Deposit for future meetings during current downtime

[tenderloin]

Not a fan. Too many pitfalls. And I'm afraid the dynamic of any future booking may be off; people often tend to engage in obligations for which they've already been paid begrudgingly, like they're doing you a favor by upholding their end.

 

I understand that this guy needs some help. That's when he should look to friends and family, but not clients.

 

Kevin Slater

 

Very insightful, Kevin. I had a situation like that with a regular provider who asked for "an advance" that he would work off later. Those later sessions played out just the way you describe, and it ended the relationship.

[+ smara]

How true Kevin Slater's statement is !!

Edited April 21, 2020 by smara

[marylander1940]

This is bugging me now.

I’m starting to dread the possibility of an awkward or uncomfortable meeting with any of these guys, all of whom I’ve always had terrific chemistry with.

 

Why would they be ungrateful and all of the sudden lost chemistry with you?

 

Do you still have that SA arrangement with that twink 400 per week?

[+ Keith30309]

I‘ve given upfront money to only one non-pro SA guy though several have asked. He just happened to be the last guy I saw before all the quarantine stuff hit suddenly. We’ve been texting every day and he’s eager to meet.

[Rod Hagen]

How true Kevin Slater's statement is !!

 

I find it kind of cold.

 

If an escort reaches out for advanced payment, the friends and family Kevin referenced may not exist, or aren't an option. Maybe the escort trusts you more he does them. Additionally, there seems to be a bit of silent blame here toward the escort's failure to put aside several months worth of income. A wise thing that the majority of non-escorts as well neglect to do.

 

It may happen that some escorts resent some appointments, makeup or otherwise. Those guys suck, that's a given.

 

No escort should be looking for handouts. If you can't afford to pre-pay an escort, you shouldn't.

 

If you can and you trust that he'll give you the usual 100% when it happens, Great. And as some have mentioned, if you fear a loan is likely to make him feel uncomfortably beholden, you can make it a gift if you like.

 

Either way, remember that helping others is a proven way of making yourself feel good.

Edited April 22, 2020 by Rod Hagen

[marylander1940]

THIS.

I wouldn't be getting by if it wasn't for my regular whose been helping me out during all of this. Needless to say he is getting a very nice reward to show my appreciation once this is all over

 

We're glad to hear that and you're not the only escort grateful with his regular clients who're helping him prepaying him now.

 

Here you have a thread about this subject.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

I find it kind of cold.

 

If an escort reaches out for advanced payment, the friends and family Kevin referenced may not exist, or aren't an option. Maybe the escort trusts you more he does them. Additionally, there seems to be a bit of silent blame here toward the escort's failure to put aside several months worth of income. A wise thing that the majority of non-escorts as well neglect to do.

 

It may happen that some escorts resent some appointments, makeup or otherwise. Those guys suck, that's a given.

 

No escort should be looking for handouts. If you can't afford to pre-pay an escort, you shouldn't.

 

If you can and you trust that he'll give you the usual 100% when it happens, Great. And as some have mentioned, if you fear a loan is likely to make him feel uncomfortably beholden, you can make it a gift if you like. Either way, remember that helping others is a proven way of making yourself feel good.

 

I absolutely, 100% agree with the above (even though Kevin Slater is right 99.9% of the time lol).

 

I tried that last month, opening a gofund me so I wouldn’t have to “directly” ask friends for assistance, after I came down with an unexpected health issue (non sexually related) and was out of commission for 6 days + over $800 in unexpected car repairs. I made it thru all 3, and survived (thank goodness it was before the brunt of the virus restrictions started making headlines) but it was the week after, that I really started to feel the sting. The money I had saved up and set aside, was gone. Add to that, I was out of town (living in Florida temporarily for the “In” season).

 

My friends made a complete mockery out of me. Saying very rude things and giving horrible advice. I forgave them all, and they all came back around once they seen I came back, but in my spirit I will never forget. They’re all too happy to see me spend money around them, but in my eyes they were being mean spirited because I was in sunny Florida, while they were still stuck in winter.

 

When the pandemic made headlines, I felt a sense of being understood (thru the universe). People finally understand you can lose all sense of financial stability, when something unexpected happens...out of your control.

 

How I ultimately pulled myself together, were all client related. Had 3 clients from Thursday to Saturday which was 1,050 (obviously one was a longer session). Paid my RentMen ads, bills, then bounced back. The next week, 4 clients, then got out of dodge when Florida announced they’d be closing beaches.

 

But I learned from there, most gay friends (and likely friends in general) are only around for convenience and during good times. Some do help...but only when you’re in their presence. Once you’re out of sight, you’re out of mind. And that’s why it’s so important that I continue to carry on during this time, because I can’t expect to fall back or get help from anyone else who’s not a client or Uncle Sam.

[marylander1940]

I‘ve given upfront money to only one non-pro SA guy though several have asked. He just happened to be the last guy I saw before all the quarantine stuff hit suddenly. We’ve been texting every day and he’s eager to meet.

 

It's hard to keep up with all your stories about SA and regular hiring.

 

Not a fan. Too many pitfalls. And I'm afraid the dynamic of any future booking may be off; people often tend to engage in obligations for which they've already been paid begrudgingly, like they're doing you a favor by upholding their end.

 

I understand that this guy needs some help. That's when he should look to friends and family, but not clients.

 

Kevin Slater

 

yes, but YOU have your shit together while other guys in the business can't even save for next month's bill.

 

Unfortunately I've known SO many escorts who retired with no savings at all.

 

Answering the question by the OP @barullo there are a couple of guys I paid in advance during this hopefully once in a lifetime pandemic time.

[Rod Hagen]

[quote="marylander1940, post: 1900205, member: 9528"}

yes, but YOU have your shit together while other guys in the business can't even save for next month's bill.

 

an unfortunate situation not unique to escorts.

[down_to_business]

It is dangerous to apply the standard you would conduct yourself(s) to the broad category of escorts (or even people) in general. I don't doubt that if you took a deposit or prepayment, that you (ie. @Rod Hagen ) wouldn't even consider not honoring it. Inexperienced clients reading these forums should not be so trusting until they have established solid and proven relationships.

Unfortunately, speaking from experience, not all men honor thier words or obligations. Additionally, when someone's consideration (i.e. payment or reward) has already been received- there is an understandable chance the motivation might no longer be there... even if the client is lucky enough to still have the service provided.

 

Perhaps you should ask yourself as a client, if the situation was reversed, would the escort be willing to help you out if you needed it? If you can honestly answer "yes", then by all means- go for it! I would say I am fortunate enough to have met 2 escorts (over the decades) that I could. But (unfortunately) I have met a whole lot more who wouldn't.

Edited April 22, 2020 by down_to_business

[Jarrod_Uncut]

It is dangerous to apply the standard you would conduct yourself(s) to the broad category of escorts (or even people) in general. I don't doubt that if you took a deposit or prepayment, that you (ie. @Rod Hagen ) wouldn't even consider not honoring it. Inexperienced clients reading these forums should not be so trusting until they have established solid and proven relationships.

Unfortunately, speaking from experience, not all men honor thier words or obligations. Additionally, when someone's consideration (i.e. payment or reward) has already been received- there is an understandable chance the motivation might no longer be there... even if the client is lucky enough to still have the service provided.

 

Perhaps you should ask yourself as a client, if the situation was reversed, would the escort be willing to help you out if you needed it? If you can honestly answer "yes", then by all means- go for it! I would say I am fortunate enough to have met 2 escorts (over the decades) that I could. But (unfortunately) I have met a whole lot more who wouldn't.

 

I can see your point here. And from my experiences as an escort, dealing with other escorts; some have differing levels of integrity (the last escort I hung out with thought it was cute to shoplift, so I had to keep my wallet out of reach during the whole 45 minutes I wasted my time meeting back up with him after a pretty hot 3 way client session a week prior) So in some ways, I can understand the client’s end of things. Clients don’t want to be used as a pawn ♟

 

There’s also 1 important thing I noticed in this thread, that no one mentioned:

 

A provider I have met several times texted me today asking for a deposit for our next meetings, since times are tough

 

I think what stands out, is the escort contacted the client and asked for a deposit. That in itself was the wrong move. The very few clients who have “sponsored” me, have done so out of their own generosity, and after speaking in person that “if I ever need anything, let them know”. I’d never initiate asking a deposit for future meetings. I would only do that if someone contacts me and wishes to schedule an appointment, not the other way around. Like the other week, someone requested an appointment in a nearby state. All I did was send him my booking links to confirm, and he sent me $500 before we had even set a date. Which was certainly more than what I was expecting. By the time I met him, I had only touched $50 of that, as that’s all I needed to get down there as accommodations were taken care of by him.

 

But it just goes show: I didn’t ask, he offered. I simply made myself available, and did the run down as I always do. I ask for deposits, but generally for visits within the near future, and if it involves travel or hosting when it involve hotels (helps cut down on the “oh I can’t make it” brigade, after I’ve already paid for the venue) Not for some ambivalent future date.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

It is dangerous to apply the standard you would conduct yourself(s) to the broad category of escorts (or even people) in general. I don't doubt that if you took a deposit or prepayment, that you (ie. @Rod Hagen ) wouldn't even consider not honoring it. Inexperienced clients reading these forums should not be so trusting until they have established solid and proven relationships.

Unfortunately, speaking from experience, not all men honor thier words or obligations. Additionally, when someone's consideration (i.e. payment or reward) has already been received- there is an understandable chance the motivation might no longer be there... even if the client is lucky enough to still have the service provided.

 

Perhaps you should ask yourself as a client, if the situation was reversed, would the escort be willing to help you out if you needed it? If you can honestly answer "yes", then by all means- go for it! I would say I am fortunate enough to have met 2 escorts (over the decades) that I could. But (unfortunately) I have met a whole lot more who wouldn't.

 

I can see your point here. And from my experiences as an escort, dealing with other escorts; some have differing levels of integrity (the last escort I hung out with thought it was cute to shoplift, so I had to keep my wallet out of reach during the whole 45 minutes I wasted my time meeting back up with him after a pretty hot 3 way client session a week prior) So in some ways, I can understand the client’s end of things. Clients don’t want to be used as a pawn ♟

 

There’s also 1 important thing I noticed in this thread, that no one mentioned:

 

A provider I have met several times texted me today asking for a deposit for our next meetings, since times are tough

 

I think what stands out, is the escort contacted the client and asked for a deposit. That in itself was the wrong move. The very few clients who have “sponsored” me, have done so out of their own generosity, and after speaking in person that “if I ever need anything, let them know”. I’d never initiate asking a deposit for future meetings. I would only do that if someone contacts me and wishes to schedule an appointment, not the other way around. Like the other week, someone requested an appointment in a nearby state. All I did was send him my booking links to confirm, and he sent me $500 before we had even set a date. Which was certainly more than what I was expecting. By the time I met him, I had only touched $50 of that, as that’s all I needed to get down there as accommodations were taken care of by him.

 

But it just goes show: I didn’t ask, he offered. I simply made myself available, and did the run down as I always do. I ask for deposits, but generally for visits within the near future, and if it involves travel or hosting when it involve hotels (helps cut down on the “oh I can’t make it” brigade, after I’ve already paid for the venue) Not for some ambivalent future date.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

Another thing I wish to add to this: lately I’ve been hearing from some first time clients, that they’ve gotten burned in the past by sending escorts deposits.

 

This in particular bothers me, because for 1, it’s not as if I burned them. And then 2, it seems to infer that we as escorts don’t get burned...oftentimes far more than once or twice. I always ask them, did the provider who burned you have several good reviews like I do? Because if not, that’s a short sight on their end. I have nothing to do with that, anymore than I have to do with an escort who actually meets a client, takes the money, and then “left something in the car”.

 

A prospective client shouldn’t look at providers, as a telemarketer. They contact us, on platforms that I spend $150 a month on. It also costs to set up accommodations and travel out to see a client.

 

I make it clear in my ads that I only host locally with deposit (because I too have been burned, making concessions to leave my house and get a hotel, only for people to not show up). The fact that some people try to ignore booking procedures, and then indirectly suspect someone is a scammer, is painting anyone who asks for advances in a bad light.

 

But in reality, it may simply just be someone who wants to be in control of their life, and not just go dashing out the door for any Tom, dick and Harry who sends a text message asking to meet. People have it backwards to think that we are to trust them, more than they should trust us.

 

I also wanted to re-address another poster saying what would someone do if they were a personal trainer. Well it’s actually quite common that personal trainers get their money for several sessions, in advance in 1 lump sum. You may pay $XXX for 6 sessions, but that’s not at each session. That’s in advance of each session.

Edited April 29, 2020 by Jarrod_Uncut

[AJ Doyle]

Please don't take this wrong (lest I might have taken you wrong), but don't feel "sorry" for anyone like us, in "times like this".

 

I'm not understanding where some people think there's this surplus of funds to save up. I want to see how some of these people are living. If someone is fortunate enough to truly be able to go client-free during this period which could last til June, you have to either have been getting a good amount of clients, or like @marylander1940 said, very thrifty.

 

In my case, just this week alone: I had to renew my car insurance, Rentmen ad, phone bill, and some other miscellaneous bills/essentials from Amazon. All to the tune of about $500.

 

As for "savings", I had some left over from a tour two weeks ago, because at this point there's really nowhere to go to spend money on. I had 1 Local client last week (who I won't be seeing again due to his repeated psycho analyzation after every session we do). And then I had a client send me a nice deposit for a session later this week.

 

So, that's just how it is. My only regrets is not asking a different client for a deposit. I met him previously, and he was fine. But he flaked back in December, and I gave him a 2nd chance. Only for him to do it AGAIN yesterday. We were supposed to be doing a 2 hour out of town session, with it potentially being an overnight. Did the same thing he did previously; comes across interested on the phone, but then day of comes and no response at all.

 

And what made it so bad, he came around and contacted me last week, like his disappearing act in December never happened. I brought it up. I give him a chance, but then they take my kindness for weakness. And then other clients are shocked when we ask for deposits. Because some people mess it up for others. For a little while I thought I'd ease up on the deposits, but clearly I'm going to have to go right back to doing it again.

 

People like that don't appreciate our craft. Then they can't understand why I cut their ties. And 10 times out of 10, they come back around. It’s almost like they can’t remember. But when they keep doing the same thing, they are no longer a customer, but a shoplifter. Shoplifting my valuable time. And the only way to stop it is with a deposit.

I'm not sure what I said that upset you!? I just said that I am doing well cause financially I was prepared. When I said I feel sorry for anyone that didn't prepare... I didn't mean pity. I just meant I'm glad that I'm not in that situation. I was basically saying I'm very lucky.... Wasn't a dig on you or anyone else. Just expressing that others are suffering and I am Not... I really don't understand how my sharing that I am not experiencing hard times upset you? I guess I worded what I said poorly so for that I apologize. I am thrifty though. Always plan for bad shit to happen. So that has worked out for me. And as for my RM ad I froze mine. Anyways sorry you are having difficulty and that my comment upset you. I think you misunderstood or took what I was saying the wrong way. I'm regretting coming into the forum last night :-(

[AJ Doyle]

Please don't take this wrong (lest I might have taken you wrong), but don't feel "sorry" for anyone like us, in "times like this".

 

I'm not understanding where some people think there's this surplus of funds to save up. I want to see how some of these people are living. If someone is fortunate enough to truly be able to go client-free during this period which could last til June, you have to either have been getting a good amount of clients, or like @marylander1940 said, very thrifty.

 

In my case, just this week alone: I had to renew my car insurance, Rentmen ad, phone bill, and some other miscellaneous bills/essentials from Amazon. All to the tune of about $500.

 

As for "savings", I had some left over from a tour two weeks ago, because at this point there's really nowhere to go to spend money on. I had 1 Local client last week (who I won't be seeing again due to his repeated psycho analyzation after every session we do). And then I had a client send me a nice deposit for a session later this week.

 

So, that's just how it is. My only regrets is not asking a different client for a deposit. I met him previously, and he was fine. But he flaked back in December, and I gave him a 2nd chance. Only for him to do it AGAIN yesterday. We were supposed to be doing a 2 hour out of town session, with it potentially being an overnight. Did the same thing he did previously; comes across interested on the phone, but then day of comes and no response at all.

 

And what made it so bad, he came around and contacted me last week, like his disappearing act in December never happened. I brought it up. I give him a chance, but then they take my kindness for weakness. And then other clients are shocked when we ask for deposits. Because some people mess it up for others. For a little while I thought I'd ease up on the deposits, but clearly I'm going to have to go right back to doing it again.

 

People like that don't appreciate our craft. Then they can't understand why I cut their ties. And 10 times out of 10, they come back around. It’s almost like they can’t remember. But when they keep doing the same thing, they are no longer a customer, but a shoplifter. Shoplifting my valuable time. And the only way to stop it is with a deposit.

I re read my comment. I was up late and I guess I didn't word what I said very sensitively. I wasn't bragging though that I'm doing well. I was just sharing what I did to prepare for this... Mostly cause I'm a glass half full kinda guy, so I'm always planning for bad shit to happen. But I can see how it came off the wrong way. Sorry about that. I only chose to quit working cause I have a roommate that is super intense about this pandemic and didn't wanna listen to his complaining each time I went out. In return though I told him to not expect my full rent. Which he agreed to. I totally don't judge others for working though and I guess you thought I was? I wasn't. Anyways hopefully we are on the same page now and you aren't mad at me anymore? I will prob just delete my comment since it upset you and be more careful on this forum about commenting?

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Mostly cause I'm a glass half full kinda guy, so I'm always planning for bad shit to happen

 

Just a side note... When you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop, you'd be a glass-half-empty guy

[bendable2019]

A provider I have met several times texted me today asking for a deposit for our next meetings, since times are tough. Last time we were together it was a 5-day long hire, so I know and trust the guy. But I’m not really sure when I’m going to be able to hire him again, so right now it feels a little risky to put a deposit on something I’m not sure it’s going to happen. But I still feel I could help him, and anyways it’s very likely I would still getting my “money” back. Any insight, opinions?

 

I will never ever fall into that trap! I had a similar experience before - the guy just didn’t respond at all to my texts and calls. The bloody s o a beach! ??

[+ barullo]

I will never ever fall into that trap! I had a similar experience before - the guy just didn’t respond at all to my texts and calls. The bloody s o a beach! ??

 

sorry about that !!

[Daverwr]

I have some non-provider experience but I do have a very close (almost best friend) experience. I lent him a goodly amount of money, which was to be repaid in two months. It has been well over two years and it’s still not fully paid. Granted, at the two year mark, he did pay a fair amount. But, it is not fully paid. I don’t have any “service” to offer to get it paid off.

 

I won’t offer to loan anyone money regardless of the situation or person.

[+ Keith30309]

Update: I gave money to three guys to prepay for meetings. Two have moved out of state and I’ve not heard back from the third. I’m out a bit over $1000.

Lesson learned.

[+ MakeMeCowboy]

When COVID hit, I had a provider who I'd seen several times and like, he hit me up for a loan. I told him that I needed to think about it. The next day, I told him that I'd give him the money... not as a loan or expectations of future services. I made up my mind, years ago, never to loan money that I couldn't afford to give. Subsequently, I've prepaid his RM ad, anonymously, a couple of times.

[D21howie]

Not a fan. Too many pitfalls. And I'm afraid the dynamic of any future booking may be off; people often tend to engage in obligations for which they've already been paid begrudgingly, like they're doing you a favor by upholding their end.

 

I understand that this guy needs some help. That's when he should look to friends and family, but not clients.

 

Kevin Slater

 

Kevin I agree 100%. I have given people money in turn I was burn at the end.

[+ outlaer]

A provider I have met several times texted me today asking for a deposit for our next meetings, since times are tough. Last time we were together it was a 5-day long hire, so I know and trust the guy. But I’m not really sure when I’m going to be able to hire him again, so right now it feels a little risky to put a deposit on something I’m not sure it’s going to happen. But I still feel I could help him, and anyways it’s very likely I would still getting my “money” back. Any insight, opinions?

If it’s not a significant amt for you but will

Help him, yeah. Do it.

[+ MakeMeCowboy]

When COVID hit, didn't we all become, collectively, just people? Not a client, not a provider, on and on. I'm not a wealthy man but luckier than many. The thought of maintaining a scorecard, particularly one that includes sexual compensation... ugg. I continue to subsidize a couple of people in my life due to trouble caused by COVID. For those who feel 'burned...' call the recipient of your financial assistance and genuinely forgive the debt then write back and let us know how if feels.

[thedanNYC]

I continue to subsidize a couple of people in my life