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Who chooses their sexual orientation?


pubic_assistance

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32 minutes ago, spidir said:

I am surprised by the poll results given the dismissive attitudes towards bisexual males. I suspect that sexual orientation is more fluid than many believe

Thank you

These two points you've made are exactly the origin of this conversation thread.

Gays jump through more hoops than Barnum and Bailey to discredit sexual fluidity in humans. Constantly dredging up old, stale research that claims you're born gay, thus removing the responsibility of choice and declaring biology as the only source of their dick sucking.

 

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13 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

Thank you

These two points you've made are exactly the origin of this conversation thread.

Gays jump through more hoops than Barnum and Bailey to discredit sexual fluidity in humans. Constantly dredging up old, stale research that claims you're born gay, thus removing the responsibility of choice and declaring biology as the only source of their dick sucking.

 

I think you meant to write THE GAYS. They really seem to annoy you, don't they? 

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2 hours ago, Marc in Calif said:

I think you meant to write THE GAYS. They really seem to annoy you, don't they? 

So you have a pronoun or something you'd prefer ? Maybe you'd like the more scientific "homosexual" term ? Tell me how I'm supposed to talk. You seem to be irritated by my choice of the word "gay". My understanding is that's still the favored terminology.

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3 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

 

Gays jump through more hoops than Barnum and Bailey to discredit sexual fluidity in humans. Constantly dredging up old, stale research that claims you're born gay, thus removing the responsibility of choice and declaring biology as the only source of their dick sucking.

 

This is homophobic and offensive. Substitute a racial group and your post would be taken down. I recommend this post and posts like it be removed for offensive language. 

Edited by LookingAround
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From Business Insider:

Using the word "the" in front of a group is a way of highlighting the group's otherness from the speaker and his or her audience, according to Eastern Michigan University linguist Eric Acton.

"There's this distancing effect, like they're over there," Acton told Business Insider. "They're signaling they're not part of it — they're distancing themselves from it."

It's the same distancing we see when a man jokingly refers to his spouse as "the wife" instead of "my wife," Acton said. Sen. Bernie Sanders of Vermont actually used the same wording in this year's Democratic primary when he railed against "the millionaires and billionaires."

But there's a key difference — billionaires typically don't face discrimination, Acton said. The same isn't true for Muslims, or women, or any of the other groups Trump name checks. And that's what may be rubbing people the wrong way.

"If you're going to use a distancing expression to a group that already has a history of being oppressed and marginalized, then you're really running a risk of coming across as 'othering,'" Acton said.

In addition to distancing the speaker from the group in question, pegging a group with the article "the" suggests that members of that group act and think homogeneously, Acton said. It's a sentiment shared by University of Toronto linguist Sali Tagliamonte.

"It's drawing a circle around a certain group of people. It's a very straight-jacketing kind of expression," Tagliamonte told Business Insider. "It's a very delineating thing that could make members of that group think they're being pigeonholed."

https://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-the-blacks-the-gays-2016-10?op=1

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4 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

Thank you

These two points you've made are exactly the origin of this conversation thread.

Gays jump through more hoops than Barnum and Bailey to discredit sexual fluidity in humans. Constantly dredging up old, stale research that claims you're born gay, thus removing the responsibility of choice and declaring biology as the only source of their dick sucking.

 

You express the issue through the lens of your experiences and that of others similarly situated, but seem unable to allow others to express their reality through the lens of their experiences.

Sexual fluidity may be a species-based attribute, but individual preferences are, by their nature, an attribute of the individual.

I know precisely the source of my dick sucking: I like it. I don't know why I like it, nor do I care. It is as it is. I am what I am, I know what I am, and I accept, welcome, and embrace it. And I am unambiguous in that.

And I require no lecture in aberrant sexuality to explain or defend it. 

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49 minutes ago, wsc said:

I require no lecture in aberrant sexuality to explain or defend it. 

Well if you would have taken the time to actually READ the question posed on the thread....

I was asking THOSE WHO HAVE CHOSEN to discuss THEIR JOURNEY.

I never said anything about defending your inability to choose.

So I fail to see why some of you are getting all defensive when this question wasn't directed to you in the first place.

 

 

Edited by pubic_assistance
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1 hour ago, nycman said:

Strangely, I find it to be neither. 

He is simply stating his opinion.

I may not agree with it, but homophobic and offensive?…nah.
 

If the offended gentleman would read back from the beginning of this thread he would find several examples supporting the reason for my so-called "offensive" opinion.

Edited by pubic_assistance
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On 1/16/2023 at 3:02 PM, jeezifonly said:

Gender identification is not sexual attraction (orientation)

Societal “otherness” links the two for the purpose of exclusion, but generally, sexual/romantic desire is separate from how one presents, and either can create decades of internal struggle. 

The topic title is orientation, and my reply was to your comparison to transsexuals (identity), that’s all. 

Edited by jeezifonly
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22 minutes ago, jeezifonly said:

The topic title is orientation, and my reply was to your comparison to transsexuals (identity), that’s all. 

I am currently mentoring my nephew's 16 year old daughter who wants a sex change so she can be "straight". (Their words not mine ).

I've met quite a few Trans men through a friendship with a woman who is a human sexuality expert and runs a business for men who want support in transitioning. I've heard the same story from more than one of these gentlemen who didn't want to be "gay" so they became women as to not embarrass the (supposedly) "straight" men they were in love with.  I also met one married couple who both transitioned because the husband was a cross dresser and wanted to transition so his wife decided to take hormones and become more male-presenting so they didn't look like Lesbians.

Quite fascinating, the emotional turmoil these people suffer balancing their feelings with the perception of how others will see them.

Edited by pubic_assistance
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6 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

So you have a pronoun or something you'd prefer ? Maybe you'd like the more scientific "homosexual" term ? Tell me how I'm supposed to talk. You seem to be irritated by my choice of the word "gay". My understanding is that's still the favored terminology.

No pronouns involved at all.

Lucky already explained it, but I guess it's not hitting home. 🙄

The Gays, The Blacks, The Muslims, The Homeless, The Jews, The Bi's

Edited by Marc in Calif
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4 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

Well if you would have taken the time to actually READ the question posed on the thread....

I was asking THOSE WHO HAVE CHOSEN to discuss THEIR JOURNEY...

Dude, in your original post, you said "It's interesting to me that so many gays are in complete denial of the ability to choose." That statement is offensive, untrue, and disproven by mounds of research, of which you're obviously uninterested. Yes, there are bisexuals, and obviously those people are free to choose from a wide variety of sexual partners. They can also choose how they "self-identify," though in truth they'll always be bi. For those who are gay and not bi, their only choice is to follow their sexual orientation or deny it, with consequences. 

Had you read the article which I referenced earlier, you'd have seen this graph:

image.thumb.png.5c776d9b658af3224d49b9f0caea23e4.png

Savin-Williams R. C., Vrangalova Z. (2013). Mostly heterosexual as a distinct sexual orientation group: A systematic review of the empirical evidence. Developmental Review, 33, 58–88.

Bisexuality exists, although among men, it's far less common than being either mostly of completely gay.

No one has even mentioned the anatomical evidence from LeVay's studies showing that there are visible differences in the appearance in parts of the hypothalamus of gay vs straight men. This is not a choice.  Arguing doesn't change the facts known to science.

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8 minutes ago, Unicorn said:

Bisexuality exists, although among men, it's far less common than being either mostly of completely gay.

Yes..yes yes...

I get that you are one of those gays that can't stand people making choices.

It's tired at this point .

Give it up .I'm not interested in your ancient charts .

The question is posed to people who DO and HAVE made choices.

Let it go man.

Edited by pubic_assistance
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41 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

Let it go man.

 

You are the one who needs to let it go. Why you even started the thread escapes me. You have no desire for a conversation. You just want to argue your point...rather endlessly. You go be you and the rest of us will be us.  Life will go on.

Edited by Lucky
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1 hour ago, pubic_assistance said:

I am currently mentoring my nephew's 16 year old daughter who wants a sex change so she can be "straight". (Their words not mine ).

I've met quite a few Trans men through a friendship with a woman who is a human sexuality expert and runs a business for men who want support in transitioning. I've heard the same story from more than one of these gentlemen who didn't want to be "gay" so they became women as to not embarrass the (supposedly) "straight" men they were in love with.  I also met one married couple who both transitioned because the husband was a cross dresser and wanted to transition so his wife decided to take hormones and become more male-presenting so they didn't look like Lesbians.

Quite fascinating, the emotional turmoil these people suffer balancing their feelings with the perception of how others will see them.

Curious?

What responses did you get to this question (and frequent other's on sexual fluidity) on the heterosexual massage community websites you frequent?

Also you mention you're fascinated by the emotional turmoil people suffer trying to balance their feelings with the perception of how others will see them and who "chooses their sexual orientation".

In every example you've mentioned regardless of their orientation, biology or whatever description is applied, the one commonality is that the only thing they're sure of is that they don't want to be identified or perceived as "gay" or "lesbian" and that is driving their decision making. 

By using those examples, is that predominantly your point of exploring one's journeys in general of choosing their sexual orientation?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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36 minutes ago, Lucky said:

You are the one who needs to let it go. Why you even started the thread escapes me. You have no desire for a conversation. You just want to argue your point...rather endlessly. You go be you and the rest of us will be us.  Life will go on.

But I DID start a thread...and I would appreciate it if you stop harrasing me over your nonsense. The conversation wasn't directed at people who feel trapped in their gayness. So please stop. I want to hear from the sexually fluid people on the forum.

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42 minutes ago, GTMike said:

By using those examples, is that predominantly your point of exploring one's journeys in general of choosing their sexual orientation?

No. It's not.

I am saying that is ONE factor in how people end up choosing their sexuality.

I do believe it influenced me to a degree.

Although I don't recall being particularly disturbed about being called "gay" in my 20's

I think I find more comfort in blending in publicly while remaining sexually fluid in private

 

Edited by pubic_assistance
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8 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

...Give it up .I'm not interested in your ancient charts ... Let it go man.

 

7 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

...So please stop...

"I don't want to look at the science and the facts. You're annoying me with all of the research. I don't want to hear it! Stop it! Waah, waah,, waah!"

image.png.f257bfea6f4672c3f7ed8a6f3d3af00d.png

image.png.48093af77739b755ce2353edf43d62b1.png

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1 hour ago, Unicorn said:

 

"I don't want to look at the science and the facts. You're annoying me with all of the research. I don't want to hear it! Stop it! Waah, waah,, waah!"

image.png.f257bfea6f4672c3f7ed8a6f3d3af00d.png

image.png.48093af77739b755ce2353edf43d62b1.png

You've made your antiquated point over and over and over.

I get that you are disgusted by heteronormality. The thread isn't about you.

Let's hear from some more sexually fluid people in the forum. That is the more current and  interesting subject that we are discussing.

 

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