DMonDude

It's not really a negative view of the escort, it's just a principle i have in general. I don't deal with people who do things like that in any kind of business or personal relationships. Whatever they have to offer isn't worth the feeling of feeling conned or the feeling that i can't trust them. Active trickery isn't the same as a situation simply just not living up to the hype. With the added information though. If the providers ad was on an old outdated site they don't update/didn't have access to anymore, then yeah that's a somewhat different story. Though, if when you contacted him and you said something like "hey i found you on (insert old website that predates RentBoy here)" and he didn't then tell you "oh cool, those photos are super old though and i don't look like that anymore" and didn't ask if you're ok with not knowing what he currently looked like. Then, he did indeed knowingly catfish you (and it's fine if you're forgiving of that, but you shouldn't wave away that it happened if that's what he did). Making the best of it doesn't make it ok.

You're more tolerant than i. Glad he ended up becoming a friend of yours and you had a good time with him. But to me personally, someone actively catfishing you is not the same as beer goggles or what the escorts do when they engage with a client they aren't attracted to. I personally can never go through with hookups/meets with guys who use fake/decades old photos because it rewards the behavior of active/purposeful deceit. Being drunk and hooking up with someone you usually wouldn't when sober is still a choice you made on your own seeing them as they were in that moment. Your judgement of them may be off due to being drunk but it's still your own judgement of an approximation of what they actually look like in person. An escort is doing so as well to an extent because they are being compensated. The client isn't tricking the escort or being misleading about their looks, the client pays partially so that that their looks don't have to be a deciding factor and the escort is agreeing to that deal. Someone using fake or highly inaccurate photos to get you to a location to engage with them under pre-meditated false pretense is a very very different thing. It would destroy any sense of trust or safety i would need with that person to engage in the encounter with them because to me if they weren't who they say they are than it's that much more likely that their motivations for being there may not be what they said either, which would create the feeling of being in danger. The worst that could happen is not just bad sex. To me, someone who feels the need to deceive in that way is likely to be there to cause me some sort of physical harm. So that's just a situation i couldn't go through with personally.

Especially do not set up a meet with him via text and "surprise" him with it being you in person. That would be incredibly creepy. Despite your intent for it to not be tricking him, that's exactly what that would be and would be very very weird for you to do. What @savantsav suggested isn't a bad idea and is the only way i think it'd be ok to reach out again (otherwise i'd say yeah just move on). But i do think if you do it you need to be upfront in the initial text. Remind him who you are and what happened, apologize, and suggest you'd like to continue to hire him but that if you do have to cancel last minute (because stuff happens sometimes) you will give a deposit/cancellation fee. Then the ball is in his court to ignore or accept.

Weren't you the one who suggested people could just be thoughtful 🤔. That goes both ways, and now is not coming from your way. It's absolutely relevant. You just are being obtuse because @DFdub pointed out that even some of your own Deli posts have, what is now, the incorrect city in the title. Having an incorrect city in the title makes the post title just as useless to CoM browsers with your use case for browsing as the city not being there in the title at all is. You're ignoring the fact that even other people who use the forum the way you do may be annoyed by finding a provider post that even if only a few days or weeks old but is still on the front page of the Deli would show what would now be an incorrect location for that provider. Causing them the same annoyance that posts that have no city title cause you.

It's not really about being thoughtful and even if it was, banking on people's thoughtfulness isn't a solution. People forget. Sometimes new people join and just don't know. Sometimes people make a post without doing a scan of what's already here. Many who use RM/CoM in the way where the city in the title doesn't benefit them will generally make posts without it in the title because the thought literally doesn't even occur to them to put it. You can't really be thoughtful about something that never crossed your mind as a thought to begin with if it has no logical relation to what you're doing. Before this thread popped back up, i never thought to make posts with the city in the title because with the way i use these sites it wasn't needed because i always already knew the city the provider was in from RM, and i and others who use the forum that way thought that's what everyone else was also doing too. Now that we know that's not the case from this thread, i would put the city in title moving forward for you all, but others still may not for the reasons I've said. Even with this thread still being on the front page of the Deli, new threads have popped up that don't have the city in the title. Which is why i suggested the possible solutions i have, they are what would actually work (other than people just changing how they use the forum so they come here already knowing a provider of interests location) knowing that the honor system and thoughtfulness isn't enough. Albeit not being very efficient because like you pointed out, no one here actually wants or has the time to be the post title police. And mods understandably don't seem to want to make city in title be a true requirement because that puts extra work of removing posts without it on their plate. Not really sure what other options there are.

I think you've misunderstood what this is about. It's not about haggling, it's just about being on the same page. As others have said, the rate a provider lists is usually a price for one specific service. If the client is requesting other services, the rate will change and it benefits both the client and the provider to be on the same page about what is being requested/supplied and for how much. This prevents confusion and miscommunications, which are annoyances for both the client and the provider. It's just the correct way to do business, of any kind.

Going to redirect again. Have we not already rehashed the two different ways people are browsing RM/CoM multiple times throughout the thread? What ideas does any one have for ensuring people put the city in the title and that those stay accurate/updated? Is anyone volunteering to be the "report an inaccurate city in title to the mods" crew? Is having city in title going to be an actual rule for posts here and posts without it be removed? Will this post be pinned to the top of the Deli as a constant reminder for people who are new or forgot before they make a post? There's already new posts without city in title as of today. So what is the actual next step here?

Maybe this is just a result of the providers i've hired before, but yes it's like some have alluded to. The prices some providers list on the ad are simply the "base price" and you have to ask what the prices for the rest of the menu is. People are trying to cut to the chase and ask for the price of the thing they actually want to order because obviously no one is listing the extras in the bio. Also, you'd be surprised how many providers update one part of their profile but leave other parts out of date. For example, i've noticed on Rent Men, A LOT of providers consistently list their height and their dick size about an inch or two off in the Attritbutes section versus what they type out in the Bio section. Same with age or other info like bio saying verse/top but attributes section saying top. Some providers forget there are multiple places to update info on their profile. So it makes clients just go "all of this is meaningless and i need to just talk to the provider".

I like most facial hair styles other than curly mustaches and big bushy lumberjack beards that are so thick you have to part the forest to find their lips to kiss 😆 (no offense if either of those are you). I'm also not into it when the facial hair line up is soooo sharp that it looks drawn on.

People definitely can, but I'd be curious if anyone actually is doing it in any meaningful numbers. Unless a dedicated group of mods or users are actually committed to doing this consistently, it's not really a solution. Those of us who don't need the title to show city aren't going to be the ones doing the reporting/asking OP to change the title and it doesn't seem like the people who do want that are doing it either. And in general, would it not be more useful then to just make it a forum rule that the city has to be in the post title or it will be removed? If it's this useful for some, why have it be optional at all? Long as it's optional and this thread isn't pinned to the top of the Deli, there will be people who don't know or forget to put the city in the title. So it just seems like something grander is required if people want the city in titles this badly. Trying to get past whether or not it's a good idea, and to an actual solve here.

I tried to last time he had listed that he'd be traveling to my city, but when i messaged him the day he was supposed to have arrived to try to book with him, he had let me know he ended up cancelling his trip a while earlier but forgot to take it off his RM schedule. I got his auto-reply first before he replied though and his auto-message says his rate is $250/hr and that he only tops (also mentioned there's a $40 deposit when traveling for outcalls, which counts toward the $250 rate).

I was having a laugh, i didn't perceive anyone to be fighting 🤷‍♂️. Nothing here is serious, we're talking about dicks after all.

You cared enough to name drop your height as if that somehow confirms your mouth size and thus this guys dick size.

Have you actually measured it though

I Googled it, for fun. The average human's oral cavity from lips to throat is about 4-5 inches. So unless you have a really huge oral cavity, he's not as big as you thought he was.

Agreed. I really struggled in my early hiring days (and every once in a while still do) with having like that disassociating out of body moment during or after a meeting with a provider where i think about the fact that they likely are not attracted to me and possibly even may have been actively struggling to perform with me and just were really good at the job. I can't see it on their face but i know it's likely there in their mind. You have to have a certain mental strength/security with yourself to not let that aspect get to you. I'm mostly fine about it now though, i focus on being a client that is easy for the provider to work with (which after browsing this place for a while you will see how much providers appreciate multiple non-appearance based things about us clients). Think of it like trying to be attractive to a business as a customer or collaborative working partner, you're not trying to be attractive to a potential mate. In the business/customer sense, you absolutely can be incredibly attractive to providers. If you perform for them in that sense, they will perform for you and everybody wins.

I think you misunderstood what they're saying. They're talking about when Client A asks Client B what the experience with a Provider was like and Client B goes and tells the Provider Client A asked about them. And then the Provider for some reason is mad that Client A asked for intel and sends a negative message to Client A for it. Which is bad and definitely something i would be upended about. Asking around isn't the problem. It's the running to go tell the provider someone asked, and then the provider being mad someone asked around that's the problem.

One provider i hired spent a bunch of extra time with me after the actual session. We hung out, talked, got boba tea (his suggestion and he paid for mine) and then got lunch (also his suggestion, but i paid for his), then i dropped him off at a non-escort related obligation he had to go to. It was like the whole afternoon/into the evening, after the time i initially hired him for explicitly came to an end. Was time he definitely could have went home and probably got another client in if desired or just relaxed, but maybe it was just more convenient for him to hang out till he had to do his other obligation, i don't know. There was no direct discussion about it from my end. It kinda just happened. And this was my first time hiring this guy, he was not a regular. He also wasn't new to the biz, so i don't think it was a newbie mistake type thing either. Great experience, but i was pretty puzzled by it at the time in a "why would someone do something that nice for me?" way 😆. So i think kind of like @purplekow said, there is definitely something to be said for "off the clock"/non-work time with providers. Sometimes there definitely are blurred lines. Kind of like @mike carey said, it's a professional/work relationship until it suddenly (probably situationally) isn't. Like he also said. Maybe it's just something left to be pleasantly surprised by if a provider offers that, but the client shouldn't expect it. But also maybe doesn't hurt to ask if worded/presented correctly and you've got some rapport with the provider, at minimum. Ultimately though, i still go into anything with providers expecting to pay their normal rates. If a provider specifically agrees/offers to hang out "off the clock" like the provider i mentioned did, then i think it makes sense that that's when things could operate differently in terms of what the client is and isn't paying for. But then that's not client/provider time at that point, it's their own leisure time. If it's escort time, regardless of if you're in the bed or at a fancy dinner. We clients should still be paying their normal rate in addition to things like food/drink/event ticket/transportation/etc.

I've had this issue twice before. The first time it happened, i basically did what Jamie21 said, still went through with it and we just maintained the position till the end. There was some slight mess, but the provider didn't show any obvious signs of being bothered. He cleaned up after we came and didn't make any big deal about it. But i was still pretty embarrassed, and as the over thinker that i am, i presume that provider was grossed out/annoyed and just had a great poker face. Even though logically i also know most tops know and are accustomed to the risk of a little bit of mess, as it is indeed just part of the territory of anal play sometimes. This provider and his partner actually never logged back into their RentMasseur accounts after the following day and eventually the account was deleted too, which didn't make me feel better (but almost certainly wasn't in regards to me) 😆. Second time my bottom prep didn't work out, i was too nervous/embarrassed from the prior time to do what Jamie21 said. So I contacted the provider and just told him i was having stomach issues (which i was) and that i needed to cancel. I sent him a cancellation fee (out of my own sense of courtesy i always send a cancellation fee if i have to cancel on a provider last minute) and then i eventually rescheduled with him for another time.

It helps if you post the link to the guys ad. https://rent.men/Roxas_caelum

This sums it up for me. They've got to actively be touching my dick, hole, or rubbing their whole body on mine for me to start getting aroused usually. Otherwise, i feel like the pressure needed for a thorough massage draws blood and my mental attention to the area/muscle being addressed and away from my dick. So i don't get hard usually until it gets more overtly sexual.

If it's important to the safety of your college sports career/etc or if you're gay/bi and not out. One thing you might want to do to protect your identity, in addition to what @nate_sf said about showing less face, is also only use photos in your ad that are also publicly available. Like from your Instagram or other social media. That way, if someone reverse image searches your Provider ad, only images from your Instagram come up. Which gives you plausible deniability to say "oh that's just someone catfishing as me using my Insta photos" if it ever became an issue or if someone who shouldn't see it found your Provider ad and confronted you asking if it's you for example. You also can put on your profile that you can FaceTime/video call verify you are you. Because if a potential client sees your ad with no face pics, or reverse image searches your photos and sees it's all from some Instagram account, they also might think you're catfishing/scamming. So being willing to verify it's you is good. Other advice coming from a client perspective: If you happen to have a big social media following or an OnlyFans with a lot of subscribers. Don't let that go to your head and let it give you an attitude/ego, clients do not care about your Insta/OF follower count. Some guys your age who have social media clout get into providing thinking that they don't have to put in much effort to being a Provider and think that them being social media famous is everything. Clients pick up on this and it usually results in you giving them a bad experience. Just being hot and recognizable from social media and letting them touch your abs is not enough and is not the only thing you need to bring to your client. You still have to truly perform for them and give them a nice full experience with you like other Providers who aren't social media famous do. Similarly, a lot of guys your age have a "hustle grindset mindset" vibe that isn't always very attractive in the context of a client/provider meeting. Obviously Providers are doing this to make money, it's work. But don't let your clients feel that vibe from you. Don't let your client feel like they're just a check box on your financial goals spreadsheet or like you don't give a damn about them. They want to have a nice interaction with you and feel like you're into them and having a good time with them or at the very least like they have your full attention. Like @Mark_fl said, you should hopefully really enjoy doing this, or at least learn to be good at faking it (especially if you're doing this as a straight guy) so the client doesn't see the "mechanics" of what you're doing in order to work with them. A lot of college age guys start this and make these mistakes and then get bad reviews and have to spend time repairing their provider reputation. So if you can get this stuff right from the start, that'll put you ahead of competing providers the same age as you. So pay attention to the client, don't be on your phone a bunch during a meeting trying to set up your next meeting, don't be looking at what time it is every 5 minutes waiting for the meeting to be over because the client will notice. Don't over book yourself, give yourself time to get ready and get to each meeting. If you have a meeting setup and you're running late or need to reschedule/cancel, let the client know as soon as possible. If you set up multiple meetings in one day, don't schedule them too close to each other because the first meeting maybe could make you late to the second meeting. And especially with you being in college. You have classes, practice/training for your sport, games/matches for your sport, and your own personal/social life to plan around. So i would say just don't spread yourself too thin. Communication and time management are huge when doing this.

Just want to clarify, no one here is actively against it. Some of us just use RM/CoM in a way where post titles having city or not doesn't matter. We're just saying "you don't need the city in the post title if you do XYZ". We're not saying city names shouldn't be in the post title ever at all. Now that i know other members here have the preference to not want to do the XYZ, i don't really know what solution there is for them. Maybe it should just be an actual forum rule, rather than suggestion, that Deli posts require city in the post name 🤷‍♂️. Long as it's just a suggestion, many will simply not do it.

Then why suggest it as a good thing to do when the site already has that function at all?

So i think this is coming down to different ways people use this forum. It seems you use this forum as your main method of browsing providers. If that's what you're doing then i see how you are coming to this conclusion because you aren't seeing the providers profile first. You are seeing the CoM Deli most recents page, you're using the CoM Deli page kind of like the Online Now and in your city search (which is not it's function, but whatever, that's how people seem to be using it). So I can see a bit more why you are wanting what you want because you're using this as your main place to browse in addition to see reviews. However, it's at odds with how another portion of us are using this forum, which is we come here after browsing on RM or other site and then we search a specific provider of interests handle here, because to us, why would we want to sift through a bunch of posts for providers we aren't interested in when we can use the much more robust profile search function on RM or other site first? So we come here already knowing what city they are in at that present moment because that's how we're seeing them come up on RM in the first place. Searching the handle here brings up any new and old posts that often say cities that Provider is likely no longer located in. So that's why we largely see it as useless or redundant info to include in the post title. We are seeing the providers location from the start because we are starting from their listing and not here first. It's not rocket science, but it is a matter of different use cases and perspectives. To both of us, our way is "easier" cause it's what we're used to doing.