Preferring a provider’s partner instead

[LuckyLechon]

Hello,

New to hiring but was wondering the politics of providers who are partnered/married. I hired one and ended up not being as into him as I thought when I met him in person but was wanting to hire someone else only to find out he is partnered and living with the first provider.

I wanna avoid awkward convos and people feeling bad so does that mean I should just not bothering hiring the second guy?

[LookingAround]

This has happened to me. I just contacted the partner and proceeded. No apologies. You're the paying customer. This isn't a prom. 

[jackcali]

Something similar happened to me.  I had a regular who was going to be out of town for a couple of weeks and he suggested that while he was away I should hire his boyfriend, who also escorted.  So I did, and had a good time.  If the two guys weren't connected, I might have kept with my regular and seen the boyfriend from time to time for a change of pace, but since I was sure they'd know about it I was afraid of the complications that could screw up the good dynamic I had with my regular.  I think it would have been much riskier to change horses, so to speak.  So I kept seeing the regular and only saw the boyfriend at my regular's suggestion.  And of course, though it's not really my thing, they did talk me into seeing them together a couple of times.  

[LuckyLechon]

2 hours ago, jackcali said:

Something similar happened to me.  I had a regular who was going to be out of town for a couple of weeks and he suggested that while he was away I should hire his boyfriend, who also escorted.  So I did, and had a good time.  If the two guys weren't connected, I might have kept with my regular and seen the boyfriend from time to time for a change of pace, but since I was sure they'd know about it I was afraid of the complications that could screw up the good dynamic I had with my regular.  I think it would have been much riskier to change horses, so to speak.  So I kept seeing the regular and only saw the boyfriend at my regular's suggestion.  And of course, though it's not really my thing, they did talk me into seeing them together a couple of times.  

Yeah I imagine something similar happening and I want to avoid that convo cause it would beware for sure. The guy I’m not into as much is a nice guy and friends I’m just so much more sexually excited by the other. I guess if it’s an issue I should just find someone else, plenty of fish in the sea so to speak.

[Whippoorwill]

I can't imagine a provider being heartbroken that you also go to other providers, even his husband. He's not in love with you. He likes your business. And if you're not going to him, he's probably happy you're keeping the income in the family. 

[Nue2thegame]

I’ve encountered this twice and both times, all were cool with it. But I can easily imagine a situation where the dynamic between the couples was less ideal and things could quickly go south. I don’t think that there is a hard and fast rule here but you should go with your instincts. 

[aiseeya]

Y'all are overthinking it. They see you as their customer, thats it. Any relationship between you and any of them is a pure business one. Your fear that by seeing the BF would create tension between you and the regular is rooted in an illusion that the regular would get jelous. Mate they are professional, its you who is delusion to overestimate the nature of your relationship.

[jackcali]

6 hours ago, aiseeya said:

Y'all are overthinking it. They see you as their customer, thats it. Any relationship between you and any of them is a pure business one. Your fear that by seeing the BF would create tension between you and the regular is rooted in an illusion that the regular would get jelous. Mate they are professional, its you who is delusion to overestimate the nature of your relationship.

There is such a thing as professional jealousy.  In my professional career, when a client of mine decided to hire a different professional for work that I thought I could do just as well, I got pissed off.  Even if I admitted to myself that his new hire was better suited to that particular assignment, I still got pissed off.  His decision affected my feelings toward the client and, at least as far as I was concerned, permanently altered the relationship.  

[pubic_assistance]

5 hours ago, jackcali said:

In my professional career, when a client of mine decided to hire a different professional for work that I thought I could do just as well, I got pissed off. 

I agree, two professionals with the same skill-set could be jealous. BUT when it comes to sex workers, every professional KNOWS that attraction is fickle. I rarely find couples who BOTH appeal to me. But there's rarely a problem with choosing one over the other. The MONEY still goes into the same household, so they usually don't care who took a load of cum to pay for dinner. 🤣

[aiseeya]

6 hours ago, jackcali said:

There is such a thing as professional jealousy.  In my professional career, when a client of mine decided to hire a different professional for work that I thought I could do just as well, I got pissed off.  Even if I admitted to myself that his new hire was better suited to that particular assignment, I still got pissed off.  His decision affected my feelings toward the client and, at least as far as I was concerned, permanently altered the relationship.  

In such scenario, its really not customer job to safeguard provider's or business owner's feeling. As customer you simply do what you gotta do. Same goes to business owner.

[mike carey]

6 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

I agree, two professionals with the same skill-set could be jealous. BUT when it comes to sex workers, every professional KNOWS that attraction is fickle. I rarely find couples who BOTH appeal to me. But there's rarely a problem with choosing one over the other. The MONEY still goes into the same household, so they usually don't care who took a load of cum to pay for dinner. 🤣

This was a concept I had thought about yesterday reading this thread, and was considering how to put it in words. But the nub of my 'analysis' (to use a pretentious word for what I was thinking) was not that your final sentence was the answer, but rather that it was one way this could play out.

How a couple who both worked in this industry would treat any link between clients and each of them as providers would depend on the depth of their relationship. It is certainly possible that 'jealousy' or rather competition between them for clients could exist. If they were partners more of convenience, or not yet sure of the depth or permanence of their relationship to each other, if they had separate finances with only sufficient sharing for the day to day running of their household, then competition for clients would not be surprising. At the other end of the spectrum, if they saw their work as a shared enterprise where they each had marketable attributes that might appeal to different clients, but whoever the client chose would still contribute to their shared enterprise, I can image they might be perfectly relaxed as to whom the client chose. In between those two scenarios there are those with degrees to which they see their businesses as complementary, competing to some extent, but where it is not a zero-sum game.

Any couple who both escort will have their own place on this spectrum and we, as clients will not necessarily be aware of how the personnal dynamics of their relationship work. But we should not make assumptions, or judge them by their reactions. They are entitled to run their businesses and their relationships as they see fit. But we are entitled to respect, whatever they choose, and if there is drama in how their businesses and relationships intersect we don't need to be drawn into it.

[+ PhileasFogg]

Yeah, I had this happen with two Chicago guys several weeks ago.  The mistake I made was asking Guy 1 for a blessing to see Guy 2 which he took as asking for permission.  He was instantly offended and said he wanted to think about it.  After two weeks of silence, I approached Guy 2 directly, explaining the back story.   Ultimately Guy 1 gave permission and we planned a weekend trip.

During the trip, Guy 2 suggested that Guy 1 was furious with me.  So I tried to clear the air reaching out to Guy 1.  He replied with the most histrionic, gaslighting, accusing tirade by text that one could imagine.

There’s a much longer story here - and I’ve subsequently learned some things about Guy 1 - but it’s a shame - Guy 2 is a prince (and better than Guy 1 in so many levels)  But I will not do anything more to come between or create conflict for them.  Guy 2 will have to figure out the unhealthy relationship dynamic on his own.  But to avoid making issues for him, I’ve been silent since the tirade and moved on and had outstanding encounters with new guys.

Ironically, I have reason to believe that Guy 1 moved to poison my well with some other guys - but that’s on him.