JB_Studio38

I’ve first relocated to my current market in 2018, on and off traveling to other cities. There’s 2 cities which I ”base” myself between (Kansas City and St. Louis). Things were always “hit or miss” in both areas. Some weeks seemed pretty lucrative, but there were some extended lulls. Especially this time of year and during the summer it seemed. Lately it seems the lulls have gotten more frequent, and extended. Neither location is really bringing steady biz. I had 2 new bookings in KC last week that went well, but then I went to St. Louis for some personal affairs and got nothing in 3 days. Finally threw in the towel and left. On top of that, I had 2 “regulars” mess me about: one who started claiming my base price of $250 that we’ve done like 3-4 times already was too much for him (which I offered him a reasonable alternative). He didn’t book me while I was there, but tells me he can meet next week, but then this week rolls around and he can’t make it. Fortunately I had already left and changed my plans going back anyway. Another who I began a “friendship” with, became evasive, even though we kept in touch over texts and met a few times since August. He would share his plans, but when I would suggest something, he’d beat around the bush or be unavailable. Finally, I told him it’s best we part ways, and I’m moving on. Add salt to the situation, I have only 1 or 2 real friends in each area, who are clients I’ve got along with. Everyone else have just been fuck buddies/acquaintances but after a couple or so meets, they aren’t consistent. I have a counselor that I confide in, but he is a married, gay man of color which helps relate. However he seems to be more used to a traditional lifestyle, that I’m not able to take on. The environments aren’t ideal, so I don’t see a reason to immerse myself by picking up a job that obligates me to stay all the time. And most of the clients in the area don’t seem to have a genuine appreciation of the escorts. It’s like a 1 or 2 time, last minute when they’re horny type of deal. Most can’t keep their word. It’s always lots of inquiries but not enough following thru. At one point it was tolerable, but I feel like 4 years is too long to stay in some markets. Maybe if it were a San Francisco or New York traffic, but I’ve only lived in medium sized areas that “blew up” overnight. All that blowing up doesn’t always do much to improve gay social/biz life. It just raises rents and adds competition. Even though I travel twice a month, it’s not enough. Lately I haven’t been able to do trips longer than a week or 2 since the Spring. Anyone have their own time frame for how long they prefer to live in an area?

I think I read this the other day but then got sidetracked. Think I was on my way to meet a client at the casino 🎰 Anyhow, these are all valid points and very sensible at that. However it’s also things that just have to be discussed during the booking process. This is why I start off the bat with questions: Name/Age: City You’re In: Website Seen On: Host or Travel: and sometimes I’ll even say: “are you top or bottom?” Get everything out the way quickly so no time is wasted, but do so with tact and flexibility without assumptions. It’s not just, “hey are you available now, I want to come to you?” Available for what now, and for whom? And when and where is now?

It wasn’t that your humor isn’t appreciated, it’s just I don’t feel it was the right thing to say in reference to the quote. I know you’re quite sensible and we’ve talked 1 on 1 about things, so I know your intentions aren’t bad. But there’s a time and place to crack jokes, and this wasn’t one of them.

I’m glad you think invalidating a personal observation is a backdrop to make a flirty joke out of: Invalidation sends the message that a person’s subjective emotional experience is inaccurate, insignificant, and/or unacceptable. https://drjamielong.com/validation-5-things-not-to-say/

Likewise, experienced as well. That said, I’m not opposed to payment after the session. However when you say never but then mention “only having a problem 2 or 3 times”: I think a little clarity is needed. Surely you’ve had clients walk in and pay upfront without waiting until after the session? So…though it’s not a mandatory requirement, it’s still a preference. Having a problem 2 or 3 times in 25 years may seem small, but what level was the problem? 2 or 3 times could be a dozen times for someone who travels often, and is a bit lenient on screening and deposits.

Not to jump in, but I got my 2nd MP vax the other day… The only sucky part is that because I get the tricep one, and I sleep on my side. The pain and swelling for me lasted a week or 2 the first time. This time doesn’t seem as bad…but I remember it seemed to get worse day by day. But it literally just feels like I worked out my arms. I used to never get vaccines but now I’m just like, whatever. I pop a ton of vitamins and supplements so any symptoms I get done last long. I take my Tylenol and Advil and Benadryl/hydrocortisone. Fluids. It’s crazy out there. Wish there was a syphilis vaccine, but… https://historyofvaccines.org/blog/the-historical-impact-of-the-tuskegee-syphilis-study-on-modern-vaccination-efforts

That’s understandable, but your preference shouldn’t define another’s truth. I’ve been in it for about half as long, but probably have just as much experiences. I’ve told a handful of situations here alone: The most recent where the guy has a wad of money equaling $27 when I was trying to settle upfront. In which he said he’d brb and never did. Which story would you prefer to hear? There was also a former forum member years ago, who said he’d just done an overnight and when he got to the airport to go home, he opened the envelope to a bunch of single…dollar bills. Anything could happen. It doesn’t have to be a lot, only once. You may get lucky and not have to deal with that issue. I know I’ve done both with varying results. But I prefer to go with the one I feel most comfortable with. Granted: I will say, the PayPal situation in the above post does sound a bit suspect. At the very least, forward. But, from experience I understand some like to push chargebacks, and you have to fight like hell to get it back. Even when it isn’t chargebacks, PayPal randomly freezes up transactions for no known reason.

That’s not out of the question however, hookup apps are more often and likely to be where issues come up. Fake providers post on there as well…

There’s definitely a vintage perk about booking an older provider over 30. However, some of the older guys like myself did start in their 20s. In the above example that @Jamie21 mentioned, “He was young, early 20’s and I find this kind of attitude more common with younger guys.” that seems to be similiar. However despite the video shoot with the guy I was planning with falling thru, a client requested a visit not far from the time. So I picked up a new client in the process. Sometimes if someone want to act like they can’t be bothered, another person will. Some people want me to bend over backwards for them, but they won’t even do the same. Would that porn guy have driven 600 miles to my city, got a hotel room for us to shoot in? Probably not…

This why I feel it’s important to get all the “deal breakers” (or screening, in escort language) out the way first. Some start right off the bat with questions about availability, like “hey I’m in xxxx at hotel xxxx. Are you available now? Am I supposed to say yes, before I know anything? I know escort meets isn’t dating, but there has to be some common sense and consideration that we’re essentially meeting someone over text or phone we know nothing about. Fortunately I’ll say most prospects don’t mind sharing pics, or at the least Name/Age (some of us don’t wish to book someone under 21 or 25), Basic description, etc. If they skirt the questions, then it’s likely they won’t get around to actually meeting.

From having visited recently, Denver is quite rough around the edges. However, it’s nothing really new: it’s been going the same direction since I left in 2016. Lot of druggie amateur types getting into the biz, costs of hotels have gone up unnecessarily. Clients are likely just as flaky as the providers. However, that’s also why having boundaries and structure is important when dealing with cities like that. I used to freely post in Denver with no deposits. If I did that now, I’d be a sitting duck. Even when I attempted to have 1 guy meet without a deposit, he kept flaking, 2 times a row. it’s like I have to be reminded a million times why I collect deposits now, despite the forum telling me no, no, no. Now, that’s just something totally different and disorganized. That’s NOT the time windows I refer to, at all. Especially since you went to his place. In my case, I was informing the guy ahead of time, and just having a reasonable conversation about coordinating time with him, before he even stepped foot out of his place to come to me. Who is the you, that you refer to? I relate to your concerns, however what “should be” versus what it actually is are 2 different things. A provider should be able to accommodate client’s schedules. However, at what cost? At what level? I had a client earlier today, asking if I could meet in the next hour…and he also added that he has too many people at his place so he needs to come to me. All understandable, it happens. But, who says I don’t also have a bunch of people at my place? Who said that? And since when did I need to be ready to accommodate “within the next hour” to host? I told him: I’m glad you reached out, but I’m not available within the next hour today, because (insert real life stuff). However, I can see you (insert time I can meet). He was like cool, got the basics and he sent the deposit…and we’re all good: to meet 2 days from now. So I understand accommodating someone’s schedule: IF the provider is given the appropriate time to do so. Which should not mean, unannounced.

Hmm, well I think you just have to be a little more patient. 30-60 minutes out of, how many years of your life? Though I understand being on time is important, When it matters. But I find many gay dudes who overly fixated on being on time; tend to want the world to revolve around them, when they snap their fingers. F your hunger, f your stretching and stress relieving routine: show up for me when I want you to. Example: I had planned to do a video shoot with a porn guy (in Denver in fact). We discussed in advance, to meet on a certain day. But that certain day was the day after I had just arrived. And I needed to go to the gym, because couple days prior: The hotel gym time was ruined because 15 kids decided to go to the pool, which was connected to the gym. Which they turned into a playground. So I had to cut my session early. Now: I arranged the hotel, and I drove in from out of town (luckily not just for him). I said I could do 5 p.m. He’s like: let’s do 4:30. Then around 2-3 p.m. he’s hinting he could meet even earlier. Meanwhile, I just had 2 bookings the night before and the morning of, I’m trying to adjust to a different city, I skipped breakfast already and needed a gym and proper food. So I offered my availability for the following days. He just flew off the hook, got a fit and cancelled on me. I told him, if you made the concessions today…just come, I don’t want to have you hanging. He’s just like nope, he’s not feeling it anymore. I was available for 4 more days and he couldn’t be bothered. Sometimes when you’re dealing with other people in a sexual capacity, you have to somewhat set aside what’s “proper”. Married guys likely don’t set timers to arrive in bed on time for sex. You’re dealing with something intimate and variable. Maybe the person is late because they need more time to prepare before sex, whether that be gym, food (I try not to eat too close to sessions anyway…but if I’m going to drink with a client I don’t want to be quickly inebriated on an empty stomach), etc. And if you’re dealing with a traveling provider, one needs to be even more lenient. Stop working on 30-60 minute windows. Plan to set aside an entire time of day. Clients will reserve all day to spend with their annoying family members that they can’t stand, but won’t even give an escort a 45 minute grace period.

That’s great, but you’re also comparing Canada to Denver. Which is in America. As far as I recall: Canada doesn’t prosecute sex work or do they operate on the Nordic model? I haven’t been to Montreal before (would love to, and Toronto) but you’re likely dealing with people with more European influence. America is full of rude flakes, whether you paying or not. And in the Midwest states, it’s actually courteous to ghost and flake on someone.

My Gawd. I just read that thread. I don’t mean to be harsh but, how does any of you even fall for such stupidity? Can people really not even tell the difference? His ad shows he hasn’t been on since May, 1st of all. 2nd, his ad is like 5 words talking about ride around and getting a drink. Even if I was fucking him for free, I would be dubious because there’s no real info or instructions in the ad. It goes to show that some clients only see pictures and are blind to anything else. It’s not because he didn’t have a phone number, it’s because the Ad is trash. I make sure to lay out as much info as I can, and fill every character allowance possible in my ad AND auto-reply. I also include my number in my auto-reply and website for the actual genius’ who read and click on the ad. My number is not hidden, it’s just that leaving it on without clicking the “registered users only” option often gets the lowest form of garbage and shit including clients who don’t/won’t/ will read and ignore it anyway and the Nigerian/Russian scammers talking about looking for a sugar daddy.

I can consider it misquote. But it would have been better to formulate it as a question versus laying it out like it’s facts. And what you mentioned didn’t have anything to do with taking deposits anyway. And you apologized but just rolled your eyes. How can I take your apology seriously at this point.

The reality is: some people are more interested in making assumptions and looking at things from a hiring point of view, versus looking at the info that’s been given right in front of their face. What advice do you have? Have you placed yourself in my position and worked side by side with me? Getting an attitude and telling me I’m not listening isn’t offering any advice. I’m not listening, because nothing he said was actually addressing the points I made. All I heard was why I shouldn’t be talking deposits, and why he would rather give a deposit to a hotel than an escort, which made absolutely 0 sense. Hotels rip people off everyday. Don’t believe me, read trip advisor. Read Google. Fake Clients rip escorts off; everyday. Average client hiring once or twice a month, may get an escort here and there who flakes and not show up. $50/$100 deposit lost versus losing $250/300 session+ hotel +gas. Who’s really losing here?

Okay, now you’re stepping out of line and making assumptions about things that’s not true. That’s a problem, and I’ll tell you that right now. Don’t go there with me. I don’t know what you read, but you read incorrectly. Let’s be clear on that. I didn’t say anything about regulars not returning or my travel schedule not being packed. Don’t lie on me, because I’m not about to let you ☝ Even if I do mention certain situations, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s that way all the time. Deposits have actually worked fine by me. I had just mentioned not long ago; a situation where I left where I was staying after reserving a hotel room (because I was a guest at someone’s home), and had 2 potential clients expected to show up. BOTH of them no showed or cancelled, causing me to lose the money I spent on the room AND the money for the 2 sessions. At least about $600 lost. That’s BEFORE I started doing the deposits. And even when that happened, I couldn’t fill in other clients that day. That’s not the only time that has happened, or almost happened. If you can’t understand that then, I don’t know what to tell you. You’re putting your personal values over understanding the actual cause and effect. That’s why you aren’t getting it. Put your personal values aside, and look at the facts. The only time I’d be open to waiving on deposits, is if the client is hosting and they aren’t a far shot away from me. But even then, I can’t always rely on that either. BEFORE I was doing the deposits, I was chasing clients down for cancel payments, and just getting nowhere. As for time wasting texts, that’s the case in general for a lot of people. There’s discussions all on Reddit and overseas about things being slow for both genders in sex work. The market is already flooded, there’s way more escorts now than it used to be, and less demand with the inflation. Then you have hookup apps which have taken many of our clients, and won’t even let us advertise to them without getting banned (finally met with a guy last week who seen me “professionally” after contacting me for YEARS on an app). You have to educate yourself on the reality, versus making assumptions based on how someone’s running their biz. If I really want to cut a lot of that out, I know the best thing is to have templates with info and instructions. If they can’t follow it, then it’s evident they aren’t worth seeing.

It is what it is. Fact of the matter is: people love to make statements but no real alternative to back it up. I’m putting in the work, coming up with effective ways to help the client/provider interaction. I love sex, and even though I’m not an “anon” type, I have engaged in it. Like I really do like interacting and having fun. Some people misinterpret that I don’t enjoy these things but: that’s not the case. It’s just that we’re in a different period. I want people to be informed. The deposit isn’t a punishment, it’s a structure. Hotel deposits are the ones that are worst: You can pay upfront in full for a night or multiple nights, and guess what? When you check in: they say, “now we just need your credit card for incidentals” And even if you don’t have any “incidents”, they help themselves to $50-$250 of your funds, and give it back a few days later. Imagine if escorts did that: You pay me $300, upfront before ever meeting me. Then, before you walk in the door I stop you and say: I just need your card for incidentals, I now just need extra $100. But that’s exactly what happens in the reverse. I pay for ads, the accommodations, and the extra “incidentals”. So no one should be “encouraging” anyone not to do a reasonable thing to ask.

I stayed in Pittsburg some years ago. I met a decent client who was visiting, but not much else the other 2 days I was there (mind you, this was my PRE-DEPOSIT era) Hence why I have been sticking to it. Subsequent visits have just been passing thru once or twice, where I think I may have picked up a client or 2. But can’t particularly recall any threatening messages. But the above is also why I’ve been reluctant to post my number on the platforms as much. Too much craziness

I should put my ad back on RMass soon.

Wondering if it’s just my service/phone. I’m switching providers soon but it seems I’m seeing this issue often whenever trying to check my ads. Might explain why hits from the site seem to be down quite a bit lately.

You’re using the wrong analogy, 1st of all. 2nd of all you’re not paying to ask if they’re interested. You’re paying to show YOU…. YOU are interested AND that you plan to go thru and that you have invested the money. The “store” would be considered RentMen. We are the merchandise of that store (RentMen) and we pay first, to be in there. Following me? A better analogy would be your Uber service. You get the app free but you pay to request the ride, in fact you pay the whole cost upfront before even know what car you in. You don’t get to contact drivers individually and ask 100 questions before they’re paid.

What you’re not getting, or maybe I failed to mention: it was like that even when I WASN’T asking for deposits…it’s been like that for the past several months: at least in the particular area I was referring to. Even when I wasn’t taking deposits and left my line wide open: All I was getting was super short notice bookings that I couldn’t take, or people asking for sessions and then disappearing. That’s why I said in a post earlier: I didn’t just wake up and start taking deposits. There was a cause, and then an effect. Nobody is entitled to have access to my line and time if they haven’t shown any real intent. And if you can’t see based on the messages I posted, I don’t know what to tell you. The evidence is right in your face, there’s nothing to argue about. Now: just to be clear here, that does not apply every week. Just last week, I had 3 clients in 24 hours. Non had issues sending deposits. For the remainder of the week, I had attempted to meet clients who didn’t send a deposit, and ALL of them fell thru.

Well, fortunately this isn't a bar. We both know, what it is here. You're absolutely right I wouldn't be sitting in a bar discussing with someone about my clients, why would I do that to begin with? They may not even be a part of this culture at all. But, it's certainly not unheard of to hear about people complain about their work at bars. I was mostly bringing it up to highlight the the point being: it doesn't make it any more or less easier for a reputable provider to ask for a deposit.

It’s become more than a peeve to me. It’s literally obliterating my motivation in the business. People try to reason that it’s just “part of the business” but they don’t understand how often it happens, in the absence of profit. It’s not cute or funny. And it’s gotten worse since the pandemic dissipated. I didn’t just wake up one day and be like, “oh, let me charge deposits. I just feel like it today”. No, I did it because I was tired of being played over and over and over, and having holidays and special occasions ruined by idiots who don’t respect me as a provider. That’s also why I am removing my number from the Rent platforms, and only the clients with common sense will read my ad, and go to my website: which has my phone number. It also doesn’t help that I’m situated in economically repressed and/or conservative areas. Unfortunately, I wasn’t one of the lucky queens to land a house or decent apartment in the big cities before shit went crazy after 2014-ish (why does prices have to go up after a New Democrat President gets elected 😭 ). So I have to live and travel to affordable cities, which in America often means: places where there is money, but very conservative money.