Provider asks for pic of me

[Gandalf]

But what does fat mean?  Because a fit man's fat can be a fat man's average.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

2 hours ago, Gandalf said:

Because a fit man's fat can be a fat man's average.

This statement is so perfectly Lerner & Loewe, I want to put it to music.

 

[56harrisond]

12 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

In North America "average" means FAT (not fit).

 

5 hours ago, Gandalf said:

But what does fat mean?  Because a fit man's fat can be a fat man's average.

 

Provide this chart and ask where they fall on it.

[pubic_assistance]

I think the majority of American guys look like the 30% picture.

Its a very obese culture here ..so you see plenty of that plus even bigger and sloppier 40% and up guys when you travel through middle America

[56harrisond]

2 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

I think the majority of American guys look like the 30% picture.

Its a very obese culture here ..so you see plenty of that plus even bigger and sloppier 40% and up guys when you travel through middle America

It's much easier, convenient and cheaper to eat unhealthy, processed foods and fast food. A poor diet coupled with a sedentary job, and it's really easy to become that 30%+ picture.

[DWnyc]

Wish the debate wasn’t just about looks but incorporated health risks (heart disease, diabetes etc). Not saying people are doing that here but that’s the cultural bias. 

 

[+ tassojunior]

fwiw- i know enough working guys to where I'm sure much or most of the time this is from a dislike of Indian and South Asian clients. I don't like it at all but it is what it is. Discrimination against them in the gay community is a hidden problem. 

[NyGold]

11 minutes ago, tassojunior said:

fwiw- i know enough working guys to where I'm sure much or most of the time this is from a dislike of Indian and South Asian clients. I don't like it at all but it is what it is. Discrimination against them in the gay community is a hidden problem. 

Do you mean you think they’re asking for photos because they’re trying to make sure you’re not Indian?

Surely that’s a small percentage of potential clients so not worth annoying people just for that group of people? 
 

[pubic_assistance]

18 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

A provider really shouldn’t be in the biz if they can’t see a wide variety of clients, but it’s better to know upfront that the provider is unprofessional and avoid wasting both parties’ time.

Although I agree an escort is probably in the wrong business if he's too picky . But at the same time I can understand that there has to be a line somewhere, where you just can't stomach the grotesque possibilities of some humans.

[DWnyc]

1 hour ago, pubic_assistance said:

Although I agree an escort is probably in the wrong business if he's too picky . But at the same time I can understand that there has to be a line somewhere, where you just can't stomach the grotesque possibilities of some humans.

You’re assuming these providers are seeking filters to exclude marginal outliers and that’s likely not what these requests are about.

 

[DWnyc]

19 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

Solid point. A provider really shouldn’t be in the biz if they can’t see a wide variety of clients, but it’s better to know upfront that the provider is unprofessional and avoid wasting both parties’ time.

And the unprofessional providers should be “outed”. They don’t deserve consideration alongside the majority of providers who are great on that front.

[muscmtl]

On 5/1/2023 at 7:04 PM, BenjaminNicholas said:

This statement is so perfectly Lerner & Loewe, I want to put it to music.

 

Reminds me of

Abs on a skinny guy are like big tits on a fat girl: it doesn't count

[StarQualityLuke]

Has anyone also thought, it could be a good safety measure, that it's not about looks. 

Safety always first. 😁

[+ jessmapex]

On 5/1/2023 at 8:46 PM, tassojunior said:

fwiw- i know enough working guys to where I'm sure much or most of the time this is from a dislike of Indian and South Asian clients. I don't like it at all but it is what it is. Discrimination against them in the gay community is a hidden problem. 

With the Asians enjoying the highest median income in the US, and South Asian Indians being the highest median income earners among Asians (see https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_ethnic_groups_in_the_United_States_by_household_income#By_race_and_ethnicity ), it may be wise for those working guys to lose that dislike sooner than later. 

 

[Luv2play]

On 5/1/2023 at 10:15 PM, pubic_assistance said:

I think the majority of American guys look like the 30% picture.

Its a very obese culture here ..so you see plenty of that plus even bigger and sloppier 40% and up guys when you travel through middle America

I think it depends on the age group. Maybe you are right with guys under 40 but for those over 40, which more closely aligns with the average client, I would guess closer to 35 percent body fat.

[DWnyc]

46 minutes ago, Simon Suraci said:

Very good point. I have many South Asian clients and see the full range from higher earning to lower earning. My South Asian clients really like me. Pretty stupid to turn somebody down because they’re some shade of brown. More business for me!

Some (not all) have a great deal of internalized homophobia because of the cultural norms in the countries and families in which they grew up. Seeing me is a safe space for them. I’m glad to make a difference in their lives.

And it sounds like you’re one of the “good” ones - perhaps the majority. You likely provide an outlet for some that addresses their mental health as well as other needs. 

But there are plenty of providers out there for it to be a “thing” where dollars and morals aside there is no problem in treating people badly for this type of reason alone. 

I think some gay men get a kick out of  bullying those for whom the journey is / has been tougher.   No different from the bullies in high school. And compensates for their own lack of self esteem and worth. So they don’t think about the loss of income or reputation that can come from bad behavior.

Yet they forget their own history, and what it might have been like had one been born a generation or two earlier, let alone in some of these other worlds even today. 

[+ tassojunior]

2 hours ago, jessmapex said:

With the Asians enjoying the highest median income in the US, and South Asian Indians being the highest median income earners among Asians (see https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_ethnic_groups_in_the_United_States_by_household_income#By_race_and_ethnicity ), it may be wise for those working guys to lose that dislike sooner than later. 

 

100% agree. Indians are not only the wealthiest but the fastest growing population group soaring from 1% to 5% I think in 10 years. And growing faster now. No one in the gay community wants to talk about it but sooner or later that stereotype is going to have to be confronted when they're a large segment of the community. There was even an Indian-American professor who used the stereotype to his Indian students 

[DWnyc]

7 hours ago, StarQualityLuke said:

Has anyone also thought, it could be a good safety measure, that it's not about looks. 

Safety always first. 😁

Depends if it’s before agreeing to an appointment, or not.

 

[StarQualityLuke]

1 hour ago, DWnyc said:

Depends if it’s before agreeing to an appointment, or not.

 

Not at all.  No discrimination whatsoever 

It's all safety, nothing more, should be nothing more. 

[DWnyc]

4 hours ago, StarQualityLuke said:

Not at all.  No discrimination whatsoever 

It's all safety, nothing more, should be nothing more. 

We’re going around in circles.

No, it’s not about safety for all providers all the time.

I would urge anyone speaking on behalf of providers on this issue who really does not believe that some (not all, maybe not even more than a small percent) would use a picture to filter clients on issues such as age, body type, ethnicity etc needs to just dig a little deeper on this. It’s very obvious beneath a not-subtle veneer.

For those who have genuine security concerns - I think you are in the minority, but then you need to do a better job of explaining that and what you specifically need, and be aware how this can be interpreted by some.  If the response is “I don’t care about that possible interpretation” that itself speaks volumes. 

[DWnyc]

6 hours ago, tassojunior said:

100% agree. Indians are not only the wealthiest but the fastest growing population group soaring from 1% to 5% I think in 10 years. And growing faster now. No one in the gay community wants to talk about it but sooner or later that stereotype is going to have to be confronted when they're a large segment of the community. There was even an Indian-American professor who used the stereotype to his Indian students 

Are Indians immune to harboring racial preferences and stereotypes towards others? Surely not … 

[StarQualityLuke]

7 hours ago, DWnyc said:

We’re going around in circles.

No, it’s not about safety for all providers all the time.

I would urge anyone speaking on behalf of providers on this issue who really does not believe that some (not all, maybe not even more than a small percent) would use a picture to filter clients on issues such as age, body type, ethnicity etc needs to just dig a little deeper on this. It’s very obvious beneath a not-subtle veneer.

For those who have genuine security concerns - I think you are in the minority, but then you need to do a better job of explaining that and what you specifically need, and be aware how this can be interpreted by some.  If the response is “I don’t care about that possible interpretation” that itself speaks volumes. 

Oh, I wasn't speaking for all, you are most correct.... 

[Decatur Guy]

I don't mind it. I'd rather suffer a little hurt feelings and get turned down than pay someone who can't rally after seeing me. Then my feelings are hurt AND I'm out a bunch of money. 

PLUS: I've seen many pictures of said person by now. It's only fair in my mind for said person to see a couple of me. In fact, I'll sometimes offer to send a picture if I've had a good phone conversation. I will not send a picture after just a brief text exchange. 

Edited May 8, 2023 by Decatur Guy

[guest]

I've only been asked once and it did take me by surprise. I think I am probably an above-average-looking guy who hires providers not because I need to - I live in the city and can get laid on Grindr/Sniffies whenever I like - it's more about having guys that are A+ and fufiling certain fantasies without too much conmpromise.  I also really enjoy the power exchange or transactional nature of it. 

Anyway - having said that, I now send my picture unprompted. I think it helps in a lot of ways.

1. It shows a level of seriousness that a message from a burner number or a photoless profile on rentmen does not.  I have my photo on my whatsapp so if i message them there they can see it immediatly regardless. 

2. I feel the providers may adjust the rates when I ask the fee, as the job would be eaiser if there is mutual attarction (i understand this may not be the case with everyone) and they want to close the booking.

3. In anycase - the providers see I am serious and not a time waster, and I absolutly get faster responses once I do this.

[NyGold]

Surely providers are out to maximize profits?

If you were so attractive they all found you very easily beddable, surely that would be an easier way for them to get the profit, rather than then giving you a hottie discount lol.

Reading the posts on here  I think a lot of people get offered discounts on the starting rate quoted (I do, typically, around half the time, and without trying, it’s usually as I’m taking time to think and reply and they may think I’m uninterested because of price etc). No photo at that stage of the negotiation for me (or ever) so it’s not because I am attractive (or unattractive) to them. The point being your discount could be just about them wanting to close a deal and get cash for time that would otherwise be unpaid for them.