How to Respond to Being Ghosted After Vacation?

[FaustOust]

I recently hired a guy to go away on vacation with me whom I had seen several times before. Lots of communication up until the trip, which was the most time we had spent together, and it seemed like a pleasurable time for both of us, and we agreed to do it again some time.  However, afterwards in the several times I’ve reached out since then in a friendly manner, communication has been more distant than before the trip, with polite, but terse, and often slow responses until now no response at all.  

I wonder if I have misread his willingness and seeming encouragement to communicate between our times together.  Should my only communication with a regular escort be to arrange time together and otherwise be silent? If I had been told that, I would respect that wish, realizing he’s not “on the clock,” but I now fear I have misread his friendliness and shouldn’t have responded in kind. Was it just to get some business?

Or is the distancing a signal that he does not want me to hire him again?  I am now questioning my judgment in what I thought was a beautiful time together and had hoped to do again. I am combing through it looking for signs that he was having an awful time with me to explain the distance towards me now. I would hate if it were something I had done.

[coriolis888]

1 hour ago, FaustOust said:

I recently hired a guy to go away on vacation with me whom I had seen several times before. Lots of communication up until the trip, which was the most time we had spent together, and it seemed like a pleasurable time for both of us, and we agreed to do it again some time.  However, afterwards in the several times I’ve reached out since then in a friendly manner, communication has been more distant than before the trip, with polite, but terse, and often slow responses until now no response at all.  

I wonder if I have misread his willingness and seeming encouragement to communicate between our times together.  Should my only communication with a regular escort be to arrange time together and otherwise be silent? If I had been told that, I would respect that wish, realizing he’s not “on the clock,” but I now fear I have misread his friendliness and shouldn’t have responded in kind. Was it just to get some business?

Or is the distancing a signal that he does not want me to hire him again?  I am now questioning my judgment in what I thought was a beautiful time together and had hoped to do again. I am combing through it looking for signs that he was having an awful time with me to explain the distance towards me now. I would hate if it were something I had done.

No one knows the true answer except for the person you took on a vacation. 

One side of us wants to think there is a friendship going while things are pleasant with a companion we take on a vacation trip.  It is possible that there is a friendship.  But, not likely if there is a major age difference.  

If the companion is charging you for his time and is pleasant while you two are together, it just means that he is doing a good job at what he is suppose to do. 

I have been in similar situations, taking guys on airplanes with me to foreign destinations, having a wonderful time.  While we were in the foreign country together getting along great, one would think we were good friends. 

However, after the trip was over, the "companion" was paid his hefty agreed upon fee and went on his way after we returned to our place of departure.

Sometimes I heard from the escort and sometimes I did not.  I eventually learned to expect a ghosting after such a trip.  

Looking at both sides, it is possible that a friendship developed during your vacation together, but, it is also possible that the companion was merely a paid companion, and nothing more.  

Tough to answer.  

[jackcali]

7 hours ago, FaustOust said:

I wonder if I have misread his willingness and seeming encouragement to communicate between our times together.  Should my only communication with a regular escort be to arrange time together and otherwise be silent? If I had been told that, I would respect that wish, realizing he’s not “on the clock,” but I now fear I have misread his friendliness and shouldn’t have responded in kind. Was it just to get some business?

Can I ask you if it matters why is communications are infrequent?  Either the relationship between you isn't the same to him as it is to you or maybe he just doesn't do small talk.  Either way, he's not into communication between times together, so leave him alone until you're next ready to hire him.  Who knows, maybe he'll even reach out to you if you're silent for a while.   

[maninsoma]

Unless you've been blocked by him, I think the best way to get your questions answered is to ask him directly.  I think coriolis888 hit the nail on the head, though, and it's best to remember that unless you've actually developed a friendship with an escort then the wonderful time you have while you're together is simply the guy being a good paid companion.  That doesn't mean that he actively dislikes you because he doesn't want to engage in friendly pleasantries in between appointments; it just means he's setting boundaries so that clients keep their expectations in check. 

I've only ever befriended one man out of the hundreds I've hired.  It was clear almost from the beginning that we had a lot in common, and the friendship has continued even after I stopped hiring him.

Beyond a simple follow up text to an appointment saying that I enjoyed someone's company, I would never think of contacting an escort I liked just to chit chat.  It's like any other professional relationship.  I appreciate my primary care physician and tell him that when I see him or have a need to message him about a medical issue, but I would never contact him for social reasons.  I think this boundary between escort and client can just be more confusing due to the intimacy of the service provided.  It's sort of like a psychotherapist with the main exception being that a psychotherapist has laws and ethics regarding boundaries.  A smart escort is going to set similar boundaries, though: enough friendliness to encourage repeat business but not so much that he encourages a client to misinterpret the escort's intentions.

[FaustOust]

45 minutes ago, jackcali said:

Can I ask you if it matters why is communications are infrequent? 

I guess it only matters to the extent that I thought I was a good judge of people and I may not be now.  I had hoped to see him again. But maybe someone else could fill the job just as well if he didn’t have a good time too.  

[+ ApexNomad]

9 hours ago, FaustOust said:

I recently hired a guy to go away on vacation with me whom I had seen several times before. Lots of communication up until the trip, which was the most time we had spent together, and it seemed like a pleasurable time for both of us, and we agreed to do it again some time.  However, afterwards in the several times I’ve reached out since then in a friendly manner, communication has been more distant than before the trip, with polite, but terse, and often slow responses until now no response at all.  

I wonder if I have misread his willingness and seeming encouragement to communicate between our times together.  Should my only communication with a regular escort be to arrange time together and otherwise be silent? If I had been told that, I would respect that wish, realizing he’s not “on the clock,” but I now fear I have misread his friendliness and shouldn’t have responded in kind. Was it just to get some business?

Or is the distancing a signal that he does not want me to hire him again?  I am now questioning my judgment in what I thought was a beautiful time together and had hoped to do again. I am combing through it looking for signs that he was having an awful time with me to explain the distance towards me now. I would hate if it were something I had done.

It sounds like you genuinely enjoyed the time you spent together, and it’s understandable that you’re reflecting on the dynamic now that communication has shifted. Relationships with escorts can sometimes blur lines between professional and personal, especially when there’s genuine warmth and connection during your time together. However, it’s also important to remember that their friendliness is part of the service they provide, and they may have personal boundaries about communication outside of arrangements for work.

The change in communication likely isn’t about you doing something “wrong” but more about him setting professional boundaries, either intentionally or because he’s managing his own time and energy. Escorts often interact with many clients and may choose to keep communication primarily focused on scheduling.

To move forward and if you want to hire again, you could say something like:

“Hi [Name], I just wanted to check in and see if you’re open to planning another trip or meeting sometime soon. If you’d prefer to keep our communication strictly about arrangements, I completely understand and will respect that.”

This approach acknowledges his boundaries while keeping the door open for future interactions. It also signals that you respect his time and space, which is likely to be appreciated. If he doesn’t respond, it may be best to let it go and not take it personally.

More than anything, try not to second-guess yourself or overanalyze the past. The connection you shared was genuine, but it’s important to remember that his distancing likely isn’t about something you did wrong. It’s more about his own preferences or boundaries, and that doesn’t diminish the value of the time you spent together. Focus on what made the experience special for you, rather than seeking definitive answers about his current behavior.

[jackcali]

54 minutes ago, FaustOust said:

I guess it only matters to the extent that I thought I was a good judge of people and I may not be now.  I had hoped to see him again. But maybe someone else could fill the job just as well if he didn’t have a good time too.  

Well, even the best judges of character are wrong every now and then.  Why speak in the past tense?  ("I had hoped to see him again.")  If you have had great times with him, including on extended trips, why write him off because he's not as engaged in his off hours as you'd like.  (I have enough trouble finding guys who are engaged when they are on the clock!)  Maybe he needs more time to grow into that relationship that you thought you already had.  If he doesn't, you'll still be having fun along the way.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

I think chewing the fat here won't do you much good.

I get that you want to verbalize this because it's bothering you, but the best thing you can do right now is have an open, honest conversation with this guy if you intend on keeping this arrangement going.

If he's unwilling to do that, you have your answer.

Otherwise, he may just be super busy or have some personal issues that are bogging him down.

Give people grace...  Until they start acting like assholes.  Then you drop the hammer.

[+ José Soplanucas]

1 hour ago, ApexNomad said:

To move forward and if you want to hire again, you could say something like:

“Hi [Name], I just wanted to check in and see if you’re open to planning another trip or meeting sometime soon. If you’d prefer to keep our communication strictly about arrangements, I completely understand and will respect that.”

This approach acknowledges his boundaries while keeping the door open for future interactions. It also signals that you respect his time and space, which is likely to be appreciated. If he doesn’t respond, it may be best to let it go and not take it personally.

And after sending that message, I would never try to reach out to him if there is no response. If he is open to a contract, he will respond. After sending that message, move on and start exploring other alternatives. 

[FaustOust]

Thank you for helping me navigate this.  So many rules to learn!

[pubic_assistance]

On 12/3/2024 at 1:10 AM, FaustOust said:

I wonder if I have misread his willingness and seeming encouragement to communicate between our times together.  

Yes.

You have.

He's a hire. Not your boyfriend.

His actions are pretty clear signals that he doesn't want a personal relationship. It's not clear if he'd be open to continuing a professional relationship as long as you learn to respect some boundaries.

Like they say: "read the room".

Edited December 4, 2024 by pubic_assistance
spelling

[LookingAround]

2 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

Yes.

You have.

He's a hire. Not your boyfriend.

His actions are pretty clear signals that he doesn't want a personal relationship. It's not clear if he'd be open to continuing a professional relationship as long as you learn to respect some boundaries.

Like they say: "read the room".

This. Completely this. Every word of it. 

[Ali Gator]

Once again, a client is mistaking a 'hire' as his 'friend' and 'potential love interest'. 

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG ! 

[harlow]

On 12/3/2024 at 9:38 AM, ApexNomad said:

It sounds like you genuinely enjoyed the time you spent together, and it’s understandable that you’re reflecting on the dynamic now that communication has shifted. Relationships with escorts can sometimes blur lines between professional and personal, especially when there’s genuine warmth and connection during your time together. However, it’s also important to remember that their friendliness is part of the service they provide, and they may have personal boundaries about communication outside of arrangements for work.

The change in communication likely isn’t about you doing something “wrong” but more about him setting professional boundaries, either intentionally or because he’s managing his own time and energy. Escorts often interact with many clients and may choose to keep communication primarily focused on scheduling.

To move forward and if you want to hire again, you could say something like:

“Hi [Name], I just wanted to check in and see if you’re open to planning another trip or meeting sometime soon. If you’d prefer to keep our communication strictly about arrangements, I completely understand and will respect that.”

This approach acknowledges his boundaries while keeping the door open for future interactions. It also signals that you respect his time and space, which is likely to be appreciated. If he doesn’t respond, it may be best to let it go and not take it personally.

More than anything, try not to second-guess yourself or overanalyze the past. The connection you shared was genuine, but it’s important to remember that his distancing likely isn’t about something you did wrong. It’s more about his own preferences or boundaries, and that doesn’t diminish the value of the time you spent together. Focus on what made the experience special for you, rather than seeking definitive answers about his current behavior.

Agree 100% with this

[harlow]

On 12/3/2024 at 12:10 AM, FaustOust said:

I recently hired a guy to go away on vacation with me whom I had seen several times before. Lots of communication up until the trip, which was the most time we had spent together, and it seemed like a pleasurable time for both of us, and we agreed to do it again some time.  However, afterwards in the several times I’ve reached out since then in a friendly manner, communication has been more distant than before the trip, with polite, but terse, and often slow responses until now no response at all.  

I wonder if I have misread his willingness and seeming encouragement to communicate between our times together.  Should my only communication with a regular escort be to arrange time together and otherwise be silent? If I had been told that, I would respect that wish, realizing he’s not “on the clock,” but I now fear I have misread his friendliness and shouldn’t have responded in kind. Was it just to get some business?

Or is the distancing a signal that he does not want me to hire him again?  I am now questioning my judgment in what I thought was a beautiful time together and had hoped to do again. I am combing through it looking for signs that he was having an awful time with me to explain the distance towards me now. I would hate if it were something I had done.

Sounds like you’re blurring the lines between business and what you perceive to be a “relationship”. If you two went on a trip together and you came away feeling like you had a true companion then I’d say he was a a true professional and did his job!  Send that message that Apexnomad suggested and call it a day. Not trying to wag my finger because I’ve been right where you are now before. But I had to remind myself that no matter how wonderful and connected a provider made me feel our encounter was still BUSINESS. He’s good at his job if he made you feel that way. Time is money to a provider and whenever you contact them it should be assumed that you are doing so with the intention of hiring…not chit chat. 

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

An escort/client friendship can transcend a money transaction, but it takes a genuine connection.

It also requires BOTH guys to participate.

Some escorts are incredible when you're traveling with them, but then all but disappear when the time is over.  Other guys want to maintain a bond with text messages, emails and calls.

You may have found a great travel escort, but one that wants to keep you at arm's length when you're not together.

[FaustOust]

6 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

He's a hire. Not your boyfriend

I don’t want to give the impression that I have fallen in love with this man.  I do not want to be in a romantic relationship with him, even if it were possible, nor do I think that would work for us if it were. (I don’t think I’d want a traditional romance with anyone right now.) However,  I did think one could be friendly with an escort, especially one with whom so much time has been spent and with whom spending more time in the future was intended.  Granted he was and would be compensated for that time, but it would seem from his perspective that being friendly with his client would just make good business sense.  It has for me in my professional life.  

But I recognize my profession is different and apparently in escorting it’s easy to blur lines because of the nature of the work.   Limiting communications to discrete transactions just seems odd, however, I have to admit. But I may have to do that to stop having my feelings hurt.  The transactional-ness and  compartmentalisation of hiring seems to be an armour of protection necessary for people who to pay for companionship, sex, and intimacy.

Edited December 4, 2024 by FaustOust

[jmichaeliii]

2 minutes ago, FaustOust said:

I don’t want to give the impression that I have fallen in love with this man.  I do not want to be in a romantic relationship with him, even if it were possible, nor do I think that would work for us if it were. (I don’t think I’d want a traditional romance with anyone right now.) However,  I did think one could be friendly with an escort, especially one with whom so much time has been spent and for with spending more time in the future was intended.  Granted he was and would be compensated for that time, but it would seem from his perspective that being friendly with his client would just make good business sense.  It has for me in my professional life.  

But I recognize my profession is different and apparently in escorting it’s easy to blur lines because of the nature of the work.   Limiting communications to discrete transactions just seems odd, however, I may have to do that to stop having my feelings hurt.  The transactional-ness and  compartmentalisation of hiring seems to be an armour of protection necessary for people who to pay for companionship, sex, and intimacy.

I think you just need to treat everyone individually as everyone is different.  I have a provider I see often and we are friendly with each other and will text about family and otherstuff.  I have a strict rule for myself to never text my regulars unless they are set to Available Now.  Whether I am right or wrong, it is my way of assuming hes got something personal going on.

I also have another I am friendly with, but it is business only and that is fine.  Sometimes you just need to feel out what a provider is OK with.  From a conversation I had with my regular, he simply needs to keep the two parts of his life separated and I get it.  As a client, I kind of need the same thing.

[pubic_assistance]

1 hour ago, FaustOust said:

I did think one could be friendly with an escort, especially one with whom so much time has been spent and with whom spending more time in the future was intended.

Apparently not this one.

[LookingAround]

The other possibility to be brutally honest is that after the hire is that he concluded he didn't click with you and didn't want to continue the engagement despite what he said during the engagement. Actions speak louder than words. 

[FaustOust]

22 minutes ago, LookingAround said:

The other possibility to be brutally honest is that after the hire is that he concluded he didn't click with you and didn't want to continue the engagement despite what he said during the engagement. Actions speak louder than words. 

It could be.  If so, he gradually came to that conclusion or perhaps thought he was being kind by ending it without saying so.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

26 minutes ago, LookingAround said:

The other possibility to be brutally honest is that after the hire is that he concluded he didn't click with you and didn't want to continue the engagement despite what he said during the engagement. Actions speak louder than words. 

Perhaps, but a pro never just leaves someone hanging.

You can cut someone off nicely while giving everyone the closure they need.

[+ José Soplanucas]

11 hours ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

Perhaps, but a pro never just leaves someone hanging.

You can cut someone off nicely while giving everyone the closure they need.

I am not sure I agree. To me, being a pro is meeting satisfactorily the contract commitments. You are adding a plus, a very desirable one, which is being empathic and caring, but a plus nevertheless. 

Furthermore, we all are human. Even an empathic and caring pro, as the one you are modeling, could eventually behave differently in certain circumstances. Who knows what irrational reactions could be triggered by the interactions with certain clients.

For instance, a needy and insistent client could easily trigger a phobic reaction even in an empathic pro. 

Bottom line, we all are making assumptions and dragging inductions from a one sided report. It would be interesting to hear how the escort experienced this case. 

[FaustOust]

On 12/5/2024 at 6:58 AM, José Soplanucas said:

For instance, a needy and insistent client could easily trigger a phobic reaction even in an empathic pro

I think I can say that my texts were not particularly needy or insistent about anything and only occasional. 

[Archangel]

I took a guy on vacation once. Things were always wonderful when we had our many weekend overnights until that trip. On that trip, he was distant. I met up with him the night before we departed, and he was quick to split afterwards. He didn’t want me to pick him up for the airport the next morning; he’d Uber. Once we got to where we were going, he wasn’t as engaged as he normally was. He was more interested in his phone (which I happened to glimpse a few times was open to Grindr.) He was more interested in sunning at the beach than doing anything, really. I don’t know for certain, but one afternoon after I had returned from being out dealing with a few things with the resort offices (long story) I come back to my things all crammed into the drawer and the bed ramshackle made—as if my things had been hidden for a hookup. I don’t know that he hooked up for sure, but I suspect it. We never did fuck on that trip and the whole way back home we didn’t speak. It made me hesitant to hire again for travel but I did and I’m happy I did. I have found a fantastic travel escort buddy. But I can totally identify with the OP…