Deposit for future meetings during current downtime

[maninsoma]

I'm not a fan of lending money to family or friends. I'm in the camp that says if you can afford to give a gift, then do that instead of lending money.

 

I don't think I'd be too happy to have a "provider" reach out to me to ask for a loan, but if I felt close enough to the guy I might gift him some money.

 

Someone I barely know in Mexico benefited from my generosity a few times earlier this year. He didn't reach out to me. I am friends on Facebook with him after spending a fair amount of time in a small bar he runs. He is a nice guy and, apparently, an animal lover given what he posts. He had rescued a horribly neglected kitten and was getting it food and medicine despite being unemployed due to the pandemic. I reached out to him and told him I wanted to help him a bit since I knew times were tough and he was incurring extra expenses rescuing the kitten. He was appreciative. I am far from wealthy, but still working and could afford to send him money a few times. I don't expect anything in return (I don't even know when I will be back to Mexico to see him), but it felt good knowing that I helped someone get through a tough time.

[+ Keith30309]

Update: I gave money to three guys to prepay for meetings. Two have moved out of state and I’ve not heard back from the third. I’m out a bit over $1000.

Lesson learned.

I’m becoming a little irked with a RM guy to whom I gave $500 in April’ish as agreed pre-payment. I considered him more reliable than any other guy I helped. He was dependable, seemed genuine in all our meets and mature.

He used to be active on this Forum (with a couple of hundred posts) and i posted recommendations a few times about positive meets.

 

He moved frpm Atlanta to Seattle mid-summer and his RM profile is active with recent logins today and the phone number is the same.

I’ve texted him a few times and not received any response, most recently a week ago.

 

I am trying to decide if I want to message him on RM.

[marylander1940]

I’m becoming a little irked with a RM guy to whom I gave $500 in April’ish as agreed pre-payment. I considered him more reliable than any other guy I helped. He was dependable, seemed genuine in all our meets and mature.

He used to be active on this Forum (with a couple of hundred posts) and i posted recommendations a few times about positive meets.

 

He moved frpm Atlanta to Seattle mid-summer and his RM profile is active with recent logins today and the phone number is the same.

I’ve texted him a few times and not received any response, most recently a week ago.

 

I am trying to decide if I want to message him on RM.

 

no deposit's policy is pretty popular among us.

 

I think it's time for you to move on, reporting him to warn others on here might be a good idea but it's up to you.

[orville]

reporting him to warn others

True. Don't enable scammers. This is what this forum is for.

[+ MysticMenace]

Looks like the OP got his answer on post #43.

 

I have been the person that does not expect to see the money back once I give it to a person - family, friends, acquaintances, and providers alike. I think it takes a certain humility for someone to ask for help, and if I am blessed enough with discretionary funds, then I do not see a problem with extending the blessing when I can. I think the takeaway for me here is to actually let the recipient know that what I am giving them is a gift. In retrospect, when I gave a provider $1000 to help him with his rent for a place he's looking at in DC but ended up moving to Philly and sending him another $500 to help him with storage fees to help him move to NYC, or detail reviewing his resume, I was not expecting to see the money back. Although I wonder, because I had not told him directly that the funds he received were gifts, that he would feel pressured to make up for the money he was given.

 

Thanks, @barullo, for posting this topic. Certainly gave me some things to think about.

[marylander1940]

Looks like the OP got his answer on post #43.

 

I have been the person that does not expect to see the money back once I give it to a person - family, friends, acquaintances, and providers alike. I think it takes a certain humility for someone to ask for help, and if I am blessed enough with discretionary funds, then I do not see a problem with extending the blessing when I can. I think the takeaway for me here is to actually let the recipient know that what I am giving them is a gift. In retrospect, when I gave a provider $1000 to help him with his rent for a place he's looking at in DC but ended up moving to Philly and sending him another $500 to help him with storage fees to help him move to NYC, or detail reviewing his resume, I was not expecting to see the money back. Although I wonder, because I had not told him directly that the funds he received were gifts, that he would feel pressured to make up for the money he was given.

 

Thanks, @barullo, for posting this topic. Certainly gave me some things to think about.

 

Considering we only know the details you're telling us and the relationship between the 2 of you.... I would have hired him or consider that money to be for future meetings A.K.A. "nature's credit card"

 

Have you thought about taking Amtrak (or Megabus) to Philly and get your money back as time spent with him?

[marylander1940]

Looks like the OP got his answer on post #43.

 

I have been the person that does not expect to see the money back once I give it to a person - family, friends, acquaintances, and providers alike. I think it takes a certain humility for someone to ask for help, and if I am blessed enough with discretionary funds, then I do not see a problem with extending the blessing when I can. I think the takeaway for me here is to actually let the recipient know that what I am giving them is a gift. In retrospect, when I gave a provider $1000 to help him with his rent for a place he's looking at in DC but ended up moving to Philly and sending him another $500 to help him with storage fees to help him move to NYC, or detail reviewing his resume, I was not expecting to see the money back. Although I wonder, because I had not told him directly that the funds he received were gifts, that he would feel pressured to make up for the money he was given.

 

Thanks, @barullo, for posting this topic. Certainly gave me some things to think about.

 

Considering we only know the details you're telling us and the relationship between the 2 of you.... I would have hired him or consider that money to be for future meetings A.K.A. "nature's credit card"

 

Have you thought about taking Amtrak (or Megabus) to Philly and get your money back as time spent with him?

[marylander1940]

Update: I gave money to three guys to prepay for meetings. Two have moved out of state and I’ve not heard back from the third. I’m out a bit over $1000.

Lesson learned.

 

Damn...

 

I know an escort who got his nose job paid by a client, it was something like 1 encounter a week till covering the bill of X amount.

 

He kept his word!

 

He still hires him!

 

It pays to keep your word in any kind of business, besides considering the "baggage" some gay men have nobody wants to become the last straw and piss him off.

[marylander1940]

Update: I gave money to three guys to prepay for meetings. Two have moved out of state and I’ve not heard back from the third. I’m out a bit over $1000.

Lesson learned.

 

Damn...

 

I know an escort who got his nose job paid by a client, it was something like 1 encounter a week till covering the bill of X amount.

 

He kept his word!

 

He still hires him!

 

It pays to keep your word in any kind of business, besides considering the "baggage" some gay men have nobody wants to become the last straw and piss him off.

[Jamie21]

I’m a provider. Times are indeed tough, my income has reduced significantly but I’d never consider asking a client for payment in advance. I don’t know his circumstances but can say for myself that I put away money to cover periods when my business might fall away so I’m glad of that now. Doing work like this isn’t like getting a regular pay check so it’s important to build up a good buffer to smooth out the lean times.

If you pay him in advance I agree with others who have said it will change the dynamic. He could view your booking as an obligation rather than one entered into willingly with the expectation of payment after. For me it’s important that my client pays after the service and feels that they received a service that is well worth what they paid.

It might be different if you’ve booked for next week and he asks for part payment in advance but to ask for money on account for services yet to be arranged is a step too far. There’s too many opportunities for things to go wrong.

[Jamie21]

I’m a provider. Times are indeed tough, my income has reduced significantly but I’d never consider asking a client for payment in advance. I don’t know his circumstances but can say for myself that I put away money to cover periods when my business might fall away so I’m glad of that now. Doing work like this isn’t like getting a regular pay check so it’s important to build up a good buffer to smooth out the lean times.

If you pay him in advance I agree with others who have said it will change the dynamic. He could view your booking as an obligation rather than one entered into willingly with the expectation of payment after. For me it’s important that my client pays after the service and feels that they received a service that is well worth what they paid.

It might be different if you’ve booked for next week and he asks for part payment in advance but to ask for money on account for services yet to be arranged is a step too far. There’s too many opportunities for things to go wrong.

[jtwalker]

I never lend money to anyone. If I can't afford or don't want to give it away, then I don't do it.

 

Friends, family and otherwise, lending all too frequently leads to trouble.

[jtwalker]

I never lend money to anyone. If I can't afford or don't want to give it away, then I don't do it.

 

Friends, family and otherwise, lending all too frequently leads to trouble.

[+ mature_guy]

I never lend money to anyone. If I can't afford or don't want to give it away, then I don't do it.

 

Friends, family and otherwise, lending all too frequently leads to trouble.

“Neither a borrower nor a lender be; / For loan oft loses both itself and friend.” (Hamlet Act I Scene III)

[+ mature_guy]

I never lend money to anyone. If I can't afford or don't want to give it away, then I don't do it.

 

Friends, family and otherwise, lending all too frequently leads to trouble.

“Neither a borrower nor a lender be; / For loan oft loses both itself and friend.” (Hamlet Act I Scene III)

[+ MysticMenace]

Considering we only know the details you're telling us and the relationship between the 2 of you.... I would have hired him or consider that money to be for future meetings A.K.A. "nature's credit card"

 

Have you thought about taking Amtrak (or Megabus) to Philly and get your money back as time spent with him?

 

Oh I would still hire him, but he rarely visits DC now and he currently lives in NYC. I think the last time he visited DC was just for a day in January for a job interview.

[marylander1940]

Oh I would still hire him, but he rarely visits DC now and he currently lives in NYC. I think the last time he visited DC was just for a day in January for a job interview.

 

he owes you a few free appointments.

[Maximiliam]

Hell no

[Emir]

A popular LA provider I used to hire on a regular basis said he needed to pay some unexpected bills and asked for a 4-session advance. I trusted him and gave him the money. You would never guess what happened next.

 

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[Rod Hagen]

“Neither a borrower nor a lender be; / For loan oft loses both itself and friend.” (Hamlet Act I Scene III)

 

That's just some shit a made up person said.

[+ FreshFluff]

Not a fan. Too many pitfalls. And I'm afraid the dynamic of any future booking may be off; people often tend to engage in obligations for which they've already been paid begrudgingly, like they're doing you a favor by upholding their end.

 

This isnt limited to escorts. Remember when social media was awash with pleas to buy gift cards so that restaurants could survive?

 

One fancy place around here promoted its pick-up-only, $130 per person Valentine’s Day dinners. They noted that ”our website’s payment system does not accept gift cards.” This was on their own site, not on a delivery service. The special V-day items were still available the following week.

Edited February 20, 2021 by FreshFluff

[MscleLovr]

“Neither a borrower nor a lender be; / For loan oft loses both itself and friend.” (Hamlet Act I Scene III)

A popular LA provider I used…asked for a 4-session advance. I trusted him and gave him the money. You would never guess what happened next.

…Remember when social media was awash with pleas to buy gift cards so that restaurants could survive? One fancy place around here promoted its $130 per person Valentine’s Day dinners. They noted that ”our website…does not accept gift cards.”…The special V-day items were still available the following week.

 

All this excellent advice puts me in mind of the English proverb (which dates back to the late 16th century): “A fool and his money are soon parted.”

[Guest Justin7402]

I've had this issue 3-4 times, I tend to prefer a single long running meetup most of the time so when they need help it's hard to say no, but it seems like when they already have the money they lose a lot of the drive to show up to give a "free" appointment. I've been burned a few times and stopped seeing a couple people over it, so I'm telling myself I won't do it again but I'm something of a softy so I could end up caving haha.

[MscleLovr]

I'm telling myself I won't do it again but I'm something of a softy so I could end up caving haha.

 

I’m glad you can laugh at yourself @Justin7402.

 

Why not - next time you’re asked for money before any service - tell the guy you need to have an immediate date tho you’ve no money, but you just need to see how good his service is?

 

I guarantee he won’t deliver, he won’t “cave”, and you’ll see the folly of your behavior.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

While I'm not a fan of escorts who ask for a bulk of cash up front for yet-to-be-determined meets, I have used deposit requests with much success, mostly when my bullshit meter goes off on time-waster emails.

 

If something feels a little off, a deposit request through electronic channels is an immediate way to confirm if someone is serious or not.