Blackmailed on Grindr or Scruff?

[TectonicThrust]

Has anyone else been blackmailed on Grindr or Scruff? I was in the closet and joined scruff without uploading a face pic. The first person to message me ended up blackmailing me once he found out I had a wife. He said he was married too and that his wife and kids were away. He got me to move our conversation to text once we were arranging our hook up. Once he had my cell number he must have done a search to get my identity, family members, workplace and of course all my wife’s details. He threatened to text my wife and my coworkers if I didn’t give him $2,000. I was so traumatized but I had been thinking of coming out for a long time and he just pushed me over the edge. I went right in and told my wife everything. Only later did I go onto google and find that these scammers never follow through. Indeed he never did contact anyone. But I don’t know if I’d have had the guts to come out if this never happened to me. Others have a similar experience? I am alone here?

[+ DynamicUno]

I had someone attempt a similar scam with me last year through A4A.  The one in my case started blowing up my phone with phone calls and texts and tried to threaten me by claiming they had evidence of me texting with someone underage. They went as far as looking up my family contacts and trying to contact them.

I finally answered one of the calls, but it was clear they were on speaker and I was recording the call, so they never made any cash demands.  I did file a police report, but after the initial contacts the scammer disappeared.

 

[+ keroscenefire]

A close friend got into a horrible relationship scam on Grindr. His mother had just passed and he was really vulnerable. This guy really spent a lot of time on him, even calling him on What's App and eventually he got money from my friend for his mom's "cancer treatments." 

Somehow they're able to spoof that they are nearby even though they are often in Hong Kong or Malaysia. It was when my friend tried to meet with him and noticed inconsistencies with his stories, that he realized he'd been scammed. I felt for so bad for him. He was pseudo-in the closet because his mom was quite religious and this was his first "relationship."

People really suck.

[rhh33]

Guys, that is awful!  So sorry.  Too many scumbags out there doing stuff like that.

[TectonicThrust]

Wow I thought coming out would make me safe, but the thought that there’s an underage scam too is chilling.  This is all so new to me. I even have concerns about meeting people who could rob me. I’m sure I just need to chill out or I’ll never meet anyone other than an escort. 

[pubic_assistance]

If you're married...always keep a burner phone handy.

[TectonicThrust]

4 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

If you're married...always keep a burner phone handy.

I thought those were for drug dealers and secret agents. I have a lot to learn. 

[dbar123]

10 hours ago, TectonicThrust said:

Has anyone else been blackmailed on Grindr or Scruff? I was in the closet and joined scruff without uploading a face pic. The first person to message me ended up blackmailing me once he found out I had a wife. He said he was married too and that his wife and kids were away. He got me to move our conversation to text once we were arranging our hook up. Once he had my cell number he must have done a search to get my identity, family members, workplace and of course all my wife’s details. He threatened to text my wife and my coworkers if I didn’t give him $2,000. I was so traumatized but I had been thinking of coming out for a long time and he just pushed me over the edge. I went right in and told my wife everything. Only later did I go onto google and find that these scammers never follow through. Indeed he never did contact anyone. But I don’t know if I’d have had the guts to come out if this never happened to me. Others have a similar experience? I am alone here?

I had a similar experience on A4A. He wanted $3000 in bitcoin. I kept stalling him out despite his continual deadlines and threats. Eventually one of his rapid action deadlines came and went and nothing happened 

[TectonicThrust]

Two of you have mentioned A4A. I don’t know what that is. Should I?

[+ Bryan Dube]

have had this happen to me on sniffies in the Los Angeles area. was stupid enough to give out my phone #. don't ever do that. the guy looked up my info and texted my brother. but he didn't make any monetary demands. he threatened to share my photos, but his deadline came and passed and i just told my brother to block him. haven't heard from him since.

[+ azdr0710]

49 minutes ago, TectonicThrust said:

Two of you have mentioned A4A. I don’t know what that is. Should I?

Adam4Adam, a hookup app.......

[hrlmguy]

Get a google voice number. It protects you from all of the crazies out there!

[Pd1_jap]

There are several apps for Android and iphone that provide disposable numbers. 

https://www.burnerapp.com/

Burner is my fav.

[DWnyc]

Also be careful with geolocations 

some apps like sniffles have a default setting that can show anyone exactly where you are unless you hide or choose another location with the paid version 

Grindr is easy to work backwards from particularly if you are trying to see if someone is in a particular location (again unless you adjust the default settings) 

 

[PiSquared]

This is causing me ptsd. Had a RM provider get pissed at me for cancelling our session. He had my cell number and was able to find my full name and FB profile. He posted my FB info on some site he claimed was providers who rated clients and ranted about how awful I was. He threatened to call my wife. Of course in the end it all came down to a demand for money.  

[+ Italiano]

20 hours ago, TectonicThrust said:

Has anyone else been blackmailed on Grindr or Scruff? I was in the closet and joined scruff without uploading a face pic. The first person to message me ended up blackmailing me once he found out I had a wife. He said he was married too and that his wife and kids were away. He got me to move our conversation to text once we were arranging our hook up. Once he had my cell number he must have done a search to get my identity, family members, workplace and of course all my wife’s details. He threatened to text my wife and my coworkers if I didn’t give him $2,000. I was so traumatized but I had been thinking of coming out for a long time and he just pushed me over the edge. I went right in and told my wife everything. Only later did I go onto google and find that these scammers never follow through. Indeed he never did contact anyone. But I don’t know if I’d have had the guts to come out if this never happened to me. Others have a similar experience? I am alone here?

VERY similar experience. But after the initial shock when he sent me a message with pictures of family and friends from Facebook I told "him" to go on and contact them 'cause I didn't care.

He didn't, but I learned my lesson...

[BananaBagel]

Something very similar happened to me too. They specifically focus on people who don’t have photos and they often scan through tourist locations like Times Square. They are looking for people who are likely closeted and traveling - more willing to experiment. 

There’s a government hotline for when these things happen - but it didn’t do much. 

they had a way to use my phone number to look up my family (likely from cell phone family plans?) and get addresses. They used Google Maps to send me pictures of the houses which was pretty scary. 

They didn’t follow through on the threats but it was really upsetting. Sorry this happened to others. 
 

[+ glutes]

14 hours ago, TectonicThrust said:

I thought those were for drug dealers and secret agents. I have a lot to learn. 

Every 'hobbyist' should have a burner phone. Too many slim shadys out there.

[maninsoma]

A few thoughts:

Don't give in to blackmailers.  If you pay someone to not share what they've learned about you, you have no guarantee they won't do it anyway or won't make another similar demand/threat down the road.  As others have posted, it's most likely that this person just wants money.  They aren't really motivated to do what they are threatening to do.

Facebook doesn't need your phone number, so don't give it to them.  Also, unless you feel compelled to check Facebook at various points throughout the day, just use it when you are on a computer and not on your phone. 

If you are leading a double life, maintain a strong separation.  Don't use the same phone number for contacting escorts that you use in your daily life.  Don't use any photos of yourself in online profiles that are used elsewhere.

I might have posted this before on this site, but I once was trying to arrange a get together with a guy from Adam4Adam and it was easy for me to link him to a Catholic church at which he was a pastor via both a photo and his phone number.  It's a good thing I had no ill intentions.

[MscleLovr]

It’s sad that this happened to you @TectonicThrust but don’t let this affect your new life. Most gay men are pleasant and over time, you will have gay friends and a good social life. 
 

An escort once threatened me with exposure (we’d had 3 dates before) and he was in my apartment. I laughed scornfully at him and said ‘Go Ahead. My neighbours know I’m gay, my friends all know I’m gay and my work colleagues know I’m gay.’ He then said I’d be in trouble with the law (he was 28) and I retorted that I would call the Police and report him for extortion and attempted blackmail unless he left - which he promptly did. 
 

Never pay a blackmailer. They’ll only exploit your vulnerability and repeat their demands. Remember this is a tale as old as time. Harriet Wilson at a young age became the mistress of the Earl of Craven (in the 18th C). She went on to become a rather famous courtesan and numbered the Duke of Wellington among her ‘admirers’. When she wrote her memoirs, her publisher sent letters to her ‘gentlemen’ asking for money to omit their names from the book prior to publication. It caused the ‘Iron Duke’ (as he was known) to write back his famous reply of “Publish and be Damned!”

[dutchal]

22 hours ago, TectonicThrust said:

Has anyone else been blackmailed on Grindr or Scruff? I was in the closet and joined scruff without uploading a face pic. The first person to message me ended up blackmailing me once he found out I had a wife. He said he was married too and that his wife and kids were away. He got me to move our conversation to text once we were arranging our hook up. Once he had my cell number he must have done a search to get my identity, family members, workplace and of course all my wife’s details. He threatened to text my wife and my coworkers if I didn’t give him $2,000. I was so traumatized but I had been thinking of coming out for a long time and he just pushed me over the edge. I went right in and told my wife everything. Only later did I go onto google and find that these scammers never follow through. Indeed he never did contact anyone. But I don’t know if I’d have had the guts to come out if this never happened to me. Others have a similar experience? I am alone here?

Had a similar experience and told the guy I'd go straight to the police.  (I'm out, and his threat was to send my non-PG pics to family and Facebook friends.  It wouldn't have been the worst thing in the world since I have no pics that show both my genitals and my face.  So I was willing to face him down.)  He disappeared.   Ever since then, have never given my phone # on a hook up/dating app.  Have had more than one guy since try, tho.

[pubic_assistance]

Never had this happen to me, because I have a separate phone for my hook ups.

Most everyone knows I am bisexual ( so is my wife ). But I do have teenage kids who don't necessarily need to know that I am fucking people outside of my marriage. So, I am aware I could be targeted for blackmail.

When I hire, or hook up, I use a burner phone, and use an assumed name, so nobody can identify me. I also never entertain sexual companions at home, (even if everyone is gone for the weekend).

Very easy to find information about your personal life today, if you're not careful.

[TectonicThrust]

Is it terrible to say that I feel a bit better knowing that I wasn’t the only one to fall into this trap? Thank you all for sharing. I appreciate this community so much already. 

[Todd Jenkins]

Burner # + assumed name for the win.

[Todd Jenkins]

6 minutes ago, Trebor said:

What is this @hrlmguy?  Can you tell me more?

I'm not @hrlmguybut here you go: https://voice.google.com/u/0/signup

Also, there's this thing called the internet. It's super duper rad. When someone mentions something and you don't know what it is, you can go on the internet and like, LITERALLY, type it in and it just tells you allllll about it. Super dee duper cool!