Conversation Is Tough

[+ Gar1eth]

Outside escorts and hookups  I don't really have a lot of experience. The closest I've ever had to a boyfriend experience was an intense fbud relationship that lasted close to a year. But that was 9 years ago. 
 

So now I've met a guy. I wouldn't say I'm in love. But I like him a lot. It's not just sex as I've never been a sexual dynamo. I find that I also enjoy just us sitting next to each other watching TV with his head in my lap or my arm around his shoulders. 
 

But I find conversation difficult. 
 

1) We're both retired. So there's no work to talk about. 
2). He's into sports big time. I'm not. 
3). If we were young, we'd probably be talking about our classes at school. But neither of us is young or talking classes. 
 

I have to admit that it's not only with this guy that I have trouble with conversation. I'm often at a loss when I'm with family. But there I feel the reason is that my life is so different from my family. I'm the only gay one. I'm the only adult in the family who's never been married or has a significant other. I'm the only adult without children. And now I'm the only adult of my generation without grandchildren.  
 

So what do I do with my new guy friend? I don't think the physical part is enough to sustain a relationship over a longterm  

[Nue2thegame]

You don’t seem to have trouble participating in conversations here. Does he know about CoM? Why don’t you consider talking to him about things that you find interesting here?

[marylander1940]

4 hours ago, Gar1eth said:

Outside escorts and hookups  I don't really have a lot of experience. The closest I've ever had to a boyfriend experience was an intense fbud relationship that lasted close to a year. But that was 9 years ago. 
 

So now I've met a guy. I wouldn't say I'm in love. But I like him a lot. It's not just sex as I've never been a sexual dynamo. I find that I also enjoy just us sitting next to each other watching TV with his head in my lap or my arm around his shoulders. 
 

But I find conversation difficult. 
 

1) We're both retired. So there's no work to talk about. 
2). He's into sports big time. I'm not. 
3). If we were young, we'd probably be talking about our classes at school. But neither of us is young or talking classes. 
 

I have to admit that it's not only with this guy that I have trouble with conversation. I'm often at a loss when I'm with family. But there I feel the reason is that my life is so different from my family. I'm the only gay one. I'm the only adult in the family who's never been married or has a significant other. I'm the only adult without children. And now I'm the only adult of my generation without grandchildren.  
 

So what do I do with my new guy friend? I don't think the physical part is enough to sustain a relationship over a longterm  

Go hiking, movies, theater, or just taking a walk on the street. Talk about what's going on: politics, celebrities, watch TV together and talk about it afterwards. 

[marylander1940]

1 hour ago, Nue2thegame said:

You don’t seem to have trouble participating in conversations here. Does he know about CoM? Why don’t you consider talking to him about things that you find interesting here?

It's different.... besides many on here project an idealized depiction of themselves when it comes to looks, free sex, money, etc. even sexual orientation, many folks might proclaim to be bi even though they just don't date/hire women at all. 

For the record @Gar1eth WAS (in his previous participation in this forum) and IS (nowadays) one of the most honest posters. 

[+ nycman]

Has ever occurred to you that maybe he likes the fact that you don’t talk a lot?

Maybe he even enjoys the quiet time he gets to spend with you?

Just be you. If it’s meant to be, it will be. 

 

[maninsoma]

I agree that sometimes not talking and just being with someone is fine.

If you agree politically, you can always discuss politics.  In today's world, however, unless you are well aligned I wouldn't discuss politics as that's a sure way to end your friendship/relationship.

How much do you know about each other already?  I'm always interested in learning about someone's family of origin, childhood experiences, highs and lows from their past, etc.  There's truly an endless supply of subject matter.

[marylander1940]

28 minutes ago, nycman said:

Has ever occurred to you that maybe he likes the fact that you don’t talk a lot?

Maybe he even enjoys the quiet time he gets to spend with you?

Just be you. If it’s meant to be, it will be. 

 

 

2 minutes ago, maninsoma said:

I agree that sometimes not talking and just being with someone is fine.

If you agree politically, you can always discuss politics.  In today's world, however, unless you are well aligned I wouldn't discuss politics as that's a sure way to end your friendship/relationship.

How much do you know about each other already?  I'm always interested in learning about someone's family of origin, childhood experiences, highs and lows from their past, etc.  There's truly an endless supply of subject matter.

 

I see the point!

 

[MaybeMaybeNot]

Ask him question about sports.  Or, ask about his family,  his past relationships,  his growing up.  Look at the art on his walls and all about it.  Look through old photos together.  Ask about favorites--movies, vacations,  travel destinations,  TV shows, etc. Ask follow-up questions. Then, if he doesn't reciprocate asking you, don't wait to be asked.  Start sharing your answer.

If you are both quiet,  one of you needs to talk. I have a friend that way. She is not a talker. I ask questions and follow up questions, but she doesn't live a very active life, so when she has nothing to say,  I share a lot. I go into detail.  

[seattlebottom]

Conversation is hard for me as well but it's because I have no interest in knowing anything about anyone. 

[marylander1940]

17 minutes ago, seattlebottom said:

Conversation is hard for me as well but it's because I have no interest in knowing anything about anyone. 

 

Man fakes being deaf, dumb for 62 years to avoid listening to wife - Punch Newspapers

The couple still raised six children and has 13 grandchildren, all of whom were also convinced that their father was deaf.

“When he was at home, he always faked being deaf. It wasn’t until I saw a YouTube video of him singing during a karaoke night in a bar while he was supposed to be at a meeting for a charity, that I understood everything,” she added.

“My client is pretty quiet and not very talkative, but his wife is annoyingly chatty. If he hadn’t faked being deaf, they would have divorced 60 years ago. In a way, he did it for her and for his family,” he said.

Actually, is a satire but not from The Onion 😆 

[mtaabq]

1 hour ago, seattlebottom said:

Conversation is hard for me as well but it's because I have no interest in knowing anything about anyone. 

I have to admire and respect your candor. 

[+ SidewaysDM]

8 hours ago, Gar1eth said:

Outside escorts and hookups  I don't really have a lot of experience. The closest I've ever had to a boyfriend experience was an intense fbud relationship that lasted close to a year. But that was 9 years ago. 
 

So now I've met a guy. I wouldn't say I'm in love. But I like him a lot. It's not just sex as I've never been a sexual dynamo. I find that I also enjoy just us sitting next to each other watching TV with his head in my lap or my arm around his shoulders. 
 

But I find conversation difficult. 
 

1) We're both retired. So there's no work to talk about. 
2). He's into sports big time. I'm not. 
3). If we were young, we'd probably be talking about our classes at school. But neither of us is young or talking classes. 
 

I have to admit that it's not only with this guy that I have trouble with conversation. I'm often at a loss when I'm with family. But there I feel the reason is that my life is so different from my family. I'm the only gay one. I'm the only adult in the family who's never been married or has a significant other. I'm the only adult without children. And now I'm the only adult of my generation without grandchildren.  
 

So what do I do with my new guy friend? I don't think the physical part is enough to sustain a relationship over a longterm  

My advice, is to embrace your quietness. Being truly authentic to your true personality is essential. If your partner truly cares for you, he will accept and respect you, just as you are. Don’t try to be something you are not. 
 

I understand your struggle better than most. I have been a quiet and shy person, all of my life. I am now in my sixties. My partner excepts the fact that I am a quiet and reserved person. We are both retired and we enjoy the quiet pleasures of life together. We have very different interests and personalities. We have made it work and been happy for over 25 years.