Masc vs fem

[MassageCommunityMember]

How do you define masc and fem?  I don't think I fall into either category but I also think people who strongly identify in either category would probably put me in the opposite category (masc guy would call me fem/fem guy would call me masc).  

 

What do you call yourself and what criteria did you use?

[Nue2thegame]

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

34 minutes ago, MassageCommunityMember said:

What do you call yourself

Usually, others call for me.  I try to not to talk to myself (anymore), lest I lose another argument.

[mtaabq]

I’m curious as to why you’re asking. Is someone trying to label you? Are you trying to label yourself? Who cares? Really! Just be yourself. Or am I missing the point?

[MassageCommunityMember]

3 minutes ago, mtaabq said:

I’m curious as to why you’re asking. Is someone trying to label you? Are you trying to label yourself? Who cares? Really! Just be yourself. Or am I missing the point?

I just see a lot of other people labeling themselves and I wonder where I fit on that continuum.  I'm not stressed about it - just curious.  It's the same with the animals - otter, bear, fox, etc -I don't really fit into anything in the gay community...maybe gaymer but not even that really...other than "boring" what do you call someone like me? 😂

[Nue2thegame]

Labels implicitly limit possibilities and the 1st 3 respondents here seem to be inclined to avoid self-labeling. How we and others see ourselves can be quite different. 

[mtaabq]

18 minutes ago, MassageCommunityMember said:

other than "boring" what do you call someone like me? 😂

There’s nothing wrong with being “boring”. Being “fabulous!” all the time takes too much energy. At my age, anyway. Dude, I call myself “Mike”. If others find it necessary to label me beyond that - “masc” or “fem” - I’ll leave that for them to decide. And I can assure you I will be indifferent as to their choice. I used to call myself a “bear” but now I just say that I’m fat. I’m 62 years old and I spent far too much time from age 16 to 30 worrying about who I was and what other people thought. I figured out who I was at 30 - an out & proud gay man - and that was the point when I quit caring what anyone else thought of me. I wasted far too much time dealing with labeling myself when all I wanted was to get laid. I had an erection and holes and I was willing to travel but that wasn’t enough. Thin or fat? Muscular or husky? Hairy or smooth? Masculine or Feminine? Labels limit you, man. Don’t do it. Just be your authentic self and f*ck what anyone else thinks. You are who you are and you are an incredible human being. And it’s a really strange day when I am the voice of reason. 

Edited August 10 by mtaabq

[theplayerking]

I consider myself metrosexual. Not super butch or jockey and not feminine, but no one is the least bit surprised to find out I’m gay. 

I think “fem” over the last few years has become a fetish identifier in ads or porn descriptions. It often involves being young, super skinny, wearing makeup, stockings, cross dressing, etc. Few guys would have self-identified as femme ten years ago, even if they were gayer than Christmas. Now you see guys using in their OlnyFans description, etc. Times have changed. 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

2 hours ago, MassageCommunityMember said:

What do you call yourself and what criteria did you use?

Criteria is how one's brain is wired: 

...And by how one socializes:

[Danny-Darko]

2 hours ago, MassageCommunityMember said:

How do you define masc and fem?  I don't think I fall into either category but I also think people who strongly identify in either category would probably put me in the opposite category (masc guy would call me fem/fem guy would call me masc).  

 

What do you call yourself and what criteria did you use?

 

[+ SirBillybob]

Neither Elio nor Oliver … too confusing … but I’m partial to Aciman. 

Edited August 10 by SirBillybob

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

1 hour ago, Danny-Darko said:

 

Look at that limp wrist in the picture on the right, and the earring!  Those guys in blue are feminine! 😉 

Edited August 10 by Vegas_Millennial

[+ SirBillybob]

13 minutes ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

Look at that limp wrist in the picture on the right, and the earring!  Those guys in blue are feminine! 😉 

Not to mention admiring a GLEE poster. 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

2 minutes ago, SirBillybob said:

Not to mention admiring a GLEE poster. 

And each one has a f*g in his mouth 🚬 

Edited August 10 by Vegas_Millennial

[+ Charlie]

I never thought of myself as either one.: To me, "fem" was a man who acted like/wanted to be a woman, but I was just a man who liked to have sex with other men. I wanted to be perceived as a man by both men and women.  I could be top or bottom, or both even with the same partner. I was a young man of average height, weight, and looks. In high school and college, I dated girls, but was not interested in having sex with them. I came out as gay to family and friends when I was in my early 20s. I wasn't interested in drag, for myself or for my boyfriends. I worked out at a gym, but was not particularly athletic. I had a beard and mustache, but they were primarily to distract attention from the fact that I was starting to go bald at an early age. I don't think anyone would be shocked when meeting me to learn that I am gay, but I don't think they would automatically assume that I was, unless they already knew.that I was married to a man (who was also neither fem nor masc). 

[+ Gar1eth]

I don't think I'm the most masculine person in the world-but for the most part, I wouldn't consider myself fem. 
 

However I do have some physical traits that might lead me to be taken more to the fem side. For instance my voice is relatively high for a male. It's so higher pitched that I can't even really lower it if I try. I'm in my 60's, and occasionally I'm still mistaken for a woman on the phone. Or people have thought I was younger than I am  going by my voice. Along with that, I don't have a visible Adam's Apple. Now you might think it's because I'm fat. And I am. But even when I was skinnier, I didn't have one. And if you feel my neck -there's no real Adam's Apple bulge. 
 

As far as attitude or actions, I'm not really into sports, but  I do like musicals/plays-although I'm not into opera or ballet. 
 

So again -while not the most masculine guy out there  I think I skew more towards the male side than the fem. And to tell you the truth-and I realize it's my own problem to deal with-but overly masculine women, overly feminine men, and overly butch/macho males (whether straight or gay) have a tendency to make me uncomfortable. 

[+ Just Chuck]

While sex is biological (mostly), gender is a social construct.  Gender presentation and behavior vary with cultures and times.  For example, we would find a male political leader wearing a wig, makeup, and tights pretty odd today.  

I’ve always been perceived as pretty masculine.  I am bi-/pan-sexual and I’m attracted to the entire spectrum of sex, genders, and gender presentations.  Whether I’m attracted or not, I feel very protective of gender and sexual minorities. 

[Mark_fl]

I think for me it's fem if I can tell someone is gay without the topic coming up in conversation. Just by how they move, talk, act, etc. I don't know how my gaydar even is, but that's my barometer.