New York Recommendations

[+ azdr0710]

[+ purplekow]

My sister had that game.  In retrospect, I probably should have had greater insight into my sexuality based on my enjoyment of playing that game.  Poindexter was considered a bad date, but I was alway happy to open the door and find him there.  

Edited February 4 by purplekow

[Guest]

12 hours ago, Walt said:

No. But there are all sorts of "deal breakers" from either side in this hobby: looks, geographic location, price, age, access to a spot to do the deed, specific scene wanted, etc.  At any moment the whole arrangement can go south, and the mental fantasy dissolves into nothing.

If you don't have a place and he doesn't have a place, it's no one's "fault." If you are in the Arctic and he is in the Antarctic, it's no one's "fault". If you want to do A, B, and C, and he never ever ever does C, it's no one's "fault".

Personally, when communicating with a new provider, I lead with a friendly demeanor. Then I work down through the list above of what is most important to me starting with the ones that are mostly going to be problematic for the provider. I personally am not everyone's cup of tea visually, so I do start with "I am x and y, is that a problem for you?"

I totally agree: It can be hurtful to know that my dream date is going to potentially turn me away at the door for my looks -- but I'd rather know that as soon as possible rather than hours later.

 

“I’m Asian. Is that a problem for you?” I’ll try that from this point on and see who’d actually say yes. 

 

[Hot4latin]

3 hours ago, GlamNYC said:

“I’m Asian. Is that a problem for you?” I’ll try that from this point on and see who’d actually say yes. 

 

Perhaps a little more tactfully in your initial introduction.  Something like…

“Hi HotEscort. I saw your ad on RM. I’m a 40-something gay Asian male who enjoys kissing, oral and bottoming for a beautiful man like you.  Would you be available for an outcall on Sunday at 10pm?  If so, what would your rate be?  I’m staying in a hotel near Times Square.”  

This way you’ve provided all the information so that the provider can assess whether you’re a good fit and what the rate may be. 

Edited February 4 by Hot4latin

[Monarchy79]

On 2/3/2024 at 4:15 PM, Guest said:

Don’t waste your time on Roux. Wasted hours chatting with him until we confirmed a meeting. When i asked him about his compatibility with asian men, he decided we shouldn’t meet anymore. He claimed we were no longer “compatible.” When someone tells you who they are, trust him. He should’ve been straight (no pun intended) about his racial preferences from the beginning and shouldn’t have wasted my time. 

I’m glad you brought this topic up. As a black man, I wish everyone were just flat out honest with their racial preferences. It would make a lot of things easier; from sites like RM and MF to even dating and hookup apps. 
 

The era of wokeness, shaming people for hiding their “preferences”, just promotes dishonesty and confusion. 
 

Personally, I’d love for profiles to clearly state what they prefer by race, age, and body type, so I will know who to reach out to, and who to block. 
 

Playing the code game to determine if I’m someone’s type is annoying. And I want to know if I’m not compatible with someone because I’m black, rather than be left in confusion. 

 

[Guest]

I have noticed quite a few providers will say something to the effect of “all ages, ethnicities welcome” or “into older men” or “disabilities welcome” and similar statements. I think these guys are true professionals. People are who they are, and have their turn ons and offs, but to me a good provider should not have these kinds of limitations. But I’m not a provider and don’t walk in their shoes….

[Monarchy79]

1 hour ago, Km411 said:

I have noticed quite a few providers will say something to the effect of “all ages, ethnicities welcome” or “into older men” or “disabilities welcome” and similar statements. I think these guys are true professionals. People are who they are, and have their turn ons and offs, but to me a good provider should not have these kinds of limitations. But I’m not a provider and don’t walk in their shoes….

I see your point. 
but I will always recognize that the “personal” professions (massage, escorting, etc.) are going to involve some form of prejudice and “ism”.  
 

What I always say is this:

if one has discrimination issues when it comes to: school admissions, employment, housing, or general civil rights, then they are dead wrong. 
 

But of one has their biases based on who they want to touch or have sex with, then I have no place telling them that they should be “equal opportunity”. It’s their bodies, and their choice. 
 

just be real about that, and respectful. 

Edited February 24 by Monarchy79

[Monarchy79]

1 hour ago, Km411 said:

I have noticed quite a few providers will say something to the effect of “all ages, ethnicities welcome” or “into older men” or “disabilities welcome” and similar statements. I think these guys are true professionals. People are who they are, and have their turn ons and offs, but to me a good provider should not have these kinds of limitations. But I’m not a provider and don’t walk in their shoes….

Yup, 

This is the code language to inform potential clients of various ethnicities, sizes and ages, that they won’t be rejected. 
 

What I do when reaching out to a provider is this: 

In my initial “Hello” message, I provide some type of “color-corrective”emoji, so they’ll know I’m not white (see below). 
 

👍🏾👏🏾

 

 

[Guest]

24 minutes ago, Monarchy79 said:

But of one has their biases based on who they want to touch or have sex with, then I have no place telling them that they should be “equal opportunity”. It’s their bodies, and their choice. 

Right, I’m not suggesting they should be equal opportunity, I’m just saying that in my opinion the most professional ones are. I think it would require a great deal of maturity and client service orientation to be able to deliver such intimate services to literally all people.

[BananaBagel]

Any suggestions for laid back BFE providers in NYC?

[Walt]

10 hours ago, Km411 said:

a good provider should not have these kinds of limitations.

So must a "good" provider be versatile, love to kiss, and play without condoms??? Or are "good" providers allowed some "approved" limitations? I'd like to see the good provider Code of Approval written out in full detail before I agree.  😉 

[Guest]

4 hours ago, Walt said:

So must a "good" provider be versatile, love to kiss, and play without condoms??? Or are "good" providers allowed some "approved" limitations? I'd like to see the good provider Code of Approval written out in full detail before I agree.  😉

I take your point. I don’t think providers should be expected to engage in all kinks/fetishes, I guess I don’t view size, age, ethnicity, or disability, as fetishes (maybe others do). There are no “musts”; I’m not saying providers should be professional (or that clients should care); just my own opinion on professionalism based on how I’d want to be handled. The Code? Respect.

[Your Man in Arlington]

1 hour ago, Km411 said:

I don’t think providers should be expected to engage in all kinks/fetishes, I guess I don’t view size, age, ethnicity, or disability, as fetishes (maybe others do). There are no “musts”; I’m not saying providers should be professional (or that clients should care); just my own opinion on professionalism based on how I’d want to be handled. The Code? Respect.

I would say that what your describing is the idea behind "public accommodation" and is part of being professional in any line of work. (This doesn't apply to all of the guys doing this as a way to get paid to hookup, which is totally fine, too!)

This particular line of work has it's own peculiarities and requirements, a level of intimacy - manufactured or not - that make accommodating anyone from the public more challenging. Should a provider be expected to provide service to someone not of their preferred gender? Yes, plenty of straight guys seek male clients, but I don't know that it would be unprofessional if they didn't or vice versa with gay providers.

And, I agree, the code is respect. If you don't want to or don't think you can provide someone with good service, there are respectful ways to relay that.

[Your Man in Arlington]

13 hours ago, BananaBagel said:

Any suggestions for laid back BFE providers in NYC?

It depends of the kind of guy you're attracted to, and what BFE means to you, but I had a nice laid back 2 hour BFE-in-my-book experience with JulianJesse last Spring.

Ooops! His profile is currently expired, but he may be on vacation and back in NYC soon? I would check again.

Edited February 25 by Your Man in Arlington
Profile recently expired.

[lanyc]

4 hours ago, Your Man in Arlington said:

It depends of the kind of guy you're attracted to, and what BFE means to you, but I had a nice laid back 2 hour BFE-in-my-book experience with JulianJesse last Spring.

Ooops! His profile is currently expired, but he may be on vacation and back in NYC soon? I would check again.

Question: How do you hire someone based on those nondescript, generic pictures? I can't tell anything about him. I mean, I like the use of the Oxford comma as much as the next guy but... I can't base a hire on impressive punctuation. 

[Your Man in Arlington]

3 minutes ago, lanyc said:

Question: How do you hire someone based on those nondescript, generic pictures? I can't tell anything about him. I mean, I like the use of the Oxford comma as much as the next guy but... I can't base a hire on impressive punctuation. 

I found his profile text interesting enough (brain research and kissing), that after an initial introductory contact, I asked for photos that showed his face and he was more than happy to provide them. He turned out to be a very good looking guy IMO.

So, yes, I will reach out to a faceless profile if the text is engaging enough and then request face photos once it's established we're both serious.

[ShortCutie7]

1 hour ago, lanyc said:

Question: How do you hire someone based on those nondescript, generic pictures? I can't tell anything about him. I mean, I like the use of the Oxford comma as much as the next guy but... I can't base a hire on impressive punctuation. 

I had my first (and only thusfar) hire from a profile with locked face pictures… his body, location, and text/general vibe were exactly what I was looking for, and when he unlocked his (extremely handsome) face pics, that sealed the deal of him being the choice for my first hire.