Just because I’m a SW doesn’t mean Guy Code doesn’t exist

[Jarrod_Uncut]

I had to explain this to someone the other day. There seems to be this stereotype that just because a guy is a sex worker, that basic guy code goes out the window or that we don’t have any kind of clout when it comes down to decency and integrity surrounding sex.

In this case: it was a guy “friend” who I had previously messed around with on 2 occasions (and each “occasion” involved us messing around 2-3 times each). However, this wasn’t years ago, this was over the last 2 months. For whatever reason, we drifted from having sex and just remained friends. 
 

Forward to last weekend, I introduced him to another friend of mine who I’ve not had any sexual flings with, except a once off 3way couple years ago….and it didn’t really involve us touching each other lol. I was glad they got along, but then I was noticing my “former fuck buddy” friend was coming on to my friend from out of town a bit too strong as the night progressed. When it became evident he was trying to stage a hookup, I stepped in while my friend was away and implied “guy code” and told him I wasn’t introducing them to be a match maker, but for the purpose of exploring the city.

Next thing I know, the guy starts going in on me with verbal assaults, stating I’m this and that and don’t own either of them, including adding that I’m a sex worker so why should it matter, to somehow get leverage and condone that it’s okay for him to sleep with my friend…when we had sex on the 1st meet and known each other after that for only a couple of months. Eventually I snapped and had to remove myself from the situation, and my friend who was visiting was blown away by the blatant disrespect and wanted no part of the interaction. All this happening in a public rooftop bar at that!
 

Needless to say, I felt blindsided and appalled at the fact someone seems to believe that being an escort means not having any sort of integrity. He conveniently pointed out that he introduced me to one of his friends who was interested in my erotic massage: But I told him that’s different because he initiated that and all parties were okay with it. But it doesn’t mean one can go help himself to a family or friend in a setting where it was not intended. 
 

And basic guy code is: if we had any type of “intimacy” at any point in the near past, one should never make a move on that person’s friend (or family, or random guy on street when you’re together) UNLESS it just happens to be agreed mutually by the 2 people who originally fucked. It’s just basic respect.

But even gay culture itself doesn’t always respect that. That’s why when I did bars more often, there was always someone breaking out in a fight and it’s usually the 2 guys who are “together” and one decides to make a messy move which causes it. Adding: the guy even threw out “we’re guys”. As if it means nothing when it comes down to Herero/gay circles. 

Edited June 23, 2021 by Jarrod_Uncut

[cany10011]

I'm sure your friend from out of town can handle the advances if he wanted to. I probably would have let the two decide on their own if they were to sleep with each other or not. I don't think you being a SW should have influenced the other guy's decision to make the moves on your out of town friend. He was probably just horny. 

[+ nycman]

Drama

[topunderachiever]

^  Yes.  Let's all thank our lucky stars for the fascinating drama that follows the life of Jarod the Jigolo.  😉

(seriously, it's great weekly entertainment)

Edited June 23, 2021 by topunderachiever

[Jarrod_Uncut]

9 hours ago, cany10011 said:

I'm sure your friend from out of town can handle the advances if he wanted to. I probably would have let the two decide on their own if they were to sleep with each other or not. I don't think you being a SW should have influenced the other guy's decision to make the moves on your out of town friend. He was probably just horny. 

That’s true enough. And for the most part, I don’t particularly have a “friends off limits” clause…but with this particular person in this particular situation, it was in a bad taste. 
 

I’ve occasionally had clients introduce me to their friends. In some cases, the client initiated and/or gave the way that it was cool that him and their friend (or even partner) could hook up (usually with the client involved in it). However, in majority of the cases I would never come onto a client’s friend that I was introduced to (and let’s be real, many clients don’t introduce us to their friends and family). I asked a client about this the other day, because he has introduced me to a friend of his and we occasionally hang out TOGETHER. But he say it would be a BIG ISSUE if I were to make a move on his friend or even Vice versa. It’s not, “oh I’m a sex worker and you’re a client, so the hell with basic integrity. If me and your friend want to fuck, by all means .” That’s so far from reality and respect.

Not to mention, my “friend with benefit” apologized for insulting me (and by insult I mean him using explicit verbal abuse for the very fact that I even expressed by disagreement)…but he failed to understand why I had an issue with him trying to game  my friend: 2 months after we had just had full on flip flop sex, and he waited until we hooked up a couple of times to say he wasn’t looking for anything serious, but yet was always wanting to spend time around me, even doing a trip together. It was very sleazy, and too soon.
 

As for drama: I’ve learned that unless one removes themselves from all gay congregating activities that revolve around meeting/dating (bars, apps, etc) there’s always going to be some degree of drama. I see many of my older clients and they’re drama free mainly because they don’t do bars, apps, socials or any type of Gay stuff. Just family and long term friends. Which is understandable in your 50s and 60s, but at early/mid 30s…unless you’re fortunate to have a partner, you have to do what you have to do, otherwise life can become extremely lonely, and sadly even innocent connections can lead to shit shows. A lot of gay guys out here are messy, especially in cities that are surrounded by intolerant, gay repressed towns because gays are taught they are nothing but a sexuality…and that other gay men are only good for the purpose of sex 

 

Edited June 24, 2021 by Jarrod_Uncut

[Bargara Leatherboy]

My understanding of “guy code” or “gay code’ does not exist particularly when someone’s cock is getting hard or has the opportunity to get hard.

 

Basically if a man wants sex he will get it whatever way he can, and integrity or decency does not come into it .

 

 

[jeezifonly]

On 6/23/2021 at 11:21 PM, Jarrod_Uncut said:

“That’s true enough. And for the most part, I don’t particularly have a “friends off limits” clause…but with this particular person in this particular situation, it was in a bad taste. “

[ yadayada yadayada]

“As for drama: I’ve learned that unless one removes themselves from all gay congregating activities that revolve around meeting/dating (bars, apps, etc) there’s always going to be some degree of drama. I see many of my older clients and they’re drama free mainly because they don’t do bars, apps, socials or any type of Gay stuff. Just family and long term friends. Which is understandable in your 50s and 60s, but at early/mid 30s…”

 

1. In bad taste. Says the rent-boy…who is making a public scene… on a rooftop… in Missouri.

2. Those of us in our drama-free 50’s and 60’s didn’t start our long-term friendships last week, we started them in our early/mid-30’s. While doing LOTS of the Gay stuff.

😉

[Monarchy79]

Jarrod:

Eventually, you’re gonna have to make the tough decision of living a drama-free life. 
 

Otherwise, you’re just going to drive yourself crazy. 

[+ jeezopete]

I'm trying to understand the problem here. So your friends have to play by your rules? As single adults they aren't allowed to make their own decisions without your preapproval? Neither of the guys are in a committed relationship with you, just some past fun with no strings:

 

On 6/23/2021 at 12:56 PM, Jarrod_Uncut said:

just remained friends.

and 

On 6/23/2021 at 12:56 PM, Jarrod_Uncut said:

another friend of mine who I’ve not had any sexual flings with

but when one shows interest in the other:

On 6/23/2021 at 12:56 PM, Jarrod_Uncut said:

I stepped in while my friend was away and implied “guy code” and told him I wasn’t introducing them to be a match maker, but for the purpose of exploring the city.

This all sounds like you being jealous and controlling....ingredients for drama for sure.

[+ 7829V]

Is your friend from out of town underage? 
I assume he’s not. So it is his own business how he handles the advances from your other friend. 
 

Don’t create drama when there’s no need for it. 

 

 

[Monarchy79]

One more thing I noticed about you Jarrod is this:

You operate on a set of principles that’s connected to your core. That core is based on consideration of others and a code of high expectation of the behaviors of others. 
 

That’s your “Achilles heel”. 
I can relate, because it used to be mine a long time ago. 
 

What you must understand is that people have no code. The only code most people operate by, is self-service. 
Whatever pleases them or benefits them is of their highest priority. In most cases, any type of code of friendship, loyalty, or decency will go right out the window. 

Your associates cared about no code, because he was all about getting some action from your other friend. All gloves come off when a guy is on the hunt for some sex. No decorum whatsoever. 
 

When you get some free time, or plan to do some traveling that will include some downtime in airports, I recommend you read two books by Robert Greene: 

1.) The Art of Seduction

2.) The Laws of Human Nature

Once you fully understand how people are wired, you’ll know what to expect from them (which is little), and you’ll be better prepared for such situations. (Hence, you would have never introduced them two, because you would have anticipated one guy throwing himself at the other one). 
 

Once you learn how to better navigate with people, you’ll have less stress, and will be happier. You’ll also have less random associates too. 

 

Edited July 4, 2021 by Monarchy79

[Monarchy79]

On 6/24/2021 at 2:21 AM, Jarrod_Uncut said:

 

As for drama: I’ve learned that unless one removes themselves from all gay congregating activities that revolve around meeting/dating (bars, apps, etc) there’s always going to be some degree of drama. I see many of my older clients and they’re drama free mainly because they don’t do bars, apps, socials or any type of Gay stuff. Just family and long term friends. Which is understandable in your 50s and 60s, but at early/mid 30s…unless you’re fortunate to have a partner, you have to do what you have to do, otherwise life can become extremely lonely, and sadly even innocent connections can lead to shit shows. A lot of gay guys out here are messy, especially in cities that are surrounded by intolerant, gay repressed towns because gays are taught they are nothing but a sexuality…and that other gay men are only good for the purpose of sex 

 

Now I understand you pathology…. 
Well I’ll tell you this:

1.) Quality over Quantity is a real thing. Having a bunch of messy, problematic associates, who bring nothing but drama, will keep you busy, and “entertained”; but provide absolutely no quality, fulfillment or authentic enjoyment. The buzzing of apps, being in a bar wish bad music, trashy hoes, and poorly made drinks is overrated. To put this into a light-hearted  perspective, one’s social “footprint”, is just like building one’s wardrobe. 
Do you want a full room, filled with cheaply-made, disposable clothes from H&M? Or do you want just a closet, filled with high-quality, well-made, long-lasting pieces, from Saks? 
Again, quality vs. quantity. 

2.) I somewhat felt that same way you did, and then at the age of around 35, I just literally cleaned house. Every single vapid, messy, dramatic, spiritually-draining frenemy’s contact info was erased and blocked (without explanation) and I moved on. Best thing I ever did. Your social life does nor have to mirror a season of the Real Housewives of (pick your city).

3.) Loneliness is a state of mind, not a state of being. This may sound hokey, but the moment you start really loving yourself, and getting to know yourself (and standing in that confidently), you’ll enjoy doing even more things by yourself, as you won’t need the presence of other people, to validate your existence. 
 

 

[Monarchy79]

On 6/24/2021 at 2:21 AM, Jarrod_Uncut said:

Not to mention, my “friend with benefit” apologized for insulting me (and by insult I mean him using explicit verbal abuse for the very fact that I even expressed by disagreement)…but he failed to understand why I had an issue with him trying to game  my friend: 2 months after we had just had full on flip flop sex, and he waited until we hooked up a couple of times to say he wasn’t looking for anything serious, but yet was always wanting to spend time around me, even doing a trip together. It was very sleazy, and too soon.
 

1.) if your “friend”, didn’t understand the full-spectrum of his “apology”, then he’s not remorseful of his actions. Further, nothing he did or said was accidental. I’m not sure why you’re even accepting his apology. The nasty things he said to you were  a reflection of his true feelings, which were unmasked in a quick fit of rage. 

2.) Your “friend with benefits”, should have never been such a thing. 
What he should have been to you was a paying client. This dude sounds like a manipulator (a cheap one), who wanted free services (and got them). You are in-deed, a business, and you must see yourself as that all the time. Just think, would an attorney provide regular legal services to a “friend?”. Are plastic surgeons giving free face lifts, and Botox to their buddies? Nope. So as a sex professional your pants shall remain zipped, until fees and method of payment are confirmed. 😉

[Monarchy79]

One more thing my dear Jarrod, 

An open book gets read…..

Just because you’re cool with someone, doesn’t mean that they need to know what you do for a living. Being open and honest with everyone you come across, is never a great idea, as (just as you stated), many gay guys are messy, and will use what they know about you to throw it in your face later.

If you’re going to socialize, you must do it strategically. 
 

 

[Jarrod_Uncut]

Thanks @Monarchy79 and others for the replies. You were spot on right that the very fact of me introducing them was something better left undone, and I knew that. I was more expecting it to be a case of them not getting along (I told my friend about he would talk down to me even prior to me introducing them). But I should have known,  whether they did or didn’t get along it would have been a recipe for disaster. I did mainly as a test: but I should have grabbed my friend and walked away much sooner.

Also to add: this fuck buddy didn’t start off as a client or in that capacity. He added me on Instagram or vice versa and somehow we connected on there. But our initial meet was a date that lead to some wild sex lol. We had also linked up again a couple weeks down the line

As to @jeezifonly and @jeezopete, I did flip out but it wasn’t simply because of him trying to get with my friend. I had a client waiting at home, and other interests. I flipped out because the former “fuck buddy” guy responded with hate filled rhetoric in public. Then when I tried to talk, he continued…adding in, “you’re a sex worker” in some attempt to gain additional leverage that he should have a free pass to my friend. My disagreeing with it wasn’t out of jealousy, control, or being a cock blocker. It was out of the fact that fuck Buddy wasn’t sincere about our initial starting point, and for him to graduate on to my friend on the first introduction…was in bad taste. If any of you 2 agree with that, I would have to wonder your level of integrity as well.

I’ve been introduced to a lot of friends of clients and/or fuck buddies. It is just common sense that you never go and try to sleep with someone’s friend/partner who you fucked/dated UNLESS the person who introduced you says it’s okay. I’ve had that happen before successfully. Or at the very least: do so in a capacity that’s somewhat discreet. I would have been totally fine with them hooking up clear out in Chicago down the line. But not on a town stroll in Kansas City while my friend is just out of a bad relationship, and visiting me. 
 

That said, @Monarchy79 I’m on the same train as you: I’ve really cut down on drama llamas myself. I had a really toxic but long time on and off friend pass earlier this year. He was a great friend part of the time, but majority of time was toxic, abusive, and unsupportive. We ended on a bad note. It made me realize more, lot of these guys out here are not just toxic to others but to themselves. They’re liable to bring that same toxicity into their friendships. So now when I come across a friend who’s constantly pushing me to the edge, I let them know I’m no longer interested in the interaction (this keeps me from hanging onto the friendship, only to have it surfaced later). I’ve already let go about 5 “friends/fuck buddies” this year alone. 

 

Edited July 6, 2021 by Jarrod_Uncut

[+ purplekow]

Your friend from out of town should have been informed of your relationship with the guy you were introducing him to.  If he is your fiend, that would have been enough to insure that nothing would happen without at least a mention to you beforehand.  The hookup wa just that.  He was a guy you had sex with a few times, including wild sex the on the first date.  I have always had the philosophy that if you are going to have sex with me when we first meet, you are probably having sex with as many people as you can have sex with on first meeting.   So I would have expected nothing more than the sex buddy to try and hit on your friend.  I would have expected my friend to be my friend and give me a heads up if he was interested in being another one in the long line of first meet sex partners with your hook up guy.  

Also, for me, I might have gone the three way route but hey I am a horny fuck who likes drama even after 50.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

@purplekow, I’m actually unsure myself the extent of how much my friend knew about “us” prior to this interaction. But he did have some inkling as to the fact that him and I was trying to go in a certain direction. Eventually I sent him a text message a couple days later showing how the “fuck Buddy” double backed in Chicago…claiming he just wanted to be friends with benefits despite going on a vacation together and introducing me to family. Followed by, “I’m not looking for anything serious, especially with anyone under 40”. He’s an opportunist.

Even though I wasn’t mad at my friend, I was trying to let him know it would have been a bad move for him to sleep with him also. The guy hooked up with me, and then proceeded to ask me 2 or 3 times whether I was positive AFTER the fact. Instead of just taking my initial answer as fact. My friend who came to visit is HIV positive. So I was like, why would I even sit there and watch him go down that road? Absolutely not. 
 

As for a 3 way: I have done 3 ways with friends, but that’s general in a capacity to where neither of us have had prior connections with the guy. But I have reached out to a couple of his friends he introduced me to, to tell them how he had acted towards me. He introduced me to a couple of his friends and was trying to “promote” me to them since I do massage and they previously expressed interest in having one. But I told them, just because he did that doesn’t mean he’s gets a free family and friends pass lol. He initiated those connections. It’s like someone inviting you to their home, and then that person just shows up unannounced to your home and says, “I had you over for dinner, I should be able to just come over anytime I want now!” 
 

That said: I’m still friends with my friend, and he understood that the guy was a jerk because of how he talked to me. The “fuck Buddy” I told him I’m done and did NOT accept his apology. Here’s the lowest form of trash out here in Kansas City (and there’s a lot of it here). Has a lot of charm and fakes a good catch on social media (even posting the pics the 3 of us took at the mall, completely omitting the fact that neither of us are dealing with him anymore).  

Edited July 6, 2021 by Jarrod_Uncut