the loss of a good friend / the passing of Damascene

[+ Tom Isern]

with sadness, I post of the loss of my good friend, who posted in this forum under the name Damascene. he was an indefatigable crusader for lgbtq rights—one of the thoughtful activists, the kind who understood that gay pride sponsors a "march"—not a parade—that it should include rentboys, leathermen, and dykes on bikes. the kind of activist who knew the pros and the very many cons of "gay marriage." smart. kind. thoughtful. and a real diplomat. I would say more but it would risk identifying him.

 

he was a client for about 8 years, starting when I was brand new to the world of escorting. one of my biggest supporters, he coined the name "Tom Isern"—Isern being, he told me, Middle English for "steel." he taught me that it was okay for me to unleash my dominant and aggressive energies, that there would be men, like him, who would appreciate that. eventually our business relationship ended, yet he had already become a close and dear personal friend.

 

there are only a handful of people in the world whom my dog adores. he was one of them. when D came to my apartment to visit, he would always completely ignore me, until he'd sat on the floor to greet, converse, and play with the french bulldog who adored him. then he'd say "hey." then he'd cook me something luscious—one of his many skills that of being a chef. and we'd spend a good amount of time talking about nothing very important.

 

as I think back on our many years together, what stands out to me is how very good—deeply good—a person he was. I went through a big crisis a few years ago involving the simultaneous death of my mother and the loss of a boyfriend of many years. D was at my side every step of the way. I never needed to ask him to be there for me, he always just knew when and what I needed. in my darkest times, he would just come over to sit, in silence, reading, knowing that I needed—deeply needed—company, but that I also needed to focus on my own work. friends who can understand and traverse these dynamics are rare indeed.

 

when the rentboy offices were raided and shut down a few years ago, he was one of the loud public voices decrying this juridical overreach. he was also at my side when I went to the information session for people who may have been affected by the action, showing—very publicly—his support to me and to our "community" of rentmen. it was his idea to tag along. in fact, he insisted.

 

we lost a good one, fellows. I'm not the only person reviewed on this site whom he hired or saw for an extended period of time. during the years I knew him, virtually everything he did, he did to make the world a better place for others.

 

I'm in St. Louis right now, but when I return to NYC tomorrow, the city itself will seem damaged, lesser, and vacant.

[+ Funguy]

I, as are many, am saddened by your loss and wish you the best through this trying period.

[+ honcho]

Thank you for letting us all know. I also extend my sincere condolences.

[+ Charlie]

I am sorry to hear this. Damascene was a longtime contributor here, and even though he didn't post often, his posts were usually worth reading. I am sorry for your personal loss, as well.

[liubit]

My condolences, @Tom Isern. What a beautifully touching tribute you wrote!

[MikeBiDude]

RIP @Damascene

[jawjateck]

I'm sad to hear this and sorry for your loss, but I'm encouraged to read about the legacy of someone who lived to make a difference in other people's lives.

[gallahadesquire]

I am sorry to hear of your loss. My condolences.

[Moondance]

One of the things about a Forum like this -- you don't always know when you've influenced someone, opened a mind to a new idea, had an impact. Before I ever posted here, I read the reviews. Back in the day when reviews were more than they are today, Damascene knew how to share the details of an experience in a way that could, well... kind of grab you by the dick and make you want some of that. I tried things I never expected to in part because of him (and, as it happens, because of Tom).

 

I looked back at some of those reviews this morning, noticed the references to Damascene's age when he wrote them, and was that much sorrier to know that he is gone too soon. My condolences to Tom Isern on the loss of your good friend. And to Damascene, thank you, stranger. RIP.

[whipped guy]

Sorry to hear about this. While I was not totally into the same scene as he, I always did feel a connection... in a BDSM sort of way... with Damascene. Plus, even though he posted infrequently I, like others , always did enjoy his postings. In addition, he was an admirer of the great and long retired Reece Rothmeier... and that's going way back... something else that we had in common. I recall contacting him after Reece retired for any recommendations. He was very helpful. Again I'm sorry to hear about this.

[rvwnsd]

Tom, I am so sorry you lost your friend.

[+ Eric Hassan]

@Tom Isern I'm so sorry you lost such a great friend and that our community lost such a special person. Thank you for telling us what he meant to you and to those around him. I'm sure he will be missed in many ways.

[+ glennnn]

I didn't know him. Your tribute made me wish I had. Thank you for sharing the details of your friendship.

[Justice]

Tom, I'm so very sorry for your loss. Rest in Peace, Damascene.

[+ purplekow]

I did not know Damascene, but his distinctive avatar always caught my eye and led me to read his postings. He presented his opinions in an open and considered manner. His reviews were informative and sexy. I never noted his age, but I thought of him as wise and caring individual and to learn of his passing at a young age caused me to think I had lost a friend I never met.

 

In a way, the men and women who post here are connected by the opinions they share and the inner thoughts they reveal. I will miss knowing more about Damascene. I feel fortunate to have known him here and disappointed that I will not have the opportunity to meet him.

 

Tom, I am sorry for the loss of your friend. I am also glad that you had this man in your life and that he brought you so much kindness, comfort, guidance and love. You describe a man with a Damascene steel spirit with a gooey chocolate center. He had the unusual combination of strength and sweetness and we all need a bit of both in our lives.

 

It seems he had special insight into the needs of others and helped them to discover important personal truths.

 

I think we should all take a moment to stop and breathe and consider the legacy of this stranger we knew and hope for a Damascene moment.

[+ nycman]

Tom, I am sorry for your loss.

 

Thank you for sharing this with us and for giving us

some insight into the loving and caring Man behind

the screen name "Damascene".

 

His presence and contributions here will be missed.

[+ Tom Isern]

One of the things about a Forum like this -- you don't always know when you've influenced someone, opened a mind to a new idea, had an impact. Before I ever posted here, I read the reviews. Back in the day when reviews were more than they are today, Damascene knew how to share the details of an experience in a way that could, well... kind of grab you by the dick and make you want some of that. I tried things I never expected to in part because of him (and, as it happens, because of Tom).

 

I looked back at some of those reviews this morning, noticed the references to Damascene's age when he wrote them, and was that much sorrier to know that he is gone too soon. My condolences to Tom Isern on the loss of your good friend. And to Damascene, thank you, stranger. RIP.

 

I would like to hear more, please? what did he encourage you to try? what was my role in that?

[+ Tom Isern]

Sorry to hear about this. While I was not totally into the same scene as he, I always did feel a connection... in a BDSM sort of way... with Damascene. Plus, even though he posted infrequently I, like others , always did enjoy his postings. In addition, he was an admirer of the great and long retired Reece Rothmeier... and that's going way back... something else that we had in common. I recall contacting him after Reece retired for any recommendations. He was very helpful. Again I'm sorry to hear about this.

 

yes, he was a great admirer of Reece. he always encouraged me to follow in that path. I will think more about that now, knowing there's a need out there. to D!

[+ Tom Isern]

thank you for such thoughtful comments, purple cow...

[Bearofdistinction]

with sadness, I post of the loss of my good friend, who posted in this forum under the name Damascene. he was an indefatigable crusader for lgbtq rights—one of the thoughtful activists, the kind who understood that gay pride sponsors a "march"—not a parade—that it should include rentboys, leathermen, and dykes on bikes. the kind of activist who knew the pros and the very many cons of "gay marriage." smart. kind. thoughtful. and a real diplomat. I would say more but it would risk identifying him.

 

he was a client for about 8 years, starting when I was brand new to the world of escorting. one of my biggest supporters, he coined the name "Tom Isern"—Isern being, he told me, Middle English for "steel." he taught me that it was okay for me to unleash my dominant and aggressive energies, that there would be men, like him, who would appreciate that. eventually our business relationship ended, yet he had already become a close and dear personal friend.

 

there are only a handful of people in the world whom my dog adores. he was one of them. when D came to my apartment to visit, he would always completely ignore me, until he'd sat on the floor to greet, converse, and play with the french bulldog who adored him. then he'd say "hey." then he'd cook me something luscious—one of his many skills that of being a chef. and we'd spend a good amount of time talking about nothing very important.

 

as I think back on our many years together, what stands out to me is how very good—deeply good—a person he was. I went through a big crisis a few years ago involving the simultaneous death of my mother and the loss of a boyfriend of many years. D was at my side every step of the way. I never needed to ask him to be there for me, he always just knew when and what I needed. in my darkest times, he would just come over to sit, in silence, reading, knowing that I needed—deeply needed—company, but that I also needed to focus on my own work. friends who can understand and traverse these dynamics are rare indeed.

 

when the rentboy offices were raided and shut down a few years ago, he was one of the loud public voices decrying this juridical overreach. he was also at my side when I went to the information session for people who may have been affected by the action, showing—very publicly—his support to me and to our "community" of rentmen. it was his idea to tag along. in fact, he insisted.

 

we lost a good one, fellows. I'm not the only person reviewed on this site whom he hired or saw for an extended period of time. during the years I knew him, virtually everything he did, he did to make the world a better place for others.

 

I'm in St. Louis right now, but when I return to NYC tomorrow, the city itself will seem damaged, lesser, and vacant.

 

Sorry for your and all of our loss. I read his thoughtful posts for many years

[MscleLovr]

What a touching tribute.

[Zapped]

Beautiful, Tom. Thank you for sharing this with us.

[+ David-SF]

The Loss of Damascene has shaken me not just because of his friendship with you Tom but knowing him all these years. I was grateful he became my friend too.

I love you Tom and I am saddened as well.

Here I am!

Right by your side in spirit.

While this tribute was well written it pales in comparison to the truth in the light that Damascene lived and what his friendship to you I bear witness to.

It is true we lose some of the color and brightness of our own. The price we pay for that cherished discretion.

I have a few stories of his ability to grant me access to some really amazing places and his joy in doing so.

I once received an "anonymous message" from his email. that a huge superstar was in the town I happened to be traveling to.

Not only was I able to be there but ran into D on that day and I was able to tell him how grateful I was for his ongoing kindness over the years.

His loss to our community is a dark one indeed. As an active member of the LGBTQI2 community we all share in the debt of gratitude.

xo and strong tight hugs

David

[Okliehomo]

Very sad to hear about Damascene. Crazy how you can feel such a fondness and now loss for someone you have never met. Makes me nostalgic for the old days of the forum... when I was just starting out on this very unique journey and it was all so new and exciting. Made more so by people like Damascene, KYTop, besthotel and JT Brooklyn just to name a few. Even the guys that scared me to death like FFF, Doug and VaHawk....

 

Touching post, Tom. Made me think of sweet little Henry as well who must have had such good taste in men to chose such a kind soul as Damascene.

[+ Tom Isern]

oh man, Oklie, you mention some good guys there. to you and David-SF—thanks for popping onto the thread. good memories!

 

SF used to come stay with me for a week or two every couple of months. (and the talking those bedroom walls would talk after he left!). those were good days. miss that, so much, David! much love to you as well!