My house has been a bordello!

[BaronArtz]

I am willing to take a contrarian view.

 

(1) Could it be that Paraguayan discovered that @Unicorn was trolling around on this website and perhaps hiring escorts himself? Was @Unicorn faithful to him, or not? Did it therefore create an assumption in the mind of Paraguayan that it was OK to sleep around? I am inclined to think that this is what happened.

 

(2) If Paraguayan was a resident at the home, it is not that easy to kick him out. Depending on the state, @Unicorn may need a court order. You can't just throw someone out from one day to the next, change locks, etc. Impossible!

[+ WilliamM]

How old is this young man from South America? Would h

I am willing to take a contrarian view.

 

(1) Could it be that Paraguayan discovered that @Unicorn was trolling around on this website and perhaps hiring escorts himself? Was @Unicorn faithful to him, or not? Did it therefore create an assumption in the mind of Paraguayan that it was OK to sleep around? I am inclined to think that this is what happened.

 

(2) If Paraguayan was a resident at the home, it is not that easy to kick him out. Depending on the state, @Unicorn may need a court order. You can't just throw someone out from one day to the next, change locks, etc. Impossible!

 

"I am inclined to think this is what happened." Really? @Unicorn has been posting her for a long time, and there is no indication he is a liar. None.

[Guest]

We never talked about it specifically. I'm sure he would assume that. Of course, that doesn't give him permission to invite johns to my house (especially since I'm already paying him). I had a neighbor check in today, and he was in. He didn't answer my e-mail until my neighbor rang the doorbell.

Oops. I meant to say he didn't answer my text message.

[cany10011]

Sounds like your "ex" being on SA is already looking for an exit strategy or perhaps he was always looking for the next best thing. Anyhow, i'm glad you have clarity on this and are moving forward.

[BaronArtz]

How old is this young man from South America? Would h

 

"I am inclined to think this is what happened." Really? @Unicorn has been posting her for a long time, and there is no indication he is a liar. None.

 

I am sorry to read that my comment has caused you significant stress.

 

I didn't call @Unicorn a liar. All I said - among other things - is that @Unicorn 's presence on this very website which promotes the interaction between service providers and clients could create a perception in the mind of Paraguayan that it is OK to 'sleep around' in their relationship. Relationships are not a one-way street. That's all.

[+ WilliamM]

I am sorry to read that my comment has caused you significant stress.

 

I didn't call @Unicorn a liar. All I said - among other things - is that @Unicorn 's presence on this very website which promotes the interaction between service providers and clients could create a perception in the mind of Paraguayan that it is OK to 'sleep around' in their relationship. Relationships are not a one-way street. That's all.

 

I guess you may right, after all the rest of the Paraguayan's life was completely devoted to school where he was an A student. And they went on at least one cruise together.

[MikeBiDude]

presence on this very website which promotes the interaction between service providers and clients could create a perception in the mind of Paraguayan that it is OK to 'sleep around' in their relationship

Very true! Some of you may know I was cyber stalked here many many moons ago bcs by a young man I was in an arrangement with me who subsequently saw me on this site.

[+ WilliamM]

Very true! Some of you may know I was cyber stalked here many many moons ago bcs by a young man I was in an arrangement with me who subsequently saw me on this site.

 

A provider told me about this site in 2000. I started hiring him in 1999, and knew his name and where he lived.

[Bucky]

Awaiting an update...

[MscleLovr]

You may have to wait a little while @Bucky as @Unicorn last related that he planned to speak to the ex next Monday and to take Tuesday as vacation hoping that the ex leaves that day.

[marylander1940]

Awaiting an update...

 

You may have to wait a little while @Bucky as @Unicorn last related that he planned to speak to the ex next Monday and to take Tuesday as vacation hoping that the ex leaves that day.

 

Keep tuned to this Paraguayan telenovela!

Edited November 1, 2019 by marylander1940

[Guest]

OK. So many of you are probably interested how it went down. So last night I showed him the letter which had documented all of the times he said he was with his "Paraguayan friends," but was in fact with another man, including ample romantic photos of the two, and where the guy really was. I told him I didn't trust him, that I had cancelled his credit card, and that someone was coming to change the locks this morning. He did plead to stay longer, but I did offer him a hotel in SF until Saturday so that there wouldn't be a chance of his studies being interrupted.

I called in sick from work this morning, which was true since I did throw up due to being so upset about it myself. On the drive over to SF, he said he was up crying most of the night. I dropped him and some of his stuff at the hotel (he couldn't check in, of course, due to it being too early to check in), then drove him to the university. He never apologized, although he didn't deny the truthfulness of the letter I received. Since he seems to be somewhat of a sociopath, I didn't expect him to apologize, and was at least grateful that he didn't pile on the lies. I asked him on the way over if I ever treated him with anything but love and kindness, and he did tearfully say that I had always been good and kind to him. I definitely needed to hear that.

I also asked him if he thought I could ever find someone younger who would enjoy being with me, or if he thought I was crazy to pursue that. He said it was probably possible, but he was afraid I would keep getting hurt. I didn't tell him--maybe I should have--but the truth of the matter was the 20 months I spent with him were some of my happiest. The discovery of the deception and the break-up were very painful, of course, but I don't see this experience as a "mistake." The love I felt was real, at least for me, and he did open me up in some ways. No one I enjoyed sex more with, on an emotional level.

I guess I have to accept that I'll never know what I want to know about him, including how he really felt about me.

Edited November 6, 2019 by Unicorn

[+ FreshFluff]

I'm sorry, Unicorn. I'm glad he got out quietly and without a fuss--and that he didn't try to lie his way out of it. Please resist the temptation to ask him about your prospects with younger guys. I know the feelings you had for him were real, and it's great that you see it as a pleasant experience rather than a mistake.He knows no more about other young guy on the street would. His responses will just hurt you.

 

Just be careful with the hotel. Most demand a credit card for incidentals, even if you have prepaid. He could raid the minibar, order tons or room service, etc.

[Guest]

...Just be careful with the hotel. Most demand a credit card for incidentals, even if you have prepaid. He could raid the minibar, order tons or room service, etc.

 

Thanks for the advice. I got the room on Hotwire under his name. He had to show his ID and present his own credit card (not the one I gave him) to check in. Also, the hotel has no mini-bars (or any other bar, for that matter--just a breakfast nook for the included breakfast).

[+ Gar1eth]

Thanks for the advice. I got the room on Hotwire under his name. He had to show his ID and present his own credit card (not the one I gave him) to check in. Also, the hotel has no mini-bars (or any other bar, for that matter--just a breakfast nook for the included breakfast).

 

I'm glad this part is over for you. One question I have-not that it's really important. But I thought he did have his own place even if he spent very little time there. If he did have his own place, why pay for a hotel?

 

Also wishing you good news for the physical exam.

 

Gman

[Guest]

I'm glad this part is over for you. One question I have-not that it's really important. But I thought he did have his own place even if he spent very little time there. If he did have his own place, why pay for a hotel?

No, he didn't have his own place. He had spent a number of nights at this other man's place, but the other man ("X") figured out what was going on (after all, he was spending almost every night at my place) by accessing his cell phone while he was passed out drunk. When X found out what was going on, he also kicked him out, and notified me. He should have enough money for the 5 remaining weeks of the term, although apparently X heard him tell some of his friends that he was an executive at Morgan Stanley, so it's possible he was sending money to his brother or elsewhere. It doesn't seem like him to be generous, but I have no idea what was going on. Certainly, he never shared any of his financials with me. I had advised him that if he had a long enough time horizon, that he should invest in broad market-based low-load mutual funds or ETF's. I don't know if he ever did that. Remember that he had told X that X was his only interest, so X had every reason to be just as upset as I was.

On our conversation in the car towards the hotel, I asked him if he had received any job offers. He told me that no company wanted to sponsor him for a work visa. I'm not sure what his thinking was. Since he has been so untruthful to me, I can only take some guesses as to what was going on.

[+ Gar1eth]

No, he didn't have his own place. He had spent a number of nights at this other man's place, but the other man ("X") figured out what was going on (after all, he was spending almost every night at my place) by accessing his cell phone while he was passed out drunk. When X found out what was going on, he also kicked him out, and notified me. He should have enough money for the 5 remaining weeks of the term, although apparently X heard him tell some of his friends that he was an executive at Morgan Stanley, so it's possible he was sending money to his brother or elsewhere. It doesn't seem like him to be generous, but I have no idea what was going on. Certainly, he never shared any of his financials with me. I had advised him that if he had a long enough time horizon, that he should invest in broad market-based low-load mutual funds or ETF's. I don't know if he ever did that. Remember that he had told X that X was his only interest, so X had every reason to be just as upset as I was.

On our conversation in the car towards the hotel, I asked him if he had received any job offers. He told me that no company wanted to sponsor him for a work visa. I'm not sure what his thinking was. Since he has been so untruthful to me, I can only take some guesses as to what was going on.

 

You were exceedingly nice to get a hotel room for him.

 

Gman

[Guest]

You were exceedingly nice to get a hotel room for him.

 

Gman

Although I'm quite angry with him, I don't hate him. Remember that I was quite fond of him, and even wanted to marry. After having done so well for so long, I don't want to see him end his term and his degree with bad grades in the end. I can't stand liars, and I needed to move on and have him out of my life. It's not like I wanted him dead. Interestingly, when he first moved in with me, someone had written him a note threatening to kill him. My parting advice to him was to try to lead an honest life--he'll be so much better off (and might live longer). I will see him again, as he still has a lot of stuff at my place, including a high-def TV.

[MscleLovr]

I know this must be a very emotional time for you @Unicorn but I’d like to feel you were viewing the outcome positively and looking to the future. I also hope you’ve had that syphilis test you talked about.

 

Since he seems to be somewhat of a sociopath, I didn't expect him to apologize

 

I don’t think he’s a sociopath. The truth is much simpler: he’s a young man in an expensive city in a foreign country, trying to better himself. He saw you and X as well-off older men who would and did take good care of him and helped pay his bills

 

I have to accept that I'll never know what I want to know about him, including how he really felt about me

 

Yes, you must accept this. You had a great time together and the sex/lust turned your head. It was foolish of you to gush to your co-workers and show them photos of him. Stop thinking about him and move on.

 

I will see him again, as he still has a lot of stuff at my place

 

This sets off alarm bells for me. FWIW I have a friend in London, a successful banker, who was physically abused by his (5 years younger) friend. Remarkably the younger man went to the Police with some spurious allegations, but they soon uncovered the truth. The Police were extremely kind and helpful to my friend in urging him to move on. They also gave him a lot of practical advice, including to get rid of all the younger man’s possessions - set a time/date for him to collect everything and warn they will be put outside if he doesn’t show up; in no circumstances allow him back into the house; and get rid of anything (purchases on trips together, photos etc) that remind you of him.

 

I urge you to have a similar clear-out @Unicorn. You can and will rebuild your life, and I hope you will meet a nice man.

Edited November 6, 2019 by MscleLovr

[+ Charlie]

I know you want this to be the end of everything, but I think you should be prepared for the possibility of more to come. You sort of blindsided him, and once he has had time to think about the situation, and talk with some of his actual "friends," he may try to salvage something more from the wreck, with pleading or threats, or something more devious. Move on, but don't relax too much just yet. Keep a lawyer's telephone number handy.

[RomanticRick]

Although I'm quite angry with him, I don't hate him. Remember that I was quite fond of him, and even wanted to marry. After having done so well for so long, I don't want to see him end his term and his degree with bad grades in the end. I can't stand liars, and I needed to move on and have him out of my life. It's not like I wanted him dead. Interestingly, when he first moved in with me, someone had written him a note threatening to kill him. My parting advice to him was to try to lead an honest life--he'll be so much better off (and might live longer). I will see him again, as he still has a lot of stuff at my place, including a high-def TV.

Just a lurker here. But, having followed this thread over these weeks, feeling compelled to add 2 cents.

You have let love reign supreme. Even though you had so much reason to hate, all your actions rightly tinged with caution, have been to just excise this "tumor" (you still love) out of your life while not destroying it. Nothing nor no one can bring you down. Congratulations!

The "tumor" will self-destruct.

Edited November 7, 2019 by RomanticRick

[+ Kufrol]

Wow! Well put @RomanticRick !

Just a lurker here. But, having followed this thread over these weeks, feeling compelled to add 2 cents.

You have let love reign supreme. Even though you had so much reason to hate, all your actions rightly tinged with caution, have been to just excise this "tumor" (you still love) out of your life while not destroying it. Nothing or no one can bring you down. Congratulations!

The "tumor" will self-destruct.

[+ aeikaryoko]

Reading this makes me so sad Unicorn. I can only hope that you’re on your way to recovering from this. You’re so thoughtful and considerate even after all that’s been done to still do some good to him.

[+ WilliamM]

Although I'm quite angry with him, I don't hate him. Remember that I was quite fond of him, and even wanted to marry. After having done so well for so long, I don't want to see him end his term and his degree with bad grades in the end. I can't stand liars, and I needed to move on and have him out of my life. It's not like I wanted him dead. Interestingly, when he first moved in with me, someone had written him a note threatening to kill him. My parting advice to him was to try to lead an honest life--he'll be so much better off (and might live longer). I will see him again, as he still has a lot of stuff at my place, including a high-def TV.

 

@Unicorn, did leading such a busy and duplicitous life make a difference in his studies?

[rvwnsd]

..On our conversation in the car towards the hotel, I asked him if he had received any job offers. He told me that no company wanted to sponsor him for a work visa. I'm not sure what his thinking was. Since he has been so untruthful to me, I can only take some guesses as to what was going on.

There's no reason to hire a college student/recent graduate who requires a work visa. Visas are expensive and, frankly, there is no shortage of business school graduates to do entry level analyst jobs.

 

On the other hand, if he is duplicitous with you and Mister X he is duplicitous with others. His excellent grades may have been fabricated - who knows?

 

The important part is he is out of your life.