My house has been a bordello!

[Guest]

I received a letter in my mail at work today from someone who had some very romantic pictures with my beau. Yes, the man I was going to marry. He had spent a number of evenings out with what he called his "Paraguayan friends." He said he couldn't introduce me because he wasn't out to his family. I told him he had to come out when he went back there during summer break. After my trip to the Balkans, I asked him if he'd introduce me to his friends. He said no because his parents "Weren't happy about it." Well, I knew it was over then, but I was going to let him stay until the end of his academic term. Now I got his letter and found out that all of this time he was with his "Paraguayan friends" he was with a lover, that he said was monogamous with him! Of course, when he was with me, he told his other man that he was with "Paraguayan friends." He knew when we went to Seattle, and other places, so I know he's telling the truth (plus there are the photos). As soon as I get back from my medical conference in Chicago, I'm going to send him packing immediately.

I know some of your may be laughing and telling me "I told you so" (I can think of one member in particular). Well, for the record, I enjoyed the time we were together, even if the whole thing was a lie and a fantasy at my expense. Although I'm angry, I can't say I didn't enjoy our time together. I was so kind and generous with him. I guess he's just a sociopath....

Oh, about the title of thread! So the dude broke up with him 2 months ago when he got into my now ex's phone by using his finger when he was passed out drunk. As it turns out, he was actually using my house as a bordello when I was gone at conferences, etc. I guess it's going to be a bordello next week. Luckily I don't do things which are too dangerous, but I guess I'm going to have to get tested when I get back.

[MscleLovr]

I’m sorry to read this @Unicorn. It’s always painful when love goes sour and you discover you’ve been used by your lover.

 

If I may offer you some gratuitous advice:

1. You say you’re away at a conference in Chicago. Don’t say anything to him yet. Cut short your attendance and fly home unexpectedly to throw him out of your house. If there are uninvited guests in your home, call the police.

2. Make sure you are present while he is packing and clearing out. Ensure any valuables, especially small and portable ones, do not end up in his cases.

3. If he knows where you keep your important possessions or the combination to any safe in the house, check your possessions first and change the combination immediately.

4. Get a locksmith immediately afterwards to change all your locks and change the security alarm codes.

5. Yes, get tested just in case. That way, you will be sure you’re healthy.

6. Consider ‘getting back in the saddle’ soon...perhaps with a paid companion.

 

FWIW I don’t think he’s “a sociopath”. You were kind and generous, and he simply took advantage of you. You’re not wrong to be open and loving; you just need to find a guy that deserves you.

 

Please don’t listen to any excuses he makes nor to any promises that he’ll be “good” in the future. In a way, you’re lucky you found out his true nature before the wedding

[liubit]

Very sorry to read this, @Unicorn. It really sucks.

[cany10011]

Is the relationship worth salvageing? Did you help him with a green card?

[LookingAround]

Is the relationship worth salvageing? Did you help him with a green card?

You’re kidding right?

 

Hopefully unicorn learned a lesson and yes we did tell you so. But sometimes you have to learn it for yourself. Remember if things seem too good to be true they probably are. Right?!

[Guest]

Anytime I hear someone say "Paraguayan friends", my ears will perk up.

[gallahadesquire]

My apologies if I missed the boat:

 

Is this guy your ex? If not, why did you and your ex break up?

 

And yes, kick his sorry ass out NOW; count the spoons; and have the locks changed.

[+ WilliamM]

@Unicorn, very brave of you to tell us.

 

If it happened to me, I am not sure I would have been so honest

 

I have a close relationship with a long-time neighbor that does not include money or sex. He is six years younger and has his own group of friends. So do I

Edited October 25, 2019 by WilliamM

[+ Just Sayin]

@Unicorn, I am sorry this has happened to you; and it does take some bravery to post this; but, we are all human beings and this is a part of the human experience; secure the hatches and move forward one step at a time

[Guest]

I am getting visions of the Barney Frank / Steve Gobie affair...

[SirBillybob]

It is hard to discern who is who and who knows what ... grammatical switching between 2 players in the third person point of view in the account. My sense (Asunçion) from one or more sentences is that the infidel already knows that the unicorn knows and that the scallywag has been given a reprieve until end of academic term.

 

In fact, it is very unclear who wrote and sent the letter, the infidel or the affairee.

 

I wish posters would carefully review long passages from the perspective of somebody who knows nothing of the story. They might realize the ambiguous parts that require editing.

[gallahadesquire]

It is hard to discern who is who and who knows what ... grammatical switching between 2 players in the third person point of view in the account. My sense (Asunçion) from one or more sentences is that the infidel already knows that the unicorn knows and that the scallywag has been given a reprieve until end of academic term.

 

In fact, it is very unclear who wrote and sent the letter, the infidel or the affairee.

 

I wish posters would carefully review long passages from the perspective of somebody who knows nothing of the story. They might realize the ambiguous parts that require editing.

I am particularly adept at goofing up antecedents. I agree, I can’t figure out if the Beau has the Paraguayan friends or not.

[SirBillybob]

Yeah ... "[sic] now I got his letter" when the previous third-person antecedent is the live-in 'fiancé'. Common sense suggests that the 3rd party spilled the beans, but then "[sic] that he said was monogamous with him", following the beau as antecedent, suggests that the poster's beau related this detail to the poster ... why would the 3rd party assert his own monogamous stance? Perhaps it means the unfaithful beau asserted the exclusivity of the 3rd party (to the 3rd party). Aargh ... non-isosceles triangles! Need side labels 1, 2, 3 ; point labels A, B, C. Then I can tap into empathy.

Edited October 25, 2019 by SirBIllybob

[+ Charlie]

Well, perhaps one consolation is that you hadn't yet purchased the new home in which you two were going to start married life together. But I do feel for you, because it was a lovely fantasy.

[marylander1940]

I received a letter in my mail at work today from someone who had some very romantic pictures with my beau. Yes, the man I was going to marry. He had spent a number of evenings out with what he called his "Paraguayan friends." He said he couldn't introduce me because he wasn't out to his family. I told him he had to come out when he went back there during summer break. After my trip to the Balkans, I asked him if he'd introduce me to his friends. He said no because his parents "Weren't happy about it." Well, I knew it was over then, but I was going to let him stay until the end of his academic term. Now I got his letter and found out that all of this time he was with his "Paraguayan friends" he was with a lover, that he said was monogamous with him! Of course, when he was with me, he told his other man that he was with "Paraguayan friends." He knew when we went to Seattle, and other places, so I know he's telling the truth (plus there are the photos). As soon as I get back from my medical conference in Chicago, I'm going to send him packing immediately.

I know some of your may be laughing and telling me "I told you so" (I can think of one member in particular). Well, for the record, I enjoyed the time we were together, even if the whole thing was a lie and a fantasy at my expense. Although I'm angry, I can't say I didn't enjoy our time together. I was so kind and generous with him. I guess he's just a sociopath....

Oh, about the title of thread! So the dude broke up with him 2 months ago when he got into my now ex's phone by using his finger when he was passed out drunk. As it turns out, he was actually using my house as a bordello when I was gone at conferences, etc. I guess it's going to be a bordello next week. Luckily I don't do things which are too dangerous, but I guess I'm going to have to get tested when I get back.

 

The 2 of you (and many others) had a good time and that's all that matters! You'll have other beaus in the future!

[marylander1940]

Well, perhaps one consolation is that you hadn't yet purchased the new home in which you two were going to start married life together. But I do feel for you, because it was a lovely fantasy.

 

exactly, a divorce is always a mess!

[MikeBiDude]

Yeah ... "[sic] now I got his letter" when the previous third-person antecedent is the live-in 'fiancé'. Common sense suggests that the 3rd party spilled the beans, but then "[sic] that he said was monogamous with him", following the beau as antecedent, suggests that the poster's beau related this detail to the poster ... why would the 3rd party assert his own monogamous stance? Perhaps it means the unfaithful beau asserted the exclusivity of the 3rd party (to the 3rd party). Aargh ... non-isosceles triangles! Need labels 1, 2, 3. Then I can tap into empathy.

This isn’t a thread on grammar and “antecedent” bullshit....our friend @Unicorn is reaching out. Sad you need that and “labels” to “tap into empathy”.

[SirBillybob]

True, but some respondents are making well-meaning suggestions that don’t make sense to me because Unicorn’s details are not clear. Make no mistake, I anticipated a superfluous bossypants salvo ... a few seconds timing, seems about right.

[+ Topseed]

The advice from MscleLovr is spot on.

 

Been there, done that.

 

Play offense here.

[+ tassojunior]

Why always keep a spare. (He did).

[Epigonos]

Unicorn nobody worth anything is laughing at you. You went into a relationship that you thought and hopped might be a lasting one and unfortunately it has turned out not to be. Take credit for the time and effort you put into trying to make it work. You made the effort, that he failed to do do isn't your fault. Certainly you are disappointed and angry that it didn't work out - that's only natural and human. The ALL important thing is that you are NOT blaming yourself for the failure and you are moving on. CONGRATULATIONS you've handled this situation as well as anybody possibly could.

[SirBillybob]

Affairs are often, in part, a misguided attempt to adjust an imbalance in power and authority ... the younger migrant’s rather circumscribed stock value put to default use in the context of non-negotiable ultimatum ... herein alluded to by the disappointed author.

 

Non-condoned implicit or explicit breaches a cray-cray attempt to reconcile the upper-hand imposition as experienced by the young infidel, however logical and conventional those expectations are viewed by neutrals.

 

There is usually more involved that the typical trope from which emanates a relatively narrow view of practical handling this type of not uncommon scenario. Advice to retaliate with the extant superior resources, if taken, simply theoretically reinforces the notion of a flimsy house of cards toppled by a runaway train dynamic. The image that emerges for me is a snake swallowing it’s own tail.

 

And, sigh ... an identical reset after the tears are wiped away. After all, it was just an unfortunate choice of recruit into the bind.

 

God only knows why more mature well-heeled guys with resources to sponsor ‘desirables’ don’t seek adequate insight coaching prior to the sponsee’s trans to ‘despicable’.

[+ Gar1eth]

My apologies if I missed the boat:

 

Is this guy your ex? If not, why did you and your ex break up?

 

And yes, kick his sorry ass out NOW; count the spoons; and have the locks changed.

 

Unicorn has had a much younger boyfriend from Latin America that he was going to marry.

It is hard to discern who is who and who knows what ... grammatical switching between 2 players in the third person point of view in the account. My sense (Asunçion) from one or more sentences is that the infidel already knows that the unicorn knows and that the scallywag has been given a reprieve until end of academic term.

 

In fact, it is very unclear who wrote and sent the letter, the infidel or the affairee.

 

I wish posters would carefully review long passages from the perspective of somebody who knows nothing of the story. They might realize the ambiguous parts that require editing.

 

 

1. Unicorn's Latin American boyfriend, whom he has been supporting and was planning to marry, had another lover that he was stringing along.

 

2. When the boyfriend was away with either Unicorn or his other lover, he would tell each he was seeing Paraguayan friends that he would not introduce the other to.

 

3. The other lover broke up with the boyfriend after finding some pictures of, I'm assuming, Unicorn (or something else salacious) on the boyfriend's phone by using the boyfriend's finger to unlock the phone when he was drunk.

 

4. The other lover sent mail to Unicorn's work address with pictures of the boyfriend's unfaithfulness along with supporting evidence of knowing Unicorn and the boyfriend's previous travel plans.

 

5. Unicorn's home was being used as a bordello when Unicorn was away at conferences.

 

6. Unicorn is about to go to a conference but will kick out the (now former) boyfriend when he returns home.

 

Gman

Edited October 26, 2019 by Gar1eth

[+ bashful]

Heartbreaking. Haven't been down that path, but let those who have guide you. Best of luck.

[SirBillybob]

@Gar1eth, I nominate you for GayBachelor show-runner and admire Latinos’ multi-tasking (pending school grades).

 

When recently at Foz do Iguaçu I did not observe the Paraguayan side of things, just Brazil and Argentina. But I did venture out to ‘Devil’s Throat’. Poor Niagara. I get the appeal of, and identify with, the magnetism.