Bizarre Time with Long Time Barber in San Francisco

[+ Axiom2001]

I just have to relay my experience here.

On Friday of last week, I had a hair appointment with my barber of some ten plus years in his pleasant, minimally appointed shop in San Francisco.  As I walked inside of his space, he stood behind his chair doing something that I can't vividly recall, but I keenly remember my speaking to him.  He said NOTHING.  I spoke again and received the same non response, so I made my way to the bathroom and returned to his main room and took a seat.  While I sat for a few minutes in his chair, I asked myself: "what's up with him?"  Suddenly, he showed me a note that said something about meditation followed by dates: 11/? - 11/? or 12/1.  Below the dates was: "You can talk to me."

I was so perplexed as well as fuckin' angry, for I'd wanted to talk with him about certain relevant things.  Unfortunately, for me, he was NOT into conversing at all.  While he cut and styled my hair, both of us were mute.  I sat and thought about this bizarre scene.  He finished and gave me the mirror to check.  The haircut and trimmed mustache satisfied me.  I gave him five dollars beyond his fee of $55 and thanked him.  He gave a positive gesture then showed me a concert date that he'd posted on his cell phone.  I didn't react too much except relaying to him to have a great time along with a few other positive and encouraging words.  I left being highly perplexed.

Three weeks from now and depending on the length of my hair, I plan to make an appointment with him.  If he is still in a "strange world," in 2023  I'll seek out my barber who's in my area.

 

[+ purplekow]

He is basically there to cut your hair.  He does not have to supply a floor show with the cut.  It was weird but he did explain with his note and perhaps he is just plain tired of people coming to the barber shop and expecting scintillating conversation so he took a drastic turn.  If you like the way he cuts your hair, then that should be your priority.  If you want meaningless chit chat, ask him to put on the View while you are there.

[+ The Big Guy]

Your experience does seem odd.  I have been going to the same barber since 1987.  I like the way she cuts my hair but also always look forward to our chats.  I realize everyone can have an off day but there seems to be more to your experience like something going on in their personal life that he didn’t want to talk about.  So when you go back will you ask as to the reasoning for a silent haircut?  

[+ poolboy48220]

so ... his note meant that he was meditating on those dates - and you could talk to him while he was meditating but he wouldn't talk back?  That's really strange.  

Edited December 4, 2022 by poolboy48220

[+ Lucky]

$55??? I pay ten!

[+ poolboy48220]

49 minutes ago, Lucky said:

$55??? I pay ten!

🙂 I pay somewhere between those, but I remember a few years ago when I mentioned to my Dad that I couldn't make it to something one evening because I had a haircut appointment.  He was amazed I made appointments for haircuts. 

[dbar123]

I think you’re lucky. Sometimes I wish my barber would shut up. When I’m getting my hair cut I like to close my eyes and zone out

[+ azdr0710]

and open on Mondays!......

https://thedollarbarbershop.com/

 

[+ Axiom2001]

9 hours ago, purplekow said:

He is basically there to cut your hair.  He does not have to supply a floor show with the cut.  It was weird but he did explain with his note and perhaps he is just plain tired of people coming to the barber shop and expecting scintillating conversation so he took a drastic turn.  If you like the way he cuts your hair, then that should be your priority.  If you want meaningless chit chat, ask him to put on the View while you are there.

I know the purpose of my going to see him.  Our conversations have never been exhaustive or extensive.  We don't "chit chat" but discuss salient and relative issues that pertain to our lives and the world in general.  But when I see him next, I will discuss the behavior that I found offensive, for he's never done it.

Lastly, when Covid was in its hottest stages, I rang him and asked if he could cut my hair outside; he complied and arranged for me to have a comfortable space: a nice alley was between his building and another.  He provided a chair and other items and meticulously cute my hair.  At the end, he himself marveled over the job that he'd performed.  I gave him more than his usual fee, for during that time--everyone sacrificed in many ways.

[+ nycman]

I’m all for silent meditation. I’m even in favor of people 
doing longer "retreat" versions where they live in silence
for several days. It can be incredibly enlightening. 

I’m not in favor of someone showing up for work and 
expecting their clients to put up with that shit though. 
As we’ve seen, it’s a good way to piss of and lose clients.

@Axiom2001 I wouldn’t be offended. It probably has great
meaning to him, even if it created an odd environment. He did
something stupid. It’s his business to run as he sees fit and
it’s your decision to patronize his shop, or not. I’d approach
him with an open mind and say something along the lines of 
“Your unexpected silence during my last visit made the 
experience unejoyable for me. In the future, I’d prefer not 
to schedule appointments during your silent periods."

If he got bent over that….I’d most likely find someone else. 

[+ purplekow]

My father was a barber.  He was generally gregarious in the shop and very quiet at home.  He said that talking with people who just want to talk is exhausting but it was part of the job.  Perhaps your barber feels differently.  As with escorts, if you are not happy you can go somewhere else.  It is his life, his shop and for us to presume we know better than he does what is best for him and his business is hubris.  

[Guest]

1 hour ago, purplekow said:

... It is his life, his shop and for us to presume we know better than he does what is best for him and his business is hubris.  

Well, the barber is free to do as he pleases, but, as you've said, so are the customers. If he's wise, the barber may want to know if his behavior is pissing off a good number of his customers. He may not care now, but he may care if he ends up standing silently next to an empty chair all day (which he could sit in and meditate, if he likes). 

 

[+ Coolwave35]

I think it’s odd. Any time a professional changes the way they normally conduct business without letting you know. I am sorry you had that experience, it is weird and offputting. I second the suggestion to tell him exactly how you felt and ask if this is going to be the way he cuts hair going forward. 
 

additionally, I have been patronizing my barber for six years. In the very beginning of me being her client, I asked her if it would be OK with her if I closed my eyes and sat silently in the chair. She said yes, and we have preceded that way ever since.

[+ azdr0710]

go see him again as it appears his meditation period will be over based on the note he showed you......

but, for Christ's sake, don't be angry with him!......after all, this is San Francisco and he has the right to be weird......you've been seeing him for ten+ years and I'd joke around a bit and say you were taken aback at the last cut.......is this the first time he did this?......

this is not a perplexing crisis worthy of anger!.......jeez......

[+ purplekow]

3 hours ago, Unicorn said:

Well, the barber is free to do as he pleases, but, as you've said, so are the customers. If he's wise, the barber may want to know if his behavior is pissing off a good number of his customers. He may not care now, but he may care if he ends up standing silently next to an empty chair all day (which he could sit in and meditate, if he likes). 

 

Why would you anticipate that a grown ass man business owner would not know that his actions have consequences?   So far as we know, his actions have only irritated one customer who could not overlook one episode after 10 years of his patronage.   To me it sounds as though the barber knows what he is doing and that perhaps he just wanted to get rid of a particular customer.  

[Guest]

2 hours ago, purplekow said:

... a grown ass man... just wanted to get rid of a particular customer.  

You really think he was trying to get rid of the OP? I suspect he was more clueless than anything.

[+ DynamicUno]

The whole situation seems odd, but I am left wondering how the interaction actually went.  It sounds like the barber's note was not well placed and too brief to explain what was going on.  That might seem a bit rude, but I wonder if that's colored by the OP's pique about not getting to converse with the barber the way he's normally accustomed.

Personally, I'd have some curiosity about what his "meditation period" was about, which might spark an interesting conversation for the next time.  Was he going through a spiritual or religious exercise that required it?   He might be open to talking about it.  Or not.  It would seem that approaching the question from a position of curiosity instead of confrontation would be better though.

[Luv2play]

On 12/4/2022 at 9:09 AM, Lucky said:

$55??? I pay ten!

I pay $20 after having paid $15 for the last 12 years. My barber apologized for the increase but he had made some nice improvements to his shop during Covid.

[+ Axiom2001]

Last Thursday I drove in the rain for 1 hour and 45 minutes to see my barber who's been addressed in this particular thread.  When I went to open the door, I found it to be locked.  My barber opened it; I walked in and spoke to him.  Did I get a response?  No.  Immediately, I fumed inwardly and walked to use his restroom.  While I did what I had to do, I began to think about what had just transpired and began to fume more.  I left the smallish toilet and occupied a place on the leather sofa that's in a well appointed room that gave me a solid and direct view of him and his client, for I indeed wanted to see if there would be any communication between the two.  Well, there was not.

When it came time for me to occupy the chair, I sat.  The barber put the apron on me, did some other things, i.e. adjusting equipment, etc.; then pulled out the card  to show me that there WOULD NOT BE ANY COMMUNICATION from him.  While he did this, I said: "Yeah, I know."

I told him what I'd wanted from him in terms of my haircut/hairstyle; he performed this to my utmost satisfaction.  I paid him; thanked him; and did not say anything else upon my departure, but I was still baffled as well as down right upset with this man whom I'd been seeing for over a decade.

On my drive back home, I thought about if there will be a next time. An hour or so ago today, I concluded that I'll text him or call him for my next appointment during the latter part of this month or early next, and in my communication, I'll ask if he'll be meditating.  His reply will determine if I'll be seeing him again in 2023 or at anytime in the future.

We paying clients should NOT be subjected to his idiosyncracies.  And in the meantime, I plan to search for a barber/hairstylist who's in my area;  although this is slightly difficult.  The price will be similar, and with this I am all right.  I'm just particular as to how I want my hair to be cut/styled.  My SF Barber met this on all points.

[I wrote the preceding since I posted the initial thread.  And to the doubters-- our talk previously HAS NOT BEEN CHIT CHAT or SMALL TALK, for I do neither in the majority of situations in which I find or have found myself.]

[+ Axiom2001]

On 12/5/2022 at 9:16 AM, Luv2play said:

I pay $20 after having paid $15 for the last 12 years. My barber apologized for the increase but he had made some nice improvements to his shop during Covid.

You are quite lucky and fortunate.  Unfortunately, the rate in many places in California is above $25.  

But one's living space or area also determines who's available, etc.

 

[+ nycman]

LMAO…you went back?!?! Oh lord. 

That must be some haircut.

To each his own, but I would have bolted at the start of the first “silent” treatment. You went back for more? That’s on you in my book. 

[+ The Big Guy]

I think you were a gentleman to give him another chance. At this point, even if ye says he won’t be meditating the next appointment would be uncomfortable.  You have now learned he was not just having a bad day with the first appointment. I think I would move on.  Sorry that happened to you. 

[Rudynate]

On 12/4/2022 at 8:42 PM, azdr0710 said:

go see him again as it appears his meditation period will be over based on the note he showed you......

but, for Christ's sake, don't be angry with him!......after all, this is San Francisco and he has the right to be weird......you've been seeing him for ten+ years and I'd joke around a bit and say you were taken aback at the last cut.......is this the first time he did this?......

this is not a perplexing crisis worthy of anger!.......jeez......

My thought exactly.  In San Francisco, we  tend to be patient with people's quirks and eccentricities.

[Guest]

2 hours ago, Axiom2001 said:

Last Thursday I drove in the rain for 1 hour and 45 minutes to see my barber who's been addressed in this particular thread.  When I went to open the door, I found it to be locked.  My barber opened it; I walked in and spoke to him.  Did I get a response?  No.  Immediately, I fumed inwardly and walked to use his restroom. ...

Jesus F. Christ. What could possibly be so unique about the haircut that you'd drive hours back and forth to be left out of the rain, etc.? Is he giving you a free BJ with the cut? Does the cut make you look like God's gift to mankind? Hell, I just pay my $19 plus tip to go to the nearest Great Clips. They do a great job every time. 

[+ Axiom2001]

19 hours ago, Unicorn said:

Jesus F. Christ. What could possibly be so unique about the haircut that you'd drive hours back and forth to be left out of the rain, etc.? Is he giving you a free BJ with the cut? Does the cut make you look like God's gift to mankind? Hell, I just pay my $19 plus tip to go to the nearest Great Clips. They do a great job every time. 

The barbers in my area have been limited; plus I'm particular as well, so I have driven to the Bay Area for over fifteen+ years and have been pleased with the results.  Prior to my current barber, I had a woman barber who was in Berkeley.  For over two+ years I went to her until she became irresponsible and completely loquacious which drove me out of my mind, for during my waning days with her, she would talk about her clients, something that I did NOT want to engage.

I began to go to the barber who's mentioned in this thread because his expertise is stellar; his two periods of meditation have not been.  

Now I decide what is next for 2023 and perhaps beyond.