Requesting wine at pool parties?

[mike carey]

2 minutes ago, Luv2play said:

Personally I thinks it's gauche to ask for something that is not on offer at a party. I would try to choose from what's on offer.

I think that depends on how formal the party is. A party with staff circulating offering drinks, you take what is offered, and if you ask, accept no for an answer. For an informal function like a pool party, I think requests are fine, but no still means no.

[+ poolboy48220]

My dad used to bring his own pre-mixed martinis to family dinners. My older sister finally read him the riot act about it.  Then he switched to bringing a small plastic spice bottle marked with lines for how much gin & vermouth to add.  One dinner at my house, I took that, used a small graduated cylinder to mark how much it was, and I still have that sticky note with 66ml gin/16 ml vermouth stuck inside my spice cabinet. 

Funny thing is he used the absolutely cheapest gin. I made him one with Hendricks once & he didn't notice the difference. 

Edited July 16, 2023 by poolboy48220

[NativeNewYorkGuy]

Why not just answer, "Not today--we're just serving mixed drinks, beer, hard seltzers, and soft drinks. But next time feel free to bring a bottle!"

[Guest]

Well, we just had a large (over 100 people) gay fundraiser at my place yesterday. It was a place of great love and happiness. Plenty of guys making out--in and out of the pool. Two of the attendees were acquaintances (due to the nature of the party, I didn't invite more than a few of my closest friends, but these two were members of the organization, who appeared to make a love connection. Their first date is on Wednesday, and I'll see at my next party (my own, private party, in which I'll also have many more friends, neighbors, and family members) if the love connection stuck. There was no wine offered at this party, and no one asked for any (mixed drinks, beer, and sodas were on offer). At my own party, though, I'll have some wine discreetly available for those who want it, due to past experiences. I thank those who suggested jug wine, but I can't bear the thought of my guests drinking cheap stuff. 

Edited July 16, 2023 by Unicorn

[CuriousByNature]

10 hours ago, wsc said:

I wouldn't mind there being no wine as long as you have my Laphroaig.

 

I am neither difficult nor demanding and am quite easily satisfied with the very best. -Winston Churchill

Or Lagavulin in my case!

[Lookin]

On 7/15/2023 at 10:57 AM, Unicorn said:

But do you think it was rude for guests to ask for wine in this situation? I've never asked for wine at pool parties when I didn't see any.

No pool here but I do have a potluck every Fourth of July.  In the past, I've filled the cooler with champagne, wine, beer, water, fruit drinks, and sodas.  In addition, everyone has always brought what they like to drink and I've ended up with more leftover alcohol than I'll drink in a year.  🤤

So this year I decided not to buy any wine and, lo and behold, some guy decided that's what he wants.  I found a bottle in the refrigerator to tide him over, but I wouldn't have felt bad if there had been none.  This isn't Cheers and, if somebody has a preferred drink, they can damn well bring some.

Not sure what Emily Post would have to say.  She'd probably tell me that a good host would have plenty of everything his guests might want and she'd probably tell my guest that he shouldn't come to a potluck without bringing something to drink.  I'm pretty sure she'd tell us both that good manners means making sure the other person feels comfortable.  I guess the best resolution in this case would have been for my (and your) guest to have been satisfied with what's on offer.  And, once they missed that boat, the next best resolution was for you and me to do our best to make our guest happy.  Which we did.

Though, just to be on the safe side, I'll try doing a better job on next year's guest list.  

 

[Guest]

15 hours ago, mike carey said:

I think that depends on how formal the party is. A party with staff circulating offering drinks, you take what is offered, and if you ask, accept no for an answer. For an informal function like a pool party, I think requests are fine, but no still means no.

Well, I did have shirtless bartenders, so I guess that's circulating staff, but not really formal. 😄 I spoke with the head of the organization who headed Saturday's fundraiser. He said 130 actually showed up from his list 😎. Plus there were about 8 friends who weren't members of his organization/paying tickets. Crazy! He's in Spain now, but "Lindoro" RSVP'd to my next party (not fundraiser, where I'll have more of my friends, family, and neighbors).

[wsc]

10 hours ago, CuriousByNature said:

Or Lagavulin in my case!

Also an excellent choice, and it and Laphroaig are neighbors on Islay. A little farther down the road is Ardbeg, another delightful peaty, smoking elixir.

[dbar123]

Asking for wine at a party does not seem out of line if there is already alcohol at the event. It would seem a bit weird to throw a party and not offer it.

[pubic_assistance]

I've never been to an adult party where they didn't serve wine. So I don't think it's odd to ask "where's the wine" unless you specifically invited them to "a kegger'.

[mike carey]

7 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

I've never been to an adult party where they didn't serve wine. So I don't think it's odd to ask "where's the wine" unless you specifically invited them to "a kegger'.

Even if the wine is Yellowtail! (Shameless plug, there is undrinkable cheap Australian plonk, it is not among them.)

[+ purplekow]

On 7/16/2023 at 12:24 PM, Rudynate said:

That's entertaining.  Opening your home to guests requires you to surrender a lot of expectation and control - for example, by saying nothing to  a guest who doesn't appreciate that the glass of wine she just wasted would have cost $50.00 in a restaurant .

I do not believe you could say that the guest wasted the wine after sampling it and being dissatisfied.  If she then took another glass and did the same, that would be wasting it.  

As far as wine goes, if I want wine at a party, I bring 2 bottles, one for the host and one for me.   Though is is perfectly fine if the host chooses not to serve his gift, or my bottle either, if there is a substitute.  However, since etiquette does not demand serving a guest's gifted beverage, I would drink something else if he host chose to keep both. However, I might not go back if invited.  

If there is a sit down meal, then the expectation should be that the host has planned the meal and the accompanying beverages, wine or no wine there should be no whine.  

Edited July 18, 2023 by purplekow

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

This thread has inspired me.

At the next pool party I'm going to, I'm requesting a 1982 Chateau Margaux.

Lightly chilled, decanted and in proper stemware...  I'm not an animal.

[MikeBiDude]

@Unicorn since you live in Southern California like myself… you know Wine is always served at 99.9% of events. I’ve had people at in-home events not serve red wine, because of staining carpets and furniture. White wine can *always* be had.

[rvwnsd]

Another option, @Unicorn, is to suggest guests bring their favorite wine to share. That spares you the expense of buying wine that may be opened and not drunk, not to mention the time it takes to guess (potentially incorrectly) what guests might drink.

 

[Guest]

34 minutes ago, MikeBiDude said:

@Unicorn since you live in Southern California like myself… you know Wine is always served at 99.9% of events. I’ve had people at in-home events not serve red wine, because of staining carpets and furniture. White wine can *always* be had.

I've been to a number of pool parties in which wine's not on offer. Who prefers wine to an ice-cold mixed drink or a cold beer/hard seltzer on a hot day by the pool? I can also think of an evening party I went to in which no wine was offered (by a Kiwi couple), and we also went to a party of a friend who has a balcony overlooking the WeHo Pride Parade, and there was no wine at that party, either (just hard seltzers, hard liquor/mixers, and beer). We must travel in different circles. Most evening parties do offer wine, though. 

Edited July 18, 2023 by Unicorn

[dbar123]

6 minutes ago, Unicorn said:

I've been to a number of pool parties in which wine's not on offer. Who prefers wine to an ice-cold mixed drink or a cold beer/hard seltzer on a hot day by the pool? I can also think of an evening party I went to in which no wine was offered (by a Kiwi couple), and we also went to a party of a friend who has a balcony overlooking the WeHo Pride Parade, and there was no wine at that party, either (just hard seltzers, hard liquor/mixers, and beer). We must travel in different circles. Most evening parties do offer wine, though. 

Not sure where you live but here in the Northeast white wine is always served chilled….

[MikeBiDude]

12 minutes ago, Unicorn said:

We must travel in different circles

This 👍🏻

[Rudynate]

3 hours ago, purplekow said:

I do not believe you could say that the guest wasted the wine after sampling it and being dissatisfied.  If she then took another glass and did the same, that would be wasting it.  

Agree.

[+ nycman]

4 hours ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

This thread has inspired me.

At the next pool party I'm going to, I'm requesting a 1982 Chateau Margaux.

Lightly chilled, decanted and in proper stemware...  I'm not an animal.

You’ll drink the cheap Chablis in a red plastic Solo cup…..and like it, bitch.

grin

[+ poolboy48220]

I invited a few friends for a dinner party.  One asked what he could bring and I wanted this to be a 'big boy' party where the guests didn't have to bring anything, so I asked him if he'd put together music for the dinner.  A couple of other friends who were coming, I knew it was futile to ask them not to bring anything, so I didn't bother.  They arrived with a duffel bag full of wine (all wonderful stuff). 

[56harrisond]

[Rudynate]

17 hours ago, rvwnsd said:

Another option, @Unicorn, is to suggest guests bring their favorite wine to share. That spares you the expense of buying wine that may be opened and not drunk, not to mention the time it takes to guess (potentially incorrectly) what guests might drink.

 

It should be noted that the party was a fundraiser and that most of the guests were not people he knew very well - they were just there to be separated from their money, so why wouldn't you serve them what they wanted, in the interest of converting someone from prospective to actual donor. 

[rvwnsd]

Just now, Rudynate said:

It should be noted that the party was a fundraiser and that most of the guests were not people he knew very well ..

Thanks for noting that. I missed that detail.

1 minute ago, Rudynate said:

... they were just there to be separated from their money, so why wouldn't you serve them what they wanted, in the interest of converting someone from prospective to actual donor. 

I agree 100%. Not serving wine at a fundraiser in Southern California (or anywhere, really, but ESPECIALLY in SoCal) isn't what I'd call a "recipe for success." Next time, just buy some wine and be done with it.

[Rudynate]

23 minutes ago, rvwnsd said:

Thanks for noting that. I missed that detail.

I agree 100%. Not serving wine at a fundraiser in Southern California (or anywhere, really, but ESPECIALLY in SoCal) isn't what I'd call a "recipe for success." Next time, just buy some wine and be done with it.

Actually, I think I misunderstood. It seems that Unicorn is talking about two separate functions in this thread.