How much does it cost to be a sugar daddy?

[Lookin]

3 hours ago, Coolwave35 said:

I have an arrangement like that with a guy that is on retainer. Whenever he is in my area, staying, or driving through, he just texts me to come home and he’s at my house waiting. It costs me $750 a month for the service.  No overnights though, because I really can’t stand him . . 

I once had a guy on retainer who couldn't stand me.

He'd come over Friday nights and tell me all the things he disliked about me: my looks, my personality, my car, clothes, furniture . . .  He'd stay for an hour and the minute he left I'd cheer right up and go have the best weekend ever.  

[56harrisond]

1 minute ago, Lookin said:

I once had a guy on retainer who couldn't stand me.

He'd come over Friday nights and tell me all the things he disliked about me: my looks, my personality, my car, clothes, furniture . . .  He'd stay for an hour and the minute he left I'd cheer right up and go have the best weekend ever.  

This describes the real life BFE 🤡

[Archangel]

9 hours ago, Lookin said:

I once had a guy on retainer who couldn't stand me.

He'd come over Friday nights and tell me all the things he disliked about me: my looks, my personality, my car, clothes, furniture . . .  He'd stay for an hour and the minute he left I'd cheer right up and go have the best weekend ever.  

Why? Why would you pay for that? Especially if you both disliked it

[Lookin]

9 hours ago, Archangel said:

Why? Why would you pay for that? Especially if you both disliked it

Sorry.  I got a kick out of @Coolwave35's post about having a guy he couldn't stand on retainer and decided to have some fun with it.  I should have waited until there's a just-kidding emoji.  This one sometimes works in a pinch -  - but it didn't do the job this time.

I've actually never had anyone on retainer, probably because my canoodling cravings have never been that constant or predictable.  I stand in awe of those whose are.

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Lookin said:

...I've actually never had anyone on retainer...

[Archangel]

11 hours ago, Unicorn said:

What is exactly going on in that retainer? It looks unsettling.

[+ Coolwave35]

12 hours ago, Lookin said:

Sorry.  I got a kick out of @Coolwave35's post about having a guy he couldn't stand on retainer and decided to have some fun with it. 

His pre show up sexting is soooooo fun.

The sex is amazing.

The chit chat before and after is nauseating. 

I have never in my life met someone that I cared less about all of their hobbies and interests. Once he asked if we could play Mortal Kombat on my ps5. I told him the second controller was broken. He could clearly see 4 controllers and he said “none of those work?” And I said yeah they’re all broken. Then he said “why do you keep them?” And I just said yes. 
 

The good outweighs the bad but the sex is so affordable and great that we keep it up. 

[Simon Suraci]

I find it difficult to fathom giving up my independence - my whole life really - in exchange for 150k/yr + perks. Especially when that arrangement will inevitably end in short order. I already make more than that, and at the end of the day I go home and sleep in my own bed in my own house with a whiskey neat on the nightstand, and nobody to bother me. Not even my partner because we sleep in separate rooms after spending our quality waking hours together. That’s the life! I sleep so well that way.

A sugar arrangement might be better suited under a contract term, like for 6 or 12 months at a time. Kind of like renewing a lease on an apartment. Anyone done something like this before? When either party is not wanting to continue, there’s a natural stopping point and no drama about being “replaced” or illusions about depending on someone indefinitely, and the sugar daddy doesn’t have to feel bad about moving on when he’s ready. It’s planning for the inevitable and making the endpoint much more graceful and agreeable for both parties.

[curt gregory]

@Archangel That retainer looks like one of those contraptions used by your sadist…. I mean orthodontist to continue to slowly move your teeth over time once the braces are off.  My guy used one of those for about a year, adjusting the teeth once a month, and they would hurt for a week every time.  Hated that guy.  And my Advil usage went way up.

[socurious]

I need a sugar daddy. 

[Quincy_7]

On 7/18/2023 at 6:41 PM, Luv2play said:

I never knew much about Bachardy except that he was Isherwood's longtime partner. Just read the Wikipedia version of their two lives. Bachardy was very young when they moved in together but interestingly grew into a talented artist and person who could thrive living with another talented artist, in this case a writer.

I found Isherwood's later books written about Eastern mystics difficult and never finished them. His early work appealed to me and the only time I visited Berlin, I stopped by his apartment which has a plaque on it where he picked up the material for Berlin Stories.    

I highly recommend Christopher and his Kind.

 

[Guest]

On 7/22/2023 at 5:07 PM, Simon Suraci said:

I find it difficult to fathom giving up my independence - my whole life really - in exchange for 150k/yr + perks. Especially when that arrangement will inevitably end in short order...

Yikes. I don't think you can generalize regarding such arrangements like that. My man has never been kept on a ball and chain. Yes, I expect him to live with me, and I expect him to be in my bed when I wake up in the morning. But he has his own car and can and does go out with friends, sometimes with me and sometimes without. He spent most of the day at the beach today without me. Week-ends often see him out with friends until the early AM hours. And in a week or so, he's going to Amsterdam for their pride (using his own miles and money) with friends and without me. We've been together for well over 2 years now, and are planning to tie the knot in a year or so. My first relationship lasted 13.5 years. Our prenup will include large lump-sum payments in the unlikely event I dump him for someone else, so he has a chance to get back on his feet (how much depending on how long the marriage lasts). 

You are correct in assuming that I wouldn't be interested in having an arrangement with someone who wanted to sleep in another room. I dropped "Diego" because he didn't want to sleep with me. But that might not bother someone else. Don't paint all arrangements with the same brush. It wouldn't work for you. Don't piss on others' parades. And if anyone is looking for a younger man who's interested in a relationship, I know two in the LA area and one in the SF area who would love to be in my fiance's shoes. (Send a PM if you're interested)

[+ Coolwave35]

4 hours ago, Unicorn said:

 

I just want to address you, but none of what you said is super relevant to my comments so I’m trying something new with a blank quote. lol. Having broken bread with you and your fiancé, it’s very clear that you guys aren’t plagued by the pitfalls of what normally destroys these types of arrangements. 

The way you talk about each other is devoid of jealousy. That’s rare and takes two confident, secure people. 

Early in my hiring career, I misunderstood the provider’s confidence for an attack on, and exploitation of my self esteem.  This is so common, but people have such a hard time identifying it and certainly talking about it.
 

 I was personally hurt and offended when my vacation mate wanted to have breakfast alone on the last day. I crumbled. I’ll never forget it.  However, that started me on a path where I learned how to be a better client, “sugar daddy” and connoisseur of sex than I ever thought possible by getting to the bottom of why that happened, and understanding that the provider meant no harm.  

Now, having almost a dozen regulars, retained providers, and sugar babies that meet a whole host of needs, I admire that you’ve been able to find all of that in new Diego.  I loved hearing about how you settled into what works for the two of you and look forward to combining forces in a few weeks. 😇😇

[cany10011]

6 hours ago, Unicorn said:

Yikes. I don't think you can generalize regarding such arrangements like that. My man has never been kept on a ball and chain. Yes, I expect him to live with me, and I expect him to be in my bed when I wake up in the morning. But he has his own car and can and does go out with friends, sometimes with me and sometimes without. He spent most of the day at the beach today without me. Week-ends often see him out with friends until the early AM hours. And in a week or so, he's going to Amsterdam for their pride (using his own miles and money) with friends and without me. We've been together for well over 2 years now, and are planning to tie the knot in a year or so. My first relationship lasted 13.5 years. Our prenup will include large lump-sum payments in the unlikely event I dump him for someone else, so he has a chance to get back on his feet (how much depending on how long the marriage lasts). 

You are correct in assuming that I wouldn't be interested in having an arrangement with someone who wanted to sleep in another room. I dropped "Diego" because he didn't want to sleep with me. But that might not bother someone else. Don't paint all arrangements with the same brush. It wouldn't work for you. Don't piss on others' parades. And if anyone is looking for a younger man who's interested in a relationship, I know two in the LA area and one in the SF area who would love to be in my fiance's shoes. (Send a PM if you're interested)

That sounds like a healthy relationship. I have friends in relationships for 20 plus years and one partner will not even let the other go to the gym by himself. They have to do EVERYTHING as a couple. To me, it would be quite stifling. 

[Archangel]

When I’ve been on vacation with escorts, I’ve found alone time is just fine and even good. If I had a real boyfriend or husband, he would have to understand that I need alone time. I believe it’s normal and healthy even. 

[Bucky]

Let's not confuse financial relationships with non.  

[+ Coolwave35]

33 minutes ago, Bucky said:

Let's not confuse financial relationships with non.  

I was married for 8 years to a man I was with for 14. During that relationship, I paid for everything and when it ended, he walked away with a mid 7 figures divorce settlement.  He worked a full time job making $45k in the beginning and when we split $69k. 

This experience taught me that all relationships are financial. 

[Guest]

No pre-nup? 

[+ tassojunior]

On 7/17/2023 at 8:34 PM, BSR said:

To me, this is like asking how much does it cost to have a car.  You can buy a 5yo Toyota Prius, or you can buy a paint-still-wet Lambo.

One time at Popeye's, I was able to eavesdrop on the conversation between a mid-50s guy and his 19-20yo companion.  Imagine my amusement once I figured out they were discussing a possible sugar arrangement.  It took all the self-restraint I could muster to refrain from jumping in and screaming to the kid, "Sugardaddy's treating you to Popeye's?!  RUN!!!"

OTOH- if someone appreciates you taking them to Popeyes, they may be a keeper. 

[Simon Suraci]

15 hours ago, Unicorn said:

Yikes. I don't think you can generalize regarding such arrangements like that.

Arrangements vary and the people involved are unique. I did not mean to Imply they are all the same or that others should think the way I do. I’m simply putting out an opinion based on my own sensibilities and motivations.

What works for another guy may not work for me. My contribution is to shed light on a hired boy’s motivations, which directly influences how much it would cost to maintain a sugar relationship. That’s the OP question. Other opinions welcome.

The hired boy may not currently make as much, and he may not care much about sleeping arrangements or “leaving work at work” as much as I do. Good for him. My point is to say for some guys like me it would take a lot more to theoretically attract and retain than someone else. Who your hired guy is and his motivations will determine how much it would cost.

Also marriage is a whole other dynamic I won’t even get into. Sugar arrangements usually are not legal marriage, but great if that works well for your situation.

[+ Coolwave35]

2 hours ago, Unicorn said:

No pre-nup? 

I wasn’t rich yet. I was fortunate that he was reasonable and settled for 25%, the dog and my favorite property instead of the 50 he could have fought for. 

[Simon Suraci]

58 minutes ago, Coolwave35 said:

I wasn’t rich yet. I was fortunate that he was reasonable and settled for 25%, the dog and my favorite property instead of the 50 he could have fought for. 

Divorce is a bitch no matter how relatively wealthy each party happens to be. Considering how much worse it could have gone, it sounds like a good settlement agreement.

5 hours ago, Coolwave35 said:

This experience taught me that all relationships are financial. 

In some sense, yes, especially when parties are mismatched financially, which can change over time.

All the more reason to consider hiring various men to directly satisfy specific needs. It simplifies matters.

[+ Coolwave35]

29 minutes ago, Simon Suraci said:

All the more reason to consider hiring various men to directly satisfy specific needs. It simplifies matters.

Yup yup yup! 

[Guest]

8 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

Arrangements vary and the people involved are unique. I did not mean to Imply they are all the same or that others should think the way I do. I’m simply putting out an opinion based on my own sensibilities and motivations...

Well, the OP was asking about what to expect in a sugar daddy relationship, and it didn't seem you had a constructive response--just a negative, Debbie Downer take on things. How do you feel your answer was helpful?

[Simon Suraci]

5 hours ago, Unicorn said:

How do you feel your answer was helpful?

The OP question is: “How much does it cost to be a sugar daddy?”

The answer is: it depends.

“On what?”, you might ask.

Answer: On many factors. My response highlights only one of the major factors, which is the motivations and sensibilities of the hired man. Some require more financial incentive and/or specific terms, while others require less financial incentive and perhaps fewer or different terms.

Without spelling out exactly what it would cost for each hired man under the sun, I offered an example in myself. For example, @socurious might be willing to negotiate an offer along the lines of $150k /yr plus benefits, whereas I wouldn’t because I have different motivations. I suppose you would have to speak to @socurious directly rather than me putting words in his mouth, but he seems eager based on his responses, so I’ll mention him as a counter example.

The example in myself illustrates how different one’s costs could be based on who you are looking to hire. One guy will eat Popeye’s and sleep on your couch or in your bed. One may require all organic food and sleep in a guesthouse, or expect more perks or higher compensation. That’s why I say: it depends. 

@Unicorn If all of that makes me a “downer”, so be it. I don’t expect my answer to be palatable to everyone. You may not like my response, but it is honest, thoughtful, and it answers the question. It gives a framework for how one might think about the costs, since there is no single number or range of numbers to apply in every situation. To determine the total costs, you have to know the terms of your man, and his motivations. From there, you can build a list to calculate the approximate costs.