HIV and Escorts

[+ José Soplanucas]

1 hour ago, CuriousByNature said:

I'm not sure how this can be considered HIV stigmatization.  The issue isn't that the provider is HIV positive.  The issue is that the provider is a deceptive liar who is knowingly putting people at risk.  It doesn't matter if it is HIV, tuberculosis, ebola or any other transmissible infection. Hell, in my book the provider is a modern-day Typhoid Mary.

It is stigmatization because an anonymous poster makes such a serious accusation and you and others run to believe it and to assume the worse. 

[CuriousByNature]

12 minutes ago, davebk said:

OP came asking for advice and to share what he's going through.  As we sit here and opine about things and people start bitching at each other, let's not forget he's facing something he didn't anticipate and trying to figure things out.  He's here for support, some practical advice and support, and ultimately community as he faces this.  Might be the right thing to keep that the focus for his sake.

Yes, I was also thinking that same thing.  Though the OP also asked what he should do and who he might contact, and that has obviously brought out some debate.  In any case, I completely agree that the OP's current situation is paramount.  And the OP is not trying to shirk his own responsibility in any way - he states that he considers himself at fault for not using PreP.  While there is always personal responsibility, we know that it is a two-way street.  The other thing that I am mindful of is that there are many people out there who are inexperienced, or may not have knowledge of PreP, etc.  These individuals are particularly at risk from those who would mislead them about their status.  

[+ José Soplanucas]

13 minutes ago, davebk said:

OP came asking for advice and to share what he's going through.  As we sit here and opine about things and people start bitching at each other, let's not forget he's facing something he didn't anticipate and trying to figure things out.  He's here for support, some practical advice and support, and ultimately community as he faces this.  Might be the right thing to keep that the focus for his sake.

You are right. I apologize, I should have stayed on my original post.

[CuriousByNature]

1 minute ago, latbear4blk said:

It is stigmatization because an anonymous poster makes such a serious accusation and you and others run to believe it and to assume the worse. 

So it is not HIV stigmatization, but rather, assuming a person is guilty of lying/misleading without sufficient evidence.  The OP shared his experience, and given that information, people have commented.  The OP never identified the provider on this board.  If you doubt the truthfulness of his claims that is your prerogative, but that doesn't mean that those who disagree with you are stigmatizing anyone.

[+ WilliamM]

1 hour ago, marylander1940 said:

many gay men dislike and distrust other gay men. It's certainly an internalized homophobia I guess might have something to do with rejection, etc. 

There are laws in many states making a felony infecting someone with HIV, in other countries based on the Napoleonic code laws were applied about people who knew had diseases and engaged in close contact with others not concerned about infecting them. 

back to legal facts and not so much to feelings how could a judge determine the client was infected with HIV by the escort and not by someone else? 

Many people for sure, this was only one of his clients. Fortunately most of them used condoms and later on moved on to PrEP but we don't know. 

The fact that the OP is asking what to do instead of simply reporting and that we don't know where he lives makes us wonder if anything will come up out of this. 

Man jailed for life after deliberately infecting men with HIV | Crime | The Guardian

US: Michigan man who turned himself in for ‘deliberately’ infecting others, sentenced to 1.5 to four years | HIV Justice Network

 

@marylander1940

Some gay men distrust other gay men Not most gay men.

[Monarchy79]

2 hours ago, caliguy said:

Except Typhoid Mary could pass the virus off to anyone. Becoming infected with hiv takes two consenting adults or rape which I don't think happened. 

I've been on this site for many years and I've seen the stigma towards hiv people. Doesn't matter whether they're safe or not. Just the fact that they have it means they want nothing to do with them. You could try being a responsible adult though and just treat everyone as positive and act accordingly and not worry about who is and who isn't. Works for me. 

“Consenting”, is when two adults agree to have sex, under terms where facts are disclosed. 

Had the OP had unprotected sex with the escort, knowing that he was positive, that would have been a consensual arrangement. 

However, the OP specifically asked him his status, he lied to him. Therefore the OP consented to unprotected sex, under false pretenses. 

This is no different than a straight man having unprotected sex with a woman who lied to him, stating that she was on birth control, when asked. 

Had he known otherwise, he would have probably made a different decision in sexual protective measures, just as the OP in this thread would have. 

This isn’t about HIV stigma. This is about HONESTY, DECEPTION, and LYING. 
 

 

[Monarchy79]

One more thing about the escort in question that makes my blood boil. 
 

It’s not even that he lied. 
 

It’s the fact that knowing the truth, he still chose not to slap on a condom. 
 

If you know you’re positive, and are NOT undetectable and are not being treated; yes, you have the right not to disclose it to anyone, but at LEAST engage in some protective measure. 
 

Otherwise, it just looks like you’re maliciously spreading it. 

[Monarchy79]

I’ll give a true life example to support my points:

Last week, I was invited to participate in a massage exchange group. 

It’s  a lot of fun, and it gets quite hot.

I cancelled at the last minute, as I went on a hike a few days before, and caught a little rash on my leg. It didn’t know if it was a series of bug bites, or if it was poison ivy. I definitely didn’t want to place anyone at risk by spreading it to them in the group. 

Although it wasn’t confirmed what it was, I wasn’t willing to take the risk of giving this rash to others, just for the sake of enjoying myself. 

And had I participated anyway, and someone had a severe breakout, I wouldn’t have had the stance of “well you were part of the group, so that’s the risk you take” either. 

We all should have a general sense personal responsibility. This goes from poison ivy, to the common cold, to anything else. 
 

 

[lonely_john]

3 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

How could a judge determine the client was infected with HIV by the escort and not by someone else?

THIS 👆

I'm surprised by how people are quick to retaliate without thinking of the consequences. @Jacque I suggest that you move on and take care of your health.

Let's say you initiate legal actions. To start, depending on where you live, there could be charges pressed against you for being involved in criminal activities, i.e.: Prostitution.

Then, there will be an investigation to determine the sexual partners on each side (you and the escort) and questioning on them to reveal if they used protection. In doing so your status will be disclosed to all of them, their friends, and the public if this reaches the news. I wouldn't be surprised that after that you struggle to find sexual partners in your area.

In the end, it's likely that some of your partners will disclose that they didn't use protection with you all the time which could open the doors to case dismissal, but by then the damage will be already done, to the escort and yourself.

Think again.

Edited July 23, 2021 by lonely_john

[Yeahman]

Sorry to hear that you have to deal with this. I always worry myself.

I am not into topping or bottoming in anyway and only perform oral though. From what I learned online, fellatio has a very low risk. I still take PrEP a few days before and after my rare oral encounter. I got descovy from Mistr, which I do strongly recommend because you do all the tests at home and it's free, although the medicine will need to go through your drug coverage. Please get started with PrEP asap. If everyone takes it, this virus will eventually be wiped out even if there is no cure.

[+ nycman]

13 minutes ago, Yeahman said:

I got descovy from Mistr, which I do strongly recommend because you do all the tests at home and it's free, although the medicine will need to go through your drug coverage.

Wow, I never knew this online service existed. 
It looks pretty impressive and useful, especially if you live somewhere
where there may not be a lot of “supportive” medical providers.

https://heymistr.com

[Yeahman]

2 minutes ago, nycman said:

Wow, I never knew this online service existed. 
It looks pretty impressive and useful, especially if you live somewhere
where there may not be a lot of “supportive” medical providers.

https://heymistr.com

I also only learned about it half a year ago from reddit. I do hope that everybody takes the advantage of it. The fewer people who are HIV+, the less likely we get infected.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

31 minutes ago, Yeahman said:

I also only learned about it half a year ago from reddit. I do hope that everybody takes the advantage of it. The fewer people who are HIV+, the less likely we get infected.

This is fantastic.  I just tweeted about, thanks to you.

Great resource.

[Yeahman]

2 minutes ago, Benjamin_Nicholas said:

This is fantastic.  I just tweeted about, thanks to you.

Great resource.

That's great! Thank you for spreading the news.

[NJF]

2 hours ago, lonely_john said:

THIS 👆

I'm surprised by how people are quick to retaliate without thinking of the consequences. @Jacque I suggest that you move on and take care of your health.

Let's say you initiate legal actions. To start, depending on where you live, there could be charges pressed against you for being involved in criminal activities, i.e.: Prostitution.

Then, there will be an investigation to determine the sexual partners on each side (you and the escort) and questioning on them to reveal if they used protection. In doing so your status will be disclosed to all of them, their friends, and the public if this reaches the news. I wouldn't be surprised that after that you struggle to find sexual partners in your area.

In the end, it's likely that some of your partners will disclose that they didn't use protection with you all the time which could open the doors to case dismissal, but by then the damage will be already done, to the escort and yourself.

Think again.

A lot of this is not what would happen. Because HIV mutates quickly, a forensic analysis can easily determine the chain of transmission.

Any positive test results will be reported to the health department but they cannot and will not disclose anyone’s status. What they will do is to contact the sexual partners and urge them to get a test.

In about half of the states, it is a felony to knowingly infect someone with HIV.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

1 hour ago, Yeahman said:

Thank you for spreading the news.

 

You don't know how hard it is for me to not post a Liza Minnelli GIF right now

Must.  Show.  Restraint.

Edited July 23, 2021 by Benjamin_Nicholas

[+ DrownedBoy]

If the OP can't, via rules, post the escort's identity here, can he reveal it to people who PM him?

I don't give a damn about "proof " of transmission or stigmitizing.  If there's even a small risk, I avoid it. Sucks to be him, but that's life in the big city. HIV can be hell on you if, like myself,  you have other preexisting conditions. 

[TumYum]

I had until recently a regular... actually a sugar daddy relationship of some intensity - multiple texting every day, very deep and personal stuff exchanged, etc., etc.

With my emotional support, he decided to seek his "fortune" doing porn. Turns out his "studio" is a very low end operation that specializes in bareback latino porn. 

There has been considerable tension between the two of us, as I have counselled him to carefully consider his choices and he has accused me of bullying him.... 

Quite frankly, I don't think I would enjoy the relationship with him any more as he only does BB porn now.... what the market seems to require of him

Am I wrong? Or just insulted?

 

[Enronnja]

5 hours ago, Monarchy79 said:

I’ll give a true life example to support my points:

Last week, I was invited to participate in a massage exchange group. 

It’s  a lot of fun, and it gets quite hot.

I cancelled at the last minute, as I went on a hike a few days before, and caught a little rash on my leg. It didn’t know if it was a series of bug bites, or if it was poison ivy. I definitely didn’t want to place anyone at risk by spreading it to them in the group. 

Although it wasn’t confirmed what it was, I wasn’t willing to take the risk of giving this rash to others, just for the sake of enjoying myself. 

And had I participated anyway, and someone had a severe breakout, I wouldn’t have had the stance of “well you were part of the group, so that’s the risk you take” either. 

We all should have a general sense personal responsibility. This goes from poison ivy, to the common cold, to anything else. 
 

 

Had a similar experience, caught a very bad cold and had scheduled a meetup with this really good looking escort. But the cold never got better in time and even though I was itching to meet, I thought it would be terrible to expose him to it. Sometimes you have to do things for the greater good.

[+ MysticMenace]

On 7/21/2021 at 4:46 PM, Jacque said:

I have seen a particular escort thru the years. I am not that promiscuous but on a visit for blood work found out that I'm HIV +. I confronted him that he had always told me he was negative but came clean to tell me he had been positive for past 10 years.

I can't imagine how many others he may have infected. My question is what exactly who should I  contact? County Health Officials, Rentmen Platform, etc?

I believe it is a Felony for a person knowing they are infected to willfully do this without disclosure.

It is certainly my fault for not being on Prep. I typically was topping. He being on Rentmen andthought he would be honest with me as we discussed it. 

I just want to give you a big hug, @Jacque. Please be well.

[rvwnsd]

First and foremost, I am very sad to hear that you tested HIV+, @Jacque. A great big hug and an arm around the shoulder goes out to you.

Second, I want to answer the following question from a moderator's perspective:

4 hours ago, DrownedBoy said:

If the OP can't, via rules, post the escort's identity here, can he reveal it to people who PM him?

Refer to Guideline # 14:

14.  The rules of M4M Message Forums applies to private messages.  This site includes a feature for members to exchange private messages.  Although those private messages are not moderated, the rules for the Forum still apply.   

 

[Lazarus]

What a coincidence. This this one of the lead stories in The New York Post this evening:

 

https://nypost.com/2021/07/23/florida-man-who-hid-hiv-status-from-gal-pals-sentenced-to-prison/

[Jacque]

12 hours ago, davebk said:

OP came asking for advice and to share what he's going through.  As we sit here and opine about things and people start bitching at each other, let's not forget he's facing something he didn't anticipate and trying to figure things out.  He's here for support, some practical advice and support, and ultimately community as he faces this.  Might be the right thing to keep that the focus for his sake.

Thank you

23 hours ago, Monarchy79 said:

Is it me, or does it sound like the commenters are more concerned with protecting the identity, image, and life of the person who infected the OP, than they are with the OP? 
 

Let’s be clear: This isn’t about HIV stigma, shaming sex workers, or anti-sex-positivity. 
 

let’s focus on the bare bones:

1.) The OP and the partner have been frequently having sex.

2.) During this entire time, the partner has LIED to him, telling him he is negative.

3.) The OP then finds out he is positive

4.) When questioning his sex partner, the partner now reveals that he has lied to him about his status all along. 
 

That’s dishonest, wrong, and is a felony in many states. Point, blank, period. 
 

My heart goes out to the OP. ♥️

Thank you

[+ Tygerscent]

On 7/21/2021 at 6:08 PM, Jacque said:

I'm not looking legally as it really helps no one. I think it is issue of he remaining out there potentially infecting other people.

I seldom bottomed. I also wonder if my immune was thrown off due to getting the Covid vaccine. 

It’s unlikely that your immune system was thrown off due to the coronavirus vaccine~ Generally, HIV is rather specific in its transmission and, while Infection can occur after one incidence, it’s generally repeated direct contact, (taking loads anally, sharing needles), that results in converting to Poz~ I’m really leaning only to direct your concern that the coronavirus vaccines somehow contributed to your conversion to HIV+~ That’s not likely~ 

[muscmtl]

Too bad there ain't no site for poz gay escorts only. My type of escort, and I am far from being the only one