RIP Porn Star JayM4M / Desmides

[InterestingGuy]

If you like massage porn where a man is oiled up and massaged to a happy ending, you might be familiar with Jay - He massaged many popular porn stars on his website and Onlyfans. Confusingly, online his videos were posted under many different names including (Jay Massage /JayM4M / Desmides  and Cmtcpt) His website and Twitter/X have been deactivated, although his videos can still be found online on various porn sites. He recently passed away and this week his Instagram account was converted to a memorial page.

[LookingAround]

What happened?

[InterestingGuy]

2 hours ago, LookingAround said:

What happened?

His memorial page mentions “addiction and recovery” - but no official cause of death is given. 

And who knew there was an alleged interaction with Austin Wolf involved? Someone online made the following comments:

“In regards to JayM4M, perhaps I shouldn't be but I am a bit surprised that he passed away a month ago give or take a few days and it has taken a while before it's become a bit more publicly known. Whoever (family or friend) is doing their do diligence with gaining access to his online accounts as seen fit. 'The posts' appeared to have ceased in April, so I reckon he passed in early May, maybe right at the end of April. I've seen another poster on TwitterX that also was publicly imploring for more information and clarification concerning that he 'may have' died … It was previously posted that he had a mental health episode of some kind earlier. From my recollection, he had posted his two cents worth about Austin Wolf's arrest and to summarize it he had described how Austin was critical about his physical appearance and disparaged him being a porn star (or the 'masseuse to the gay porn stars'--since that was his niche) and that he would never be worthy in the 'industry' nor would be amount to anything worthwhile. I don't know whether this had anything to do with the emotional toll on his mental health or built on to it. I feel sad yet upset at the same time knowing that Jay is no longer with us, yet Austin (despite being imprisoned awaiting trial) is.”

[LookingAround]

Very sad

[+ Pensant]

Why does everyone now use the euphemism “passed” instead of simply “died”? Is the latter considered rude or harsh?

[+ sync]

17 minutes ago, Pensant said:

Why does everyone now use the euphemism “passed” instead of simply “died”? Is the latter considered rude or harsh?

I believe "passed" is considered to be less harsh than "died."

The internet renders several alternatives to "died":

Synonyms of died

• perished.
• fell.
• succumbed.
• departed.
• expired.
• went.
• deceased.
• disappeared.

Many of these refer to religious beliefs, which are only respectful if the person who died subscribed to them.

• They passed (away). ...
• They slipped away.
• They're at rest.
• They lost their life.
• They left this life.
• They entered eternal rest.
• They were called back to God.
• They were called home.

 

[mike carey]

28 minutes ago, Pensant said:

Why does everyone now use the euphemism “passed” instead of simply “died”? Is the latter considered rude or harsh?

Or even 'passed away'.

Not everyone though, there is at least one poster here not afraid to say 'kicked the bucket' or 'bought the farm', but those posts are generally viewed as poor form.

Even Mersault said simplement , 'Aujourd'hui maman est morte'.

[maninsoma]

I think "passed" and "passed away" carry with it the notion that there is some sort of after life (whether that be a Christian heaven, reincarnation or something else), but it's honestly so much a part of this culture that I think a lot of people use the term even if they don't believe in an after life.  It's similar to how people might say "bless you" when someone sneezes even if they're aren't religious, though I personally prefer "salud."

[maninsoma]

13 hours ago, InterestingGuy said:

His memorial page mentions “addiction and recovery” - but no official cause of death is given. 

And who knew there was an alleged interaction with Austin Wolf involved? Someone online made the following comments:

“In regards to JayM4M, perhaps I shouldn't be but I am a bit surprised that he passed away a month ago give or take a few days and it has taken a while before it's become a bit more publicly known. Whoever (family or friend) is doing their do diligence with gaining access to his online accounts as seen fit. 'The posts' appeared to have ceased in April, so I reckon he passed in early May, maybe right at the end of April. I've seen another poster on TwitterX that also was publicly imploring for more information and clarification concerning that he 'may have' died … It was previously posted that he had a mental health episode of some kind earlier. From my recollection, he had posted his two cents worth about Austin Wolf's arrest and to summarize it he had described how Austin was critical about his physical appearance and disparaged him being a porn star (or the 'masseuse to the gay porn stars'--since that was his niche) and that he would never be worthy in the 'industry' nor would be amount to anything worthwhile. I don't know whether this had anything to do with the emotional toll on his mental health or built on to it. I feel sad yet upset at the same time knowing that Jay is no longer with us, yet Austin (despite being imprisoned awaiting trial) is.”

I have no idea whether any of that regarding Austin Wolf is true, but it wouldn't surprise me if it was since he's always come across as a narcissistic jerk.  I assume JayM4M had some insecurity about his body since he remained fully clothed in a lot of videos I've seen.  It's too bad because I think he's actually sexy naked in the videos I've seen.  Certainly not as lean as the guys he chose to film with, but what would probably have been described as an "average" physique prior to the obesity epidemic.  I definitely found him closer in appearance to a lot of the models he worked with than many other men who've created their own porn studios such as Jake Cruise.

[soloyo215]

Sad to hear. Doesn't bother me whatever people decide to call a person's death, for as long as it's respectful.

[Nightowl]

12 hours ago, Pensant said:

Why does everyone now use the euphemism “passed” instead of simply “died”? Is the latter considered rude or harsh?

I prefer “shuffled off this mortal coil.”

[viewing ownly]

This guy was THE massage video guy - only known for videos where he's a masseur, and he had a Peter North-sized massageography. I thought he was handsome, and clearly his skills at his craft are what brought so many big industry names to his table. I'm saddened to learn of his death. 

[d.anders]

1 hour ago, viewing ownly said:

This guy was THE massage video guy - only known for videos where he's a masseur, and he had a Peter North-sized massageography. I thought he was handsome, and clearly his skills at his craft are what brought so many big industry names to his table. I'm saddened to learn of his death.

He did have a huge library. Odd productions. Never saw him naked. He ate ass a lot. Even worked with a young Reno Gold.

[kingsley88]

42 minutes ago, d.anders said:

He did have a huge library. Odd productions. Never saw him naked. He ate ass a lot. Even worked with a young Reno Gold.

I used to subscribe to his OF and I recall he gave up his hole to his dream guy.

May he rest in peace. I enjoyed watching his videos yet somehow I don't htink he was ever on rentmassue or MF.

[CuriousByNature]

10 hours ago, Nightowl said:

I prefer “shuffled off this mortal coil.”

And then there's 'Crossed the Rainbow Bridge', which makes it sound like everyone becomes gay at the time of death.

[+ Cash4Trash]

I don't understand why "croaked" isn't on the acceptable list. 

[+ Charlie]

3 hours ago, CuriousByNature said:

And then there's 'Crossed the Rainbow Bridge', which makes it sound like everyone becomes gay at the time of death.

I think this is actually a reference to the ending of a Wagnerian opera. One of the euphemisms that I have never understood is "bought the farm."

[kingsley88]

Looks like his OF is deactivated too.

He looked like he was in his late 20s or early 30s. Young guy.

[Nightowl]

7 hours ago, CuriousByNature said:

And then there's 'Crossed the Rainbow Bridge', which makes it sound like everyone becomes gay at the time of death.

I never knew where the rainbow bridge was used by humans or just pets…

[CuriousByNature]

9 hours ago, Nightowl said:

I never knew where the rainbow bridge was used by humans or just pets…

Mostly unicorns

[Peter Eater]

On 6/11/2025 at 10:19 PM, kingsley88 said:

I used to subscribe to his OF and I recall he gave up his hole to his dream guy.

May he rest in peace.

Lovely remembrance. 🌹

[+ Charlie]

19 hours ago, Nightowl said:

I never knew where the rainbow bridge was used by humans or just pets…

The Rainbow Bridge was the one the Norse gods used to enter Valhalla. (See what you learn when you're a fan of Wagnerian opera.)

[Nightowl]

1 hour ago, Charlie said:

The Rainbow Bridge was the one the Norse gods used to enter Valhalla. (See what you learn when you're a fan of Wagnerian opera.)

I did not know that.  Not a fan of Wagner but I did enjoy “Vikings”…..I’m going to have to remember that little factoid for future cocktail party chat…

[Peter Eater]

On 6/13/2025 at 7:44 AM, Charlie said:

The Rainbow Bridge was the one the Norse gods used to enter Valhalla. (See what you learn when you're a fan of Wagnerian opera.)

You can find it in Marvel Comics, too ( see Thor: Tales of Asgard). 

[DMICS]

Sad to hear. I literally was watching one of his videos a few days ago. This is a huge shock.