Some of you may not believe me

[xyz48B]

…but I tend to be a people pleaser in real life. My job is working with people 24/7 – whenever I receive the summons, even out of the office. It’s been exhausting the past few weeks as it seems I can’t really please anyone in leadership and the things I do above and beyond my “job description” are accepted as given and little-to-no appreciation seems to be shown for. Simple compliments are really nothing more than expected social pleasantries, and don’t really convey appreciation for things done above and beyond.

To be clear, I don’t do things for praise. But the feeling of being unappreciated and taken advantage of is getting exhausting.

Today, I get this text message from the president of the board: 

I am at a loss what her issue is or how I’m undermining her work. I always have said my approach is to make sure the president and I are in lockstep by the time we need to go public with something. That’s the best way to present a successful operation, when the CEO and President of the Board are in public agreement. We often disagree at first, but I am committed to making sure we agree publicly.

Since the new president has come on board, it’s been hard to do this. She complains about communication but won’t communicate effectively with me. When a few years ago there was a period without a permanent CEO, the board ran things. She was part of that. She has since then, since my coming on as CEO, said they managed just fine without a permanent CEO. It makes me feel superfluous.

I’m not looking for advice. I’m looking for folks who care…I try so damn hard and then I’m shit on. And I honestly don’t know what she’s talking about in that text…

[+ purplekow]

Don't people talk any more?  It is surprising that a CEO would be so vague and confrontational at the same time.  If this is the example of her administrative style that is truly representative, there will be no pleasing this person and no way of knowing why you have not.  Just to your best while you either await her fall or you find another job. 

[Guest]

Sorry you have to go through with that BS. Obviously, these texts show a horrible degree of non-communication. I don't know what this is about, obviously, but certainly a childish way to express one's feelings. Probably a good time to change jobs if you can--or seek allies if you can't. 

[+ azdr0710]

does she have the general support of the rest of the board?......

gotta say, as CEO, you really should be able to figure out (or know how to find out) what she seems to think you're doing to undermine her work.....then be able to solve it

we don't know the whole story, of course.....only one side of a three-sided story....try putting yourself in her place and try to figure out what she's really thinking about you and why......

[+ nycman]

2 hours ago, xyz48B said:

I’m not looking for advice.

Cool, I won’t offer any.

You’re fucked. 

[xyz48B]

She sent an email out yesterday to various folks, and I responded to just her explaining that some thing in the email was factually incorrect. That's the only thing that I can think.

She has sprung things on me in board meetings before and I’ve been visibly irritated, but it’s usually good. I also didn’t expect this kind of behavior and vague sort of allusion without anything concrete from her. She’s usually an adult. And someone I would consult about things. It’s frustrating because, as I said, I’m a people pleaser. And clearly someone is unhappy. Someone powerful.

To my knowledge, the board is largely unaware of the trouble. The board supports me, but I don’t like line drawing. The president and others who aren’t board members but department heads and directors of operations often treat me like an inconvenient obstacle to get around instead of someone to work with. There are many fiefdoms.

My predecessor embezzled an unknown amount of money, so there is a huge amount of skepticism about a CEO. There have since been practices put into place to keep those things from happening again, but it has cast a pall over the whole operation as far as leadership goes. Add to that that, yes, these people did figure out how to make it go without a permanent CEO, and now they probably don’t like having someone come in and assume the role they used to fill de facto.

I feel like I’m treading water in a raging sea and I go under a whole hell of a lot…

Edited February 6, 2022 by xyz48B

[+ WilliamM]

I have been a close observer of boards and executive directors, so  does not surprise me. Sorry.

I worked for a large city and monitored  these  interactions.

And served on a board once let by the sister of a well known mob boss.

[xyz48B]

I’m hoping when she’s ready to be mature and talk, it comes to light it was a miscommunication. I cannot imagine what it is was that upset her.

[marylander1940]

9 minutes ago, xyz48B said:

I’m hoping when she’s ready to be mature and talk, it comes to light it was a miscommunication. I cannot imagine what it is was that upset her.

In the meantime she's your boss.

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

Having sat on the other side of the table as the Board Chair of a non-profit, I would have been embarrassed to have sent such a text message without further context. 

As the CEO, you are accountable to your employees to speak up to the board when they are communicating misinformation.  I know there were times that I had misunderstood information I received in a committee meeting and repeated my interpretation at the Board Meeting and the CEO (or other executive) corrected me.  I appreciated getting the correct information.  

I suspect other Board members would not be pleased to learn that this communication was sent, regardless of the cause for her sending it.

 

[xyz48B]

6 minutes ago, marylander1940 said:

In the meantime she's your boss.

She can be deposed. And she’s not creating friends the way she’s running meetings. Most folks aren’t too aware though. The board meetings can be heated but the minutes etc. paint a rosier picture. Which, to be quite honest, I’m happy about. 

 

7 minutes ago, sam.fitzpatrick said:

I suspect other Board members would not be pleased to learn that this communication was sent, regardless of the cause for her sending it.

Particularly if they knew the way she doesn’t respond to communication when it does come her way. And then says, “we need to work on communication.” Well, read your damn emails…

[jeezifonly]

Documentation 

Documentation

Documentation

 

 

[xyz48B]

12 minutes ago, jeezifonly said:

Documentation 

Documentation

Documentation

 

 

Don’t worry.

And don’t type anything you can’t defend.

[marylander1940]

45 minutes ago, xyz48B said:

She can be deposed. And she’s not creating friends the way she’s running meetings. Most folks aren’t too aware though. The board meetings can be heated but the minutes etc. paint a rosier picture. Which, to be quite honest, I’m happy about. 

 

Particularly if they knew the way she doesn’t respond to communication when it does come her way. And then says, “we need to work on communication.” Well, read your damn emails…

In the office like in many other social relations perception is more important than reality. Good luck to you!

[xyz48B]

5 minutes ago, marylander1940 said:

In the office like in many other social relations perception is more important than reality.

That’s so true. There’s being right and there’s being successful. Sometimes you simply have to fall on your sword in the moment in order to make bigger gains.

It’s laughable to me that she thinks I’m undermining her work. If she’d work with me, we could accomplish a lot. But she’s hellbent on doing it her way with her processes and policies. I’m not from her generation. So I don’t see the necessity for a six member ad hoc committee to decide about a paperclip. But she’s very committed to communal input. And that everyone has buy-in. Which more or less often leads to a watered down shit mess of a policy…that no one likes but everyone tolerates begrudgingly. I’d rather that we all agree at the outset we do whatever is decided and whoever’s idea wins majority support is the one implemented. At least then you’ll have someone who’s enthusiastic about it. Instead of a group who’s blah on the whole thing and whatever it is you do ends up mediocre at best.

[+ Tygerscent]

Let’s hope she never sees this public thread~ 🥴🤷‍♂️ 
 

Edited February 6, 2022 by Tygerscent

[Guest]

[cany10011]

You did nothing wrong. In fact, you tried to help her save face by correcting misinformation she presented. Interacting with those types of individuals can be quite tiresome. I‘m sure it occurs across all types of work/ industries. I‘m lucky not to have any part of that in my life…lol. 

 

Edited February 6, 2022 by cany10011

[jawjateck]

That message in that medium says everything about the board chair. A serious person and leader does not communicate like that. Show the chair how it's done privately; if that doesn't work, bring out openly in the next board meeting, and resolve it there.

[+ WilliamM]

1 hour ago, cany10011 said:

You did nothing wrong. In fact, you tried to help her save face by correcting misinformation she presented. Interacting with those types of individuals can be quite tiresome. I‘m sure it occurs across all types of work/ industries. I‘m lucky not to have any part of that in my life…lol. 

 

But, we have only heard his side of this story.

[+ Pensant]

You need to more assertive as the CEO. 

[cany10011]

As long as one has fuck you money, none of this matters. 

[KeepItReal]

10 hours ago, Pensant said:

You need to more assertive as the CEO. 

I agree, you need to be more assertive here, but also more subtle. 

The president's job is to set strategy with the agreement of the board.  The CEO's role is to execute that strategy.  Have you @xyz48B and the board agreed on the metrics that will be used to measure your success in executing the strategy?  Do they agree that you are outperforming their expectations when it comes to those metrics?

In the matter of the email, I would have handled it differently.  I would have replied with something like:  "Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this.  Let's meet tomorrow so I can provide some perspective on some of these items. "  She clearly does not appreciate that you are trying to help, but feels like you are dismissing her concerns (even though it sounds like you are probably in the right!)...it also rather sounds like she wants your job, or at the very least is not comfortable with change that took responsibilities away from her.  I guess everyone tries to protect their own rice bowl.  

Be sure to network and strengthen relationships with the key board members and department heads.  Sounds like you need to solidify your position - until that happens, she is going to be a pain. 

Good luck!

Edited February 7, 2022 by KeepItReal

[+ Tygerscent]

10 hours ago, Unicorn said:

I think I saw this sign on a public restroom door~ 😳

[xyz48B]

5 hours ago, WilliamM said:

But, we have only heard his side of this story.

Who’s side are you on here? 🧐 

Be rest assured…as the saga continues, I’ll keep you informed. I’m not one to sugarcoat my own flaws and blunders when it comes to miscommunication etc. It doesn’t help the situation to insist you’re right when you’re not. And as I said, I will fall on my sword often for the greater good even if I know I’m right. But you have to know what the grievance is before you can even determine if you are right.

For those who felt the need to offer advice despite me saying that’s not what I’m looking for, I’m aware that I need to be more assertive. At times, that need runs up against my inclination to please people.

As for outperforming – nominal assent is given to that fact. People recognize it’s true, but they don’t fully appreciate what I do insofar as they expect it. And if I wouldn’t do it, there’d be complaints out the ying-yang. My cynical side says they still wouldn’t put it together that, “Oh, hey. Look how much he did and now that he’s not, we really miss that he did so much for us.” Instead it’ll be, “Why isn’t this getting done?!”