Extortion advice?

[Rgsnva]

Y’all are good people.  Lots of good advice and support here.  Even the few I might not be 100% on board with, if I didn’t want your response I shouldn’t have asked the question, right? So I appreciate you all.  I’m glad I found this forum.  

[Bokomaru]

52 minutes ago, Rgsnva said:

Y’all are good people.  Lots of good advice and support here.  Even the few I might not be 100% on board with, if I didn’t want your response I shouldn’t have asked the question, right? So I appreciate you all.  I’m glad I found this forum.  

Everyone here is well meaning, even if we give opposite advice. Please let us know how it turns out. 

[Guest]

55 minutes ago, Rgsnva said:

Y’all are good people.  Lots of good advice and support here.  Even the few I might not be 100% on board with, if I didn’t want your response I shouldn’t have asked the question, right? So I appreciate you all.  I’m glad I found this forum.  

I'm glad you found it too 😃

[The Dude]

This is why I never give my real name and use a burner phone.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

5 hours ago, KennF said:

Talk to an attorney and listen to their advice. 

Just for the record, I am not a lawyer, nor do I play one on TV.

Good array of options given, it’s always good to have more than 1 choice at hand. I think you drafted up a pretty decent consultation lol.

However, and this is just from experience : unless someone already has a lawyer on call (and I’ve known guys who have lawyer friends which is easy), I’d just be “reasonable” about expectations. Back when I was younger and dumber (and too trusting of so-called friends), I’ve had a couple situations that required having to consult a lawyer.

Lawyers aren’t always interested in “disputes”. They’re also in biz to make money. And a lot of lawyers are honest and will tell you in their free consolidation: “this isn’t going to make me money OR this case is too petty for me to pursue, you don’t have a case, etc”. Of course it doesn’t seem that way, but from the outside looking in, that’s what it could be. 
 

In a case like that, something like a police report and restraining order will save the $1,200 one may have to pay an attorney to handle it. And most likely, that’s what they’ll refer anyway.

I actually briefly had a stalker in Nashville years ago. I reached out to the police, but it wasn’t anything promising they could offer. I think what finally stopped was, I can’t remember anymore what I did…but he finally backed off.

3 hours ago, Rgsnva said:

I think the only thing I’ll disagree with is about RM.  They do have some responsibility to both providers and clients to have some eye towards safety.  If someone can provide proof of something like this, which I can, it should be a no brainer for them to remove an individual, with a format for disputing if you get removed unjustly.  Other platforms do.  This is a thing that shouldn’t have to operate under the table anyway (meaning it should be legal) so I think we should hold them to the same standard.  
 

Re: the not paying and meeting him anyway…it was a stupid move, I get it.  But I’m not sure I see the reluctance to believe it.  No, he wasn’t something I’d pay for…but he said okay and  I…well… you’re horny and somebody's right there giving it away…it wasn’t reason and intellect calling the shots right then.  

Well I should clarify; it’s not that I don’t believe what happened: it’s just that it sounded like something else might have been at play (no pun intended). But I’m not going to gaslight your story, because only you and him know what happened. 

I was just moreso wondering about how did this and that happen in the way it did. But your honesty in that you were horny (I think many of us have been guilty of horny fog 😶‍🌫️ at some point) was understandable. But by all means, dude was out of pocket in the situation. I think he knew what he was doing…however if he was a real bait and switch, he should have just asked you when you walked in the door, and made sure he got the money. Or turned you away. To go thru with it, and then the next day come after you…just seems off.

So you aren’t in the wrong, but I don’t think threatening to shutdown RentM was the answer. However I do agree, they should do some better screening and I’ve said it before: there needs to be a tutorial on RM training clients and escorts how to book and behave. People barely even know how to read an ad, let alone deal with a confronting situation 🤦🏾‍♂️ 

Edited October 12, 2023 by Jarrod_Uncut

[pubic_assistance]

11 hours ago, Peter Eater said:

This comment is totally uncalled for.

Is it ? I found the situation odd myself.

I am also curious.

[Peter Eater]

1 hour ago, pubic_assistance said:

Is it ? I found the situation odd myself.

I am also curious.

It is one thing to say the situation sounds odd, and pose questions because of it. It’s another to say the story “doesn’t pass the smell test.” Translation: You’re a liar.
Yes, that’s totally uncalled for. 

[DWnyc]

On 10/11/2023 at 7:13 AM, ICTJOCK said:

Well let me say,  I don't do well with negative drama and certainly someone who is threatening me.    I would probably be the first to let the dude know that I'm not subject to extortion or threats for money.     But I'm not you or don't know your situation.

I do think this kind of experience  should be discussed.   There are always two sides to a disagreement,  but providing facts,   like a written conversation)  is helpful in proving your point.    I'd certainly go to the police before I'd ever "cave"  to any sort of blackmail.    I just think it is unfortunate that these kinds of experiences happen.

Easier said than done.

if the OP is in the US or a jurisdiction where this is illegal going to the police opens trouble for him before even getting to the complaint. 

And I can’t think of many situations where regardless of the law a client at the receiving end of a blackmail threat comes out well at work if his office is told “So here’s the deal, i visited a provider …”

[ICTJOCK]

1 hour ago, DWnyc said:

Easier said than done.

if the OP is in the US or a jurisdiction where this is illegal going to the police opens trouble for him before even getting to the complaint. 

And I can’t think of many situations where regardless of the law a client at the receiving end of a blackmail threat comes out well at work if his office is told “So here’s the deal, i visited a provider …”

 I think the most difficult part is being blackmailed.    I would seek legal advice  from an attorney prior to doing anything.   Advice from counsel would be prudent to examine all aspects of this unfortunate situation.   Counsel may advise a different path and if going to the police is chosen,  the attorney may suggest an approach with the cops.   I do agree that a conversation with the police is a bit of a sticky situation.

Regarding the latter comment above,   I wouldn't ever talk to my office about this situation.

[DWnyc]

15 minutes ago, ICTJOCK said:

 

Regarding the latter comment above,   I wouldn't ever talk to my office about this situation.

Ok but that was a key part of the OP.

The blackmailing escort is threatening to go the OP’s office and has demonstrated he has contact details. 

So my response was to the comments about standing up to the blackmailer, going to the police etc  - and how it’s easy to say this but can be extremely difficult in reality (which is why blackmail sometimes works)

Edited October 12, 2023 by DWnyc

[DWnyc]

On 10/11/2023 at 11:42 AM, maninsoma said:

Or don't do those things if you are operating on the DL

Providers would be out of business in that case

Remember, we’re talking about visiting a provider for the act of him providing … not about being gay or hooking up, where some might sympathize with your opening statement

[DWnyc]

18 hours ago, Rgsnva said:Re: the not paying and meeting him anyway…it was a stupid move, I get it.  But I’m not sure I see the reluctance to believe it.  No, he wasn’t something I’d pay for…but he said okay and  I…well… you’re horny and somebody's right there giving it away…it wasn’t reason and intellect calling the shots right then.  

 

Just a reminder to draw the line on believing (at face value) that the line between paid time and voluntary/unpaid time is blurred. And a provider who is good at his job in other ways will be convincing if making you believe it’s all because you are turning him on and giving him genuine pleasure. 

One of my earliest experiences in the space had me overwhelmed from the time, the provider sensed that and asked me as I was getting ready to leave if I wanted to stay for a while, as he wanted to teach me things, I was so hot but I didn’t know how to use it etc. he saw a young version of himself in me etc. I laughed and said I had no money and he replied “I guess you better be leaving then”.  I walked out feeling like I’d been made fun of, in a daze. 

10 mins later he texted saying he was already missing me, I should come back .. I again replied I couldn’t pay more .. he then writes something ambiguous like “who can put a price on passion when it’s real, come back because I really need you right now, I need it more than you do etc”- or maybe not so ambiguous … anyway cut to the chase - a very bad financial experience by the end of the evening
 

My defense mechanism kicks in early now when people try that, which is quite regularly.

 

[Guest]

On 10/10/2023 at 11:33 PM, Rgsnva said:

...the gist is I hired him a few times, wasn't a great experience, so I left him alone but he kept texting/messaging me.  I finally told him I couldn't pay anymore because of financial issues.  At which point he said he had a good time, so "let's do it anyway."  Well, the day after that meeting he sent me a payment request via Venmo...

Well, I applaud the original poster for at least notifying rentmen since, regardless of what transpired, no escort should blackmail a prior client. Period. My thoughts would be that it would be wiser to get the restraining order first, before going to the lawyer and/or police route. This should stop the harassment, and, if it doesn't, you have something extremely solid and concrete with which to complain to the police. I suspect that the police would be right on a violation of a restraining order, but might be less interested in blackmailing over escorting. I also suspect that a lawyer would advise you to file a restraining order in any case. 

There are some lessons to learn from this experience, of course. Probably like most people, I immediately wondered why you'd keep hiring someone who wasn't performing as expected. That was a red flag. Secondly, I would not have told this man that you "couldn't pay anymore because of financial issues," since that was an obvious lie. I would have either ignored his texts, blocked him, or, if you felt you had to say something, simply tell him you wouldn't be hiring him anymore. If he were clueless enough to ask you why, just respond "personal reasons." 

The fact that he kept texting you when you weren't interested was inappropriate and should have raised another red flag. That should have sent your spidey senses tingling. Seeing him after that probably wasn't the best idea. But that's for the future. For now, I think the wisest move is to simply file a TRO. Good luck. 

[+ DrownedBoy]

10 hours ago, DWnyc said:

Ok but that was a key part of the OP.

The blackmailing escort is threatening to go the OP’s office and has demonstrated he has contact details. 

And what would happen if a shady character came to a school building, demanding to see the superintendent, claiming he is a male prostitute that has texts on his phone that prove a specific teacher hired him?

The moment he revealed he was an escort, nobody would listen to him. They'd kick him off the grounds if he was persistent. Nobody is going to read through the texts or care about his claim.

Also, an anonymous accusation would most certainly be ignored by HR, unless they decide to warn the OP that they received suspicious messages. A simple denial can dispose of an anonymous accusation (unless you have real enemies at work).

Idle threat.

Edited October 13, 2023 by DrownedBoy
Clarify

[secgoo]

A provider tried to blackmail me (in London)

RM took his profile down as soon as told them.

I also went to the police for an initial report but didn't follow through with a full witness statement.

I have since had 2 other companyofmen forum users saying the same provider did it to them. Whilst he didn't get any money out of me (because I'm out anyway and I sent his letter to my HR department telling them up front someone was trying to blackmail me) he did get a lot of money out of the 2 other users because their life is different to mine.

My recommendation is to prevent the situation use a burner phone. Fresh email address and mobile number so that bad actors can't connect to your social media.

Do a general sanity check on your existing social media. Can you be found by your email or number on Facebook, twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, ticktok and all the other such apps. Who can see your profile once it's been found without requesting to follow you?

Finally, if you do get blackmailed, go to the police. You're probably not the first he's tried it with and probably won't be the last.

If the guy is London based (I didn't spot your location) message me privately about who he is

[+ DrownedBoy]

6 hours ago, secgoo said:

I have since had 2 other companyofmen forum users saying the same provider did it to them. Whilst he didn't get any money out of me (because I'm out anyway and I sent his letter to my HR department telling them up front someone was trying to blackmail me)

Yes, luckily I live in an era and city where my company has its own gay group, and even its own gay HR representative who would deal with this. Things like this get swept under the rug. They just tell management that this is "gay culture" and that "everyone one in the LGBTQ community engages in that," and they won't look further, as long as the police or press don't get involved. 

[+ JEC]

On 10/11/2023 at 2:33 AM, Rgsnva said:

If this isn't the appropriate forum, please feel free to move my question elsewhere.  I've seen discussions on this but more about avoiding it, but it's happening and I need to do something.  I posted about the provider the other day - the gist is I hired him a few times, wasn't a great experience, so I left him alone but he kept texting/messaging me.  I finally told him I couldn't pay anymore because of financial issues.  At which point he said he had a good time, so "let's do it anyway."  Well, the day after that meeting he sent me a payment request via Venmo.  When I reminded him, he said he didn't remember me telling him that, and that he was probably drunk.  (I have our entire communication history on my phone, it's all there clear as day, but he's not interested.) But anyway, he's demanding payment and it's getting more threatening by the day.  I blocked his number but he seems to be using every phone he can get a hand on to message me.  He's threatened to go to my workplace.  He has sent me screenshots of colleagues contact into that he's found online.  He, or someone with him, has posted NextDoor postings that look like nothing to someone else, but are clearly veiled threats of physical violence, showing up at my house, etc.  

I'm at a point, I think, where I have to go to police.  Has anybody ever done that?  Is it a terrible idea?  Would I be throwing myself to the wolves along with him?

I did, believe it or not, get RM to take his profile off.  I told them my workplace where he keeps saying he's coming is a school.  Bring it on dumbass - he'll find himself surrounded by 3 resource officers with weapons drawn.  I said to RM that then there'll be news reports - you want to see his profile from your site on the evening news?  Then they'll shut you down and you'll cost all these good people their jobs. An hour later, I got a very nice letter apologizing for leaving it up and telling me it's been removed.

But I digress...I still need some good, practical advice here.  I'll probably head to a police station after work this afternoon to make a report - unless y'all think that's a terrible idea.  Thoughts? Next steps? Is the cops a bad idea? I'd of course prefer not to go to jail myself.  Thanks, all.

Pay him, block him, learn from the experience and move on.   This is clearly a dangerous person, there is no room for principal here, unless you want to risk public disclosure or violence.

[CuriousByNature]

On 10/15/2023 at 4:28 AM, secgoo said:

A provider tried to blackmail me (in London)

RM took his profile down as soon as told them.

I also went to the police for an initial report but didn't follow through with a full witness statement.

I have since had 2 other companyofmen forum users saying the same provider did it to them. Whilst he didn't get any money out of me (because I'm out anyway and I sent his letter to my HR department telling them up front someone was trying to blackmail me) he did get a lot of money out of the 2 other users because their life is different to mine.

My recommendation is to prevent the situation use a burner phone. Fresh email address and mobile number so that bad actors can't connect to your social media.

Do a general sanity check on your existing social media. Can you be found by your email or number on Facebook, twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, ticktok and all the other such apps. Who can see your profile once it's been found without requesting to follow you?

Finally, if you do get blackmailed, go to the police. You're probably not the first he's tried it with and probably won't be the last.

If the guy is London based (I didn't spot your location) message me privately about who he is

Are you able to share which provider tried to blackmail you?

 

[secgoo]

EnglishKnight/KnightBoy/Danny

[JTtorretto]

On 10/11/2023 at 1:33 AM, Rgsnva said:

If this isn't the appropriate forum, please feel free to move my question elsewhere.  I've seen discussions on this but more about avoiding it, but it's happening and I need to do something.  I posted about the provider the other day - the gist is I hired him a few times, wasn't a great experience, so I left him alone but he kept texting/messaging me.  I finally told him I couldn't pay anymore because of financial issues.  At which point he said he had a good time, so "let's do it anyway."  Well, the day after that meeting he sent me a payment request via Venmo.  When I reminded him, he said he didn't remember me telling him that, and that he was probably drunk.  (I have our entire communication history on my phone, it's all there clear as day, but he's not interested.) But anyway, he's demanding payment and it's getting more threatening by the day.  I blocked his number but he seems to be using every phone he can get a hand on to message me.  He's threatened to go to my workplace.  He has sent me screenshots of colleagues contact into that he's found online.  He, or someone with him, has posted NextDoor postings that look like nothing to someone else, but are clearly veiled threats of physical violence, showing up at my house, etc.  

I'm at a point, I think, where I have to go to police.  Has anybody ever done that?  Is it a terrible idea?  Would I be throwing myself to the wolves along with him?

I did, believe it or not, get RM to take his profile off.  I told them my workplace where he keeps saying he's coming is a school.  Bring it on dumbass - he'll find himself surrounded by 3 resource officers with weapons drawn.  I said to RM that then there'll be news reports - you want to see his profile from your site on the evening news?  Then they'll shut you down and you'll cost all these good people their jobs. An hour later, I got a very nice letter apologizing for leaving it up and telling me it's been removed.

But I digress...I still need some good, practical advice here.  I'll probably head to a police station after work this afternoon to make a report - unless y'all think that's a terrible idea.  Thoughts? Next steps? Is the cops a bad idea? I'd of course prefer not to go to jail myself.  Thanks, all.

There is your version of events.   Not the escorts.   
 

while you were together the last time, I'd bet $100 that you said something to the affect that you DID have the funds to pay for the session (inheritance, sold an investment, had just hired someone else the day before etc) and thus why he expected to be paid regardless of his prior offer which became (in his head) no longer valid as you had lied.  
 

Instead of passive aggressively making excuses that aren't truthful [if you can hire a lawyer you can pay the poor guy!!], you shouldve not accepted his call to begin with.  
 

To recap: 

You LIED that you were "broke".

Had sex with the escort (who realized you were lying about being broke).

You refused to pay for services rendered. 
 

Once the unpaid escort attempted to collect payment, you claimed (falsely) extortion and had him completely financially destroyed by reporting him to HIS employer [Rentmen] who immediately DELETED his profile and sole source of income.  
 

Are you Satan ?

[JTtorretto]

On 10/11/2023 at 7:56 PM, The Dude said:

This is why I never give my real name and use a burner phone.

Why ?

so you can get away with fucking over a provider by not paying for their services? 

thats why most experienced escorts KNOW not to accept your fake burner text/call; we aint stupid 

[JTtorretto]

On 10/11/2023 at 9:29 PM, Peter Eater said:

It is one thing to say the situation sounds odd, and pose questions because of it. It’s another to say the story “doesn’t pass the smell test.” Translation: You’re a liar.
Yes, that’s totally uncalled for. 

RGSMVA, the poster, screwed the escort out of payment, got a free session and then falsely claimed extortion and had the escort FIRED for attempting to get paid.  
 

how on earth are so many of you coming to defend this creeps actions? 
 

the victim is the unpaid/fired escort 

[MikeBiDude]

22 minutes ago, JTtorretto said:

Why ?

so you can get away with fucking over a provider by not paying for their services? 

thats why most experienced escorts KNOW not to accept your fake burner text/call; we aint stupid 

I've never had a provider NOT return a call/text from my iPhone burner app. Never. But the Burner does prevent  provider's rants if things don't work out.

[maninsoma]

JTtorretto:  I don't know the truth any more than you do since neither of us was party to the transaction, unless you are going to tell us you are the escort in question.  You are making a lot of assumptions about who said what.  While I'm not suggesting it's invalid to question the client's version of events, I don't think that simply making up an alternate story helps.

I would note: Just because someone has money to hire a lawyer when they are under duress and don't know what to do doesn't mean that that person had discretionary funds sitting around for hiring escorts.  Nowhere do I see that the client claimed to be "broke," just that he was having "financial issues."

If you want to blame the client for anything, question why he didn't block the escort sooner and ultimately accepted the alleged offer of a free hookup.  After all, he states that he hired the guy a "few times" and that it "wasn't a great experience."  Why get together again, then, even for free? 

[JTtorretto]

On 10/11/2023 at 9:29 PM, Peter Eater said:

It is one thing to say the situation sounds odd, and pose questions because of it. It’s another to say the story “doesn’t pass the smell test.” Translation: You’re a liar.
Yes, that’s totally uncalled for. 

RGSMVA, the poster, screwed the escort out of payment, got a free session and then falsely claimed extortion and had the escort FIRED for attempting to get paid.  
 

how on earth are so many of you coming to defend this creeps actions? 
 

the victim is the unpaid/fired escort 

24 minutes ago, maninsoma said:

JTtorretto:  I don't know the truth any more than you do since neither of us was party to the transaction, unless you are going to tell us you are the escort in question.  You are making a lot of assumptions about who said what.  While I'm not suggesting it's invalid to question the client's version of events, I don't think that simply making up an alternate story helps.

I would note: Just because someone has money to hire a lawyer when they are under duress and don't know what to do doesn't mean that that person had discretionary funds sitting around for hiring escorts.  Nowhere do I see that the client claimed to be "broke," just that he was having "financial issues."

If you want to blame the client for anything, question why he didn't block the escort sooner and ultimately accepted the alleged offer of a free hookup.  After all, he states that he hired the guy a "few times" and that it "wasn't a great experience."  Why get together again, then, even for free? 

I did mention that he shouldnt have taken this escorts attempt to reach out if he was A) having "financial difficulties" or B) wasnt looking to play again. 
 

Yes, I "assume" but also said Id "bet money" on my assumption that the provider got the clear impression that the client could afford to pay for the session.  I stand by that.  
 

Ive been in these types of scenarios myself where Ive had the CLIENT attempt to hustle me [i.e. mislead me into offering a "young college student" (implication of being a "broke college student" a highly discounted rate but he shows up to my apt with his shopping bag from the Louboutin shoe store; $1200 tacky shoes].  Thus, the "student discount" is invalidated since I was mislead.  Thats one example