Moving a provider in. Your thoughts?

[+ glutes]

I  have known a great provider (Masseur) for over 8 years, and recently did a 2 week vacation with him. Domestic darlings, the Private Jet wasn't used. We had a great  & easy going time touring, dining, and doing some mutual  massage work. Towards the end the subject of co-habitation came up, and I offered said provider he could move into a spare bedroom to help him save money.

I'm looking for advice on this arrangement from the community here. Pros / cons / caveats.

Thank you in advance!

Edited October 24, 2022 by glutes

[Thomas_Belgium]

Would you be comfortable other guys would come into your house for a paydate?

[Luv2play]

Asking for problems. 

Haven't you already paid for his rent for the year?

Edited October 24, 2022 by Luv2play

[dbar123]

This will be great…until it isn’t. I would suggest putting an expiration date on this at the very least. When you are ready to move on you will have a mess to deal with.

Getting rid of normal roommates is hard enough. A sexual relationship totally complicates things. 

[MscleLovr]

Vacation bliss does not an ideal live-in companion make.

If you’re set on doing this @glutes, advice here won’t matter…but please do a Search as this topic has come up before (and I’ve responded before).

My advice is for you to be very clear and explicit about what you expect (including sexual favours), what you will pay for in running the house and what behavior you expect from your new companion.

[SirBillybob]

Those providers. Give them a few inches of your rectum and before you know it they’ve taken over your home. 

[Rod Hagen]

You are of course very savvy, go for it.

 

I'm curious, why are you not sharing your bedroom as part of the "rent"?  I know you want to give him his space by giving him his own room, and that's very thoughtful of you, but can't you give him his space and cuddle every night?

Edited October 24, 2022 by Rod Hagen

[wsc]

It's all fun and games until somebody gets poked in the eye with a stick!

I agree that you should have very clearly specified expectations regarding sexual favors with the Live-In. Otherwise, install and use a toll gate for entry into his room, and only during posted hours on posted days. I assure you, this will become a point of contention, all present good will notwithstanding.

Secondly, look into requirements for a legal eviction. Live-ins become residents and don't have to agree to leave just because they're asked; they acquire rights under the law and can be more difficult to get rid of than crabs.

If you want to help him save more money, give him more money, as in bigger tips. But not keys to the kingdom.

[spider]

I recall similar situations, I think reported here, that ended very badly.

[nate_sf]

If you do, charge him some kind of rent so you don’t end up feeling taken advantage of. Sexual favors will be a slippery slope, so beware of bartering that can go sour. 

But if you get a bit of rent and he’s willing to walk around naked, hey maybe it could work!

[Guest]

8 hours ago, wsc said:

...Secondly, look into requirements for a legal eviction. Live-ins become residents and don't have to agree to leave just because they're asked; they acquire rights under the law ...

I'd be surprised if someone who doesn't pay rent has rights agains "eviction."  I'm not a lawyer, but I'd think someone would have to pay rent to be considered an tenant. I've had arrangements like this last years, both sides quite happy. But the expectations need to be spelled out before any move-in. They've always slept in my bed (and cooked). 

[wsc]

I have read of a case -in Florida, I think, but I doubt the issue is that isolated- where squatters moved into a house owned by "snowbirds" who were up North for a while, then unpacked their clothing, parked their car, then started getting their mail delivered to the address.

When the owners finally returned to discover the situation, their call to the sheriff pretty much ended with being told it was a civil matter, law enforcement officers had no authority to act, and they should get an attorney and have papers filed in court.

Unicorn, you may well be right that non-renters have no protection against eviction, but eviction is a legal civil action ordered by a court and done through due process. It seems you have to get a lot of "legal" in your pocket to make Get Out! stick in tenant/live-in/squatter situations.

[Guest]

28 minutes ago, wsc said:

I have read of a case -in Florida, I think, but I doubt the issue is that isolated- where squatters moved into a house owned by "snowbirds" who were up North for a while, then unpacked their clothing, parked their car, then started getting their mail delivered to the address.

When the owners finally returned to discover the situation, their call to the sheriff pretty much ended with being told it was a civil matter...

Well, they can certainly cite a car for illegally parking in their garage or driveway. So tow the car, throw their stuff in the pavement, change the locks. Have the post office hold the mail for pickup at the post office, and pick it up there. I'm no expert on Florida law, but I'd think trespassing would be a crime even there (and breaking and entering, also). 

Edited October 25, 2022 by Unicorn

[+ Coolwave35]

I’ve had 3 successful live ins but I wouldn’t do it again. I’ve learned I like my space. 

[LookingAround]

13 hours ago, Unicorn said:

I'd be surprised if someone who doesn't pay rent has rights agains "eviction."  I'm not a lawyer, but I'd think someone would have to pay rent to be considered an tenant. I've had arrangements like this last years, both sides quite happy. But the expectations need to be spelled out before any move-in. They've always slept in my bed (and cooked). 

The operative term in your post is “I’m not a lawyer.”  One doesn’t need to pay rent to have rights of tenancy.  You only need to stay a certain number of nights.

[Rod Hagen]

16 hours ago, nate_sf said:

If you do, charge him some kind of rent so you don’t end up feeling taken advantage of. Sexual favors will be a slippery slope, so beware of bartering that can go sour. 

But if you get a bit of rent and he’s willing to walk around naked, hey maybe it could work!

I find the pervasive feeling taken advantage of problem interesting.

At 21 I was leaving for Costa Rica to do some field work.  I was also flat broke.  A friend who was coming to Minneapolis from Honduras for the summer agreed he was going to rent my apartment at $150/month while I was gone.  Two days before my departure, he told me he was going to live in his parent's empty for-sale house in Minnetonka instead.  I was incredibly hurt.  Part of that hurt was the panic, I did not have $1 to play with, much less $150.  I ended up selling skis, back pack, climbing gear, all sorts of stuff at Play It Again sports, at a HUGE loss, just to make up the money the day before I left.

My point is, we had an arrangement, he backed out of it, and I felt taken advantage of LARGELY because I had no resources. 

What I don't understand, is when people who have resources allow themselves to feel taken advantage of, or, rather, I get it, but I think that people should be able, maybe with therapy, to think past it.  

My blindspot on this problem may stem from the fact that I've never had money. I can't know what it feels like to have money and to feel like others have their eyes on it.

Still, as I've said here before, if you have the means, gift to people, don't loan. (Fuck Polonius, he's dead...and made up).

If you can afford to let a hot young guy stay at your place rent free for a few months, for a year, for the foreseeable future, forever, do so. 

If you can help someone, and it's no big financial cost to you, maybe try to adjust your feelings and take a look at the benefits....to both of you.

 

[MiamiLooker]

It could work out well for both of you, however, even though you may both enter into this situation with good intentions, there’s always the possibility/probability of pesky, unforeseen emotions coming into play.
Good luck.

[maninsoma]

I wouldn't do this for someone I knew only casually, and I'd say that hiring someone regularly and going on vacation with him once still makes that a casual relationship.

A good friend -- maybe, depending on the circumstances. 

[Guest]

6 hours ago, LookingAround said:

The operative term in your post is “I’m not a lawyer.”  One doesn’t need to pay rent to have rights of tenancy.  You only need to stay a certain number of nights.

I'd be extraordinarily surprised if this doesn't vary widely from one jurisdiction to another. 

[+ DynamicUno]

Not a lawyer, but I have had a friend rent a room in a home I owned before.  I would definately advise finding out about the tenancy laws in your state before moving anyone in.  It does not take long in many states (as little as a couple weeks) for someone to be able to claim tenant rights regardless if a lease was signed.   

After that point if you decide you want him out, you need to go through the legal process.  A self-service eviction (like changing locks or throwing their stuff on the street) could create much a bigger problem for you, and local law enforcement can't usually help except in cases of domestic violence.  You're giving a person you don't know particularly well access to your personal living space with all that entails, so you need to give some thought to protecting yourself.

If you still think you both would make good roommates, consider doing a background check.  If that comes back ok, set a simple lease that defines the term (6 months, month to month, week to week, etc) and what the expectations are for his use of the room and common spaces in your home.  That way, if things aren't working out, you have better leverage to give notice to terminate the lease when it is due without needing a specific breach to justify it. 

 

Edited October 26, 2022 by DynamicUno

[+ keroscenefire]

8 minutes ago, Unicorn said:

I'd be extraordinarily surprised if this doesn't vary widely from one jurisdiction to another. 

In Denver, it's 30 days. After that you are legally considered a tenant unless you are a family member. 

[Guest]

3 minutes ago, keroscenefire said:

In Denver, it's 30 days. After that you are legally considered a tenant unless you are a family member. 

I'd love to see the law, if you can find it. I'm amazed someone can be considered an tenant when he doesn't pay a dime. 

[+ Lucky]

For @Unicorn

https://www.apartments.com/rental-manager/resources/article/when-does-a-guest-become-a-tenant

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, Lucky said:

For @Unicorn

https://www.apartments.com/rental-manager/resources/article/when-does-a-guest-become-a-tenant

As I suspected, it varies widely from one state to another. A majority of states seem to define it as "As specified in the lease agreement," but some, including California and Colorado, have a frightening take on it:

"California: 14+ days in six months or seven consecutive nights

Colorado: After occupying a rental for more than two weeks within six-months"

Eek!

[+ Lucky]

@Unicorn

You're welcome.