I am tired of being called Hun Honey Darling Love & Babe.

[+ glutes]

I've told my name to various escorts at least 3 times, verbally & in writing. They just don't get it.

Masseurs on the other hand do get it, and address me properly.

What are your thoughts?

 

Edited November 10, 2021 by glutes

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

@glutes are you talking about in conversation with the escort or during the moment of passion?  

I expect use of my name when we meet and when we say good-bye.  I've learned that I don't mind hearing "oh yeah babe" if we're in bed, and I find it better than, hearing "that's a good boy."  

[+ glutes]

12 minutes ago, sam.fitzpatrick said:

@glutes are you talking about in conversation with the escort or during the moment of passion?  

 

Conversation prior to, and entering the appointment. They usually address me as "Oh God" during the sessions climax. That term gets a big pass.

[The Dude]

I don't mind it, even though I know it's a completely phony term of endearment.

I also like "Bud."

[jeezifonly]

This would be the one interaction where I could accurately be called Boss. Hate it every other occasion.

[+ purplekow]

Well as endearments go, I enjoy them.  Much rather Hon or Babe than Robert or Steve or some other name not mine own.   

[Cruiser7]

I’m with the OP. I hate it and it’s a turn off. 
Especially “babe” or “baby.” We haven’t even met yet, plus it’s so feminine, which I am not. 
 

[+ StLouisOct]

5 hours ago, Cruiser7 said:

I’m with the OP. I hate it and it’s a turn off. 
Especially “babe” or “baby.” We haven’t even met yet, plus it’s so feminine, which I am not. 
 

Hmm. I’ve never considered it feminine. To me it’s just insincere and fake, but I hear it only rarely and let it pass. On the other hand, there was the escort who came while yelling, “I love you Tim!” and I thought, “Wow Dude, seriously over acting.” 😅

[marylander1940]

12 hours ago, glutes said:

I've told my name to various escorts at least 3 times, verbally & in writing. They just don't get it.

Masseurs on the other hand do get it, and address me properly.

What are your thoughts?

 

I'm surprised about it. Usually older gay men use that kind of expressions. 

[BuffaloKyle]

I just don't like to be called daddy! Maybe when I'm in my 40s and 50s but I'm 35 and not my thing yet.

[hwic04]

Agree entirely with glutes. I always give my real name. When I hear “babe’’ - especially within the same text - it’s actually a red flag to me. Lazy and insincere.

’

[GLEE]

As an Asian person, I've heard way too may racial slurs thrown at me in the US. As such, I don't mind and I actually love being called as "babe," "baby," "hun,"... I also prefer not to be called by my name, feeling it is too serious and business-like. Guess that's a personal preference though. 

Edited November 10, 2021 by GLEE

[EastCoastBtm]

They can call Pope John Paul or whatever the hell they like if it makes them pound me that much harder!

In all seriousness though.... I usually have a conversation with providers on how we refer to each other - in and out of where we fuck.  I like tops who use 'terms of ownership' without being totally BDSM.  I don't mind 'babe' if the vibe is right.  And I have a top, younger than me, that calls me boy and it drives me WILD!

[+ Tygerscent]

4 hours ago, StLouisOct said:

Hmm. I’ve never considered it feminine. To me it’s just insincere and fake, but I hear it only rarely and let it pass. On the other hand, there was the escort who came while yelling, “I love you Tim!” and I thought, “Wow Dude, seriously over acting.” 😅

Yes… Those terms of endearment can carry a lot of Assumption, stigma and definition that may be completely inappropriate despite being used so generically~ ie. Girl, girlfriend, sister, honey, lover, baby, etc~ 
 To be clear… How much of a term of endearment is it really when it applies to any and everyone~? One might as well also address a cabinet, a book, a rock with the same terms because they have been so far removed from their really meaning, it’s obvious that the meaning of the actual word isn’t the point. The user is conveying more about themselves then the people they are addressing~ Maybe it defines the users persona more than the person they are applying the word to~ 

 On a personal level when people use the term “lover” with me in bed it just seems blatantly/immediately insincere and artificial because the meaning of the word in my mind equates to someone I’m married to or dating, not “random everybody”~ I think the emotional manipulation of it is what makes me uncomfortable~ 

 My own personal preference is to use words like that, (if I’m gonna use words like that), with somebody that actually is my lover, is my baby, baby boy or whatever…

 They actually have to be that first before I call them that~ 
 For someone to actually use my name seems more endearing and personal to me~
  

 

 

Edited November 10, 2021 by Tygerscent

[EastCoastBtm]

I do think its interesting that we are talking appropriate terms to call each other and the sanctity of the word 'love' in context to what amounts to transaction based sex.  Society has placed taboos on words like 'love' and that it should only be used in very rare cases.  I think that is shortchanging the vast types of 'love' that exist out there.

I have told some providers and hook-ups that I 'love them' (including the first time we have sex) in the context that - DAMN - these guys make me absolutely LOVE gay sex and remind me how much I love men.  They are the rare reminders of why I love soooo many things about men - their bodies, their minds, their sexuality.  Why not tell someone you 'love them' with appropriate context?  I explain why I 'love' them and they LOVE it.

If talking about forms of love in any relationship - providers, hook-ups, friends, friends with benefits, lovers, boyfriends, husbands, whatevers - enhances the experience (especially for the guy paying for it), I say use whatever terms you want and tell them you love them!  ENJOY YOURSELF!

[marylander1940]

3 hours ago, BuffaloKyle said:

I just don't like to be called daddy! Maybe when I'm in my 40s and 50s but I'm 35 and not my thing yet.

Yes too soon to be called a daddy even by an 18 y/o.

 

[dutchal]

I'm often asked for my name before a meet, but I assume that's because here in Manhattan the meets often involve a doorman or a doorbell security set up and the provider wants to be sure it's me downstairs before letting me up.  I honestly don't know how many, if any, have ever used my name during our session.  I also honestly don't remember what I've been called other than daddy (not inappropriate for my age) or papi or ever having a negative reaction to whatever name or term of endearment or otherwise he used.

[BonVivant]

Give them a freakin’ break. I think ur expectations are too high. It’s trade. 😉. Would a trick remember ur name?  He’s not your boyfriend, lover or husband. (Exception: you form a bond and/or u see each other frequently). Peace out. 

[caramelsub]

Maybe the escorts want to be respectful and provide discretion and privacy to the client, by not asking for or saying your name. (I never tell escorts my real first name anyway, I always use a pseudonym.) Versus with a masseur you might not need that level of discretion. 

[Lazarus]

 

[lonely_john]

 

[EastCoastBtm]

13 hours ago, Lazarus said:

 

OMG.... the memories....  this song, this video, JR's in DC..... video bars were such an important part of my gay youth.

[+ Axiom2001]

On 11/9/2021 at 6:36 PM, glutes said:

I've told my name to various escorts at least 3 times, verbally & in writing. They just don't get it.

Masseurs on the other hand do get it, and address me properly.

What are your thoughts?

 

I refer escorts and masseurs by their posted name.  I expect my stated name to be used when in the company of either as well.  Fortunately, I've never had either refer to me in any way other than by the name that I have given to them, but  If it didn't happen-- I would end the session if escort or masseur persisted. 

I find the whole thing to be rather, rather phony to say the least.

What does bother me is when folks who are doing business with me address me by my first name.  I've always found this to be rude and rather disrespectful as well as quite unprofessional. I am old enough to be their father/grandfather and/or perhaps great.... 

Usually, I have asked them to address me by Mr.-- followed by my surname if they begin with the first name crap.  [Only my family and good friends call/address me by my first name, not strangers or folks doing business transactions.]

Also, I abhor being called "young man" by receptionists or the like while at dental or doctor offices as well.  The other day I decided to address this if it happens in the future.

Edited November 13, 2021 by Axiom2001

[Rod Hagen]

On 11/10/2021 at 10:19 AM, BuffaloKyle said:

I just don't like to be called daddy! Maybe when I'm in my 40s and 50s but I'm 35 and not my thing yet.

you're right, it started around 35, which makes no sense because the person saying it is only 10 years younger.  I'm nearing 50, I still hate it. 

[Rod Hagen]

38 minutes ago, Axiom2001 said:

The other day I decided to address this if it happens in the future.

Be gentle.  Most people don't even realize what they are saying as they say it!