Bi guys' sexual roles.

[+ purplekow]

As a bi guy, I am usually a top.  I have tried to bottom, usually about once a year with very limited success.  So ever once and again, I try to bottom and I recognize why it has been so long since the last time I tried it.

So for the bi guys out there, are you willing and able to give and receive or are you a one way street?  This pertains only to anal, as I think most guys who have sex with men give and receive oral, though they may have a preference for one or the other.  

Edited August 9 by purplekow

[Nightowl]

I’m bi and do both.  They each have their appeal.  Fortunately I’ve found a couple of guys who have been willing to do both with me.

[+ JamesB]

I’m bi and genuinely enjoy both roles. My favorite encounters are those where we can flip roles, but it depends on the situation, bottoming isn’t my favorite because I dislike the prep work. When I hire, I’m almost always top only, with very few exceptions.

[+ PhileasFogg]

@purplekow, your story is my story.  I tried a few times out of curiosity, and I’m done trying.

Edited August 10 by PhileasFogg

[+ purplekow]

12 minutes ago, PhileasFogg said:

@purplekow, your story is my story.  I tried a few times out of curiosity, and I’m done trying.

There was an escort and porn actor Parker Williams and I decided that I wanted him to try and have me bottom.  He was generously endowed and he was trying to be concerned but, we we were not achieving the desired result.  In a moment of utter stupidity, I said. "just push the fucking thing in already". He did.  It was not fun.  I screamed quite loudly and begged him to take it out.  After he did so, he told me:  And that is why I love my job.  So at least one of us had a good time and to be fair, he more than made up for it on the turnaround.  

[pubic_assistance]

4 hours ago, purplekow said:

So for the bi guys out there, are you willing and able to give and receive or are you a one way street? 

I am primarily a top. But when I was younger and more active in same-sex pursuits I would end up with a lot of masculine top men who wanted to fuck me...so I went along with it willingly. I also used to spend time at sex parties where I laid in a sling and let multiple men fuck me for hours. 

I DO still find myself fantasizing about bottoming for certain big muscular men or possibly being spit roasted...but its been many years since I arranged any of that. 

[+ Jamie21]

I’m usually top, because most of my clients are bottom. However I do both roles, sometimes at the same time in the middle if I’m in a group. You do need to be in the right mindset to bottom though, I find if I’m in that mindset it doesn’t matter how big he is, he can go for it. But so many things have to align: I’ve to be confident about being clean (not perfectly so, but at least thoroughly douched), the position has to be right, empty bladder, lube, the moon has to be waxing (ok maybe I made that bit up). It’s such a faff to bottom tbh. I feel sorry for total bottom guys. It’s much easier to top. 

[+ PhileasFogg]

So @purplekow, is it your belief that it’s our bisexuality that contributes to our tight assed disposition or something else?  For me, it feels more physiological (although I’d never deny a psychological component)  In preparation for the few attempts I’ve made, I actually went to a lot of trouble to try to “train” myself with no success.   One very patient and trustworthy young man stayed rock hard for 30 mins barely getting the tip in and in his charming Australian accent finally said “nope, you’re just a top mate!”

@Jamie21, I think my “total bottom” friends would say it’s not harder to bottom.   Some of them have even described themselves as “lazy.”  But I’ll tell you what, they seem to love it.   In every case, they are not bisexual.

For those of us on the left side of the pond - “faff” means “to waste time on unnecessary or tedious tasks, or it can describe the tedious and time-consuming nature of a task itself. In essence, it describes a situation or activity that is more complicated, difficult, or time-consuming than expected, often involving minor annoyances or fuss” 🤓. I think it’s going to be my “word of the day” all week 🥸

[+ ApexNomad]

1 hour ago, PhileasFogg said:

I think my “total bottom” friends would say it’s not harder to bottom.   Some of them have even described themselves as “lazy.” 

Not harder? We don’t need to compare who brings what to the table or confuse prep with performance, but as a total bottom, I can assure you my prep before the deed is far more rigorous than whatever a top does on his way to meet me. And that’s just the prep. I haven’t even performed yet. One could argue, flippantly, that a top only needs to show up and… make a contribution. But I won’t. 

[+ PhileasFogg]

3 hours ago, ApexNomad said:

Not harder? We don’t need to compare who brings what to the table or confuse prep with performance, but as a total bottom, I can assure you my prep before the deed is far more rigorous than whatever a top does on his way to meet me. And that’s just the prep. I haven’t even performed yet. One could argue, flippantly, that a top only needs to show up and… make a contribution. But I won’t. 

I didn't mean to offend, but I'll also note that I was repeating what they tell me.   I'm not trying to suggest it's a competition

 

[+ Act25]

12 hours ago, purplekow said:

. "just push the fucking thing in already". He did.  It was not fun.   

I'll flip the script a bit...  I consider myself gay not bi even though I was previously married to a woman.  I can't bottom either.  I would really like to try and I was considering using the purplekow method - based on his experience I guess I'll pass. 

When I was younger (18-25, or so) and experimenting I could get some dick-sized dildos in without much difficulty and now no way.  Periodically I think about  "training" my ass to take dick - could still happen. 

[+ Jamie21]

1 hour ago, Act25 said:

I'll flip the script a bit...  I consider myself gay not bi even though I was previously married to a woman.  I can't bottom either.  I would really like to try and I was considering using the purplekow method - based on his experience I guess I'll pass. 

When I was younger (18-25, or so) and experimenting I could get some dick-sized dildos in without much difficulty and now no way.  Periodically I think about  "training" my ass to take dick - could still happen. 

You can train to take it. I find if I’m struggling then I prefer to be the ‘power bottom’ (I think that’s the correct description) and I’ll ride him cowboy style because then I can have more control over the pace, angle and depth. Tbh if I’m bottoming it’s my favourite position. If you’re learning to bottom you should find a good patient top and start like that. 

And as for it being ‘harder’ to bottom, as a vers guy I’m not saying one position is harder than the other. They’re different. I mean it is more faff (lovely word) to bottom because of the prep but of course it’s not absolutely necessary to prep. I’ve bottomed without prep (impromptu fucks, not with clients) and he just went in and stayed in until completion…easy, job done 😂. But generally it’s a faff to bottom. In the event it can be just as much ‘work’ to bottom. What sometimes is difficult with so called ‘lazy bottoms’ is they don’t position themselves for access. I’m sometimes thinking, arch your back…let me in!! 
 

 

Edited August 10 by Jamie21

[+ JamesB]

4 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

If you’re learning to bottom you should find a good patient top and start like that. 

 

This right here is key.

[theplayerking]

You can’t get fucked every now and then and expect to take it with ease. You have to train yourself with butt plugs. 

[+ Just Chuck]

I drew this triangle graph to help try to explain my role to myself. In this graph, I use a two digit coordinate system and call myself a 2.5 E today.  But, I was probably more of a 3.5F previously.

[pubic_assistance]

On 8/10/2025 at 1:57 PM, Jamie21 said:

is more faff (lovely word) to bottom because of the prep but of course it’s not absolutely necessary to prep

It is definitely the prep work that gives me pause to want to follow through with booking a top. 

I would never feel comfortable showing up "unprepared". (Although I'm sure I must have done that when I was younger). I would be horrified if I were not 100% ready and there was an "accident". 

As far as being bi...certainly topping is more in my wheelhouse...but bottoming is still a desire for variety from the usual. I do think its a LOT more work to get ready to bottom. I can top at a moment's notice. 

[marylander1940]

2 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

It is definitely the prep work that gives me pause to want to follow through with booking a top. 

I would never feel comfortable showing up "unprepared". (Although I'm sure I must have done that when I was younger). I would be horrified if I were not 100% ready and there was an "accident". 

As far as being bi...certainly topping is more in my wheelhouse...but bottoming is still a desire for variety from the usual. I do think its a LOT more work to get ready to bottom. I can top at a moment's notice. 

Agreed!

and I know you love this joke!

[marylander1940]

On 8/10/2025 at 6:26 AM, PhileasFogg said:

So @purplekow, is it your belief that it’s our bisexuality that contributes to our tight assed disposition or something else?  For me, it feels more physiological (although I’d never deny a psychological component)  In preparation for the few attempts I’ve made, I actually went to a lot of trouble to try to “train” myself with no success.   One very patient and trustworthy young man stayed rock hard for 30 mins barely getting the tip in and in his charming Australian accent finally said “nope, you’re just a top mate!”

@Jamie21, I think my “total bottom” friends would say it’s not harder to bottom.   Some of them have even described themselves as “lazy.”  But I’ll tell you what, they seem to love it.   In every case, they are not bisexual.

For those of us on the left side of the pond - “faff” means “to waste time on unnecessary or tedious tasks, or it can describe the tedious and time-consuming nature of a task itself. In essence, it describes a situation or activity that is more complicated, difficult, or time-consuming than expected, often involving minor annoyances or fuss” 🤓. I think it’s going to be my “word of the day” all week 🥸

Bottoming is NOT for you....

Try a dildo instead, different lubricants, etc. but I doubt you're cut off to being a bottom...

[+ Jamie21]

I think it’s definitely a frame of mind thing to bottom. It is for me anyway…and in my experience (my ‘body count’ is in the thousands….and before you judge me for that… it’s my job) a guy has to be mentally ready to bottom as well as being physically ready - as in opened up a bit, empty bladder, no issues that might cause damage etc. If everything aligns and I’m in the right frame of mind then it’s easy to bottom but if there’s an issue like I’m not feeling properly douched, or I just don’t feel comfortable with him then I can’t take it for long, in any position.

Also, sometimes people’s first experience of bottoming is traumatic and I think that influences their subsequent experiences: they tense up, and can’t relax into it. It takes a while to get over that. 

[Muscleking]

I would consider myself bi but I have never actually had penetration from a guy or have been penetrated. I have only done oral, rimming, and usually a good wank with mates or escorts. I have often thought about trying it but I get a wee bit turned off when it comes to penetration. 

[+ Gar1eth]

On 8/9/2025 at 5:49 PM, purplekow said:

This pertains only to anal, as I think most guys who have sex with men give and receive oral

As a Kinsey 6 may I interject this thread to say that I only give oral very reluctantly. I seldom do it. I don't like the taste of precum or cum-and there's probably something-make that definite- psychological I have about swallowing cum in general. 

As for bottoming, even though I'm gay, I've never wanted to. The thought of it was, among many other things like not wanting to be gay, that kept me a virgin for so long. 
 

On 8/9/2025 at 10:33 PM, purplekow said:

There was an escort and porn actor Parker Williams

Sorry to hijack the thread @purplekow but....

 

Ahh Parker Williams, I had to comment because I had fantasies for him for years. And that was mainly just from his ads- on Rentboy and possibly Frontiers as I didn't really watch much porn. I think he only topped, but I wanted him as a bottom.

I can't remember if he was still advertising by the time I lost my V - Card. Plus I'm not sure how well he would have done as an overnight or weekend boyfriend experienced. He seemed a bit rough around the edges.
 

I actually did meet him in public once. He was starring in some legitimate but porn-based play in San Diego. I was in San Diego for some other reason. But when I had the opportunity to see him live, I grabbed it.  It was at some small venue. The kind where the actors come out to meet the audience afterwards. I can't remember if there was full frontal nudity. But I definitely saw his naked chest. And when they came out to meet the audience, I told him how much I enjoyed the play.  He thanked me.  In later years I think he moved to Florida, and then he stopped advertising. I hope he's well. 
 

The glory that is/was Parker Williams!! They don't often make them like that anymore!! 

(Note: I wasn't sure whether full frontal was allowed in the Message Center, so I did what I could to cover up what I usually refer to as a tallywacker, but in this specific case will be known as The Purplekow Nemesis)

 

 

 

[+ Gar1eth]

4 minutes ago, Muscleking said:

I would consider myself bi but I have never actually had penetration from a guy or have been penetrated.

Pardon me if I'm wrong-but for clarification -you mean you have never penetrated (that is to say topped) someone? If so believe me, even being gay, the thought of holes used to gross me out. And I still don't like looking at photos of them. A cute butt is one thing, gaping holes something else entirely. 

[+ PhileasFogg]

2 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

Bottoming is NOT for you....

Try a dildo instead, different lubricants, etc. but I doubt you're cut off to being a bottom...

Yeah, I’ve tried graduated sizes.  It’s never comfortable and I never get beyond the starter size without extreme discomfort and bleeding fissures.

Although I've never felt traumatized by the experience, I often wonder if the residual response from a rape as young teen.  I don’t say that soliciting sympathy because, as a stoic, I accept that it happened and it doesn’t define me…but I wonder if the body remembers and reacts. 

[Muscleking]

7 minutes ago, Gar1eth said:

Pardon me if I'm wrong-but for clarification -you mean you have never penetrated (that is to say topped) someone? If so believe me, even being gay, the thought of holes used to gross me out. And I still don't like looking at photos of them. A cute butt is one thing, gaping holes something else entirely. 

Yes correct I have never topped or been topped. But I love oral!

[marylander1940]

37 minutes ago, PhileasFogg said:

Yeah, I’ve tried graduated sizes.  It’s never comfortable and I never get beyond the starter size without extreme discomfort and bleeding fissures.

Although I've never felt traumatized by the experience, I often wonder if the residual response from a rape as young teen.  I don’t say that soliciting sympathy because, as a stoic, I accept that it happened and it doesn’t define me…but I wonder if the body remembers and reacts. 

You tried, is NOT for you!