Why do NO-SHOWS happen?

[marylander1940]

They happen in all human activities commercial, personal, etc. but they're highly annoying when they happen to providers because they are the product. 

1. Regret
2. Cold feet.
3. Got someone closer, better, cheaper?
4. Prank
5. The guy is a loser and can't afford hiring... 

 

[DWnyc]

I’ll add:

- lack of respect for the provider, perhaps because of the stigma and making an assumption that the provider is desperate for money, from a lower social / economic class etc. If plans change or the potential client was never serious, why bother letting someone know if you don’t respect them (providers sometimes do this to clients as well and likely with reciprocal lack of respect - I don’t have a sense of which “side” does it more)

- paranoia about being arrested, discovered etc 

- perhaps the client for a bad feeling about the provider while setting up the appointment in the back and forth - tone, rudeness etc … doesn’t justify canceling without notice but it could influence whether seeing it through 

I disageee with the framing of the last point in your post. Being Unable to afford a provider doesn’t make someone a loser - they just shouldn’t play in this game. Standing up a professional is what makes them a loser. 

[maninsoma]

I assume some similar reasons when providers stand up clients.  I have traveled to hotels where an escort is staying and rang and texted them, only to be ignored.  I have had confirmed appointments at my home where the provider simply never showed up and didn't reply to texts asking where he is.

So my #1 reason is that some people are just inconsiderate and think that plans made with others don't need to be kept if they decide to do something else, whatever that may be.

 

[soloyo215]

50 minutes ago, maninsoma said:

I assume some similar reasons when providers stand up clients.  I have traveled to hotels where an escort is staying and rang and texted them, only to be ignored.  I have had confirmed appointments at my home where the provider simply never showed up and didn't reply to texts asking where he is.

So my #1 reason is that some people are just inconsiderate and think that plans made with others don't need to be kept if they decide to do something else, whatever that may be.

 

I was going to say that the no-show thing is on both sides. The reasons can be similar, involving personal insecurites, being precautious, finding better deals and having second thoughts about the expense.

I disagree with the way point 5 is framed. Not having the means to afford a provider doesn't make the client a loser. Attempting at hiring while knowing well that it's not within his means might.

[marylander1940]

1 hour ago, maninsoma said:

I assume some similar reasons when providers stand up clients.  I have traveled to hotels where an escort is staying and rang and texted them, only to be ignored.  I have had confirmed appointments at my home where the provider simply never showed up and didn't reply to texts asking where he is.

So my #1 reason is that some people are just inconsiderate and think that plans made with others don't need to be kept if they decide to do something else, whatever that may be.

 

In their case I think is multitasking, or the me me me culture... they're the center of the world and YOU must adapt to them. PNP also has something to do with escorts not showing up. 

[+ ButchAtl]

It is just a case of bad manners.  With texting so easy, there is almost no  excuse short of an accident or sudden death!  

I suspect there's also some of the me, me thing, and maybe some just don't know what to say or feel some elaborate excuse has to be given.  

I can't imagine that if you can make an appointment, you can't at least nofity someone you won't be able to keep the appointmen - for whatever reason. 

[marylander1940]

A local escort told me yesterday he a had a no show who even told him he was on his way... Why do folks behave like this? I wonder if some of them are losers who can't afford hiring and that's how they get back at life. 

[ICTJOCK]

I would say the first two are the more likely reasons.   The perspective client may have decided to pass based on the cost,  the effort or a combination.    The reason may vary widely depending on the experience level with hiring escorts.

[+ DrownedBoy]

15 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

A local escort told me yesterday he a had a no show who even told him he was on his way... Why do folks behave like this? I wonder if some of them are losers who can't afford hiring and that's how they get back at life. 

I've had a provider do that to me, while I was trying to make him into a regular. He forgot about the appointment, then kept claiming he was coming, but stuck in traffic. After 30 minutes I told him I wouldn't be hiring him anymore.

Such foolishness. Tossing away a chance to make a regular by lying and screwing with peoples' schedules. Not a winning business model, for sure.

[sider]

I actually think that no-shows probably have a lot to do with fear and nerves. As providers, you guys see lots of different clients...we are just another guy. But, as clients, some of us only see providers every couple of month. I have several different providers that I see and I do get butterflies in my stomach before EVERY appointment. Most of us are married guys that are stepping outside of our comfort zone.. I have never been a no-show, and I will never be one. It's just plain douchey to do to someone!! Keep in mind that it can be intimidating meeting with you guys that are most likely was more experienced and confident!

[marylander1940]

34 minutes ago, sider said:

I actually think that no-shows probably have a lot to do with fear and nerves. As providers, you guys see lots of different clients...we are just another guy. But, as clients, some of us only see providers every couple of month. I have several different providers that I see and I do get butterflies in my stomach before EVERY appointment. Most of us are married guys that are stepping outside of our comfort zone.. I have never been a no-show, and I will never be one. It's just plain douchey to do to someone!! Keep in mind that it can be intimidating meeting with you guys that are most likely was more experienced and confident!

I agree with most of what you say and I don't want to take this out of subject... but married guys are all over Grindr and enjoying open relationships. I'm sure is the same case when it comes to hiring unless the relationship is not open. 

[Guest]

On 10/31/2023 at 7:41 PM, marylander1940 said:

They happen in all human activities commercial, personal, etc. but they're highly annoying when they happen to providers because they are the product. 

1. Regret
2. Cold feet.
3. Got someone closer, better, cheaper?
4. Prank
5. The guy is a loser and can't afford hiring... 

 

Because of a skewed moral compass.
A no show will never get a response or reply from me. There's a big difference in a no show that you've never met and a justified cancellation from someone you know. 

[Jarrod_Uncut]

On 11/4/2023 at 9:37 PM, marylander1940 said:

A local escort told me yesterday he a had a no show who even told him he was on his way... Why do folks behave like this? I wonder if some of them are losers who can't afford hiring and that's how they get back at life. 

And that’s why I ask for deposits…Why they behave that way, is long unconcerned for me. I just need to do what I know is best for me.

…now that escort has to wonder if the guy is going to be just address collecting him. 
 

I stopped relying on people to be “on their way” long time ago. Why am I going to tell someone where I’m staying or where I live with no assurance of them showing? 
 

When I’m in one city it’s a bit easier because there’s a row of town homes on an narrow street, all connected with different street numbers. I can give them the one across the street, look outside to ensure they’ve arrived, and then come outside to meet them or direct them to the proper side of the street.

If they want to be stupid and play games, they get the address to the abandoned house down the street. Maybe they’ll have more fun with the neighborhood raccoon 🦝 or possum (yes they live in some city’s downtowns, not sure where they hide) 😂 

Edited November 8, 2023 by Jarrod_Uncut

[marylander1940]

13 hours ago, jmichaeliii said:

I had a really frustrating scenario on my last trip to Vegas.  I found Casey Everett's profile and reached out a few weeks before my trip to see if something could be set up.  He was really nice and accommodating even confirming the day before our meeting.  Then on the day of, no response and he no shows me.  I sent him a short message basically saying I thought it was not cool to no show and not even let me know he could not make it.  He then blocked me.  I guess he has enough money because if we hit it off, that could have been 4 visits a year toward his income.

you're not alone, it happens unfortunately in both sides and even when it comes to Grindr hookups some just won't show up and block.... 

[Jamie21]

On 11/8/2023 at 9:01 AM, Jarrod_Uncut said:

Maybe they’ll have more fun with the neighborhood raccoon 🦝 or possum (yes they live in some city’s downtowns, not sure where they hide) 😂 

I understand that the Racoon now asks for deposits. 

[PileDriver]

let's be clear, providers do the same...not to be a debbie downer....even men who have accepted a deposit ghost....seems to me a growing problem. never use to happen. so...have had guys insist on a deposit then as the time approaches announce they are 1,500 miles away....and are incredulous when i don't want to reschedule or wait until 3 in the morning when they claim they wil finally arrive...not sure what the answer is...if i have to cancel at the last second i pay. and even then guys have gotten offended. if i cancel it is for good reason. ugh. mutial respect helps. we all live in a complicated world.

[Jamie21]

I had a no show last weekend. Or to be precise he was very late. 10 minutes before start time he messaged me to say ‘I might be a bit late’. Turns out he’s tried to take a taxi, in central London on a Saturday. Even worse…on this Saturday there’s demonstrations on so roads are closed. He could have walked to me….

When I message him back to find out his ETA it appears he has no idea where he is, so I ask him to send his current location by WhatsApp. I can see that he’s at least half hour drive away and we should have started 15 minutes ago by now….

I’ve another client after his session was due to end (half hour gap between the two) so I tell him that it’s not worth him coming and I cancel his booking, which eventually he accepts (after some begging to be rescheduled etc). 

I understand if you’re in an unfamiliar city that it’s possible to get lost or caught up in expected situations but  really is it so difficult these days to not work out how long it will take you to get somewhere and to build in a buffer, especially if you’re new to the place? If he was as desperate to see me as he claimed he was then he’d have checked his travel plans and timing better.

 I think some people are simply incapable of organising themselves and it usually shows by how they behave when they book. I’m sure that 95% of no shows are primarily because of the attitude and mindset of the client, in other words, they’re avoidable. Same applies with provider no shows: 95% avoidable with the right attitude. 

 

 

 

Edited November 29, 2023 by Jamie21
Mistype

[+ Mrprofessional]

Yes there are people who are just disrespectful of our time. Has driven me crazy in the past!

It’s also true that some cultures have a more fluid sense of time — where the emotional connection of the present moment - and bringing that present meeting to a natural close— might override the next meeting’s need to start on time. 

And everyone within that culture offers a level of understanding To one another. That’s not our western culture of course. But….

even In NYC, there’s a built in 15 min leeway - where no one gets too freaked out about a slight delay in a meeting start time — and that leeway allows for subway mishaps or traffic jams. We’ve all been there. 

Also: does anyone show up to a dinner party exactly on time? It’s a cultural thing, right? No one expects everyone to arrive promptly at 7.

I’m not saying to ignore someone who’s clearly disrespectful. 

I’m just suggesting that there MIGHT be other possibilities (apart from disrespect or mere selfishness) that could be at play, depending on where that person is from in the world.  My favorite provider almost always ran 30-60 min late; I came to accept it bc of his perception of time.

For me my life has become less stressful when I make room for other possibilities beyond “he’s a selfish prick.”

[+ Mrprofessional]

Not showing up at all and no texting is pretty bad. My post was more about people who don’t make the agreed to time. 

[Jarrod_Uncut]

4 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

I had a no show last weekend. Or to be precise he was very late. 10 minutes before start time he messaged me to say ‘I might be a bit late’. Turns out he’s tried to take a taxi, in central London on a Saturday. Even worse…on this Saturday there’s demonstrations on so roads are closed. He could have walked to me….

When I message him back to find out his ETA it appears he has no idea where he is, so I ask him to send his current location by WhatsApp. I can see that he’s at least half hour drive away and we should have started 15 minutes ago by now….

I’ve another client after his session was due to end (half hour gap between the two) so I tell him that it’s not worth him coming and I cancel his booking, which eventually he accepts (after some begging to be rescheduled etc). 

I understand if you’re in an unfamiliar city that it’s possible to get lost or caught up in expected situations but  really is it so difficult these days to not work out how long it will take you to get somewhere and to build in a buffer, especially if you’re new to the place? If he was as desperate to see me as he claimed he was then he’d have checked his travel plans and timing better.

 I think some people are simply incapable of organising themselves and it usually shows by how they behave when they book. I’m sure that 95% of no shows are primarily because of the attitude and mindset of the client, in other words, they’re avoidable. Same applies with provider no shows: 95% avoidable with the right attitude. 

 

 

 

hmm, meh…bleh. I don’t know. I feel like you errored by planning 2 appointments 30 minutes apart. I rarely ever do that these days. I even have a thing I occasionally tell clients: I only prefer to book 1 client PER time of day. So I’m not going to have two clients showing up in the afternoon, or evening…only 1 morning client, 1 afternoon client or 1 evening client. And even that rarely happens in sequence. Lately in this economy and hookup app culture: 1 maybe two clients a day is all I prefer to reserve. That’s why I ask for deposits (a cancellation or no show can mean lost funds for the day), and I’ve started asking more to host. The days of having 3-4 clients a day are not how I do things anymore….Unless I’m feeling really Randy (sorry had to use some British/Irish dialect there lol)…

I usually need time to decompress and allow me and the client to have non rushed time together. For example, last Friday I had a bit of a quagmire: I was already running 10 minutes behind my 3 p.m.  booking. Thanksgiving/Black Friday traffic, and the guy gave me same day notice which.. doesn’t bother me but when I have to leave home, pack an overnight bag, host and check into a hotel, I usually have to plan that the day before. But no biggie.

However, I get to the hotel…there’s two guests just dragging out the whole check in process. When I check into a hotel, I try to do it within 1 minute lol. ID, credit card, room number. I don’t need to know anything else. Client is on his way lol. All the chit chat and questions I can do later. And then the hotel staff were training someone so it took like 15 minutes just to get my room key. Meanwhile client texts me saying; “I’m here” at 3. Fortunately he was cool and patient…and we had a great time. I just told him, “next time I prefer a day notice” because I didn’t even have but a couple minutes to get ready, and when hosting I like to have time to create my whole ambience: Candles, cover the bed, get my Amazon music selection going, etc.

Just my personal preference: I prefer visits to be like a “date”. I don’t think it should be treated like a job interview per say. Those type of appointments are that way because they are often taking multiple appointments and working on a 8 hour work week schedule. So they can’t stay longer than the company is willing to pay for. With sex work, I just prefer a more Relaxed approached. I think of it like concert performers. They are never on the dot ready. They don’t even give a time. I went to one performance in Washington DC: the performer was set to “start” at 8 p He didn’t come out until 11:15 p lol. But everybody was there and attending and it wasn’t like anybody was on a clock. 

Think about this (a bit of Christmassy theme lol). The world has been waiting for Jesus to “show up” for the past 2,023 years. Is he late? Or is he waiting until the time is right? So 30 minutes late is a drop 💧 in a bucket 🪣 in the big scheme of things. People have to learn to be patient.
 

As long as someone updates the person their arrival time, shouldn’t be an issue. And I know from driving a lot: stupid, excessive red lights in the city can easily add 10-15 minutes to your arrival. Shit like that makes people want to run reds and drive down the wrong way on the avenue lol…but is it worth killing myself or somebody else over? Not really. 

3 hours ago, Mrprofessional said:

Yes there are people who are just disrespectful of our time. Has driven me crazy in the past!

It’s also true that some cultures have a more fluid sense of time — where the emotional connection of the present moment - and bringing that present meeting to a natural close— might override the next meeting’s need to start on time. 

And everyone within that culture offers a level of understanding To one another. That’s not our western culture of course. But….

even In NYC, there’s a built in 15 min leeway - where no one gets too freaked out about a slight delay in a meeting start time — and that leeway allows for subway mishaps or traffic jams. We’ve all been there. 

Also: does anyone show up to a dinner party exactly on time? It’s a cultural thing, right? No one expects everyone to arrive promptly at 7.

I’m not saying to ignore someone who’s clearly disrespectful. 

I’m just suggesting that there MIGHT be other possibilities (apart from disrespect or mere selfishness) that could be at play, depending on where that person is from in the world.  My favorite provider almost always ran 30-60 min late; I came to accept it bc of his perception of time.

For me my life has become less stressful when I make room for other possibilities beyond “he’s a selfish prick.”

Exactly…even in some Spanish cultures, things often start later than usual.

However, I notice some of that can be preferential based too. Hence the subject I said in another thread “White privilege”. There’s a such thing as Latino privilege too. I would be a liar if I made it up. Used to work in a bank run by South Americans, where employees would regularly showed up late. They gave me a 3 strike rule (or maybe call it, “full time employee privilege).

Now I’m like, fuck that. Mean ole Cuban bitch wanted to have a menopausal moment on me. Now I’m like, bitch I run my own shit. She did the best favor for me ever: encouraging me to start my own empire. I’m grateful for being fired. Nobody can ever take my entrepreneurial spirit, away from me 😂 

Edited November 29, 2023 by Jarrod_Uncut

[Jamie21]

5 hours ago, Jarrod_Uncut said:

I feel like you errore

 

5 hours ago, Jarrod_Uncut said:

I feel like you errored by planning 2 appointments 30 minutes apart.

Possibly. There’s a back story to how that happened which I didn’t tell. This late client had messaged me about a month earlier to enquire about my availability on the said day. I had confirmed that I was available (which at the time was correct). He said he’d confirm a booking with me the week before (his number was from abroad so I assume he’s planning a visit to London - this happens a lot. Some book, some I never hear from). 

In his case he doesn’t message me a week ahead to book but leaves it to the day and then messages asking for a booking. But he’s too late; I’m busy that day. He’s really disappointed etc. Desperately wants to meet…so I go against my usual process and book him in a window the next day. This is how I end up scheduling him half hour before another booking. Indeed I disrupted my other plans to find him this time….and then he’s turning up over 40 minutes late for an hour session. 

I didn’t error by timing the appointment as I did with half hour between, I errored by ignoring my instincts in the first place and feeling sympathy for him! Now I’ve made what could be an even bigger mistake by agreeing to see him today because he was upset at the appointment he couldn’t make. Will he be another no show…..

 

[Becket]

Many of us (present company included) sometimes just get overwhelmingly nervous. This is especially true for the novice. Yes, the polite thing would be to notify the provider. But some of us would be nervous about that as well. "What if he yells at me, or calls me a hurtful name. I really just want a hug. Really just want someone to help me believe I'm not as awful a person as my Dad said I was, the last time we communicated"

[Simon Suraci]

My experience is a lot like @Jamie21. I schedule appointments 30 mins apart. They’re not always back to back, but it’s not unusual. 30 mins is just enough time for me to wrap up, settle payment, and clean my massage equipment, use the restroom, drink water, catch up on texts, and mentally refresh myself on who the next client is and what they booked.

When I have back to back appointments scheduled and the client shows up late, I end at the time they were originally supposed to end, out of respect for the next client who I honor by starting at the time they booked. If it’s really late, I offer to reschedule for another time. If I have nobody booked after I see the client and give the client their full time.

Most of my business is massage and spa services. I don’t think I could operate this way if I was primarily or exclusively offering escort service. In that case, I would take fewer clients and spread them far apart from one another, like one in the morning, one in the evening or something like that, maybe more than two clients depending on the particulars of each client’s needs that day.

To respond more directly to the OP question, no shows happen because people are people. There will always be a percentage of no-shows, both on the client and provider sides of hiring. You can’t completely remove from human nature selfishness or disregard for other people. 

[Jamie21]

13 hours ago, Becket said:

Many of us (present company included) sometimes just get overwhelmingly nervous. This is especially true for the novice. Yes, the polite thing would be to notify the provider. But some of us would be nervous about that as well. "What if he yells at me, or calls me a hurtful name. I really just want a hug. Really just want someone to help me believe I'm not as awful a person as my Dad said I was, the last time we communicated"

That’s understandable. I know clients get nervous. It doesn’t excuse just not showing up and not letting me know you’ve changed your mind though! If he’s rude to you for saying you’re anxious so are cancelling then that’s a good sign that he wasn’t the right guy for you. If he responds with understanding then you’ll know he’s the right guy for you. Go ahead and see him. 

I know clients who got to the door, and almost turned around again because of the anxiety. But I see it is part of the job to recognise this and help them overcome it. There’s so much going on when you book a sensual massage or escort session: feelings of excitement, guilt, shame, anxiety, self consciousness, fear, anticipation, desire. All of these might be going on with the client. A good guy will understand and help their client deal with it, assuming the client actually tells him. 

[Jarrod_Uncut]

22 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

 

Possibly. There’s a back story to how that happened which I didn’t tell. This late client had messaged me about a month earlier to enquire about my availability on the said day. I had confirmed that I was available (which at the time was correct). He said he’d confirm a booking with me the week before (his number was from abroad so I assume he’s planning a visit to London - this happens a lot. Some book, some I never hear from). 

In his case he doesn’t message me a week ahead to book but leaves it to the day and then messages asking for a booking. But he’s too late; I’m busy that day. He’s really disappointed etc. Desperately wants to meet…so I go against my usual process and book him in a window the next day. This is how I end up scheduling him half hour before another booking. Indeed I disrupted my other plans to find him this time….and then he’s turning up over 40 minutes late for an hour session. 

I didn’t error by timing the appointment as I did with half hour between, I errored by ignoring my instincts in the first place and feeling sympathy for him! Now I’ve made what could be an even bigger mistake by agreeing to see him today because he was upset at the appointment he couldn’t make. Will he be another no show…..

 

 

Ah okay, I get it now. Well, trust me I know exactly what you mean. It’s similar to the same stuff I talk about all the time, that often gets filed under “complaints”. But if someone is actually dealing with annoying behavior, they’ll begin to understand why some escorts take deposits, why some escorts may charge consultations (why not? I’m paying $40-$150 a month to advertise. How is it crazy to then ask for something nominal to reach me? I still believe every escort should get $10 at least, for every client inquiry…PERIOD. You have to make an appointment to meet/talk with most celebrities, and many of them you go thru 3rd party.)…and why it may be brought up on the forum every other week.
 

Did your client show up? That said: I find what’s equally annoying are people who text me out the blue similar to how you described: Like yesterday, someone contacted me asking if I’m still available tonight: he last contacted October 2021 and even though I replied a couple days later, no response of acknowledgment of my message. So I try to book him again this time and he’s beating around the bush, saying it’s gotten late and he’ll reach out to me again, but “doesn’t know when”.

 

But stuff like this is so common in the town I stay, it’s almost predictable. That’s why myself and even other providers I’ve spoken to in the industry just will not work in certain markets, because too many people play games.
 

Someone reached out to be Saturday for an appointment Monday morning: cancelled. Somebody asked about an appointment last night: didn’t follow thru. And then the last couple weeks I had 2-3 clients ask for appointments and not even get to confirming. 

This type of shit really makes me tired of the industry. Too many flakes, liars and unreliable. I woke up this morning wondering if I want to keep doing this because people aren’t reliable. Then again, it doesn’t help I’m in a shitty market: full of racists and homophobes, only thing really going for it is the football team. The rest of the scene is so trash that, I don’t even want to spend my money on any gay/nightlife establishments in the city because: why am I going to keep spending my money to be around people who have outright disrespect and animosity towards sex workers? That’s a waste of my energy and resources. 

 

20 hours ago, Becket said:

Many of us (present company included) sometimes just get overwhelmingly nervous. This is especially true for the novice. Yes, the polite thing would be to notify the provider. But some of us would be nervous about that as well. "What if he yells at me, or calls me a hurtful name. I really just want a hug. Really just want someone to help me believe I'm not as awful a person as my Dad said I was, the last time we communicated"

That’s understandable, but at the end of the day: sex workers aren’t meant to take the place of a therapist. We can be therapeutic, but we’re not adept to helping grown ass men work out their insecurities, before they even met or paid us. A lot of us are contending with our own baggage and challenges already, so it’s not as easy to try and figure out why someone is behaving the way they are…Especially if they don’t communicate it. 
 

I don’t always think it’s nervous, some people need to just have a bit of respect. Especially like I said, the ones who appear out of the blue 2-3 years later (which has seemed to happen like 2-3 times this month, idk if it’s just the holiday blues or what), and then still don’t manage to book anything. Who has time for that? To me that’s not being a client. That’s someone just wanting some free attention from an escort. If someone was actually serious about having a visit, they wouldn’t be giving the run around and playing games.
 

 

Then when I tell him that I’m only booking my 75 minute session price (not my 1 hour) because it was already late evening, but that I could book him tomorrow if he only wants the hour session: he comes with some lame excuse: 
 

 

And people wonder why I start asking $25 to be contacted. Luckily I wasn’t doing too much last night but…I dislike when people do things like that when I’m having an outing with friends or planning something with my night. I might as well not even responded to the text at all if they can’t make up their mind 🤦🏾‍♂️ 

Edited November 30, 2023 by Jarrod_Uncut