My house has been a bordello!

[marylander1940]

Affairs are often, in part, a misguided attempt to adjust an imbalance in power and authority ... the younger migrant’s rather circumscribed stock value put to default use in the context of non-negotiable ultimatum ... herein alluded to by the disappointed author.

 

Non-condoned implicit or explicit breaches a cray-cray attempt to reconcile the upper-hand imposition as experienced by the young infidel, however logical and conventional those expectations are viewed by neutrals.

 

There is usually more involved that the typical trope from which emanates a relatively narrow view of practical handling this type of not uncommon scenario. Advice to retaliate with the extant superior resources, if taken, simply theoretically reinforces the notion of a flimsy house of cards toppled by a runaway train dynamic. The image that emerges for me is a snake swallowing it’s own tail.

 

And, sigh ... an identical reset after the tears are wiped away. After all, it was just an unfortunate choice of recruit into the bind.

 

God only knows why more mature well-heeled guys with resources to sponsor ‘desirables’ don’t seek adequate insight coaching prior to the sponsee’s trans to ‘despicable’.

 

You're making good points but I'm unsure of calling this a sugar-daddy type relationship.

 

Unicorn has had a much younger boyfriend from Latin America that he was going to marry.

 

 

 

1. Unicorn's Latin American boyfriend, whom he has been supporting and was planning to marry had another lover that he was stringing along.

 

2. When the boyfriend was away with either Unicorn or his other lover, he would tell each he was seeing Paraguayan friends that he would not introduce the other to.

 

3. The other lover broke up with the boyfriend after finding some pictures on the boyfriend's phone by using the boyfriend's finger to unlock the phone when he was drunk.

 

4. The other lover sent mail to Unicorn's work address with pictures of the boyfriend's unfaithfulness along with supporting evidence of knowing Unicorn and the boyfriend's previous travel plans.

 

5. Unicorn's home was being used as a bordello when Unicorn was away at conferences.

 

6. Unicorn is about to go to a conference but will kick out the (now former) boyfriend when he returns home.

 

Gman

 

7) @Unicorn I would have a friend check on him while you're away. I'm not talking about whether he'll be having fun or not in your house which I'm sure he'll do. I'm concerned about him being left alone either knowing or guessing you'll kick him out when you're back. Hide CC, SC and other important things, check your credit in case he opened a CC in your name, etc. If a friend could stay in the house even better.

 

Have a safe a trip, and a productive conference! Once you get back home life goes on, break ups happen and we all get by.

Edited October 25, 2019 by marylander1940

[Jaguar1]

I'm seriously sorry that you had that experience. In my youth, I got involved with a very attractive young man who was having trouble keeping a good job. On my birthday, after waiting for him to appear for four hours later than we had agreed on, a bartender told me that Joe had another lover as well as me. The other guy, after finding out about me, offered to give me the ring, which I had bought for Joe. Joe supposedly left for a different city. I hope that I learned my lesson from that experience.

[jawjateck]

Love is high-risk/high-reward. You risked it all to try to get what you want, and that's far better than growing bitter and old and filled with regrets wondering what "might have been if only....." I hope your heart heals soon.

[+ funguy86]

@Unicorn, I am sorry to hear this. I hope when you are ready, you take another chance on love and not let this experience take away your enthusiasm and optimism towards relationships.

[+ Kufrol]

I hope these comments have helped you sort through this painfully complex transition. You might consider having someone accompany you when you return to your home, not only for moral (and morale) support, but to serve as a witness in case your ex-boyfriend accuses you of any number of things later on. Don't forget to breathe, and rely on the strength of your convictions and friends.

[+ nycman]

I’m sorry this happened to you Unicorn.

 

You owe the other lover a huge thank you for helping you see the light.

Even if his motivation wasn’t 100% pure, he did you a big favor. He very

easily could have just moved on with his life and let you continue to play the

part of the fool.

 

One is easily fooled by that which one loves.

- Moliere

Edited October 26, 2019 by nycman

[+ sniper]

Sorry to hear about this. Is there any chance he might get violent? You might want to have someone with you when you confront him.

[Guest]

Wow. I really want to thank you guys from the bottom of my heart. I was prepared for "I told you so's", which didn't appear. I'm very touched by the concern. At this time, I'm just about on my way to the airport. Gar1eth summarized it perfectly. If I can say one positive thing about my ex is that he never stole anything from my house, though the other dude who was with him, we can call him "X", spent money on him without knowing that I was already paying for all of my ex's expenses, and there were some mysterious amazon charges on the credit card he used for expenses ($1000 per month limit). He also tended to shop for clothes at TJMaxx. I recently spoke with X, and learned some more bad news. My ex was treated for syphilis! So I guess I'll need to be tested when I get back. He sent me screen shots from texts to prove it. I'm not going to tip my hand by having someone come over while I'm gone, which would make him suspicious. I'll tell him in 10 days on Monday, take Tuesday off, and insist that he leave that Tuesday, when I'll be happy to take his stuff somewhere should he so desire, but I'm changing the locks to my house on that Tuesday.

I thought when he came back from Paraguay that I would meet his friends, and this would be a new chapter in our relationship. I even had a meeting with the lawyer for drawing up the pre-nuptial agreement. When I didn't meet the friends, though, I told the lawyer I was going to hold off. That was a huge red flag. I don't know why X wasn't even more suspicious. After all, he was sleeping most nights at my house (once or less a week at his house, unless I was gone), yet X lived in San Francisco, and my ex goes to USF, but I live in the suburbs. I would have found it super weird that he wouldn't ever stay the night with me on week-nights!

I have no idea where all of the money went, and I'll probably never find out. Was he stashing it? Sending it to his family? I guess there's no way I'll ever know.

[rvwnsd]

Apologies for being late to the activities, @Unicorn . This just sucks and I am sincerely sorry he cheated on you not once, but who knows how many times. Fortunately, you recognized the red flag before drawing up the pre-nup and "X" sent you the letter prior to getting married. Pre-nup or no pre-nup, kicking his ass out AFTER getting married would be an expensive, royal pain in the ass.

 

As I tell friend who go through break-ups, I'm sorry you are going through this but I'm not sorry you are getting out of a bad relationship.

 

Hang in there.

 

xoxoxo

[Walker1]

Matters of the heart are always painful and logic flies out of the window. If you want to untangle, use your head. Will he be willing to leave? Some places have residency laws and you can't just kick them out-have to follow a process. he might turn the love bazookas on and beg and plead and tug at your heartstrings to forgive him and profess his undying love.

 

Once the heart gets involved-tough -unless you shut it off. Hopefully it works out smoothly.

[Guest]

Well, he has never paid me a dime in rent. Maybe I'm naive, but I can't see how he can prevent me from kicking him out, especially when he endangered my life by not telling me about the syphilis.

[loremipsum]

Well, he has never paid me a dime in rent. Maybe I'm naive, but I can't see how he can prevent me from kicking him out, especially when he endangered my life by not telling me about the syphilis.

 

There’s a legal concept referred to as “adverse possession”: people have the right to continue living in your home for a while after you formally kick them out — even if they’re not on the lease, even if they’ve never paid for it — and I think definitely if they have mail delivered there. Regrettably, there’s no proviso about syphilis exposure attached. At any rate, I’d venture that the vast majority of people don’t even know about it. Hope that he doesn’t. Don’t mention it for whatever reason.

 

And you may want to have a friend (read: witness) with you when you give him the boot. Perhaps somehow put it in writing too.

[loremipsum]

Take solace in knowing that you are not alone!

 

[+ tassojunior]

Well, he has never paid me a dime in rent. Maybe I'm naive, but I can't see how he can prevent me from kicking him out, especially when he endangered my life by not telling me about the syphilis.

 

In most states it's hard to evict someone legally whether they pay rent or not. An aversion to people being homeless in the streets.

 

Also, I checked the pre-nupt thing when I was thinking of marriage. It's not always 100% enforceable. Again, states prefer not to have someone destitute. He may well have sued for divorce soon and sought to overturn the pre-nupt. Avoiding that is the silver lining.

[MscleLovr]

Thanks for the update @Unicorn. The one part that I take issue with is where you state

I'll tell him in 10 days on Monday

 

I think it would be a major mistake to leave him in your home while you’re away for so long.

You are assuming that the other man X is also finished with your ex and will keep quiet.

If X is jealous of you or isn’t finished with him, X may inform him of your intended action so that he gets “sole custody”.

Or if X is finished with him but feeling vengeful, he may have told your ex that he’s informed you and his ‘good life’ will end soon.

 

You also wrote about your ex that “ he never stole anything from my house”. That’s unsurprising: you paid all his expenses. People do strange things when their lies and deceptions are exposed. Once your ex senses or knows that the end is coming, he may be inclined to take some valuable things away with him.

 

I strongly urge you to change your plans to be away and to act at once. Then at least, this will be over and done with; you will be able to move on.

[Deadlift1]

Yeah ... "[sic] now I got his letter" when the previous third-person antecedent is the live-in 'fiancé'. Common sense suggests that the 3rd party spilled the beans, but then "[sic] that he said was monogamous with him", following the beau as antecedent, suggests that the poster's beau related this detail to the poster ... why would the 3rd party assert his own monogamous stance? Perhaps it means the unfaithful beau asserted the exclusivity of the 3rd party (to the 3rd party). Aargh ... non-isosceles triangles! Need side labels 1, 2, 3 ; point labels A, B, C. Then I can tap into empathy.

Give him a break. He's been through alot. Ur one wack a doodle.

[Deadlift1]

Is the other lover cute? He's single now. Maybe you should date him.

[loremipsum]

There’s a legal concept referred to as “adverse possession”: people have the right to continue living in your home for a while after you formally kick them out — even if they’re not on the lease, even if they’ve never paid for it — and I think definitely if they have mail delivered there. Regrettably, there’s no proviso about syphilis exposure attached. At any rate, I’d venture that the vast majority of people don’t even know about it. Hope that he doesn’t. Don’t mention it for whatever reason.

 

And you may want to have a friend (read: witness) with you when you give him the boot. Perhaps somehow put it in writing too.

 

For clarity’s sake: The “it” to which I was referring is the legal concept I mentioned, not the syphilis ?

 

So if he doesn’t know about “adverse possession,” — we must hope — he can’t avail himself of it.

Edited October 26, 2019 by loremipsum

[LookingAround]

Well, he has never paid me a dime in rent. Maybe I'm naive, but I can't see how he can prevent me from kicking him out, especially when he endangered my life by not telling me about the syphilis.

It’s not so much about rent it’s how long you’ve allowed him to live there. Laws depend on the state but you can’t necessarily legally just kick someone out after letting them live there. In many states if he challenges it there is a process to follow and it could take some time.

[Walker1]

Well, he has never paid me a dime in rent. Maybe I'm naive, but I can't see how he can prevent me from kicking him out, especially when he endangered my life by not telling me about the syphilis.

 

I have never been in this position , but know plenty of people who have been in similar situations-straight and gay. When relations end especially cheating etc-it can get bad fast. I know several straight relations where the guy was forced to go out and let her stay in the house. All kinds of allegations come up-abuse, protective orders, restraining orders-even jail. It really depends on the individuals involved and the state/city where you live and the laws.

 

Now you seem to be a man of some means ,whereas your lover seems to be someone you found online and is much younger and no means as of now.

 

Some people go mad when the gravy train ends and when they function from pure emotion and seek to destroy someone. Now only you know how he will react-but even then he is in a totally different situation. Maybe just consult a landlord/tenant lawyer-for an hour or two and just get some tips.

 

See if he will move out on his own and if he doesn't you have to strategize. Losing your head will make it a mess. Straight couples especially sometimes turns very ugly.

 

Hopefully it works out without any problems and you just have a lessons learned under your belt!

 

Now this is just a worse case scenario-but best be prepared-I have seen strange thing happens when broken hearts are involved. Sometimes I am glad I never fell in love with someone-though I wish I had that!

Edited October 26, 2019 by Walker1

[+ nycman]

I agree that the 10 day delay is a bad move that serves no purpose.

No conference is more important than your home.

Call your lawyers.

Be brutally honest with them.

Listen to their advice. It will be painful to hear.

Get the loser out of your house as quickly and as cleanly as you can.

 

Best of luck.

 

It won’t be pretty.

[+ Topseed]

I was in a similar situation. My lawyer told me that even though the guy never paid me a dime in rent I might need to go through legal eviction (which is expensive and lengthy). I admit I offered him cash to leave, which he accepted, albeit not without a struggle. Thankfully, he either never thought about getting his own legal advice, as he was too consumed by his venomous anger at me to explore his (legal) options.

 

I was elated beyond my power to describe when I got him (and his mountains of junk) out of my home.

[+ Charlie]

You would not deal with a serious medical problem without professional help; likewise, you should not deal with a serious legal problem without professional legal help. Consult a lawyer before even talking with your ex.

[rvwnsd]

Waiting ten days or zero days to deal with your now-ex is neither here nor there to me. This has been going on for quite some time without your knowledge, so I see no harm in waiting another ten days. In fact, the ten days gives you time to consult with your attorney.

 

You can ask him to leave and see how he reacts. Someone mentioned paying him to leave. Given you have, essentially, been paying him to stay, simply cutting off the financial support might send him packing without a struggle.

 

I can't remember whether you and he talked to an immigration attorney. If you did, perhaps a little conversation about his working while a guest of the US on a student visa might be in order. This suggestion is made from a place of getting him the hell out of your house if he puts up a struggle, not being a vengeful bitch and getting him kicked out of the country.

[+ sniper]

Your best bet for ending it quickly might actually be getting the lawyer to draw up an agreement for him to leave for a certain amount of cash. Even though it would sting, it's probably better than the risk of him being in your house another 30/60/90 days and you wondering what else he might do while you're away.