Private messages etiquette....

[+ Italiano]

Sometimes during these many years here I contact some of the members for an enquire about some masseur/escort when I read that they have met them. Same thing happens of course in the opposite case, when I am contacted directly about someone I have hired. 

I always reply to any question, and I have to say that most of the times I am thanked, even if there have been a few cases of members who read my answer and don't even bother to say a simple "thank you".

Most of the members I have asked questions to have replied (and OF COURSE I have always thanked them), but there are the ones who have not ate all bothered to do so. To me it's a bit weird being completely ignored when I ask something, I give for granted that if we are in the same Forum it is for a reason but hey, there could be the super private and discreet members who just don't want to share any details of their encounter, but I feel that also a quick and simple reply stating this would be totally accepted!

I don't know if it depends on personal upbringing, education, personality....still I think it is a bit bizarre totally ignoring someone or not being able to say "thank you".

Just my two cents, of course life goes on anyway

Edited June 16, 2023 by Italiano

[+ Lucky]

I have received multiple DM's asking about my experience with a guy. They usually come from people who rarely, if ever, post, and from guys who certainly have never interacted with me. It's like they think I am a vending machine and must spit out the pertinent details. They never introduce themselves, just get right to the asking. I ignore them.

[+ Coolwave35]

Personally, I don’t like being asked privately about my public posts and am guilty of not responding to countless private messages of people asking for more info or clarification. Often it is from some far more discrete poster than I am.  I think this is a public forum and I always answer publicly posted questions, especially now that we can review in Deli threads. God it’s so much easier. 

My second reason is that I have a bad memory. Often someone will message me about a hire from months or years ago, and I just don’t remember. Immediately after an encounter I’ll post my review or experience with the details that were relevant at the time. If I am asked 14 months later “did he have big feet, how was his grip strength, what type of underwear was he wearing” I have no recollection of most of those details in these situations.  When I have politely responded with that, I’m met with a whole litany of more questions when the answer is always the same. “I think you should ask the provider if he’s willing to do that.” 
 

The only messages I answer faithfully are invitations to meet in real life, which happen semi regularly. I always respond to those, which lead to real life meetings that are great.
 

I wouldn’t take it personally or see it as rude. I’m sure people have innumerable reasons for not replying to private messages. 

Edited June 16, 2023 by Coolwave35

[+ nycman]

32 minutes ago, Coolwave35 said:

I wouldn’t take it personally or see it as rude.

I agree. I try to always respond to long time posters but a random question, about some escort I met 5 years ago, from someone I don’t know?

I am guilty of ignoring those. It’s like s total stranger approaching me on the street and asking about my sex life….pass. 

And like @Coolwave35, on the rare occasion I do respond (usually because I really like the escort and want to help their business), I immediately get a follow up asking 20 more extremely detailed questions. So I’ve learned my lesson and I just ignore them from the start.

[+ Pensant]

Some are persistent for sure. I usually tell them to just contact the provider. 

[maninsoma]

I usually reply, but there are certain circumstances where I will ignore the message:

1. Newish forum member who is asking for details about someone about whom I made a negative post years ago.  I always wonder if those are some sort of fishing expedition, with the escort/masseur trying to identify clients who have posted not-so-nice things about him.

2. People whose questions are far too personal, i.e., they expect to provide details of everything I did with the provider in question.

What makes no sense to me are the PMs about providers about whom I posted something many years ago when there are more current public discussions about that provider.  I still occasionally get PMs about Rainer in Los Angeles even though I only hired him twice and I think that was about a decade ago.  How am I supposed to remember anything beyond what I posted publicly back then, at least anything that I'd be willing to share in a DM?  I do typically reply to messages like that, though, if only to say that since it's been so long since I hired the guy in question that I cannot recall anything other than what I previously posted.

[+ Charlie]

I only respond to messages from people with whom I have had some kind of interaction on the forum, or from someone with whose posts I am already familiar.

[edinbrooklyn]

6 hours ago, Italiano said:

Sometimes during these many years here I contact some of the members for an enquire about some masseur/escort when I read that they have met them. Same thing happens of course in the opposite case, when I am contacted directly about someone I have hired. 

I always reply to any question, and I have to say that most of the times I am thanked, even if there have been a few cases of members who read my answer and don't even bother to say a simple "thank you".

Most of the members I have asked questions to have replied (and OF COURSE I have always thanked them), but there are the ones who have not ate all bothered to do so. To me it's a bit weird being completely ignored when I ask something, I give for granted that if we are in the same Forum it is for a reason but hey, there could be the super private and discreet members who just don't want to share any details of their encounter, but I feel that also a quick and simple reply stating this would be totally accepted!

I don't know if it depends on personal upbringing, education, personality....still I think it is a bit bizarre totally ignoring someone or not being able to say "thank you".

Just my two cents, of course life goes on anyway

I always try to respond but I can go a while without logging in. Some things can’t be shared publicly. It’s also impossible to know where people requesting information are in their lives. A lack of acknowledgement doesn’t rankle me.😉

[CuriousByNature]

I just assume I won't be answered, and if I am, I get that nice surprise 🤣

[pubic_assistance]

I have always answered everyone who Private Messaged me.

I am happy to share, if I can be of help.

Occasionally people ask me things like "how big's his dick" and I can only say I didn't bring my tape measure...but for the most part I don't mind sharing information.

 

[Pd1_jap]

I don't mind sharing info as long as the one questioning is polite and respectful. 

I had one guy demand to know a bunch of details. I have a job and other things to do in my life. I can't spend all day on here answering questions about where and how I came. 

[dbar123]

Maybe I’m lucky but I have yet to experience a private messenger who wasn’t sincere about his inquiry…and who wasn’t appreciative for the response.

Occasionally they have useful info about others whom I’ve been interested in trying so it’s win-win

[Guest]

I wouldn't respond to a PM which was insulting or really off the wall, but so far that hasn't happened. My feeling is that it should be rare that an at least brief response wouldn't be appropriate. I mean, really, how many PM's can one possibly get and how long can it take to send a simple one-sentence response? 

[+ José Soplanucas]

On 6/16/2023 at 6:30 AM, Italiano said:

Sometimes during these many years here I contact some of the members for an enquire about some masseur/escort when I read that they have met them. Same thing happens of course in the opposite case, when I am contacted directly about someone I have hired. 

I always reply to any question, and I have to say that most of the times I am thanked, even if there have been a few cases of members who read my answer and don't even bother to say a simple "thank you".

Most of the members I have asked questions to have replied (and OF COURSE I have always thanked them), but there are the ones who have not ate all bothered to do so. To me it's a bit weird being completely ignored when I ask something, I give for granted that if we are in the same Forum it is for a reason but hey, there could be the super private and discreet members who just don't want to share any details of their encounter, but I feel that also a quick and simple reply stating this would be totally accepted!

I don't know if it depends on personal upbringing, education, personality....still I think it is a bit bizarre totally ignoring someone or not being able to say "thank you".

Just my two cents, of course life goes on anyway

It is more complicated than that. I do not recall leaving any PM unresponded. However, my response was often not so lovely or was not delivering the answer to the question. Per example:

• drama queens contacting me via PM to instigate gossiping or conflicts. My usual response is that I will block them if they contact me again, with an invitation to discuss anything they want but in public 
• guys I do not know asking me for additional information. I am usually nice and only inform them of my policy: I only share details beyond my public posting with people I know.
• lazy guys who do not research the content and ask questions that have sometimes been responded many, many times. I usually redirect them to do their research.

Overall, I do not think there is such a thing as "PM etiquette", at least you consider ignoring as part of the digital world culture. Even when I do not do it here in this forum, I ignore PM messages on other platforms and I think it is legit. 

[+ Italiano]

On 6/17/2023 at 7:37 AM, José Soplanucas said:

It is more complicated than that. I do not recall leaving any PM unresponded. However, my response was often not so lovely or was not delivering the answer to the question. Per example:

• drama queens contacting me via PM to instigate gossiping or conflicts. My usual response is that I will block them if they contact me again, with an invitation to discuss anything they want but in public 
• guys I do not know asking me for additional information. I am usually nice and only inform them of my policy: I only share details beyond my public posting with people I know.
• lazy guys who do not research the content and ask questions that have sometimes been responded many, many times. I usually redirect them to do their research.

Overall, I do not think there is such a thing as "PM etiquette", at least you consider ignoring as part of the digital world culture. Even when I do not do it here in this forum, I ignore PM messages on other platforms and I think it is legit. 

Of course it is legit. Definitely there are no "rules" for that, everybody is entitled to act as they feel, also ignoring totally a private message.

I only personally find that in a virtual place where we all all here for the same reason, if someone asks me politely additional informations on someone whom I made a remark on a public posting based on my experience, I don't get why I should not share it and keep it only for myself. And of course instinctively I would expect a simple thank you and the same predisposition from a member I ask a question to...

That's me.

[TectonicThrust]

I have only received respectful requests and I always respond. I thought that was the thing to do because we can’t post some things publicly about masseurs. Others have also always responded to my inquiries. This has led to ongoing recommendations with guys who have similar tastes to mine. Recently I posted about Sasha Bloom. It seems like everyone in LA was waiting for someone to take the plunge because I got a flood of DMs asking for details. I have to imagine Sasha experienced an uptick in business.  And yes, I generally am thanked for taking the time to respond. 

[+ José Soplanucas]

2 hours ago, Italiano said:

Of course it is legit. Definitely there are no "rules" for that, everybody is entitled to act as they feel, also ignoring totally a private message.

I only personally find that in a virtual place where we all all here for the same reason, if someone asks me politely additional informations on someone whom I made a remark on a public posting based on my experience, I don't get why I should not share it and keep it only for myself. And of course instinctively I would expect a simple thank you and the same predisposition from a member I ask a question to...

That's me.

You are nicer than I am. That's good.

 

[TorontoDrew]

I get a number of messages inquiring about providers in Toronto.  I don't mind at all.  I'm happy to respond and now have a few long message chains where we update each other on the locals.  It has worked out well for me.

[+ Coolwave35]

Once, I hosted 11 escorts at my house and offered to send the video out only by PM. It made sense at the time, but in reality it was dumb and I won’t do it again. 
 

In a 3 day period I had over 150 messages requesting the video. I sorely underestimated this boards’ reach. Those pms continued coming in months and months after the initial post too. I have since stopped hosting the video and had to go edit the post from over two years ago to remove that offer to pm me. 

[+ Balthazar]

Most of the PMs I've received have been reasonable, so I typically respond. There are a few things that have bothered me but weren't that big of a deal. Sometimes the requests don't contain a link, so I might not know who they are referring to. It also annoys me when I take time to write a response, and the messenger doesn't thank me or acknowledge my effort in any way. I do find myself sometimes being a bit vague in responses to very explicit questions, but, overall, I'm happy to help.

[liubit]

12 hours ago, Balthazar said:

It also annoys me when I take time to write a response, and the messenger doesn't thank me or acknowledge my effort in any way.

Ditto. 

[Whippoorwill]

It seems to me a major part of the concept of COM is to share real life experience about providers that you don't find on RM and other similar sites, what a particular venue is "really like," what is happening in the industry, and so on. Any time I have received a PM I have been happy to respond...that is why I read other people's reviews, and I assume that is why they read mine...to get the real skinny. Since some things are better not posted on a public message board, that is why PMs exist. I have always tried to be helpful even if the answer is "I don't know." And I have received grateful responses always or nearly always. Works for me. 

[+ Lucky]

I just received this message from a poster whom I do not know and have never interacted with. He is asking me about an escort whom I have never hired. The totality of the message is "How would you rate his kissing, oral and anal skills? "

That's it. No introduction, no how are you, no would you be willing to share, etc. A complete jerk and I won't respond.

[+ José Soplanucas]

Some less experienced posters do not understand that this is not a community but a public forum. We have many knowledgeable members who are here to share information from a mindset that considers sex workers with respect and many posters who feel entitled to treat sex workers as mindless and soul-less objects. Furthermore, we even have posters that are here and support a homophobic agenda.

We have to be careful who we share information with. 

[Guest]

10 hours ago, Lucky said:

I just received this message from a poster whom I do not know and have never interacted with. He is asking me about an escort whom I have never hired. The totality of the message is "How would you rate his kissing, oral and anal skills? "

That's it. No introduction, no how are you, no would you be willing to share, etc. A complete jerk and I won't respond.

Well, that's obviously just pure spam. I agree that one needn't (and probably shouldn't) respond to spam. So far, I've never experienced a PM like that, though.