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Blackmailed


PiSquared

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I was stupid on Sniffies and agreed to provide this guy my number so he could text and communicate more easily. Fast forward about three days of chatting and sharing pics to set up an appointment and he dumps the news that I’m being blackmailed by him. Replays all the screen shots and a screen shot showing names of my wife, sons, mom, etc. Do I dare ignore him?  He sounds psychotic and unstable. But he has me over a barrel. I’m distraught. 

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31 minutes ago, PiSquared said:

I was stupid on Sniffies and agreed to provide this guy my number so he could text and communicate more easily. Fast forward about three days of chatting and sharing pics to set up an appointment and he dumps the news that I’m being blackmailed by him. Replays all the screen shots and a screen shot showing names of my wife, sons, mom, etc. Do I dare ignore him?  He sounds psychotic and unstable. But he has me over a barrel. I’m distraught. 

You may find this thread to be of interest:

https://www.companyofmen.org/topic/141058-blackmailed-on-grindr-or-scruff/

I am sorry this happened to you. The lesson here is to always have a firewall between your personal number and your “for fun” number. Use the Burner app to create a separate number. Or get a separate phone.

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Especially in Europe this is why providers use WhatsApp or Telegram for all such communications. It keeps a firewall of privacy and of personal information. And pretty sure neither can be screenshot. Preventing screenshots is as important as non-permanent photos.

imho I'd save the threats and contact police on chance they may want to have a friendly chat with him about his future. 

Edited by tassojunior
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21 minutes ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

This is becoming a more common post here.  Gents, be wise and aware.

If you have a lot to lose, use more common sense.  You cannot put toothpaste back in the tube.

True, but not helpful to OP. My suggestion would be to go to the police. Don't pay him, as there'll be no end to it. The damage is done, and the best you can do is mitigate the damages. 

Edited by Unicorn
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21 minutes ago, Unicorn said:

True, but not helpful to OP. My suggestion would be to go to the police. Don't pay him, as there'll be no end to it. The damage is done, and the best you can do is mitigate the damages. 

Helpful is to mitigate the problem before it happens.  There's no good advice here.  It's all going to suck.

Police can't likely trace it and it's not a big fish of a case.  

If it were me and I felt the threat was real, I'd come clean with my loved ones.  Rip the band-aid off, shed light on the problem.  Get ahead of it.  

Edited by BenjaminNicholas
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An essential piece of info is missing. It’s Sniffies; I thought that platform straddled both trade and non-transactional hookups. Extortion is pretty cut and dry in general, but is there communication between the parties on record about purchasing sex and what is that particular legal liability for each party in the relevant federal and/or state jurisdiction?  Additionally, is communicating about paying illegal, apart from the actual enactment of purchase? In many jurisdictions only the consumer is running afoul of the law and the pre-encounter solicitation is unilaterally indictable. Therefore, in some jurisdictions one might essentially impugn oneself by going to the police; it depends on interpretation of the actual narrative between the parties. It is nuanced. One might be declaring one’s committal of a crime while seeking recourse about being blackmailed for that crime or, rather, blackmailed about the accompanying vulnerability concerning what could be shared with loved ones, or both.

It’s a bit odd and unique in Canada and many other places, few degrees of separation between declared intention and enactment wrt prostitution, like ‘crime foreplay’.

Going to the police is less risky if the exchange about hooking up (if financially transactional) had been ambiguous, cryptic, etc. I have myself backpedaled if an exchange with a provider about compensation had become needlessly explicit, beyond the level of codification in which much such communication is typically understood and mutually satisfactory between client and provider.

—-/

Other than that, I’d consider calling his bluff, send him some sobering info on legal consequences of extortion, and underscore that his breaching of your private exchanges with him should he carry out the threats simply adds to the evidence of his crime and exposes him to more possibilities of determining his identifying information the more he reaches out to third parties in your personal familial/social radius, if in fact he’s currently anonymous.

Edited by SirBillybob
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There is no telling if this guy is who he shows himself to be, if he lives wherever he was when he found you, and if he is willing to follow through on his threats. It's not necessarily a safe assumption, but this person it probably not "psychotic".
He is either working for a larger operation that scams people or is working independently. Chances are he is doing this to more than one person at a time. Larger operations like this don't follow through on their threats - they will disappear and move on. Independent criminals on this level are also not likely to follow through because they are creating their own paper trail for their activities.

The police are an option, but if he is using a burner number and fake photos there isn't anything they can do.

Find out what you can first...

1. Determine his location. If you don't still see him on Sniffies, start a new Sniffies - use different (or less) stats and photos you haven't used/he won't recognize you in - and see if he is still around that area. If so, there is a great chance he lives near there and is working independently. On Sniffies you can modify the accuracy of your location to a large extent, so take note of the street names and zip codes in that area.

2. Save all your conversations and the photos he has sent you for reference. See if the same person is in each photo. Hopefully he gave you a face pic. Reverse image search his photos to see what comes up.

3. Use his phone number to find him (facebook, linkedin, etc. and paid services).

If more than two of these produce results, cross reference this information to see what you can come up with.

The more you know about him, the more leverage you have. What you do with that leverage is up to you. With enough info you can threaten the police on them, actually send the police after them, or catfish the shit out of him to make him feel the way he's made you feel.

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1 hour ago, SirBillybob said:

An essential piece of info is missing. It’s Sniffies; I thought that platform straddled both trade and non-transactional hookups...

I'm not familiar with Sniffies. If it's like Grindr, they don't allow hookups for $$, and that will get you banned. In any case, I'm sure extortion is a violation of their TOS. You could threaten to go to them if he doesn't drop it, because I'm sure they'll ban him for life if they find out their platform was used for attempted extortion. I have certainly met men who've been banned from Grindr just for suggestion some sort of compensation for a hookup. Extortion's even worse.

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1 hour ago, Unicorn said:

I'm not familiar with Sniffies. If it's like Grindr, they don't allow hookups for $$, and that will get you banned. In any case, I'm sure extortion is a violation of their TOS. You could threaten to go to them if he doesn't drop it, because I'm sure they'll ban him for life if they find out their platform was used for attempted extortion. I have certainly met men who've been banned from Grindr just for suggestion some sort of compensation for a hookup. Extortion's even worse.

Sniffies TOS forbid prostitution Therefore, again, it’s difficult to weigh in with suggestions without knowing fundamentally if the OP risks impugning himself by contemporaneously admitting breaking a hookup platform rule (eg, if he asked to pay for sex or agreed to pay for sex) undergirded by prostitution law AND reporting the person with whom he attempted an ‘appointment’, presumably also breaking the TOS viz sex trade prohibition, evidently attempting extortion, and possibly running afoul of criminal law depending on the jurisdiction’s application of prostitution law to providers and consumers. 

Maybe the OP should consult a lawyer, depending on how the relevant factors are stratified. 

Edited by SirBillybob
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I work in cyber security where extortion campaigns are very common.  "We have you data...  give us 10 bitcoin or we're going to release your customer data to the internet" or "If you don't pay us XX, we're going to take down your website".

One of the first rules you learn is you don't negotiate or pay extortionists.  It will start out as "Give me $200 and I'll go away".  A few days later it will be "It's just another $100 and I'll be out of your life."  You're going to be milked until there is nothing more to milk.  

Lookup phone harassment laws for your state (they vary greatly).  You don't even have to necessarily report him for extortion.  It could end up simply being reported as harassment.  If you've blocked him and he continues swapping numbers it's clearly harassment.  

In terms of him actually exposing you, at that point...  he no longer has a card to play.  It's game over for him and no money to be made.  So it's much less likely to happen.  I would just block him and move on with your life.  
 

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6 hours ago, Italiano said:

It has happened to me 3 years ago, similar situation. I just told him to go ahead, that I didn't give a shit about family and friends being notified because they already knew (not true). 

He (or whoever..) disappeared.

Well, the OP also has a wife and children. That makes it a bit more awkward. But maybe it could work. 

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Paying an extortionist does not work. Reasoning with an extortionist does not work. So nothing you can directly do will prevent him from doing as he threatens if he’s really going to do it.

In a majority of the time, it’s an opportunistic moment to try and gain some money with little/no real effort. 

If that’s the case, the best thing to do is block the person. Don’t engage them and simply move on with your life. If he does out you… he literally gains nothing and has already opened himself to risk around harassment/extortion charges including civil risk if not chased by the government.  

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On 3/17/2023 at 3:21 PM, PiSquared said:

I was stupid on Sniffies and agreed to provide this guy my number so he could text and communicate more easily. Fast forward about three days of chatting and sharing pics to set up an appointment and he dumps the news that I’m being blackmailed by him. Replays all the screen shots and a screen shot showing names of my wife, sons, mom, etc. Do I dare ignore him?  He sounds psychotic and unstable. But he has me over a barrel. I’m distraught. 

Do not pay or negotiate with this pos at all!!  You tell him that you have gone to your lawyer and the lawyer recommends going to the police/FBI with the evidence of blackmail.  He will back off and move onto someone else.  Do not show any fear. 

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Hi Pi-  Do not pay these guys.  There was a guy running that scam in the Chicago area several weeks ago.  A buddy of mine sent money to him via American Express and they have kept call at all hours, using different phone numbers, and asking for more money.  He had to change his phone number and has been very concerned- but “they”have not contacted anyone- his family like they claimed.  
Another guy told them to go ahead and he would go to the cops.  The blackmailers blocked him on Sniffies and their phone number traced back to a Microsoft account.  
Its going to be nerve wracking but, block them and go radio silent on Sniffies for awhile. 
Check out a Burner Phone app like Tutanota or something similar.  
If an inquiry is made on why you need a Burner App, you can use a burner number to provide to your clients when you travel or so they can contact you but not on your personal number (nice firewall) and also provide to  salespeople.  
Do not beat yourself up, it happen and remember, these guys are professionals and this is their business.  

 

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Sorry this has happened to you. As an FYI to anyone not already aware, there are multiple free apps you can download on your phone that will give you a free burner phone number that also allows you to text. 

I've never been worried about extortion from anyone I've talked to, but I've also never taken that risk. There's no reason to use your main phone number to reach out to escorts.

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On 3/17/2023 at 4:17 PM, tassojunior said:

Especially in Europe this is why providers use WhatsApp or Telegram for all such communications. It keeps a firewall of privacy and of personal information. And pretty sure neither can be screenshot. Preventing screenshots is as important as non-permanent photos.

imho I'd save the threats and contact police on chance they may want to have a friendly chat with him about his future. 

I’m pretty sure WhatsApp and telegram can be screenshot …

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Most of these guys are nowhere near your geography and will be swapping out profiles and their own burner numbers regularly, and are targeting hundreds of folks, so the odds are that in a few weeks he himself will have no record of you.

I travel a lot for work and every so often I’ll recognize a profile pic I often see in my home city (one from which you’d never suspect anything odd) and while I initially thought it meant that person was traveling too there were just too many of them and I’m sure many of these are scammers posting in multiple locations. They are also “too good to be true” - very attractive folks looking to meet you after just a couple of texts, loving everything about you, being into exactly what you are etc.  And because some are automated (AI getting increasingly sophisticated) or based overseas (with no offense to anyone) - look out for bad English or language that doesn’t seem naturally flowing. 

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7 hours ago, DWnyc said:

I’m pretty sure WhatsApp and telegram can be screenshot …

This may be a solution if it's Telegram which sends a notice to you whenever someone successfully screenshots you. That may well be all the warning the guy needs to disappear. I've never figured out how to screenshot Telegram though. But, if it's Telegram they may not be US. 

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I am going to repeat this again:

Never, never openly  discuss prostitution with a provider.

Everything you do on the internet is open to be used against you because it's all being tracked and stored by someone.

Pay for a massage. Book a massage. If the person looks promising in-person then negotiate in-person for a happier ending or for a second more sex focused  meet up.

 

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