How to let go of a regular provider?

[Becket]

tough when your heart gets involved.

[savantsav]

18 minutes ago, jeezifonly said:

One can be kind - expressing gratitude for what's been pleasurable and positive. But at-will employment ends when one party or the other no longer benefits from the arrangement. You'll find other qualified applicants, and he'll find other income sources.

Business. Start there, and you'll figure out the way. 

Yes 100%, and as a business I still want to keep the network connection by not being a dick or jerk about it. That's what I'm asking for suggestions/feedback here. You don't have to burn bridges with people that have provided you with good service even if it wasn't the best, regardless of the type of job involved.

I am not having a hard time making the decision to let them go, that decision has been made. I'm asking for suggestions on how to do it at that professional and personal level that isn't ghosting them or worse.

[Rudynate]

10 hours ago, savantsav said:

my ideal physical type.

That's not an insignificant consideration. 

 

[Rudynate]

2 hours ago, savantsav said:

Of course there's No Strings. That's not the issue, is that I'm not a jerk to just ghost them or cut them off in a mean way.

I don’t fuck my gardener but I’m still gonna feel sad if I had to fire him after almost a year of work. 

Who is suggesting that these would be good ways to end the relationship?  It does happen though.  One office I worked in, the owner's wife sort of ran things and wasn't a particularly nice person.  One of her oldest friends was the executive director and she fired her by text the day she was supposed to return from vacation.  I would definitely not recommend you follow this approach with your buddy.

[pubic_assistance]

2 hours ago, savantsav said:

He's never told me why, but I have the suspicion that he uses cialis/viagra to stay hard and it might be painful or uncomfortable to stay hard and cum.

There are multiple attractive young men who escort but are not well suited to having sex with men who they are not genuinely attracted to. Sounds like your fellow is attracted to your money, but not YOU. If the sex isn't exciting enough to bring him to orgasm, then thats not gonna improve over time. The pressure to perform will only worsen the situation. 

If you enjoy his company and like his looks, you could accept this as a one sided attraction, and take what you get until you find better. I am personally on-board with what you are saying. I really don't enjoy being with someone if they arent enjoying too and cumming proves that point. 

Saying goodbye isn't difficult. You've already stated your frustration about the situation, so the "thanks for all the fun, but its time to move on" speech is not going to be received as unkind or unexpected. 

[MRK]

Last I checked you don't need to break up with someone you're paying. If you hire a painter or a plumber or a massage therapist and they don't do a good job you just don't hire them again... you don't break up with them. Ask him if he'd like to continue seeing you for free and then you won't have to break up with him b/c he'll break up with you.

[jackcali]

In terms of how to say goodbye, I have a few suggestions.  First, do it in a phone call rather than by text/email or by ghosting.  The relationship has been significant enough for you (and likely for him, given the money involved) that it deserves a conversation, even an unpleasant one.  Second, just say that the relationship has run its course, that you're no longer getting what you hoped for out of the arrangement and, as much as you like him personally, it's time for it to end.  Do NOT go through your complaints/disappointments/criticisms about what's not been right.  You've already explained those to him.  If he addresses those criticisms again (blaming you, for example), either say that it's not anybody's fault or say that maybe it is you or just say it's too late to address any issues.  

One last suggestion.  It sounds like this guy has made a lot of money off of you in the last year and I'm sure he's thinking about that loss of income.  When I've ended things with years-long hires, I tend to give them a farewell gift of some size to soften the blow.  You might consider that.  If you do, mention it early because if he's thinking financially, he will keep the conversation civil in order not to lose that gift.  

I'm sorry it's come to this, but I am glad you are resolved to end it (I've wasted a lot of time with regular escorts even after the arrangement has become unsatisfying).  I wish you luck.  

[MscleLovr]

15 hours ago, savantsav said:

He doesn't do drugs, I can have a conversation with him, he's not a clock watcher and my ideal physical type.

As @Rudynate noted, this constitutes a powerful attraction. 
 

I also saw that you’d had 5 overnights and several multi-hour bookings with him. So my guess is that you have a considerable emotional investment in the relationship.

Yet your precise needs - which you explained clearly - are not being met. What I could not discern is whether he brought you to orgasm every time. 

FWIW I had something similar with a guy years ago. He was an Adonis (notably goodlooking, working as a model, with a superb physique) who had a submissive streak and liked to please. He was perfect for me as I really enjoy the BFE, topping energetically and being sucked off to completion as a session ends. 

The similar ‘problem’ was that he would rarely climax. And I also like to see my guys climax. I’m selfish so it’s not essential, but I find it thrilling to have my partner climax. 

As I enjoyed his company so much (overnights and weekend trips), I spent considerable time exploring when he could and did climax. Note that we talked this over in private when relaxed (ie when my needs had been met).

It became clear that it was more of a psychological problem. For instance, he could not pee in public or in front of other men. He felt shame.
 

Over time, the ‘key’ was for me to hire another fit muscleboy. The final part of a session would be, after I’d unloaded, that the two hot guys masturbated while physically separated. Sometimes I’d hold my guy from behind and stroke his cock; sometimes I’d let him stroke himself. The other muscleboy would shoot first and then my guy would climax.
Another successful stratagem exploring his ‘shame’ was to tie him up (which he loved). Sometimes this was a prelude to spanking him; sometimes I edged him in a leisurely session. 
 

If you are still invested to some extent, and decide you’d like to salvage what you can, I’d urge you to have a conversation with him about how and when he does climax successfully.

If, as you state, you just want to move to seeing him when he’s around (no trips, no multi-hour bookings), I’d write a polite text saying how greatly you enjoyed the previous dates, but now you will want to see him just for an hour when he happens to be in your city. 

[LookingAround]

19 hours ago, savantsav said:

It's also possible he's on an SSRI antidepressant which can make having an orgasm difficult in some men. 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

11 hours ago, jeezifonly said:

One can be kind - expressing gratitude for what's been pleasurable and positive. But at-will employment ends when one party or the other no longer benefits from the arrangement. You'll find other qualified applicants, and he'll find other income sources.

Business. Start there, and you'll figure out the way. 

Hard disagree. This is very dehumanizing. In fact, "at will" employment is dehumanizing. Treating human beings like replaceable widgets is one of the reasons the US is one of the most miserable countries in the world. While I do think @savantsav is overthinking it a bit, I respect him for wanting to treat this provider with care and humanity. 

[savantsav]

We texted yesterday and I thanked him for the good times I had in the past few months but that I couldn't continue with our multi-hour commitments as I require my non-negotiables to be fulfilled. I told him I understood if that was difficult for him and that I completely understand if he could not deliver consistently. I told him next time you're here or I'm there we can catch up for an hour because his bf dickdown experience is amazing but I am moving on, looking for someone who can consistently deliver.

That's it, he thank me for the time together, he wished me well in finding someone that can and that was it.

I find funny/sad in this thread people sort of telling me to "snap out" "you caught feelings" "you don't need to break up with someone you're paying" when I have been perfectly aware of what's going on, there were no 'caught love feelings' and I'm not just going to ghost someone that has been providing a good service repeatedly (yeah, not great but good) or cuss them out.

The people OK treating others like that really put into perspective why @SecretProvider is here calling many of you out on how you treat providers.

[Rudynate]

7 hours ago, MscleLovr said:

As @Rudynate noted, this constitutes a powerful attraction. 
 

 

Yep. For me, the visual stimulus of a guy being just the right type is so important that compromising on the quality of the sex makes perfect sense, if he is that type.

[+ purplekow]

5 hours ago, savantsav said:

We texted yesterday and I thanked him for the good times I had in the past few months but that I couldn't continue with our multi-hour commitments as I require my non-negotiables to be fulfilled. I told him I understood if that was difficult for him and that I completely understand if he could not deliver consistently. I told him next time you're here or I'm there we can catch up for an hour because his bf dickdown experience is amazing but I am moving on, looking for someone who can consistently deliver.

That's it, he thank me for the time together, he wished me well in finding someone that can and that was it.

I find funny/sad in this thread people sort of telling me to "snap out" "you caught feelings" "you don't need to break up with someone you're paying" when I have been perfectly aware of what's going on, there were no 'caught love feelings' and I'm not just going to ghost someone that has been providing a good service repeatedly (yeah, not great but good) or cuss them out.

The people OK treating others like that really put into perspective why @SecretProvider is here calling many of you out on how you treat providers.

I am glad it worked out for you and him.  Perhaps a valuable lesson has been learned in that you definitely seem to have been much more invested than he.  For future encounters, the first time you do not get what you were expecting, tell him.  If it happens a second time, remind him.  If it happens a third time, stop hiring him and tell him good bye at that meeting.  

[savantsav]

1 hour ago, purplekow said:

I am glad it worked out for you and him.  Perhaps a valuable lesson has been learned in that you definitely seem to have been much more invested than he.  For future encounters, the first time you do not get what you were expecting, tell him.  If it happens a second time, remind him.  If it happens a third time, stop hiring him and tell him good bye at that meeting.  

TBH It was less about being more invested than he and more that I hadn't yet figured out whether the cum part was a non-negotiable for me or not, until it was. Thanks for the feedback though appreciate it.

[+ DrownedBoy]

The only thing you should worry about is a negative reaction.

I've had regulars for years, and while I don't have proof, I'm pretty sure they scared away other guys I tried to hire.