marylander1940 Posted September 12, 2023 Share Posted September 12, 2023 One or my regular escorts got dumped by a client because he didn't know he was supposed to hold his hand while watching an Opera. Obviously some PDA is more acceptable depending on the location and there are different levels of affection. Should PDA be talked about before a long-term hire like a weekend? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Solution + DynamicUno Posted September 12, 2023 Solution Share Posted September 12, 2023 PDA should be negotiable, especially for longer engagements like overnights since public activities are usually involved. The problem is it's not often discussed in advance and depends on each person's comfort level in the moment. In this case, if the escort was uncomfortable holding hands in a theater, he is very discreet and should probably let clients know before an long engagement. It should always be OK for either party to say "let's keep it more discreet for now" if they're uncomfortable. For the escort's side, I'd say follow the client's lead and only initiate PDA consistent with what the client has done already. I'm not as sure what is best in the client's case, however. The client's reaction, in this case, seems excessive. I wonder if there was more to this interaction that lead to the client dumping the escort (something that came across as disgust or rejection?), or a verbal argument? soloyo215, + Charlie, + WestGuy and 2 others 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ BenjaminNicholas Posted September 12, 2023 Share Posted September 12, 2023 If it feels natural, you do it. PDA shouldn't be performative. That's just uncomfortable (gay or straight). A good escort can both read the room and his client. I'd feel odd discussing PDA as a bullet point before meeting someone, unless it was the sole reason they were hiring me. + Charlie, Shawn Monroe, + nycman and 2 others 2 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rudynate Posted September 12, 2023 Share Posted September 12, 2023 1 hour ago, DynamicUno said: PDA should be negotiable, especially for longer engagements like overnights since public activities are usually involved. The problem is it's not often discussed in advance and depends on each person's comfort level in the moment. In this case, if the escort was uncomfortable holding hands in a theater, he is very discreet and should probably let clients know before an long engagement. It should always be OK for either party to say "let's keep it more discreet for now" if they're uncomfortable. For the escort's side, I'd say follow the client's lead and only initiate PDA consistent with what the client has done already. I'm not as sure what is best in the client's case, however. The client's reaction, in this case, seems excessive. I wonder if there was more to this interaction that lead to the client dumping the escort (something that came across as disgust or rejection?), or a verbal argument? A hand on the shoulder or the arm, slight invasion of my body space. A little kiss in the right environment. Nothing more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CuriousByNature Posted September 12, 2023 Share Posted September 12, 2023 And some of us (okay, probably just me) are still waiting to experience that other PDA - private displays of affection... 😆 jeezifonly and BonVivant 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 12, 2023 Share Posted September 12, 2023 3 hours ago, marylander1940 said: One or my regular escorts got dumped by a client because he didn't know he was supposed to hold his hand while watching an Opera. Obviously some PDA is more acceptable depending on the location and there are different levels of affection. Should PDA be talked about before a long-term hire like a weekend? I'm not sure what to make of the wording of your post, especially the first sentence. Holding hands at an opera performance is hardly a public display. Who could possibly even see it, unless the peeping Tom has a drone hovering above the couple (or is sitting directly next to them)? I'd be curious to know what actually happened. My best guess is that the client tried to hold the escort's hand, and the escort pulled his hand away. In that case, the escort definitely knew the expectation, but chose to rebuff the client. If that's the case, the withdrawal would have definitely been more noticeable than the hand-holding, and this would be embarrassing, especially for the client. If what happened is that the client expected the escort to assume the client wanted his hand held, and failed to act on his own, well then the client is being rather nutty. Now a true public display of affection, such as kissing, would be something noticeable, above shoulder level. I would agree that this should probably be discussed beforehand. However, who could object to holding hands with someone in an adjacent seat, especially once the lights went down? Pushing a client's hand away in such a situation borders on rude behavior, in my opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICTJOCK Posted September 12, 2023 Share Posted September 12, 2023 Absolutely it should be discussed. I think there is a discussion between two people about PDA when dating or in a relationship, whether straight or gay. When a provider is being hired for the first time, it should be made clear as to expectations. Don't leave it to guessing. TorontoDrew and marylander1940 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marylander1940 Posted September 12, 2023 Author Share Posted September 12, 2023 57 minutes ago, ICTJOCK said: Absolutely it should be discussed. I think there is a discussion between two people about PDA when dating or in a relationship, whether straight or gay. When a provider is being hired for the first time, it should be made clear as to expectations. Don't leave it to guessing. I couldn't agree with you more unfortunately you'd be surprised about how many people get easily offended because of our provider couldn't read his mind. There was an old thread about a client waking up after an overnight to take a shower, and catching the escort red handed having coffee in the kitchen instead of waiting for him n the bed. Communication is important specially when it comes to expectations! Luv2play, ICTJOCK and TorontoDrew 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ DrownedBoy Posted September 12, 2023 Share Posted September 12, 2023 (edited) I never show any PDA when I'm with someone who's physically clearly out of my league. It's just an attitude I picked up as a young twink. I'd see a boy and an old guy together and wonder, who the hell do they think they're fooling? EDIT Even an older boyfriend felt the same way. Edited September 12, 2023 by DrownedBoy Marc in Calif and marylander1940 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ BenjaminNicholas Posted September 12, 2023 Share Posted September 12, 2023 (edited) 28 minutes ago, DrownedBoy said: I never show any PDA when I'm with someone who's physically clearly out of my league. It's just an attitude I picked up as a young twink. I'd see a boy and an old guy together and wonder, who the hell do they think they're fooling? EDIT Even an older boyfriend felt the same way. At some point, you have to stop giving two fucks about what other people think. While I'm not a person who wants to pull focus, I've shared many levels of PDA with clients. If it feels natural and he's comfortable with it, I'm all good. I have the self confidence and well-earned maturity to not care about what people around me 'must be thinking.' Without any snark or sarcasm in saying this, I truly hope you can get to that point someday. Edited September 12, 2023 by BenjaminNicholas ICTJOCK, TorontoDrew, Marc in Calif and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeezifonly Posted September 12, 2023 Share Posted September 12, 2023 More context needed. Which opera? La Boheme = sweet Elektra = creepy 😅 Whippoorwill, TorontoDrew, marylander1940 and 5 others 1 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ DrownedBoy Posted September 12, 2023 Share Posted September 12, 2023 40 minutes ago, BenjaminNicholas said: At some point, you have to stop giving two fucks about what other people think. While I'm not a person who wants to pull focus, I've shared many levels of PDA with clients. If it feels natural and he's comfortable with it, I'm all good. I have the self confidence and well-earned maturity to not care about what people around me 'must be thinking.' Without any snark or sarcasm in saying this, I truly hope you can get to that point someday. Hopefully, my self-respect will keep me from getting to that point... + nycman, marylander1940 and + BenjaminNicholas 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luv2play Posted September 12, 2023 Share Posted September 12, 2023 6 hours ago, Unicorn said: I'm not sure what to make of the wording of your post, especially the first sentence. Holding hands at an opera performance is hardly a public display. Who could possibly even see it, unless the peeping Tom has a drone hovering above the couple (or is sitting directly next to them)? I'd be curious to know what actually happened. My best guess is that the client tried to hold the escort's hand, and the escort pulled his hand away. In that case, the escort definitely knew the expectation, but chose to rebuff the client. If that's the case, the withdrawal would have definitely been more noticeable than the hand-holding, and this would be embarrassing, especially for the client. If what happened is that the client expected the escort to assume the client wanted his hand held, and failed to act on his own, well then the client is being rather nutty. Now a true public display of affection, such as kissing, would be something noticeable, above shoulder level. I would agree that this should probably be discussed beforehand. However, who could object to holding hands with someone in an adjacent seat, especially once the lights went down? Pushing a client's hand away in such a situation borders on rude behavior, in my opinion. If a wife can do it to her husband in full public view on camera, for all the world to see, then I think it's best to ask in advance. And you all know who I'm talking about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BonVivant Posted September 12, 2023 Share Posted September 12, 2023 It depends on the chemistry of the two people involved. I am open to it and it has happened (to my sheer delight) but I didn’t initiate it. I let the Provider decide if he’s okay with it. It has happened with my LTAs, never one timers. marylander1940 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marylander1940 Posted September 13, 2023 Author Share Posted September 13, 2023 1 hour ago, jeezifonly said: More context needed. Which opera? La Boheme = sweet Elektra = creepy 😅 An opera where the main female character dies at the end... BonVivant, Marc in Calif, + Oliver and 1 other 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 13, 2023 Share Posted September 13, 2023 (edited) So many variables with this one.... depends who with, how long you've known the person you're with, you have to know your audience ( not everyone is as receptive to it ) Im very demonstrative and affectionate by nature, I hug 🫂 almost everyone, I'll hug and kiss people in public when greeting them without giving two shits about who's "looking" as long as I feel the person is receptive to it. I have zero hang ups with stuff like that. Ain't that right @Oliver He gets one planted right on the kisser each time I see him after a years time 😂 Edited September 13, 2023 by Guest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 13, 2023 Share Posted September 13, 2023 11 hours ago, marylander1940 said: One or my regular escorts got dumped by a client because he didn't know he was supposed to hold his hand while watching an Opera. 🎭 Wagner..... poor guys hand probably cramped up.... that's a LONG time to be holding someone's hand 😂 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeezifonly Posted September 13, 2023 Share Posted September 13, 2023 Just now, marylander1940 said: An opera where the main female character dies at the end... Add Romeo et Juliette, Dialogues of the Carmelites, Faust, Salome, Fedora, Andrea Chenier, Ballad of Baby Doe, Götterdämerung… if we keep going you’ll need a gown, not a tee😝 TorontoDrew, Marc in Calif and marylander1940 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamie21 Posted September 13, 2023 Share Posted September 13, 2023 I met a regular client of mine recently in the foyer of a hotel. My client had asked me to arrange another masseur to join for our session. I know the other masseur very well (we have made a few films together and regularly come across each other). As I walked into the hotel with my client the other masseur was waiting for us to arrive. He noticed me enter and as he came up to me we embraced and kissed each other on the lips quite passionately …and a little too long for it to be passed off as eccentricity! He then greeted our client and we headed off to the room for the session. Afterwards, once my masseur friend had left (the arrangement was that I would spend the final hour with the client) my client told me that he’d watched the reaction of people in the hotel when we kissed. He said he was quite surprised by the PDA and that some of those hanging about in the lobby seemed to be disapproving. I hadn’t even thought of it because it seemed so natural to kiss my friend. My client said he was glad that he hadn’t received a similar PDA because it would have been embarrassing for him. I really don’t mind what people think so it hadn’t occurred to me that the client might be feeling awkward. Once we were inside the hotel room he was keen to watch me and the other masseur do all sorts of things with each other, but in the public area he felt awkward at just watching us kiss!! All because he was worried about what people were thinking which is a real shame. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BonVivant Posted September 13, 2023 Share Posted September 13, 2023 44 minutes ago, Jamie21 said: All because he was worried about what people were thinking which is a real shame. It can be a generational thing too. Those who grew up in the 1980s or before tend to be more “cautious”/circumspect than younger folks. Also depends on where (as in region/country) as we all need to be mindful of the local yokels! Marc in Calif 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ Oliver Posted September 13, 2023 Share Posted September 13, 2023 1 hour ago, Vin_Marco said: ... I'll hug and kiss people in public when greeting them without giving two shits about who's "looking" as long as I feel the person is receptive to it. I have zero hang ups with stuff like that. Ain't that right @Oliver 😂He gets one planted right on the kisser each time I see him after a years time According to the Johnny Mathis song - it's Heavenly! As I recall, you have also encouraged touching my avatar.😋😄😜 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 13, 2023 Share Posted September 13, 2023 8 minutes ago, Oliver said: you have also encouraged touching my avatar.😋😄😜 Indeed that is my ( • ) 🥰😘🫂 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 13, 2023 Share Posted September 13, 2023 1 hour ago, marylander1940 said: An opera where the main female character dies at the end... The princess doesn't die in Turandot. Or are you just referring to the slave girl? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 13, 2023 Share Posted September 13, 2023 2 hours ago, Luv2play said: If a wife can do it to her husband in full public view on camera, for all the world to see, then I think it's best to ask in advance. And you all know who I'm talking about. No, I have no idea about whom you're talking. And your first sentence seems like a non-sequitur. Why does it follow that it's best to ask in advance because a wife can do it to her husband? Maybe I just need to know the reference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 13, 2023 Share Posted September 13, 2023 2 hours ago, jeezifonly said: Add Romeo et Juliette, Dialogues of the Carmelites, Faust, Salome, Fedora, Andrea Chenier, Ballad of Baby Doe, Götterdämerung… if we keep going you’ll need a gown, not a tee😝 And La Bohème... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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