Toxic Providers

[ThrowawayAccount]

I made this amount just to tell this story because I've been sitting on it for two days. One of the most traumatizing experience in the 10 years I've been hiring. 

I used to be on this site a while ago and have just been reading reviews and not commenting on anything. Tonight I needed to get this off my chest because I was traumatized by a provider to the point where I may not want to hire again. 

I live in Cleveland, Ohio. Not many choices here. I booked this escort from the site and we decided to meet at the local bathhouse that I've never been to. I went to one a few decades ago that made me uncomfortable so I never tried to go back to one. 

I booked the provider and got to the bathhouse. We began talking and I told him I was a bit uncomfortable. He got a room the size of a closet with two benches. I asked him if we could move to a room with a bed and I should be more comfortable.   We did. I paid for the room.  $26. Not much,  no big deal.  He asks for his small fee. We agreed on $200.  I hate paying before the service but it seems like that's what providers are doing these days,  especially if you don't give them a deposit, which i didn't. We agreed that I would send it through venmo as a business transaction so if things go wrong,  I can protect myself. I would never try to reverse a payment after a booking of we already spent the time together. He agreed.

We kept talking, I kept being visibly uncomfortable. He said after all this he thinks we should call his friend to come over for a threesome. I said I'm not comfortable right now so bringing another stranger into the room would make me more so. We ended up not bringing in his friend. 

The bathhouse has strict no street clothes rules and cell phones have to stay in the locker. He had his phone,  I had mine. He had his street clothes,  mine were in my locker. This became a red flag to me. He tried to leave to smoke a cigarette right after I paid him. When he left the room I texted him saying I was uncomfortable and I wanted to leave. He came back in and said I was wasting his time. (MY time, it actually was.)

He started saying he was a police officer and his cousin downstairs was a police officer as well. This added to me being uncomfortable. I started to panic. I've never felt this way with a provider before and I was thinking of shit, what did I get myself into. I was waiting for him to show me a badge and I waited for more police to come in and arrest me for paying for sex. Nothing. I told him I wanted to go but I was scared police were downstairs. I've heard of stings and I thought this was one. More panic. He walked me downstairs and I called myself an Uber and it was the longest 8 minutes I've waited for an uber. I was super aware of my surroundings and watched to see if police were coming. I got in the Uber, terrified this was it. I ran into my apartment and called a friend, panicking that I had screwed up. 

The provider kept texting me, taunting me and I stopped engaging, took sleeping pills and went to bed. He messaged me today and I told him how I felt. And I'm not engaging with him anymore.

He had me blocked on the site so I can't leave a review. I had emailed the site and they haven't responded yet,  which is weird because in the past they would respond within 24 hours. I think hours profile should be removed. 

Do you all ever get this nervous that you may be hiring an undercover police officer? I've had some bad (and great experiences) with providers but this was the worst one I've had. I have text messages of him taunting me. I'd post them but he texted some sensitive information about me (that you can Google).

[ThirdEye]

This is so alarming, and I’m sorry you had to go through this. It’s definitely important that you have an outlet to vent.

I honestly rarely suspect I’m hiring a cop intent on arresting me, as I could guess that cops priorities on sex work are focused much more precarious forms of it (sex work done by women who are managed under a possibly abusive or violent pimp). 
 

I don’t think this one incident should stop you from pursuing other providers, but you should definitely be more cautious. Try to assure a provider has been vetted on this website by searching their name in the Deli section. Also look for providers with many ratings in RM, and a rating that is at least  4.5 or above in my opinion. 

[SecretProvider]

sounds like a bad incident - but let me say this: sometimes when you are negative it become a self fulfilling prophecy. 

 

1. you went to a bathhouse despite not liking them feeling uncomfortable. How is this his fault?

2. you get there and are uncomfortable, complaining about the room. How is this his fault?

3. you talk about how you will only pay in a way that you can get your money back with the provider (im sure that is going to make him feel great)  How is this his fault?

4. you sit there visibly uncomfortable, he suggests maybe bringing in someone else to help. (you don't mention any ideas you have to make you feel more comfortable - you are also an active participant here. he is not a mind reader)  How is this his fault? 

5. you tell him you now want to leave after he has gone out his way to prepare to meet you, travel to the bathhouse. Of course he is going to be annoyed.  he thinks you are probably going to reverse the payment like you suggested at the start.  How is this his fault?

 

You willed this into situation into existence and you need to take some responsibly for it. I'm not saying what he did was right - but you literally threatened him that you would reverse payment if you were not happy. Not a great way to start a session. 

 

You may want to explore seeing a therapist or counselor and work on anxiety instead of hiring sex workers in bathhouses. 

[+ BOZO T CLOWN]

1 hour ago, SecretProvider said:

sounds like a bad incident - but let me say this: sometimes when you are negative it become a self fulfilling prophecy. 

 

1. you went to a bathhouse despite not liking them feeling uncomfortable. How is this his fault?

2. you get there and are uncomfortable, complaining about the room. How is this his fault?

3. you talk about how you will only pay in a way that you can get your money back with the provider (im sure that is going to make him feel great)  How is this his fault?

4. you sit there visibly uncomfortable, he suggests maybe bringing in someone else to help. (you don't mention any ideas you have to make you feel more comfortable - you are also an active participant here. he is not a mind reader)  How is this his fault? 

5. you tell him you now want to leave after he has gone out his way to prepare to meet you, travel to the bathhouse. Of course he is going to be annoyed.  he thinks you are probably going to reverse the payment like you suggested at the start.  How is this his fault?

 

You willed this into situation into existence and you need to take some responsibly for it. I'm not saying what he did was right - but you literally threatened him that you would reverse payment if you were not happy. Not a great way to start a session. 

 

You may want to explore seeing a therapist or counselor and work on anxiety instead of hiring sex workers in bathhouses. 

Agree 1000%. @SecretProvider is very perceptive. Bozo was thinking the same thoughts as he was reading the OP's tale of woe.

The OP should not be hiring providers. Period. At least and until he gets some therapy.
If the story is accurate, what happened could have been easily avoided at many points. And it is just as much, if not more, the fault of the OP as it is the fault of the paid hooker.
The OP needs to accept blame and take responsibility. Also, if the OP paid by Venmo as a business transaction, why couldn't he reverse the charges once he was safe at home?

BTC
🤡

[maninsoma]

My advice is that if you hire again, then get naked with the guy early on and enjoy yourself.  Maybe your anxiety would have been diminished once you were embracing each other?  I do think that some of the provider's behavior (as described by you) was problematic, but as the previous two posters wrote you certainly contributed -- in a significant way -- to this meeting going wrong.

 

[ThrowawayAccount]

I did not mention that I forgot to send the payment as a business transaction, so he got his money for the time he spent with me regardless of me being uncomfortable or not.

Of course another provider would find fault with a client when what I was experiencing was clearly not good service. He didn't have to pretend he was a police officer and then continue to harass me after I got home.   This... was his fault.  I never said me being uncomfortable at the bathhouse was his fault.  I would think the escort not getting a proper room with a bed was his fault.

It sounds like to me some providers don't always think of what's best for the client. When someone is already feeling uncomfortable,  a normal person wouldn't go ahead and ADD to that discomfort. And when I left he added MORE discomfort by harassing me. 

[ThrowawayAccount]

Just now, maninsoma said:

My advice is that if you hire again, then get naked with the guy early on and enjoy yourself.  Maybe your anxiety would have been diminished once you were embracing each other?  I do think that some of the provider's behavior (as described by you) was problematic, but as the previous two posters wrote you certainly contributed -- in a significant way -- to this meeting going wrong.

 

We were both in our underwear. And I thought moving to another room would make me more comfortable. That's not his fault except that his choice of a room was not one for comfort but a quickie. 

[ThrowawayAccount]

Thank you all for your feedback. I see that some people will always find fault in the client seeking a service and when it becomes (my) traumatic experience,  this wasn't the place to post it. 

[LookingAround]

You asked for feedback and you got it. I suggest you think about it and digest it instead of rejecting it. You need some serious therapy. 

[Spikeguy]

If the guy got paid his full fee for hanging around a few minutes and no sex I don’t understand why he would taunt the next day.

[viewing ownly]

Bottom line from this post is to never hire a provider to meet at a bath house! Bath houses are to go to for RANDOM encounters, not pre-planned ones. This detailed play-by-play is enough to hammer the point home. 

[LookingAround]

I have a feeling there's a lot to the story we don't fully know. And much on the other side we could be told. 

[ThrowawayAccount]

6 minutes ago, LookingAround said:

I have a feeling there's a lot to the story we don't fully know. And much on the other side we could be told. 

Nope. Not much else to the evening. Thank you for victim shaming. 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

On 10/30/2025 at 11:27 PM, ThrowawayAccount said:

I hate paying before the service but it seems like that's what providers are doing these days...

I stopped reading after this. 

Never pay in advance.  That stops most problems.

[+ Jamie21]

3 hours ago, viewing ownly said:

Bottom line from this post is to never hire a provider to meet at a bath house! Bath houses are to go to for RANDOM encounters, not pre-planned ones. This detailed play-by-play is enough to hammer the point home. 

No I don’t agree. Some guys are really anxious to go to a bath house (sauna) alone. They want someone to go with who will show them how to behave there and who they can walk around with to get comfortable.

If you’re exploring your sexuality or if you’re not conventionally good looking (or you think you aren’t attractive) then bath houses can be intimidating. It’s therefore helpful to have someone who will accompany you and spend time with you there to build your confidence. I’ve arranged quite a lot of sessions at bath houses with my clients. It’s sometimes to take someone who’s never been, sometimes it’s to help guys who want to have sex in public but who want to do it with someone they are attracted to, sometimes it’s to pretend I’m their boyfriend. 

I think in @ThrowawayAccount’s situation he didn’t get a very empathetic provider. He was clearly too anxious and it seems like there wasn’t much communication between the two of them about expectations. Someone with more patience and understanding would probably have behaved differently to him. It’s a lesson for guys hiring: choose carefully. I’ve had a few clients who seem to be far too anxious to relax despite me trying to help. I think some of these guys are still trying to work out things and they have misguided ideas about sex. They don’t need an encounter with a sex worker at that point, they need a counsellor or someone to help them get over the issues they have about their sexuality. 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

On 10/30/2025 at 11:27 PM, ThrowawayAccount said:

Do you all ever get this nervous that you may be hiring an undercover police officer?

 

 

Edited 23 hours ago by Vegas_Millennial

[+ Jamie21]

4 minutes ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

I stopped reading after this. 

Never pay in advance.  That stops most problems.

Usually yes I agree but in a bath house booking I get payment in advance if it’s a new client. It’s because I usually include the entrance fee in the price and then I pay for both of us to get in (as I said in my other post- clients don’t want to have to handle any of the admin to get in a sauna). Also once inside it’s possible for the client to disappear. For example you’re both in the cabin/room, client says he needs the toilet and then disappears (I know it could equally happen the other way around but that’s why clients should do some due diligence on their hire). Finally some bath houses wouldn’t want a transaction happening on the premises. So in those situations I ask for payment before we enter. It’s normal with this kind of booking. 

[+ PhileasFogg]

6 hours ago, ThrowawayAccount said:

Thank you all for your feedback. I see that some people will always find fault in the client seeking a service and when it becomes (my) traumatic experience,  this wasn't the place to post it. 

I’m really sorry you had such a difficult experience. No one should walk away from an encounter feeling unsafe or unsettled.

At the same time, threads like this often reveal that both sides made decisions under stress or uncertainty. That doesn’t minimize what happened to you — it just means that now, with some space and hindsight, you can take steps that give you more control and peace of mind going forward.

Here are a few thoughts that might help next time:

- Since anxiety is part of this for you, you may want to choose the location — whether it’s your home or a hotel where you feel comfortable and there aren’t distractions.

- You’re buying time, not a guaranteed emotional outcome. When nerves kick in, sticking to what was agreed upon can help keep everything grounded.

- For the next few encounters, consider seeing only well-reviewed, established providers until you feel steadier. It can make a huge difference in easing the anxiety you described.

What happened to you clearly shook you. I hope your next experiences are much smoother and actually enjoyable — they absolutely can be with the right structure around them.

[mike carey]

There has been some useful and thoughtful commentary in this thread, but as others have alluded to, not all of it is encouraging. People will always see a variety of things in what's presented when asked about an uncomfortable experience. Almost everyone here has been there, reflected on what went well and what did not, and drawn conclusions of their own and the other party's actions. Some of those conclusions can be uncomfortable or even challenging.

When anyone poses the question here, not everyone will see it the same way, but when someone offers a raw or pained description of how they felt I think we owe them understanding and a serious explanation of how that experience could be seen, maybe differently than they did, for better or worse, not simply an endorsement of  the questioner's opinions about it. We certainly don't need to denigrate anyone's opinion of how their session went down, even if we see it in ways they might not agree with. And definitely not to offer them a gratuitous character assessment over what they asked.

[LookingAround]

5 hours ago, ThrowawayAccount said:

Nope. Not much else to the evening. Thank you for victim shaming. 

There's nothing victim shaming, and stating that the other side probably has things to add that you haven't. You might not even be aware that you're presenting it your way and the other side may have a different perspective. I'm sorry to tell you, but that isn't shaming.

[viewing ownly]

3 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

No I don’t agree. Some guys are really anxious to go to a bath house (sauna) alone. They want someone to go with who will show them how to behave there and who they can walk around with to get comfortable.

If you’re exploring your sexuality or if you’re not conventionally good looking (or you think you aren’t attractive) then bath houses can be intimidating. It’s therefore helpful to have someone who will accompany you and spend time with you there to build your confidence. I’ve arranged quite a lot of sessions at bath houses with my clients. It’s sometimes to take someone who’s never been, sometimes it’s to help guys who want to have sex in public but who want to do it with someone they are attracted to, sometimes it’s to pretend I’m their boyfriend. 

I think in @ThrowawayAccount’s situation he didn’t get a very empathetic provider. He was clearly too anxious and it seems like there wasn’t much communication between the two of them about expectations. Someone with more patience and understanding would probably have behaved differently to him. It’s a lesson for guys hiring: choose carefully. I’ve had a few clients who seem to be far too anxious to relax despite me trying to help. I think some of these guys are still trying to work out things and they have misguided ideas about sex. They don’t need an encounter with a sex worker at that point, they need a counsellor or someone to help them get over the issues they have about their sexuality. 

This a good valid counterpoint to my opinion. If your client is seeing you for a weekend or longer, a bath house seems like a potential fun stop. Their private rooms, however, are dark, small and dingy almost everywhere - not at all an ideal location for an introductory experience. Get a (real) room, like at a hotel. 

I'm under the impression that the admission of being a cop was to quickly end what for the provider was a more uncomfortable experience than the hirer was having, and not a truthful one. 

To the OP, don't let a lousy location or person deter you from trying again sometime. Just choose a better place and your experience will differ greatly.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

I'm so sorry you went through this. I doubt you were ever in danger of law enforcement. It sounds to me like this guy was a grifter who never intended to provide the service. I am surprised that more clients aren't at least sympathetic to your experience. While it's true that you had options, it can be hard to see them when you're dealing with a lot of anxiety. I do find it hard to understand why you would agree to meet a provider at a bath house, if you had a negative experience at one before. Why not a hotel? Was it a cost issue? 

 

[+ Jamie21]

3 hours ago, viewing ownly said:

Their private rooms, however, are dark, small and dingy almost everywhere - not at all an ideal location for an introductory experience.

Yes, often the case. If a client wants me to take them to a bath house then I try to recommend the location because I know the good ones that have nice rooms and are clean. Generally the reason clients hire for sauna visits is because they want to experience the sauna but are too scared to go alone. Or they want to be watched while having sex, or the just like the sauna vibe!. For a first experience of hiring I’d definitely agree to get a hotel. It’s your space, it’s more comfortable and is less stressful. 
 

[+ PhileasFogg]

5 hours ago, LookingAround said:

There's nothing victim shaming, and stating that the other side probably has things to add that you haven't. You might not even be aware that you're presenting it your way and the other side may have a different perspective. I'm sorry to tell you, but that isn't shaming.

This is true.   There is one relevant shade of gray in this particular situation that, in my opinion, matters most - the OP seems genuinely traumatized for the experience.   

Sure, in any interaction between two people, the potential for misunderstanding, insult, and injury exists.   In this case, for whatever reason, the provider took the knife of trauma, twisted it a couple times, and then came back the next day with a different weapon.   

While we must acknowledge fairly that the OP may have been contributory to the provider's reaction, it seems that the provider's reaction was beyond any measure of insult that might have been directed toward him.   Aftre all, if he's a "pro," he's seen it all and should have risen above the fray of the moment.   Otherwise, I'd have to question his constitution for this type of work.

 

[Moke]

Hi @ThrowawayAccount  sorry you experienced this. I must have missed the link to this dude’s ad?  Can you post it so others can benefit?  Thanks so much.