I can only assume they struggle with the desire.   Also, I always catch them staring at attractive men. 

[Lookin]

On 4/16/2024 at 5:55 AM, caramelsub said:

I don’t believe there is any correlation.

I realized I liked guys during my first year at summer camp.  When I left for the Poconos, I had no older brothers.  If this theory is correct, the house should have been crawling with them by the time I got back.  But, no, it was still just my sisters and me.  

[+ Charlie]

It is pretty hard to say definitively whether the fact that the men in the study are gay and happen to have older brothers is related to biological, psychological, or sociological causes, or is simply a random mathematical relationship that piques the curiosity of those who want to know why some men are gay and others aren't.

BTW: The only gay males I know of in my family are me, an only child of older parents; my father's first cousin, the only child of young parents; and my second cousin, the older brother of a straight younger brother, born 18 years later--but born between them was a lesbian sister. So go figure.

Edited April 17 by Charlie

[ShortCutie7]

6 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

Well...no.

Since I was BORN bisexual I needed to CHOOSE a "lifestyle". I didn't turn gay when I was dating men. I didn't turn straight when I married my wife.

That’s why I’m envious of those in the middle of the spectrum.  I am 100% gay so don’t have a choice in the matter.  That said, the only real difference between between me and a single straight person is that in the once in a blue moon I have sex, it happens to be with another man- there are different categories and levels of lifestyles that we all engage in.

[+ sniper]

16 hours ago, APPLE1 said:

I always find the studies exploring "why" people are gay interesting to read, but then I am also left with a bit of internal conflict about wether we should really persevere to know the answer(s) to why.

I'm sure if we could scientifically prove that sucking a lollipop on the 37th day after conception made a fetus gay, there would be people who would persevere to eliminate lollipops from the plant.

I mean, if rabidly antigay people choose to have fewer kids to reduce their risk,  sounds like a win-win to me. Fewer people to pass the hate down to, relatively fewer gay kids born in unsupportive families.

[+ FrankR]

There does seem to be a statistically demonstrated correlation. To answer the OPs question: No, it does not matter - I am still the most awesome brother and coolest uncle! 😉

[+ APPLE1]

8 minutes ago, FrankR said:

coolest uncle! 😉

So true!!! I don't know any kids who don't claim their gay uncle(s) their favorite?

[Peter Eater]

23 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

Well...no.

Since I was BORN bisexual I needed to CHOOSE a "lifestyle". I didn't turn gay when I was dating men. I didn't turn straight when I married my wife.

Well…no.

You are queer. You are living a queer life.

And, you just confirmed it. A style can be changed. Your bisexuality can’t.

(queer = lgbtqia+)

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

28 minutes ago, Peter Eater said:

Well…no.

You are queer. You are living a queer life.

And, you just confirmed it. A style can be changed. Your bisexuality can’t.

(queer = lgbtqia+)

Them's fighting words.  I prefer to call someone a human, and not a strange human.  The "+" includes the few letters that are left, so all we humans are in that group.

[+ Charlie]

For those who like correlations, can anyone explain why the gay males on both sides of my family are named "Fred" (except me)?

[pubic_assistance]

On 4/17/2024 at 11:14 AM, Thelatin said:

They are so homophobic I can only assume they struggle with the desire.   Also, I always catch them staring at attractive men. 

That has often been my experience of homophobic men. Clearly trying to cover up a same-sex attraction that makes them uncomfortable.

[pubic_assistance]

18 hours ago, APPLE1 said:

I don't know any kids who don't claim their gay uncle(s) their favorite?

I had a gay uncle. He wasn't my favorite. He would however TRY to be my favorite. Would always buy me expensive gifts. But I preferred his brother who would take me out to DO things. I enjoyed that sort of attention more than just getting "stuff".

[Thelatin]

1 minute ago, pubic_assistance said:

 

I don't know any kids who don't claim their gay uncle(s) their favorite?

I was absentee uncle, too busy partying.  Now that we are all older I frequently spend time at their homes.   We all like the same nice things in life. 

[soloyo215]

On 4/16/2024 at 1:53 PM, marylander1940 said:

Have you met all your nephews and nieces? Is he a good father?

Yes I've met them. I was the cool uncle to some of them. He's been responsible (at least financially) with all his childre, some of which are now adults who grew to become the finest people. Some are as conservative as he is, some are not. His son followed his steps and he's in the Army.

 

On 4/16/2024 at 1:53 PM, marylander1940 said:

We're just taken aback about how you described him instead of just saying you have an older brother.

I can see that. Hopefully with the additional information you're taken aforth.

[soloyo215]

On 4/16/2024 at 3:42 PM, Vegas_Millennial said:

 

We need to get used to the idea that families, like people, come in all shapes and sizes.  My dad, too, is a wonderful dad who has children that live all over the world. 🌎

It's interesting, and sad, that the people who preach tolerance the loudest are too often the first to judge others who are different, by calling them a "jerk" simply because of for whom they work, for whom they voted, or where their children live.

My father sired 8 children, of which the youngest two boys are gay.

I agree. As I say, I put my money where my mouth is when I say that I respect other people's beliefs and that I welcome diversity. Welcoming my brother with his beliefs and lifestyle is welcoming diversity. Diversity means ALL people.

[Peter Eater]

On 4/18/2024 at 5:25 PM, soloyo215 said:

Diversity means ALL people.

Nope. Not cruel, abusive, abhorrent people. Diversity means all immutable characteristics.

[soloyo215]

Just now, Peter Eater said:

Nope. Not cruel, abusive, abhorrent people. Diversity means all immutable characteristics.

I'll be the judge of that.

[Peter Eater]

On 4/18/2024 at 6:54 AM, Vegas_Millennial said:

Them's fighting words.  I prefer to call someone a human, and not a strange human.  The "+" includes the few letters that are left, so all we humans are in that group.

Queer merely denotes a sexual or gender identity that does not correspond to established ideas of sexuality and gender, especially heterosexual norms. Diversity embraces difference. Assimilation is anti-humanist.

[pubic_assistance]

18 minutes ago, Peter Eater said:

Queer merely denotes a sexual or gender identity

"Queer" means strange.

There is nothing particularly strange about same sex attraction. So there's no logical reason to embrace the pejorative word for it.

It may not be the mainstream, but it's far from queer.

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

7 hours ago, Peter Eater said:

Queer merely denotes a sexual or gender identity that does not correspond to established ideas of sexuality and gender, especially heterosexual norms...

True..."queer" indeed means strange or different and describes things that are not the norm.  The alphabet soup of groups included in the modern GBLT+ now represents the normal attitudes of society and is no longer queer.  Today, "queer" would more aptly be used to describe monogamous couples who never had sexual relations before marriage.

Back to the topic of gay men with older brothers:  That may become a queer phenomenon as women continue giving birth to fewer children.  Large nuclear families are queer today (not the norm) 😉

Edited April 20 by Vegas_Millennial
Edited because some of the language was queer.

[+ WilliamM]

On 4/18/2024 at 11:44 AM, Charlie said:

For those who like correlations, can anyone explain why the gay males on both sides of my family are named "Fred" (except me)?

On 4/16/2024 at 9:18 AM, marylander1940 said:

Most guys in the military put on weight right after leaving service. Children all over the world.... lack of family values isn't sexy to me...

Back to subject.

2 sisters, 1 younger brother. I was the 2nd born to my parents and the only gay.

I kept in touch with two men I met in the Army. They did

 

On 4/18/2024 at 11:44 AM, Charlie said:

For those who like correlations, can anyone explain why the gay males on both sides of my family are named "Fred" (except me)?

My gay relatives are named Scott, perhaps named After Scott Baio 

[ShortCutie7]

3 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

"Queer" means strange.

There is nothing particularly strange about same sex attraction. So there's no logical reason to embrace the pejorative word for it.

It may not be the mainstream, but it's far from queer.

Agreed- I always hated the word “queer” in this context. I also don’t particularly care for the word “gay” even though I have used it to describe myself in the past.  The most accurate term for me is homosexual since it clearly defines that I am (solely) sexually attracted to other men, but doesn’t necessarily have an impact on any other aspect of my life.