What to do when positive recommendation turn out wrong

[geoduck_007]

I'm sitting here in a San Francisco hotel room feeling really awful about the experience I just had with one of the areas' best reviewed (on this site!) providers. I was coming into town to do some networking and had wanted to reach out to a provider that had received consistently good reviews on this forum. I felt confident in reaching out to the and was anticipating the meet-up when it all just felt like a nails-on-the-chalkboard experience.

The provider was a prolific texter. He asked for "stats" and; while not uncomfortable, provided him with pictures and details as far as what I wanted to have happened, and to my delight, there were no issues in our back-and-forth's.

Upon coming into town, he asked to move the date to accommodate going back to Los Angeles for Thanksgiving. Luckily, I had that flexibility and; recognizing that scheduling around a holiday can be awkward, was good with that. 

Then, I started to receive what I deem the "flake texts". Reconfirming the time and place a multiple of three times, Asking for confirmation each time. I'm sympathetic to that - some of the best providers on this forum have attested to flakes, and I've always lived up to my commitments and his reputation was solid, so I always responded positively that it was still correct, still a yes. He asked if he could do a workout in before and maybe 5 minutes late at tops. Again, this was not unreasonable and I said yes.

Time comes, he arrives, on-time and polite. We go back to my hotel room and then...everything just stops.

He's not verbal. Not emotional. He just STANDS THERE.

It really threw me for a loop. Not that it couldn't happen with any escort, (or course it can and it did) but this one had SO.MANY.GOOD.REVIEWS.ON.THIS.SITE. I couldn't do anything to engage him for 10 minutes, arouse him, get him to talk. He was as stiff as the 100+ year old wainscotting around the room.

I was so mortified I asked if I could take a pause and have a glass of water and he said nothing. With his back turned to me for a good two minutes, I just gave-up. Told him it was me (it so wasn't! And I wanted it so bad!) gave him the full rate for 1 hour after 15 minutes and he left in 30 seconds

Sad story over, but now the dilemma: for a provider so well thought of on this forum and so well regarded, do I have any recourse? It was like trying to arouse an Easter Island monolith. He never offered once to do something, anything; or, make me comfortable or even try anything. It feels like I'm challenging the reputation of someone who has been exceptionally well received on these forums over years and I feel like it might come out petty if I were to say anything here (Or; god forbid, rent.men)

Do we let sleeping dogs lie after $350 for 15 minutes; or, should we be honest and say something (in the appropriate time/place)?

 

[viewing ownly]

It seems like he was extremely mentally checked out, and to come up with a lame excuse, he was thinking ahead and entirely ignoring you, which is outrageous.

However, he'd likely rebuttal that you didn't tell him when he was with you what you would like to do. He's in your hands for the time you donated, so if he's waiting for you to make any kind of move, the stalemate was a travesty, but seems like it could've been avoided with COMMUNICATION.

It's not that way with a great many who hire, but to me, my funds are a BIG DEAL to me, and I can't stand the rare times I'm with someone who didn't give a damn. If that guy is a class act, he'd be up front and apologetic for giving you such a terrible experience - if he thinks he actually did.

[geoduck_007]

3 minutes ago, viewing ownly said:

It seems like he was extremely mentally checked out, and to come up with a lame excuse, he was thinking ahead and entirely ignoring you, which is outrageous.

However, he'd likely rebuttal that you didn't tell him when he was with you what you would like to do. He's in your hands for the time you donated, so if he's waiting for you to make any kind of move, the stalemate was a travesty, but seems like it could've been avoided with COMMUNICATION.

It's not that way with a great many who hire, but to me, my funds are a BIG DEAL to me, and I can't stand the rare times I'm with someone who didn't give a damn. If that guy is a class act, he'd be up front and apologetic for giving you such a terrible experience - if he thinks he actually did.

Well, it appears that he has just deleted his rent.men profile (in the last 90 minutes) so I feel there's nothing that can be done. The honest advice you offered is sobering, and while I'd like to think I did my due diligence, I suppose I really didn't and now I'm out the cash and (figuratively and literally) embarrassed myself with sharing this experience.

[viewing ownly]

Just now, geoduck_007 said:

Well, it appears that he has just deleted his rent.men profile (in the last 90 minutes) so I feel there's nothing that can be done. The honest advice you offered is sobering, and while I'd like to think I did my due diligence, I suppose I really didn't and now I'm out the cash and (figuratively and literally) embarrassed myself with sharing this experience.

You have nothing to be embarrassed about. He's anonymous, except to you. With him pulling his ad, he's doing the rest of us a favor.

[BuffaloKyle]

7 minutes ago, geoduck_007 said:

Well, it appears that he has just deleted his rent.men profile (in the last 90 minutes) so I feel there's nothing that can be done.

Did he delete it or block you? Is it gone when you are not logged in even?

[+ Coolwave35]

🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉🦉

[geoduck_007]

1 minute ago, BuffaloKyle said:

Did he delete it or block you? Is it gone when you are not logged in even?

Gone. I've tried three different browsers (and in private mode). It's gone.

[BuffaloKyle]

Just now, geoduck_007 said:

Gone. I've tried three different browsers (and in private mode). It's gone.

Very odd! Sorry! 😢

[+ azdr0710]

you say he just stood there, not verbal, not emotional........was he in some trance, like Mitch McConnell when he froze?.......did he say anything??!!

[geoduck_007]

[geoduck_007]

2 minutes ago, azdr0710 said:

you say he just stood there, not verbal, not emotional........was he in some trance, like Mitch McConnell when he froze?.......did he say anything??!!

He just...stood there. I guess he could have been a stand in for Mitch.

Like I mentioned, it was so awkward. He just literally stood there. I had no idea what to do with him and politely asked if everything was still okay and we were still good with what was discussed.

[rvwnsd]

30 minutes ago, geoduck_007 said:

I'm sitting here in a San Francisco hotel room feeling really awful about the experience I just had with one of the areas' best reviewed (on this site!) providers. I was coming into town to do some networking and had wanted to reach out to a provider that had received consistently good reviews on this forum. I felt confident in reaching out to the and was anticipating the meet-up when it all just felt like a nails-on-the-chalkboard experience.

The provider was a prolific texter. He asked for "stats" and; while not uncomfortable, provided him with pictures and details as far as what I wanted to have happened, and to my delight, there were no issues in our back-and-forth's.

Upon coming into town, he asked to move the date to accommodate going back to Los Angeles for Thanksgiving. Luckily, I had that flexibility and; recognizing that scheduling around a holiday can be awkward, was good with that. 

Then, I started to receive what I deem the "flake texts". Reconfirming the time and place a multiple of three times, Asking for confirmation each time. I'm sympathetic to that - some of the best providers on this forum have attested to flakes, and I've always lived up to my commitments and his reputation was solid, so I always responded positively that it was still correct, still a yes. He asked if he could do a workout in before and maybe 5 minutes late at tops. Again, this was not unreasonable and I said yes.

Time comes, he arrives, on-time and polite. We go back to my hotel room and then...everything just stops.

He's not verbal. Not emotional. He just STANDS THERE.

It really threw me for a loop. Not that it couldn't happen with any escort, (or course it can and it did) but this one had SO.MANY.GOOD.REVIEWS.ON.THIS.SITE. I couldn't do anything to engage him for 10 minutes, arouse him, get him to talk. He was as stiff as the 100+ year old wainscotting around the room.

I was so mortified I asked if I could take a pause and have a glass of water and he said nothing. With his back turned to me for a good two minutes, I just gave-up. Told him it was me (it so wasn't! And I wanted it so bad!) gave him the full rate for 1 hour after 15 minutes and he left in 30 seconds

Sad story over, but now the dilemma: for a provider so well thought of on this forum and so well regarded, do I have any recourse? It was like trying to arouse an Easter Island monolith. He never offered once to do something, anything; or, make me comfortable or even try anything. It feels like I'm challenging the reputation of someone who has been exceptionally well received on these forums over years and I feel like it might come out petty if I were to say anything here (Or; god forbid, rent.men)

Do we let sleeping dogs lie after $350 for 15 minutes; or, should we be honest and say something (in the appropriate time/place)?

 

The forum rules about no reviews have been relaxed to allow members to provide brief commentary about providers. Except for mentioning his name and providing a link to his RM ad, you have done that. There's nothing wrong with providing his name and profile link. 

Since you are asking a question about hiring, this thread should ( and will   )be moved to "Questions About Hiring." There are a couple of things you can do:

1. Reply to a thread about the escort and state what you did here. This is a fairly common practice in the Forum. 
2. Start a thread in the Deli about the escort. Most members prefer that you reply to an existing thread so as to keep all of the feedback in one place. It also makes life easier for us moderators who have to locate and merge the multiple threads about the same provider.

 

 

[+ purplekow]

It seems that the time to speak with him was at the time of the encounter.  Unless you had given him his fee up front, I might have considered a small, thanks for coming over but you are wasting my time payment in other words carfare. Not getting his fee might have gotten him talking.  It sounds as though he had some type of psychiatric problem and if you though that was the case, giving him the whole fee was probably the safest best.  A review here on the forum might save some others from falling into the same black hole where even sound does not escape.  

[robberbaron4u]

A "date" is not unlike a frozen entree from the grocery store; on occasion, the reality of the product bears no resemblance to the glossy advertising of being the "best you will ever have".

[+ DrownedBoy]

It happens. I've seen providers with many good reviews have to take breaks for personal, mental, or drug issues that were interfering with their escorting abilities.  This could be any of the above. 

[Cliff]

Is there any reason you can’t reveal the name of this provider, no matter how well reviewed he’s been?  I, for one, would prefer to avoid this provider. Help us out here, please. 

Edited November 22, 2023 by Cliff

[JamesB]

First of all, I’m sorry this happened to you. While I do check references in this forum before I hire, we all know this is not a guarantee of a great encounter. Remember that YMMV. Also, even with great recommendations here I always follow my own set of rules when hiring. The moment a provider asks for my “Stats” that is a red flag and reason enough for me to move on. I do have to say that I always voluntarily disclose my age when I hire.
As far as what to do now, since his profile is gone from RM, you can't leave a review but you can and should post your experience on here on the most recent thread about the provider to give a heads up to the other members.

[+ robear]

With his ad taken down so soon after your meet, it seems likely the provider had already decided to leave "the business," for reasons unknown to us, and having nothing to do with you. He might simply have not wanted to keep the appointment but didn't have the kishkes to flat-out cancel. That doesn't justify behavior, of course, but might be of some comfort that you simply engaged the wrong escort at the wrong time, and your interaction was collateral damage to his life choices in the moment. Chalk yet another one up to experience.

[SirBillybob]

If a genuine fugue state, I doubt the presentation of cold hard cash would snap someone out of it and they immediately hightail it out the door. It seems volitional. It appears you did not pay up front but at the 15-minute mark. As he mentioned Thanksgiving plans you will eventually see if the ad is temporarily disabled for that reason. 

Edited November 22, 2023 by SirBillybob

[pubic_assistance]

9 hours ago, purplekow said:

It sounds as though he had some type of psychiatric problem

I second that opinion.

A well-regarded provider freezing up is a likely sign that there's something going on emotionally. 

The adjacency to a family holiday could easily trigger uncomfortable emotions for anyone. There are also a multitude of very personal triggers that could have gone off.

This is a reminder to everyone that escorts are human beings and allowed their emotions. They aren't actors in a movie where everything goes to script. They are more like perfoming on stage where the audience gets to see when there's a technical problem, forgotten line or the show is canceled due to illness.

You could reach out and acknowledge the "off" evening and show your concern for his feelings. Wish him good health.

I assume you texted before your encounter and not merely communicated via rent.men ?

[Guest]

I'm so sorry that happened to you....  I've read  a lot  of excellent advice and empathy here regarding your experience. We are not machines ( even though he may have acted like one ) we all can have an off day but what you went through, you don't deserve. You probably handled it the best way possible and to me you sound like a very good person. As far as his reputation and history of "good reviews" part of me believes "you're only as good as your last day" and he's not above being judged and given a bad review if it's warranted. Ironically, years ago I was in San Francisco and about an hour or 2 before I had an appointment I had some sashimi from Whole Foods and I knew I began to not feel good....  I didn't cancel my appointment, I was still talkative, friendly and everything worked so to speak and both parties got what they wanted but like I said earlier we're not machines and I was certainly "off" from my usual self. I called him soon after he left and explained what I was going through and offered my next visit with him to be on me, I felt it was just the right thing to do. 
Had whoever you saw explained what he was going through I would understand a bit of "understanding" but staying 15 minutes, accepting his full fee and leaving as fast as he did warrants the appropriate review independent of his raved past.... 

 

* by the end of the evening, I was violently ill with food poisoning. Thankfully I was better the next day and didn't have to cancel any appointments. 

Edited November 23, 2023 by Vin_Marco

[pubic_assistance]

23 minutes ago, Vin_Marco said:

Had whoever you saw explained what he was going through I would understand a bit of "understanding" but staying 15 minutes, accepting his full fee and leaving as fast as he did warrants the appropriate review independent of his raved past.... 

All true.

But although "warranted" I personally don't feel it is necessary.

I'm a believer in three-strikes-and-you're-out. Not kick a man when he's down. 

This incident doesn't sound like an egotistical asshole just treating someone like dirt. The "frozen" personality indicates trauma. Personally I'd give it a pass.

 

Edited November 22, 2023 by pubic_assistance
spelling

[Guest]

23 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

All true.

But although "warranted" I personally don't feel it is necessary.

I'm a believer in three-strikes-and-your-out. Not kick a man when he's down. 

This incident doesn't sound like an egotistical asshole just treating someone like dirt. The "frozen" personality indicates trauma. Personally I'd give it a pass.

 

I agree... might be a little premature to give a review, perhaps it was a knee jerk reaction on my part.  I'm certain there's more to it but I do believe the original poster came to the right place at the right time to help make sense for what to most of us doesn't make sense at the moment at least. Time may or may not tell if f he's just tired of what he's doing or if he truly had a psychotic/psychological episode. 

Edited November 22, 2023 by Vin_Marco

[Guest]

12 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

All true.

But although "warranted" I personally don't feel it is necessary.

I'm a believer in three-strikes-and-your-out. Not kick a man when he's down. 

This incident doesn't sound like an egotistical asshole just treating someone like dirt. The "frozen" personality indicates trauma. Personally I'd give it a pass.

 

At least for me, FLAKES have infrequently redeemed themselves, hopefully this provider can also redeem himself if and when possible. 

[Thelatin]

Having been around my guess would be he’s tired of the job and turned to some sort of SSRI - his brain checked out.