Expectations?

[Clock6789]

Okay I’m going to ask a stupid question.  I’ve had erotic massages before but I didn’t really know how to behave.  What is the usual encounter like for most people and how erotic (and mutual) do you get?

The few I’ve had, I was naked face down, felt mostly like a normal massage.  During one of them when face up, one i asked the masseur to actually remove his underwear and I fondled a little.  The face up part was pretty…direct to the task.  

What’s considered fair game during one of these?  How much fondling, any oral, etc?  How kinky or mutual do people get?  I don’t know what to really expect or what to ask for.  Obviously sometimes you need to discuss beforehand but I just want to know others’ experiences (and sometimes when i do ask i start getting upselled to full escort services/prices).  Being face down for a pretty average massage then a quickie HJ doesn’t cover the cost I guess.  
 

ps. I posted this in an older thread and figure I’d post as a new topic.  Just discovered these forums…I love this site!

[viewing ownly]

A great erotic massage will be spending an EQUAL amount of time on your front and your back. A horrid erotic massage will entirely neglect having you flip over at all, as that's not erotic in the least.

There is no set rule in stone for how an experience should be, so asking how you should behave isn't really relevant for a one size fits all inquiry. What I have come to a conclusion from a wealth of experience, is if I'M over-aggressive, I'm not wanted to be seen again, and likewise, if the masseur jumps my bones, while I'm flattered, I feel like I was too easy, and don't have a strong desire to repeat with him. The best at their craft are fulfilling, but have you leave wanting more. It's your call whether you want to see if more will (or won't) happen.

[dbar123]

In my limited experience the most erotic ones start on a bed rather than a massage table.

[TopBunk]

Typically, if it's in reach (by hand or by mouth) it's fair game. Don't hesitate to communicate with actions or using your words.

This assumes nude, mutual touch, & happy ending... was communicated up front.

[maninsoma]

The age-old dilemma of hiring a guy for "erotic massage" and then wondering what, exactly, that means to that provider.  As discussed many times here, there is no set definition of "erotic massage" which, unfortunately, results in some guys advertising that they provide that service when they end up doing nothing more than an untrained body rub with nothing erotic about it other than that they are touching you.  And sometimes it goes the other way, with a masseur providing full service and not just a little mutual touch.  I've had experiences all along the spectrum, so if you really want to know what a specific provider offers before hiring him then you need to ask him.

By the way, in dark mode the text in your post is impossible to read.  When I turn off dark mode your post looks like the others in this thread.  I'm not sure what setting you used in terms of how your posts will appear, but you might want to check that so that your posts are readable in both light mode and dark mode.

[+ robear]

There's always a "cat and mouse" aspect of erotic massage, to me it's why it's fun. A lot of providers will recoil from too many explicit "do you do this, do you do that" inquiries, especially from a new unknown client. If that's what you want, escort service is what you're seeking, at appropriate rates. As has been attested here many times, repeat visits with a masseur you click with often improves the experience, as provider and client both get to know each other's boundaries and expectations. Loading a lot of expectations on a first, possibly one-off, visit will often lead to frustration.

 

[Simon Suraci]

45 minutes ago, maninsoma said:

By the way, in dark mode the text in your post is impossible to read.  When I turn off dark mode your post looks like the others in this thread.  I'm not sure what setting you used in terms of how your posts will appear, but you might want to check that so that your posts are readable in both light mode and dark mode.

^yes, please do be careful to type text directly or to not format it with a color. It’s impossible to read when your text is formatted in dark/light when your audience is viewing in the opposite compatible mode. If you’re copying and pasting from elsewhere, make sure to click the prompt that pop up right after you paste saying paste as “rich text” instead of plain text. Dark mode is so much better on your eyes. It boggles my mind that people still don’t use this option in 2023. To each their own.

Welcome. Please do reference the plethora of past posts on this very same subject. Here is a recent one that references several other threads along the same lines:

 

[maninsoma]

1 hour ago, robear said:

There's always a "cat and mouse" aspect of erotic massage, to me it's why it's fun. A lot of providers will recoil from too many explicit "do you do this, do you do that" inquiries, especially from a new unknown client. If that's what you want, escort service is what you're seeking, at appropriate rates. As has been attested here many times, repeat visits with a masseur you click with often improves the experience, as provider and client both get to know each other's boundaries and expectations. Loading a lot of expectations on a first, possibly one-off, visit will often lead to frustration.

 

I agree with not being too specific with someone you've never met.  I'm thinking something a little more nuanced than direct questions like, "Can I blow you? Will you fuck me?"  I agree that if one is looking for specific sexual activity, one should just hire an escort.  However, there is nothing wrong with communicating some general expectations such as expecting more than just jerking yourself off at the end of the massage.

Edited November 27, 2023 by maninsoma

[Jamie21]

The usual answer….ask, communicate, explain, be respectful. If he’s good he’ll have a website that will give you as much information as you need to understand what is included. 

I always check with my client before the massage starts what their boundaries are: no one welcomes prostate massage if they really don’t like anything penetrating them. So for things like that I check it’s ok. Otherwise I read their reactions whilst they are on the table. 

I also say that they are welcome to interact with me as much or as little as they like. Then they can decide what they are comfortable with.

Beware of choreographing the massage too much though, the best sensual massages are a mix of the unexpected and the familiar. They take you on a journey with the destination almost always a climax but it doesn’t necessarily have to be so. 

If you definitely want full escort service then book an escort because if you’re paying a sensual massage rate it’s not reasonable to expect him to f*ck you (although of course it does sometimes happen). 
 

[jeezifonly]

If I know that I want firm touch all over the body, to have skin-to-skin access to his bits and pieces, and that I absolutely want to come, I’m more likely to hire (and pay for) an escort who also does massage. The “will-we/won’t-we waltz” is of less interest to me. 

[soloyo215]

17 hours ago, Clock6789 said:

What’s considered fair game during one of these?  How much fondling, any oral, etc?  How kinky or mutual do people get?  I don’t know what to really expect or what to ask for.  Obviously sometimes you need to discuss beforehand but I just want to know others’ experiences (and sometimes when i do ask i start getting upselled to full escort services/prices).  Being face down for a pretty average massage then a quickie HJ doesn’t cover the cost I guess. 

My two cents: there are no specific rules. Providers go as far as they feel comfortable going, unless it is discussed prior to the session, which many times is unlikely since it's a "massage". Something that has given me the idea of expectations is when I see that the providers has a profile in both the massage site and the escort site.

I go for a massage with the intent of getting a massage, with no expectations (or so I keep telling myself). I do like getting a quality massage because first, that's what it's supposed to be provided and what I look for primarily, and second, because I prefer not to be with a person who can hurt my body for not knowing what they are doing.

I have posted good, bad and surprising experiences with massage providers. In my case, the one that turned out quite sexual was the one where I was the least expecting it (since it was in a mainstream hotel with spa services). Also, some providers advertise in the massage website, but in the booking conversation, some have made offers to upsale some extras. In my experience it has been a mixed of factors, involving what the provider offers, what he's willing to do, the hints we give to each other, the chemistry between us, and the level of experience that we both have.

I can't speak for others, so I do not know how "kinky" the get. I hope this helps.

[Simon Suraci]

Here is a link to some relevant info on RentMasseur defining therapeutic, sensual, and erotic massage. I don’t necessarily agree or disagree with anything stated here, but it’s an interesting read. Note: oral and anal sex are not considered part of their erotic massage definition. Thought that was a good point to keep in mind.

A massage can be extremely erotic without oral/anal, but it can include those too. Your mileage may vary by provider, what you discuss beforehand, and how much you’re paying (and by extension, tipping!).

Massage Types | RentMasseur - Gay Massage & Male Masseurs

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[Your Man in Arlington]

1 hour ago, Simon Suraci said:

Here is a link to some relevant info on RentMasseur defining therapeutic, sensual, and erotic massage.

Erotic Massage: "Close by spooning together and connecting your heart centers with love, compassion and gratitude. Help them to sit up and end with a Heart Salutation. Offer them water or juice to drink and a chocolate or piece of fruit to eat. You may want to share what this experience was like for you. How was it to give and/or receive in this way?"

I consider myself fairly crunchy but this was 😳.

[Simon Suraci]

5 minutes ago, Your Man in Arlington said:

I consider myself fairly crunchy but this was 😳.

I know, right? I might do something like this for a very few tantra oriented clients, but for my average client it’s too over the top.

Some of them just want to get going if they have a busy day with limited time for a break and they are halfway off the table or already dressed by the time I finish washing my hands.

Sometimes they just don’t want to move or engage or make any decisions or think at all for a bit, to take in the feeling of total relaxation and contentment. I encourage my clients to take in that moment, to take some deep breaths and to pace their time transitioning off the table.

[Clock6789]

Thank you all for your replies and the links to other discussions.  Very informative, I appreciate it.

Not sure why the original post was not formatted correctly…I did not change any settings when posting.  I am using dark mode myself.