Is humor how banned ?

[pubic_assistance]

More and more I am finding it difficult to crack a joke without some triggered member claiming some horrible injustice of racism, sexism or some other "-ism".  I remember when I was younger and I had some older gay friends. They were always good for a laugh, poking fun at life and the various predictable behaviors of various people and social groups. NOW, if you even begin to make a joke about anything, some crazed child abuse victim immediately shuts you down and calls you some sort of "-ist". My question to this Forum is when did gay men stop being fun ?

[Ingress]

I think part of it is being young and being ideological about how the world should ideally be. I kinda only grew out of that phase myself. There’s a book called, The Coddling of the American Mind that might shed some interesting insights and theories. It was written by a professor that was on the receiving end of cancel culture and all that himself and so he tried to figure out what happened and when did times change to be so difficult to speak freely without someone taking offense. 

[pubic_assistance]

27 minutes ago, Ingress said:

When did times change to be so difficult to speak freely without someone taking offense. 

When I was younger, I enjoyed the company of some older gay men who were always so much fun joking about things with a witty style of "bitchy humor". Cracking jokes, often with a whiff of inappropriateness that used to be regarded as a sharpness that was understood as someone who's lived life and finds humor in life's various irony. Now, the minute you crack a joke, there seems to be a crazed Social Justice Warrior laying in the grass just waiting to judge you for your lack of sensitivity.  Did all gay men turn into Lesbians ? I remember gay men being FUN, joyful and humorous.  Now, the responses I get here are nasty, judgemental and full of bile for stepping out of line and not being sensitive to everyone's overly fragile egos.

[+ FrankR]

[KeepItReal]

Be sure to compare apples to apples - people in general tend to be more explicit/blunt even obnoxious online, as opposed to in person.  I am sure you have seen that even here on the forum.  Similarly, people are more likely to call you out if they find your jokes less than funny online, as opposed to in person where they may chuckle along.  

 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, pubic_assistance said:

...when did gay men stop being fun ?

I find it difficult to answer this question without an example. Jokes can be in bad taste, but not all jokes are. And some people are just hypersensitive...

[+ azdr0710]

it certainly goes beyond just gay dudes being ultra-sensitive these days.......it seems we gotta be careful around everybody now......

there's a smidgen of truth in some of the criticism today about insensitivity, but political correctness has undeniably gone too far.....heck, even joking about racism, stereotypes, etc., shows an awareness of the issue and an opening for discussion......

Mel Brooks used satire, sarcasm, and cynicism in his legendary "Blazing Saddles" to skewer nearly every racial/ethnic/social/religious group.....of course, since the movie (as it was made in 1974) could never possibly be made today, what does that say about our progress?

 

 

Edited September 7, 2022 by azdr0710

[pubic_assistance]

1 minute ago, Unicorn said:

Jokes can be in bad taste, but not all jokes are

When I was in my 20's I really enjoyed the "bitchy humor" of a lot of the gay men who I knew and befriended.

I am missing that fun, I used to have with those guys ( many who has since passed ).

Every time I make a joke here, there always seems to be someone lurking around waiting to "be offended" for what was OBVIOUSLY meant to be humorous. Why is that ? Did gay men lose their sense of humor over the years ?

[pubic_assistance]

5 minutes ago, azdr0710 said:

what does that say about our progress?

I say it's NO progress.

I live in NYC and I have friends of every ethnic background, political stripe, social group and sexual persuasion. My wife and I are both bisexual and open minded.

Yet, I find the environment here on site often to be like a game of Jumanji where you never know what freaky insanity is going to jump out at you for making a "wrong move".

Where did the humor go ?

I remember years on Fire Island with gay friends in the 90s where we'd say the most outrageous things about people and everyone would just laugh. Where did that go ? Why so bitter now ?

[Lazarus]

You better be careful with what you say around here. The Thought Police will come after you! 

[Guest]

This came out before I was born. I find it difficult to believe than anyone ever found this funny. I guess a certain amount of sensitivity to cultural norms can be a good thing...

 

[pubic_assistance]

1 hour ago, Unicorn said:

This came out before I was born. I find it difficult to believe than anyone ever found this funny. I guess a certain amount of sensitivity to cultural norms can be a good thing...

 

1960's right ?
Great movie...but I agree.

Never understood the point of painting up Mickey Rooney to play a Japanese man.

 

Edited September 7, 2022 by pubic_assistance
grammar

[+ purplekow]

They haven't stopped being funny when the time is right. The real problem is there is less to be funny about.  But if something comes up and it strikes a funny chord in your mind, let the chord ring out and let others be damned.   That is not to say there is no need for personal censoring, just that it easier to be funny when you let down your guard a bit.   

Part of this issue is that people frequently say what they mean in a joke and then when questioned about it, try to use the fact that it was a joke to deflect criticism.  If you are going to be funny and offensive, have the balls to accept the criticism.  

 

[Cooper]

Administrator’s Message:

Gentlemen, When submitting your post just remember, no politics in the Lounge. 

Cooper

[mike carey]

I don't think humour has been banned. But it has changed. There was a time when no one worried if anyone was offended, they probably weren't in the room anyway and if they were, who cares, right? Different people are increasingly in the room and they do care. They might have gritted their teeth if a joke made fun of them or people like them, but they're less inclined to do so now. Even demeaning jokes can be funny (and often are) but that doesn't mean it's okay to tell such jokes about [insert group here].

[MiamiLooker]

10 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

More and more I am finding it difficult to crack a joke without some triggered member claiming some horrible injustice of racism, sexism or some other "-ism". 

Humor is subjective. Some people can find it in a fatal car crash; others, not so much. Are you able to post a link to one of your humorous posts that triggered another member?

10 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

I remember when I was younger and I had some older gay friends. They were always good for a laugh, poking fun at life and the various predictable behaviors of various people and social groups.

I know exactly what you mean. I know a couple of really fat guys. I was shocked to learn they're not jolly. Fat people are supposed to be jolly. What's up with that?

 

 

 

 

[+ sync]

I don't believe gay men have stopped being fun.  The sensitivity to certain veins of humor extends well beyond gay men, and for good reason.

Humor has evolved/devolved along with society per se, which has become more openly offensive, defensive and confrontational. 

Today it is very common for "humor" to be weaponized with pejoratives and vulgarities, aided by the convenience, expanse, and anonymity provided by social media platforms. 

There was a time when professional comedians would create sanitized routines for general public venues (radio, television, mixed live audiences (women, children, clergy) and create more risqué and pointed routines for nightclubs or private gatherings.

I remember hearing actress Ann Sothern phrasing it beautifully when she said that when she was working, "humor was more innocent."

 

[pubic_assistance]

2 hours ago, sync said:

There was a time when professional comedians would create sanitized routines for general public venues (radio, television, mixed live audiences (women, children, clergy) and create more risqué and pointed routines for nightclubs or private gatherings.

Yes !

I've seen Joan Rivers on stage at Michaels Pub. Totally raunchy and hysterically funny in her humor that picked at everything and everybody. Definitely different than her scrubbed-up TV show routines.

One of her target groups was always gay men with whom she had a big following. Lots of laughs were the response in those days, not calls to have her banned because she poked fun at some stereotype about gay men.

[spider]

It isn't just humor, I find myself self-censoring, especially at work where everyone's raw nerves are on their skin. I mostly just listen these days to avoid offending anyone, and possibly getting written up. Every very common expressions that I've used my entire life and just sort of pop out unless I've super careful will trigger someone.

[pubic_assistance]

3 hours ago, spider said:

It isn't just humor, I find myself self-censoring, especially at work where everyone's raw nerves are on their skin. I mostly just listen these days to avoid offending anyone, and possibly getting written up. Every very common expressions that I've used my entire life and just sort of pop out unless I've super careful will trigger someone.

That's interesting. What profession are you in ? I'm an architect and I am around construction workers all day. Not much has changed there. But I am visiting showrooms for materials, so I work with salespeople and I work with my clients in both residential and commercial applications.  Nothing much has changed in my day to day world.

I DO know my wife's gay female friends are full of man-hating, and always ready to pounce on a misplaced phrase, so I avoid them like the plague. I used to like to come here and chat, because I don't have a lot of gay friends anymore. But the members with a sense of humor all seem to have gotten frustrated and moved on.  It's sad. Some weeks, when I contribute to the forum here,  I feel like I'm with my wife's militant Lesbian friend.  Always finding some fault and injustice in every corner. Where's the joy ?

Edited September 7, 2022 by pubic_assistance
spelling

[EZEtoGRU]

Humor evolves with society at large.  I remember in the 60's/70's, jokes were frequently made at other's expense and it was considered acceptable.  Where I grew up in Michigan, targets were Polish people, blacks, middle easterners, and gays.  It was a great time if you were one of the jokesters but not if you were part of the target group being joked about.   That sort of humor is no longer tolerated in today's world...thankfully.  

As others have already mentioned, the internet has added complexity given it's anonymous format.  People post things on the internet that they would never say face-to-face.  That capability sometimes elicits a defensive-type reaction.  

[Ingress]

It probably started around the time Woke-ism appeared, but could probably be traced back a bit further when the gender studies, queer studies, women studies, etc appeared in universities. I almost got sucked into it too; some of my friends were Harvard or Yale educated so I just assumed they were were smart and were right about most things. Having gotten older and hopefully a little wiser, I realize now that people are very impressionable especially from youth through college and they likely are just parroting things they were taught during that time. 
And just a theory, but it seems the professors of the “studies” seem to be the activists and protestors of the 60s, now teaching the youth. Funnily enough, as someone that has gone one “trips”, it opened my mind and although I am grateful for the activists of the past fighting for human rights, there doesn’t seem to be an end to it and it’s taken on extremes with cancel culture and deplatforming people they don’t like or that said something decades ago. 

[Rudynate]

13 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

When I was in my 20's I really enjoyed the "bitchy humor" of a lot of the gay men who I knew and befriended.

I am missing that fun, I used to have with those guys ( many who has since passed ).

Every time I make a joke here, there always seems to be someone lurking around waiting to "be offended" for what was OBVIOUSLY meant to be humorous. Why is that ? Did gay men lose their sense of humor over the years ?

It's generally a humorless time, but we also socialize differently than we used to.  I remember those bitchy queens who would hold court and keep a room full of people absolutely in stitches. It was as though they were comics doing a routine.  Anybody and everybody was a target, nobody escaped, it was politically incorrect and hysterically funny.  We don't stand around anymore in large groups, everyone chatting and clutching a drink.  The bitchy queens were almost always heavy drinkers, so they have probably all died from liver disease. 

But gay men have assimilated and they act differently.  Years ago, that bitchy queen humor was called "Mary" humor.  Gay men don't call each other "Mary" any more, or "girl" and they don't make jokes about broken wrists.  So a lot of what you miss is an artifact of the outlaw status that gay men used to have.  Assimilation seems to have its price - gay men have started acting like everybody else.   As this has occurred, Gadar has become more and more unreliable.  It's very common to meet a guy, and you simply cant tell whether he is gay or straight.  I actually kind of like it - everybody is a mystery.

[pubic_assistance]

14 minutes ago, Rudynate said:

The bitchy queens were almost always heavy drinkers, so they have probably all died from liver disease. 

Sadly, that IS the case with two of the older gentlemen who I remember fondly. Holding court for hours. Cocktail in hand, and a sharp wit that only seemed to sharpen with every drink. Fun times.

Edited September 7, 2022 by pubic_assistance
punctuation

[Rudynate]

13 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

Sadly, that IS the case with two of the older gentlemen who I remember fondly. Holding court for hours. Cocktail in hand, and a sharp wit that only seemed to sharpen with every drink. Fun times.

Yes, it was.  Ahh, the freedom of being an outlaw.