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Hiring As A Teaching Tool


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Good evening everyone -

    I am a decent looking 40-something in athletic shape.  I've been with guys before (making out, oral, frot, j/o), but never fucked.  To be honest, I've never had the urge to.  However, I feel some kind of pressure to do so.  There's a guy I like, and I know he's a bottom.  I don't know "how" to top, and I don't think I could ever be a bottom.  I was hoping to perhaps hire someone to "teach" me this skill of topping and was looking for guidance or suggestions with this.  Thanks!

- J

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If you explain this to a provider when inquiring about an appointment and they’re willing to take you on, I think they can be helpful. Some may think you’re role playing and trying to act innocent / “first time fantasy” etc but so what (unless they assume part of your fantasy is going from zero to a hundred in a few mins, the only thing I’d advise you to be wary of).

So I’d advise you to go with someone you like based on their profile and take it from there. Ask lots of questions in the session, in a way that might be uncomfortable in a non provider environment. 

Its actually a good way to cross some thresholds without the pressure of “real people” and their reactions. You may even want to try bottoming in a safe environment to test your assumption. 

Good luck. 

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Hiring a guy to try or learn something new is a great idea. Like @DWnyc mentions, it is a good way to try things without the pressure or reactions you might get from a guy you've met on an app or somewhere.

Let the guy you're hiring know what you want to try and learn, and let him know you're being truthful (so he knows it's not just a "first time fantasy" ploy, though he'll figure that out soon enough).

I'm curious though why you say you are feeling pressure to fuck. Don't do something just because you think everyone is doing it or it's expected. There are plenty of things to do besides fucking, and lots of guys are just fine with that.

But then again, fucking can be really awesome, and it sounds like you have a guy in mind who you'd like to try it with. You can do it.

I suggest you post in the Deli forum asking for recommendations for someone to show you the ropes, and be sure to say where you are located. I'm sure you'll be able to get some recommendations.

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If you’re looking to engage in a new aspect of sexual interaction, you’re more likely to find a hired partner with the complimentary skill set for what you want to experience than a rando from apps. You’re not looking for anything that isn’t on most available “menus” but providers are just more likely to have had recent experiences with first-timers. Good luck!! 

 

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5 hours ago, nate_sf said:

Hiring a guy to try or learn something new is a great idea. Like @DWnyc mentions, it is a good way to try things without the pressure or reactions you might get from a guy you've met on an app or somewhere.

Let the guy you're hiring know what you want to try and learn, and let him know you're being truthful (so he knows it's not just a "first time fantasy" ploy, though he'll figure that out soon enough).

I'm curious though why you say you are feeling pressure to fuck. Don't do something just because you think everyone is doing it or it's expected. There are plenty of things to do besides fucking, and lots of guys are just fine with that.

But then again, fucking can be really awesome, and it sounds like you have a guy in mind who you'd like to try it with. You can do it.

I suggest you post in the Deli forum asking for recommendations for someone to show you the ropes, and be sure to say where you are located. I'm sure you'll be able to get some recommendations.

Thank you for taking the time and giving me your helpful perspective.  The truth is, if there wasn't someone I like who I know is into getting fucked, I wouldn't be inquiring now.  I am relationship-oriented, so I feel like you should stray from your comfort zone to ensure your partner is accommodated.  I kind of know it's not right and I shouldn't, but I somehow feel insufficient for not having engaged in anal before.  Then I see 20-somethings who have done it hundreds of times, and I feel like trash, haha.

Thanks again for your advice.

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Why do you “know” it’s “not right” and “you shouldn’t”? 

As @nate_sf says you don’t have to do this even if you think everyone else is. And yoU don’t need to feel like “trash” for not having experienced it. 

Having said that, maybe exploring your reasons for thinking it’s not right and that you shouldn’t is a a necessary step before you engage with a provider on this, to avoid a wasted session or something that ends up being unpleasant for you.

 

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Sorry, I cannot resist:

You push the right dick in

You pull the right dick out

You push the right dick in

And you shake it all about

You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around (if you're versatile)

That's what it's all about.

 

On a more serious note, if you want your first time topping to be with an experience bottom then there is no harm in hiring someone.  That being said, a lot of gay men have topped or bottomed for the first time without any lessons because it is as simple as doing the hokey pokey.  :)

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1 hour ago, maninsoma said:

You push the right dick in

No, no, no….a mediocre top does this. And sadly so many bottoms settle for it.

A GOOD top takes it to the next level by exploring positions, angles, varying tempo, intensity, depth, pulsing, side-to-side action, and pulling all the way out and plunging back in again. Not to mention all the foreplay possibilities. For an educational journey, read my expert rimming pocket guide! Plus all the fun you can have with gazing, stimulating nipples at the same time, holding his body in a certain way, slings…. It’s a full contact sport and a creative art. Topping (at least good topping) is quite involved, and very, very fun. It takes practice and experience to hit your stride.

vs boring, mechanical straight-in-straight out a few pumps then cum. Ick!

@CuriosityKilledTheCat no harm in exploring. I encourage you to try new things. Doesn’t mean you have to like them, but it just might open a world of pleasure and possibilities you never knew you needed in your life. Best to know, either way.

I suggest any beginner top also try bottoming, at least a few times, even if he decides bottoming is not for him, just to understand what it feels like and how to make everything better for your bottom. Empathy and patience go a long way. You may want to hold off on that experience until you’re sure you even like topping by trying it out with a provider. Regardless, men of all orientations can benefit from prostate stimulation, not just in a sexual context (although that’s the most fun), but also for men’s health reasons. Also, it’s probably the best kind of orgasm you will ever have, if done right.

It’s absolutely worth it to hire a provider for a no-pressure expert to help walk you through it. The tricky part is finding the right one who understands your needs and meets you where you are. I’m patient and understanding in that way and enjoy teaching. Pick out a few in your area and ask on the forums for input and recommendations. We are a wealth of crowd-sourced knowledge here.

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Every so often on here we see both providers and clients talking about this hobby as serving the needs of the undesirable, those who couldn’t find companionship in real life etc and I think that’s unfair. Among the many needs providers can fill is exactly what you are seeking … ie patient judgement~free experiences to push your boundaries per your direction and under your control in a way that can be difficult with people in your life whether long term or new. Take advantage of the resources around you and enjoy! 

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On 4/23/2023 at 2:44 AM, CuriosityKilledTheCat said:

Good evening everyone -

    I am a decent looking 40-something in athletic shape.  I've been with guys before (making out, oral, frot, j/o), but never fucked.  To be honest, I've never had the urge to.  However, I feel some kind of pressure to do so.  There's a guy I like, and I know he's a bottom.  I don't know "how" to top, and I don't think I could ever be a bottom.  I was hoping to perhaps hire someone to "teach" me this skill of topping and was looking for guidance or suggestions with this.  Thanks!

- J

You know how to suck, j/o, make out with a guy. You know where your cock goes if you want to top him…obviously! So I’d argue you already know how to top a guy, you don’t need to go to a provider to learn it (although I’m available if needed 😂).

Being a good top is exactly the same as being a good giver of BJ, kissing or j/o…it’s about being aware of his reactions to what you do and making sure he’s having as much fun as you are. You do that when kissing or sucking him so do same while topping him. 

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On 4/30/2023 at 3:47 AM, Jamie21 said:

it’s about being aware of his reactions to what you do and making sure he’s having as much fun as you are.

@Jamie21 and other providers, curious if you do often get clients seeking “lessons” or maybe just validation … not so much on looks or body type stuff but on technique, how they perform etc 

And are you “honest” or always positive even if you could offer helpful feedback …? 

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It sometimes happens, not really on technique but just because they’re inexperienced and want to see if they like being with a guy. It’s a way of safely exploring their sexuality. I’m not asked for a score out of 10 afterwards though (nor would I give one). If they enjoyed themselves and got something out of it then great. Sometimes I’ll notice that a client struggles to relax (some people overthink things) so I will make suggestions about how to switch off and just ‘go with the flow’ but I would never critique someone’s sucking technique or anything like that.

If they came for massage training (I do one to one classes) then yes I’d give feedback and tips, because that’s part of what they’re coming for. I use a volunteer to be the practice body and I brief that person to give the learner feedback too. I think if they’re coming for a training session then they’d expect to learn things but if they’re coming just to enjoy a sensual massage then it’s best my client leaves feeling great about themselves. 
 

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I once got some helpful feedback from a provider about something (the way I was doing something) m … I could tell he was waiting to tell me something or holding something back for a while. He was very nice about it and it felt bad at the time but then it clicked … it explained some reactions I’d had from partners before. Made a big difference to my future encounters.  I often thought of going back and booking a session for the sole purpose of thanking him but then I thought he’s not even going to remember me … lol 

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5 hours ago, NyGold said:

 I often thought of going back and booking a session for the sole purpose of thanking him but then I thought he’s not even going to remember me … lol 

He may not remember you, but you could have taken the view that hiring him again would in itself be your thanks for his advice, and would give you the opportunity to tell him his earlier advice had enabled you to better understand reactions you'd received from partners on previous encounters.

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On 4/30/2023 at 2:47 AM, Jamie21 said:

it’s about being aware of his reactions to what you do and making sure he’s having as much fun as you are.

Intuition. Good tops have it and use it.
The best tops are ‘givers’, not ‘takers’.

Attitude, consideration, patience, and empathy are all important and it’s difficult to teach those. If you have them, you will go far.

With that said, techniques are still teachable. It’s magic when you know what you’re doing. There should be a Hogwarts for hustlers too.

IMG_0483.gif.42e5f207c039a8399caaf5b23c361c3a.gif

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There’s the old wives (?) tale of how some fathers in some cultures take their sons to a brothel (I don’t mean disrespect by using that term) when they turn 16 or 18 to initiate them into adulthood …

it’s a shame that there isn’t an equivalent dynamic to help those men who seek experiences with other men from a trusted senior perspective 

 

 

 

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