Clients who make assumptions about seeing an escort on apps…

[Jarrod_Uncut]

Heard this the other day from (will spare the details, but a now banished potential client lol) who thought he could try and make a point, and tell me he seen me on 1 of the apps (Grindr). I was quite annoyed because the way he said it insinuated that because I was on there, that somehow it meant he shouldn’t reimburse for my time.

I found that to be a rather assumptive, and dismissive mentality. For one, it’s my personal business to decide what I’m doing on an app, and considering I may simply be using it to connect with others in a way that’s not a hookup.

It’s almost giving me another reason to not be a part of the apps. Even though someone’s ignorance and stereotypical, narrow-minded views of what a gay social app can be used for doesn’t affect my purpose for it, it’s almost got me a little paranoid if clients are carrying this idea that seeing a provider on an app is also available for free hooking up.
 

But I just want to clear the misconception: it  has nothing to do with that. If I want to meet someone to socialize or connect intimately with and fill the downtime when I’m not having clients while I’m visiting a city, that’s my prerogative. To hell with someone thinking my value goes down just because of it. Just because one idiot can’t see beyond the purpose of hooking up doesn’t mean everyone operates in the same way.

Edited March 30, 2022 by Jarrod_Uncut

[italianboyph]

I always find this one pretty funny, because I've had clients who've  hit me up apps and say " I've seen you advertise" then it would lead to being hired. There has been times where some have tried not to hire. You being on apps is apart of your personal life. If a client is contacting you to hire you and then sees you on app, that's on them. You're on RM to be hired, others are just personal. Also, let me add just cause someone is online on an  app doesn't mean they're looking for sex at that moment.

 

[Jarrod_Uncut]

1 hour ago, italianboyph said:

I always find this one pretty funny, because I've had clients who've  hit me up apps and say " I've seen you advertise" then it would lead to being hired. There has been times where some have tried not to hire. You being on apps is apart of your personal life. If a client is contacting you to hire you and then sees you on app, that's on them. You're on RM to be hired, others are just personal. Also, let me add just cause someone is online on an  app doesn't mean they're looking for sex at that moment.

 

Exactly. And what made me so irked was: this was a city I was visiting and i only logged on to see if i could find (or he could find me) a guy who talked to me at a bar earlier that night. The whole time I was in the area I didn't meet anyone off the App, as I was busy with bookings the whole time. 

 

[Jarrod_Uncut]

And I’ll add another thing: I’ve already cut down on a lot of my app use, but lately I’ve been feeling like retiring the app usage all together. I’m getting fatigued of meeting guys on them and things never going anywhere. Not that it has to evolve into relationship, but after month’s of use I have barely even gained a friend or FWB from it. And every time I meet someone from it, they’re on bullshit. Have some sort of complex, or all about sex, or in an open relationship but dabbling in and out.
 

My general optimism for the gay scene lately is just not confident. I still believe location based apps have made things real challenging. It affects things even down to the escort realm. 

Edited March 30, 2022 by Jarrod_Uncut

[BuffaloKyle]

I would've told the guy that you use Grindr when you are seeking someone to cater to your needs and wants like he wants you to do for him. Simple as that really. 

[Jarrod_Uncut]

Well, one thing I can say is: I’m starting to see the harsh reality of how hard it actually is to meet men willing to pay another man for **** (no shit after nearing 15 years??). 

I just was reminded of that because I spent 3 days and 2 nights in Portland, Oregon. I will post in another thread but I officially opinionate that as the #1 worst major City in America to try and escort in. This has been the 2nd time I’ve traveled there and gotten 0 clients. Rather: I hear from them, but they all flake.

However, I had at least 3 guys willing to come to my hotel from the “G app”. Only one I actually met because he was an intriguingly hot, Irish looking dude who oddly reminded me of @Benjamin_Nicholas in some ways 😆 (hint, hint 😉 

If I wanted to, I coulda had all 3 in the same night. Non of the “oh I’m not available right now/that late at night “ BS clients give me when trying to plan a session. It seems like many clients aren’t very flexible in their schedules, which sometimes creates problems trying to make things happen. When I’m available: they’re not available. When they are available, I have to drop and change what I’m doing to accommodate, else there’s a chance it won’t happen. The Irish looking guy hit me up hours earlier in the day, and we still managed to meet at 3 in the morning. Neither of us really wanted to meet that late, but we compromised.

Meanwhile, the 1 seemingly real client (who’s now blacklisted) attempted to schedule a booking “now” but then cancelled moments later citing, “his friend showed up, and he doesn’t think he can get rid of him 🤦🏽‍♂️ 

But…meeting someone of Grindr was a last resort because it was end of my last night in town, and figured I’d might as well make use of the money I spent on the hotel room. Otherwise it’d of been a frustrating waste of money, sitting in a hotel in a city I really didn’t care to be in, with no bookings, when there’s plenty of other guys willing to hookup with me. Caveat is: they don’t be wanting to pay for it.

I even tried to get 1 of the guys who seemed really eager to meet up with me to pay, he then got a nasty attitude, accused me of wasting his time and stopped texting me. Predictable. I wasn’t mad though, I was experimenting the reaction. Hell, clients do it to me all the time…Why can’t I bullshit someone from time to time. 

So…if the muppet who wanted to “accuse me” of being on Grindr ever reads this one day, maybe he can keep Grindr’s name out of his fucking mouth when it pertains to me unless he knows the specific reason behind it 😆 

Edited March 31, 2022 by Jarrod_Uncut

[+ KensingtonHomo]

This is craziness. If I see a provider I know on an app, I would assume he's either there for his personal reasons or drumming up business. Either way, I wouldn't expect him to hook up with me for free (unless he specifically offered that), just as I don't do my profession for free. 

[Jarrod_Uncut]

On 4/16/2022 at 2:59 PM, KensingtonHomo said:

This is craziness. If I see a provider I know on an app, I would assume he's either there for his personal reasons or drumming up business. Either way, I wouldn't expect him to hook up with me for free (unless he specifically offered that), just as I don't do my profession for free. 

Right. That’s almost like saying: wait a minute, I seen Tom Brady playing football with a group of guys at a park…why should he be getting PAID to play football 🤦🏽‍♂️ 

It just goes to show the sheer stupidity from some of these dudes. But more power to them because I’m actually considering removing myself from the “apps”. I’m getting jaded from the repeated scenarios of meeting people with no end games from them. Even though I am growing weary of the gay bar scene, and being immersed in alcohol as the activity…it still provides a slightly better window of meeting people with substance. 
 

But all this crossbreeding of clients on hookup apps is a weird dichotomy and I feel may be contributing to flakiness in the business. Not saying clients aren’t going to do what they are going to regardless, but the hookup app environment doesn’t improve things. Even when I met a good person from it initially, it usually don’t go far because it lends itself towards a false sense of over abundance.

 

 

[John]

In the first post

"I was quite annoyed because the way he said it insinuated that because I was on there, that somehow it meant he shouldn’t reimburse for my time."

simply says what Jarrod thought.  We don't know what the prospect thought.  Maybe Jarrod's interpretation is wrong.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

35 minutes ago, John said:

In the first post

"I was quite annoyed because the way he said it insinuated that because I was on there, that somehow it meant he shouldn’t reimburse for my time."

simply says what Jarrod thought.  We don't know what the prospect thought.  Maybe Jarrod's interpretation is wrong.

The conversation took place over the phone. So it wasn’t just said, it was heard. And the tone implies nothing different.

But I’m past discussing that situation though, because with that particular “client” it was a discussion that should not have taken place to begin with. So I’m more referring in general.

[dbar123]

I’ve had the opposite experience…guys hitting me up on apps and then finding out that they are actually pros who want to get paid for their time.

It kind of pisses me off

[maninsoma]

2 hours ago, dbar123 said:

I’ve had the opposite experience…guys hitting me up on apps and then finding out that they are actually pros who want to get paid for their time.

It kind of pisses me off

I agree.  If soliciting isn't permitted on a given app/website, then pros shouldn't ply their game there and can just ignore messages from guys if they aren't interested in hooking up for free, just like everyone else does.

[Kevin Slater]

10 minutes ago, maninsoma said:

I agree.  If soliciting isn't permitted on a given app/website, then pros shouldn't ply their game there and can just ignore messages from guys if they aren't interested in hooking up for free, just like everyone else does.

Yeah, but that gets tricky.  Someone recognizes your pics from rentmen and decides to hit you up on grindr (thinking this would be a good time cuz you must be horny).  Or someone else sends you a cryptic "available?", which to me implies he understands the context.  Or after I ignore someone as you suggest, he sends a cunty passive-aggressive message "well I was gonna hire you but not if you can't bother to respond."

Although I do agree that a provider initiating contact to solicit business is *trashy*.

Kevin Slater

[maninsoma]

4 hours ago, Kevin Slater said:

Yeah, but that gets tricky.  Someone recognizes your pics from rentmen and decides to hit you up on grindr (thinking this would be a good time cuz you must be horny).  Or someone else sends you a cryptic "available?", which to me implies he understands the context.  Or after I ignore someone as you suggest, he sends a cunty passive-aggressive message "well I was gonna hire you but not if you can't bother to respond."

Although I do agree that a provider initiating contact to solicit business is *trashy*.

Kevin Slater

Yes, I see that could be a problem.  Funny...my initial post was going to include the suggestion that the first response be a link to a pro ad somewhere if the person initiating the contact isn't someone the escort would be interested in for a free hook-up, but then I decided to simplify the matter.  I see now that it does make sense to address that possibility, and if someone is bent out of shape on seeing a brief reply to their initial message that the guy is available to hire that's on him.  But I really do think that needs to happen right away, not after exchanging several messages where someone might get the impression that he's pursuing an unpaid encounter.

[Kevin Slater]

42 minutes ago, maninsoma said:

Yes, I see that could be a problem.  Funny...my initial post was going to include the suggestion that the first response be a link to a pro ad somewhere if the person initiating the contact isn't someone the escort would be interested in for a free hook-up, but then I decided to simplify the matter.  I see now that it does make sense to address that possibility, and if someone is bent out of shape on seeing a brief reply to their initial message that the guy is available to hire that's on him.  But I really do think that needs to happen right away, not after exchanging several messages where someone might get the impression that he's pursuing an unpaid encounter.

Yeah, stringing him along then bringing up the mercantile is also trashy, and just unfair.  Another concern is the apps will readily block you if you mention escorting, which I agree with, but is very difficult when someone tries to book you through that app. 

Kevin Slater

[jeezifonly]

Classy hot women sometimes hang out in hotel bars. They may be hoping for some guy to pay them for sex that evening, or they might be hoping to run into a friend who hangs out there after work, or they just like the cocktails and ambiance.

A traveling man, a guest at the hotel, who has money to hire, but also enjoys conversation might approach and buy her a drink - he runs the risk of insulting such a woman by assuming the wrong outcome of their conversation either way. I’m not sure which party needs to disclose intent first. 

[Jamie21]

Happened to me. I was on Grindr for non work purposes although I hardly ever used it unless I was travelling: It seemed to be useful for a hookup if I happened to be in a new place. I guess being ‘fresh meat’ in a new town makes you more interesting so I’d had a few nice encounters but I never found it worthwhile to use mainly because I try to keep my sexual energy for my work. 

Most of the interactions I’d had on Grindr were from time wasters or guys I wasn’t interested in or solicitation from professionals. There was a time on the app when these pro profiles had a kind of diamond symbol as code that they were pro’s without having to say so explicitly because that would have banned them. Of course it was clear from their opening conversation that they were looking for business. 

I think it’s ok to do that as long as you’re clear up front that it’s a paid service (Grindr could enable this and take paid adverts from pro’s but they won’t because I guess it wouldn’t be lawful across all jurisdictions). Anyway, I always ignored the professional approaches and I engaged with interesting approaches from other guys….interesting as in those that engaged in some conversation as opposed to just saying “accom?” or “fuck now”…that’s just boring. I need some chat foreplay! 

Anyway someone from one of these chats recognised my pics from my adverts and asked me about work. I answered him with details and linked him to my website. Unfortunately he got annoyed at having to pay my rate for a massage when I declined to discount it. He reckoned that if I included sex as part of the massage then I could do it free or cheaper because “if we hooked up I’d have fucked him anyway”!! 

I told him massage was my work and if he wanted to hire me professionally then he’d have to pay my rate. That pissed him off and he complained to Grindr so I got a ban. Annoying. So I now never use Grindr. 
 

 

[Kevin Slater]

1 hour ago, Jamie21 said:

Happened to me. I was on Grindr for non work purposes although I hardly ever used it unless I was travelling: It seemed to be useful for a hookup if I happened to be in a new place. I guess being ‘fresh meat’ in a new town makes you more interesting so I’d had a few nice encounters but I never found it worthwhile to use mainly because I try to keep my sexual energy for my work. 

Most of the interactions I’d had on Grindr were from time wasters or guys I wasn’t interested in or solicitation from professionals. There was a time on the app when these pro profiles had a kind of diamond symbol as code that they were pro’s without having to say so explicitly because that would have banned them. Of course it was clear from their opening conversation that they were looking for business. 

I think it’s ok to do that as long as you’re clear up front that it’s a paid service (Grindr could enable this and take paid adverts from pro’s but they won’t because I guess it wouldn’t be lawful across all jurisdictions). Anyway, I always ignored the professional approaches and I engaged with interesting approaches from other guys….interesting as in those that engaged in some conversation as opposed to just saying “accom?” or “fuck now”…that’s just boring. I need some chat foreplay! 

Anyway someone from one of these chats recognised my pics from my adverts and asked me about work. I answered him with details and linked him to my website. Unfortunately he got annoyed at having to pay my rate for a massage when I declined to discount it. He reckoned that if I included sex as part of the massage then I could do it free or cheaper because “if we hooked up I’d have fucked him anyway”!! 

I told him massage was my work and if he wanted to hire me professionally then he’d have to pay my rate. That pissed him off and he complained to Grindr so I got a ban. Annoying. So I now never use Grindr. 
 

 

Yup, some are definitely of the opinion of professional services contracted off grindr should be at a discount. 

To avoid the being banned issue, my first reply is inevitably to ask for their number so I can move the conversation onto text (a medium I control).  That leaves no reportable/actionable thread on the grindr platform.  Most of the time they don't want to supply their number which is perfect, I've just saved myself endless messaging as I was going to require a number at some point prior to meeting up.  Should he provide a number, my first outgoing text is "are you looking to hire an escort?"

Kevin Slater

[Jamie21]

35 minutes ago, Kevin Slater said:

Yup, some are definitely of the opinion of professional services contracted off grindr should be at a discount. 

To avoid the being banned issue, my first reply is inevitably to ask for their number so I can move the conversation onto text (a medium I control).  That leaves no reportable/actionable thread on the grindr platform.  Most of the time they don't want to supply their number which is perfect, I've just saved myself endless messaging as I was going to require a number at some point prior to meeting up.  Should he provide a number, my first outgoing text is "are you looking to hire an escort?"

Kevin Slater

Great advice 🙂. I like the direct question approach for work. If it’s a work situation directness (without being rude or coming across blunt) is much the best approach, both on the part of the hirer and the provider.

I made the Grindr mistake when I was new to the work… I’ve wised up since! Clients who hire through apps are generally not the kind of client I’m after. Those won through recommendation or via my advertising or website are those who have generally made a more considered decision to hire. 

[mike carey]

16 minutes ago, Jamie21 said:

Those won through recommendation or via my advertising or website are those who have generally made a more considered decision to hire.

I suspect you could add those who have gained some insight as to who you are by reading what you post here (and as a result have sought out your ads and website [circles back to your words that I quoted]).

[Jarrod_Uncut]

On 4/22/2022 at 4:55 AM, Kevin Slater said:

Yup, some are definitely of the opinion of professional services contracted off grindr should be at a discount. 

To avoid the being banned issue, my first reply is inevitably to ask for their number so I can move the conversation onto text (a medium I control).  That leaves no reportable/actionable thread on the grindr platform.  Most of the time they don't want to supply their number which is perfect, I've just saved myself endless messaging as I was going to require a number at some point prior to meeting up.  Should he provide a number, my first outgoing text is "are you looking to hire an escort?"

Kevin Slater

That’s always a good way of doing it. I’ve also at times passed out my biz card, which mentions nothing of prices or sex work. It’s almost just a “this is title and way of contact”. I’ve been able to gain some bookings from it that way. 
 

However, I find the app to be a bit more work and rejection than I’m willing to add on to from the other sites. Sometimes if I’m in a gay open minded/wealthy/limited area market that I know guys are more open to pay, I may do so. But I’m finding sadly Adam4Adam is losing its market rapidly, to where it’s barely functioning to get clients anymore. On a recent tour to several cities, I probably only got like 1 or 2 A4A clients show up.. out of maybe a dozen ago inquired. And many like to do the not give out phone number thing, and I don’t book anyone from it without one. Mainly because the ones who don’t, usually don’t show up.

So I might need to retap into the Grindr/Scruff market myself. Especially since RentMen and Masseur can be fairly non existent in many areas. 

On 4/22/2022 at 5:38 AM, Jamie21 said:

Great advice 🙂. I like the direct question approach for work. If it’s a work situation directness (without being rude or coming across blunt) is much the best approach, both on the part of the hirer and the provider.

I made the Grindr mistake when I was new to the work… I’ve wised up since! Clients who hire through apps are generally not the kind of client I’m after. Those won through recommendation or via my advertising or website are those who have generally made a more considered decision to hire. 

That’s the thing, often it is someone who’s an occasional hire or need a degree of hand holding to get to the point. I also do feel compelled to offer a discount of some of my rates considering it’s free advertising. Plus people don’t tend to have the same rate there as the other sites.

I was looking at a site, googled near me called “escort alligator” with takes to various sub sites. I went on there, and I only seen (questionable looking) guys offering stuff for like 100/150. Even though some see that as a comfortable rate, that’s not sustainable Full time escort rate.

[CalTec]

This is why I enjoy anonymity in this business; never have I advertised with face pics, taken photos with a similar background as pics in ads and always a separate phone to do both social media, dating/hookup etc apps and ad posting.  I like grey man status, it works well for me, but to each their own 😎

[Rudynate]

One time, I guy I knew to be a provider reached out to me on a hookup app.  I wasn't available, but I assumed that that would have been a recreational encounter for him, not work. OTOH, if I contact him through his profile on RM, of course, that would be work.

[Rudynate]

On 4/22/2022 at 2:55 AM, Kevin Slater said:

Yup, some are definitely of the opinion of professional services contracted off grindr should be at a discount. 

To avoid the being banned issue, my first reply is inevitably to ask for their number so I can move the conversation onto text (a medium I control).  That leaves no reportable/actionable thread on the grindr platform.  Most of the time they don't want to supply their number which is perfect, I've just saved myself endless messaging as I was going to require a number at some point prior to meeting up.  Should he provide a number, my first outgoing text is "are you looking to hire an escort?"

Kevin Slater

It happens fairly often on A4A that pros reach out who haven't identified as such.  I can usually tell from the wording in the profile.  I always ask these guys up front, "Are you a pro?"