Meeting for “fun” after a hire

[MDinNY]

Hello. Want some feedback. 
 

I met a guy for a massage. Went very well and after the massage was completed, we played for almost an additional hour. 
 

I did not prompt that - the masseur invited me to his room and bed. 
 

He messaged me last week and asked to meet me this this past weekend for some fun - no discussion about massage. When I got there, he had his table out. Told me to get on. I told him I hadn’t planned to get a massage and that we probably have a misunderstanding. He told me it got him in the mood to massage me. We moved to the bed about 20 min later. 
 

At the end, as I was headed towards the door, he asked for his fee. I told him again I came per his request since we had fun recently but was not scheduling a massage. He was upset but said he would be clearer next time. 
 

He just messaged again and asked to meet. I asked if it was for fun or for a paid session. I told him I would reach out when I needed one. He then told me to come over for free. 
 

The massage was excellent but I now see him as too much drama. What would you do? Stay away? Or give him another shot? If so, as part of a session only or only for non paid fun?

Edited July 14, 2023 by MDinNY

[Guest]

You're getting something you used to pay for for free. On the one hand it indicates the escort does have poor boundaries and is a pushover. That is a red flag for any scenario. On the other hand you're having a good time. It all comes down to risk/reward and how much crap you want to (potentially) deal with. 

[+ ThroatCummer]

Be straightforward. Ask him straight out why he is inviting you over again for free. Specifically, "What are you looking for here?" 

Everything else is speculation. 

[Michael PhD]

I’ve experienced similar. I would clarify who wants the meeting. If he’s asking to meet for fun then be clear it’s not going to be a paid encounter. If you schedule then it should be paid. 
 

He is blurring the lines. He shouldn’t be soliciting you anyway. It’s a big red flag when a masseur starts messaging often and harassing me to meet. I always state that I will contact for appointments. If he starts communication, its no longer for a service but for a meet up outside the standard masseur client arrangement. 

[KennF]

5 hours ago, MDinNY said:

Hello. Want some feedback. 
 

I met a guy for a massage. Went very well and after the massage was completed, we played for almost an additional hour. 
 

I did not prompt that - the masseur invited me to his room and bed. 
 

He messaged me last week and asked to meet me this this past weekend for some fun - no discussion about massage. When I got there, he had his table out. Told me to get on. I told him I hadn’t planned to get a massage and that we probably have a misunderstanding. He told me it got him in the mood to massage me. We moved to the bed about 20 min later. 
 

At the end, as I was headed towards the door, he asked for his fee. I told him again I came per his request since we had fun recently but was not scheduling a massage. He was upset but said he would be clearer next time. 
 

He just messaged again and asked to meet. I asked if it was for fun or for a paid session. I told him I would reach out when I needed one. He then told me to come over for free. 
 

The massage was excellent but I now see him as too much drama. What would you do? Stay away? Or give him another shot? If so, as part of a session only or only for non paid fun?

There is a lot of discussion about clients confusing the boundaries and turning a paid-for experience into something more.  I think you have the opposite issue.  The provider is blurring the lines.

It sounds like he might genuinely enjoy your experiences, but still wants to have his time paid for.  That's creating a lack of clarity.  You might want to decide for yourself if you want to explore a relationship or just keep it professional.  Once you decide for yourself, you need to have an clear communication with him so that there is no mix up.

One thing you shouldn't do, is allow the dysfunctional aspect to continue.  You are already starting to feel awkward (or you wouldn't be asking).  By the way, there is nothing wrong with having a for-pay fuck buddy that is really turned on by you.

[MDinNY]

5 hours ago, BiDude420 said:

You're getting something you used to pay for for free. On the one hand it indicates the escort does have poor boundaries and is a pushover. That is a red flag for any scenario. On the other hand you're having a good time. It all comes down to risk/reward and how much crap you want to (potentially) deal with. 

I would probably phrase it differently - he’s getting something he wants that I had previously paid him for. I had a lot of fun hence my return visits. But I wouldn’t pay for fun alone - my focus was on the massage and the rest was good but not needed and not what I sought. 

Edited July 14, 2023 by MDinNY

[MDinNY]

26 minutes ago, KennF said:

There is a lot of discussion about clients confusing the boundaries and turning a paid-for experience into something more.  I think you have the opposite issue.  The provider is blurring the lines.

It sounds like he might genuinely enjoy your experiences, but still wants to have his time paid for.  That's creating a lack of clarity.  You might want to decide for yourself if you want to explore a relationship or just keep it professional.  Once you decide for yourself, you need to have an clear communication with him so that there is no mix up.

One thing you shouldn't do, is allow the dysfunctional aspect to continue.  You are already starting to feel awkward (or you wouldn't be asking).  By the way, there is nothing wrong with having a for-pay fuck buddy that is really turned on by you.

I agree there is nothing wrong with a for pay fuck buddy. I don’t think it’s a huge deal if we don’t connect again. That being said, the massage was really nice and I’d like that again so will try to clarify and set boundaries that when I reach out it’ll be for massage alone. Anything we do outside my scheduling a session is between two consenting adults and for our enjoyment. If he’s not on board with that no worries. I’ll have to move on. 

[LFABWC]

It’s such a shame  that “Pretty Woman” was only a fantasy…..but I am sure there should be at least one case with a “happy ending”….🤣

[MDinNY]

Laid out my expectations. If he contacts me no payment and just for fun. If I contact I’ll schedule a massage. 
 

We met Friday night. Great massage. Fun after. Paid massage fee plus tip. Left happy. 
 

He messaged me to join him out for drinks. He paid. Went back to his place. He offered a massage. I was reluctant and he could tell. He said he enjoyed working on me. 
 

Ended up in his bed. This AM he asked for a “tip” as I walked out of the door. 
 

Just messaged him that we won’t be connecting again. 

Should’ve seen it coming. Thanks for the suggestions.

 

[DWnyc]

Never had a situation where the lines got blurred and ended well. I for one find it hard to pay once we’ve had interaction that is unpaid. I’ve never sought unpaid time with providers - it’s always been them extending or seeking me out proactively - and if they’re really doing their job well it’s easy to believe they’re doing so out of genuine interest. 

I don’t make the mistake any more (happened frequently in my early days)- I assume zero interest in unpaid time together from anyone in the business if the context of our first meeting is a paid session - but it happens from the provider side to this day.  my cynicism tells me it’s not really them confusing pay vs play as much as an unprofessional way to drag out bookings.

 

[Archangel]

My very first regular wanted me to pay for a few extra days after our time together but didn’t expect me to comp him for our time. It worked out well until he started calling me about six times a day to use me as his free therapist. One thing leads to another, and things ended with a big fight and him telling me I was confused if I thought my time (for all phone calls at random times a day) was worth the same as his.

[Michael PhD]

9 hours ago, DWnyc said:

Never had a situation where the lines got blurred and ended well. I for one find it hard to pay once we’ve had interaction that is unpaid. I’ve never sought unpaid time with providers - it’s always been them extending or seeking me out proactively - and if they’re really doing their job well it’s easy to believe they’re doing so out of genuine interest. 

I don’t make the mistake any more (happened frequently in my early days)- I assume zero interest in unpaid time together from anyone in the business if the context of our first meeting is a paid session - but it happens from the provider side to this day.  my cynicism tells me it’s not really them confusing pay vs play as much as an unprofessional way to drag out bookings.

 

Fully agree with this… after you’ve learned a lesson with this guy, if he continues to text, you will need to block him if this continues. Lots of fish…

Edited July 17, 2023 by Michael PhD

[KennF]

On 7/14/2023 at 8:47 PM, LFABWC said:

It’s such a shame  that “Pretty Woman” was only a fantasy…..but I am sure there should be at least one case with a “happy ending”….🤣

It isn't just a fantasy,  but it takes a heightened maturity to have that level of communication.  Most people rarely communicate that clearly, hence blurry lines.

I have seen it work once.  But the dos, and don't, were tough conversations.  In the end it worked for about 5 years, until thr jealousy crept in.  😞 they made a cute couple 

[KennF]

7 hours ago, Michael PhD said:

Fully agree after learning a lesson with this guy. He continues to text. Will need to block if this continues. 

Stay strong.  Clear boundaries and limits.  Communication,  communication,  and communication. 

If he can't,  then no massage is worth the psychologist visit 

[+ poolboy48220]

Two I can think of - a hire contacted me the day after our meet to do "the same thing we did yesterday" (apparently I'm very good at rimming? 😉)  I told him I couldn't afford to hire again so soon, he said "Whatever you can afford" and I think I gave him $20.

Another hire turned into a fuck buddy - I can't remember how we transitioned, I think I offered him help with some computer stuff and as we were finishing that he put his hand down my pants.  Had no-pay fun with him for years before we fell out of touch. 

[DWsoccer]

18 hours ago, MDinNY said:

Laid out my expectations. If he contacts me no payment and just for fun. If I contact I’ll schedule a massage. 
 

We met Friday night. Great massage. Fun after. Paid massage fee plus tip. Left happy. 
 

He messaged me to join him out for drinks. He paid. Went back to his place. He offered a massage. I was reluctant and he could tell. He said he enjoyed working on me. 
 

Ended up in his bed. This AM he asked for a “tip” as I walked out of the door. 
 

Just messaged him that we won’t be connecting again. 

Should’ve seen it coming. Thanks for the suggestions.

 

How strange.  Is English not his native language?  Bizarre that he would still ask for money after it was all laid out....

[+ ThroatCummer]

On 7/14/2023 at 8:47 PM, LFABWC said:

It’s such a shame  that “Pretty Woman” was only a fantasy…..but I am sure there should be at least one case with a “happy ending”….🤣

Oh, you have no idea.   

Watch this space. I'll post a story one day. 

I'm actually writing a book about it. It starts with meeting on Rent Men and ends with the fairytale wedding and everything. Two guys from two different worlds, collide Rent Men, fall in love and live happily ever after and get married and have children and build a family.  I'm sitting on a Virgin cruise ship right now typing this while he's snoring away taking a nap. ❤️

Life isn't all rainbows and sunshine. Things can be difficult to navigate and sure, money plays into it. But when you're truly in love and build each other up as people, everything finally clicks.  

You can go puke now. lol 

Edited July 17, 2023 by ThroatCummer

[LFABWC]

2 hours ago, ThroatCummer said:

Oh, you have no idea.   

Watch this space. I'll post a story one day. 

I'm actually writing a book about it. It starts with meeting on Rent Men and ends with the fairytale wedding and everything. Two guys from two different worlds, collide Rent Men, fall in love and live happily ever after and get married and have children and build a family.  I'm sitting on a Virgin cruise ship right now typing this while he's snoring away taking a nap. ❤️

Life isn't all rainbows and sunshine. Things can be difficult to navigate and sure, money plays into it. But when you're truly in love and build each other up as people, everything finally clicks.  

You can go puke now. lol 

wow man, incredible!!!!….and super happy for you guys!!!

you make a beautiful couple!!!…😊👍👍

[Guest]

If he offers to see you for free, and doesn't charge you, I say lucky for you. If he asks for money afterward, however, he's trying to sucker you. But if someone I'd pay for to have sex really wants to continue seeing me for free, I'd be happy to oblige. Usually an escort encounter is just that. It's not horrible if it turns into something better, though. 

[Archangel]

6 hours ago, Unicorn said:

It's not horrible if it turns into something better, though. 

Probably a pleasant thing. Also an unlikely thing.