Who chooses their sexual orientation?

[pubic_assistance]

The thread is about choosing your sexuality.

Numerous people have shared their journey. Others have made it clear there was no "journey".

I would appreciate if we can avoid making this an argument. It's (mostly) a discussion about sexual fluidity and decisions, not about predetermined destiny. 

Share your opinion, Share your journey.

 

 

[Medin]

40 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

The thread is about choosing your sexuality.

Numerous people have shared their journey. Others have made it clear there was no "journey".

I would appreciate if we can avoid making this an argument. It's (mostly) a discussion about sexual fluidity and decisions, not about predetermined destiny. 

Share your opinion, Share your journey.

 

 

The issue is the word "choice".  Think of the millions of people who have been harmed, discriminated against and even killed because others said sexual orientation is a choice.  Choice means you had an alternative and that simply isn't the case for most gay men-at least none that I know.  When I see a naked woman, I don't get hard.  It's not a choice.  There is simply no attraction.  For some others such as bisexuals, maybe they are attracted to both.  Who knows?  Who cares?  The bottom line is, this talk of "choice" has caused irreparable harm to so many.  Think conversion therapy as an example.  The discussion about nature vs. nurture is a different matter.  

[+ José Soplanucas]

49 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

The thread is about choosing your sexuality.

Numerous people have shared their journey. Others have made it clear there was no "journey".

I would appreciate if we can avoid making this an argument. It's (mostly) a discussion about sexual fluidity and decisions, not about predetermined destiny. 

Share your opinion, Share your journey.

 

 

You keep trying to police your own thread without any intention to listen to what others are telling you.

NO ONE has spoken of predetermined destiny, but about interacting biological and environmental conditioning. 

You are confronting your imaginary devout homosexuals who only exist in your fantasy world, and you are not listening to what the real posters are telling you. 

I am sorry the thread is not going in the direction you intended, but sometimes that happens when you open a thread. 

[+ nycman]

[pubic_assistance]

14 minutes ago, Medin said:

Who knows?  Who cares?  The bottom line is, this talk of "choice" has caused irreparable harm to so many. 

Well, I care. That's why I started the conversation.

You're speaking from your own life.

You're gay. Period. End of sentence.

But that's NOT how it works for the thousands of young people who are identifying as sexually fluid.

You may not care about them. You don't need to...but this conversation is about that growing trend to YES, make a choice.

I think if CHOICE is seen as the common state of being, then the "irreparable harm" you speak of will not circle around this time.

Edited February 1, 2023 by pubic_assistance
grammar

[Guest]

6 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

...You seem insistent that everything be packed up into tidy boxes with homosexuality being a chromosome...

You know very well that no one has said that. 

[Guest]

13 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

....HOW do explain this sudden uptick in sexually fluid / bisexual activity within the  18 to 25 age group if there is absolutely no way for anyone to consciously affect their sexuality ?...

As I've said, there's been very little study about bisexuality, so you're asking me to speculate (which is something you seem to prefer doing, instead of looking at actual research). I think the least likely explanation is that there's been a change in peoples' actual sexual orientations. But since you're asking me to speculate, one possibility is that bisexuality (as an actual sexual orientation, not as a "self-identification"} is much, much more common than previously realized/acknowledged. In the past, when one took serious risks to one's job, etc., in identifying as anything other than straight, the vast majority of bisexuals, able to happily mate with either sex, simply chose to identify as straight, and either ignored their gay feelings, or enjoyed their same-sex activity on the down-low (not acknowledging it to anyone). Now that identifying as bi doesn't have the consequences it once does, bi people just feel more free to acknowledge their true sexual orientations. 

Another possibility (and certainly there's probably more than one explanation) is that a lot of these people are actually gay, but too young at the ages of 18 to 25 to feel comfortable acknowledging this, and are using the "bi" label as a stepping stone. It's certainly known that a lot of gay men do this (Sir Elton John, etc.), but the degree of contribution to this situation seen in the younger generation must be a matter of speculation at this point. Hopefully, one day scientists will do the research, then we'll have more solid answers. 

It's interesting that I've met two twins in my life who've had different sexual orientations, and none of the four identified as bisexual. Also, in the twins we saw in the video links on this string, none identified as bisexual either. I'm curious as to if anyone reading this far into the string has ever met twins with different sexual orientations, one being gay and the other bisexual? Or straight and bisexual?

[pubic_assistance]

21 minutes ago, Unicorn said:

I'm curious as to if anyone reading this far into the string has ever met twins with different sexual orientations, one being gay and the other bisexual? Or straight and bisexual?

I've rarely met a gay twin WHO's brother was also gay. ( Otherwise I'd have had my final check off from my sexual bucket list ).

[wsc]

3 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

There are obviously men who've never been attracted to women in the least, I get that.

Thank you for the acceptance. (Said with genuine appreciation and no other agenda.)

But I think the population of men who are attracted to both is way under counted and are being deliberately ignored to further this search for "the gay gene" which allows devout homosexuals to claim to be a victim of biology.

I would hope to object to any deliberate disregard for the numbers of bisexual men -however many or few there may be- as an attempt to invalidate a proposed "gay gene" agenda, as any such effort would move the question away from science and toward politics, thus discrediting the former and souring the latter. Do you have any information or evidence to support a claim of deliberate disregard?

Any victimhood associated with the "condition" comes not by way of those possessed of it, but only by those who refuse to accept it in others, and some of whom have been and remain dedicated to its eradication. This is essentially a morals-based view, uninformed by science.

The mere suggestion that anyone has chosen his sexual pathway seems to infuriate old timers who only wish to subscribe to the "born this way" narrative, as if NO ONE ever could possibly have this choice.

To my mind, there are only three possible motivations to find a "gay gene" or affirm a "born this way" narrative:

• To simply and honestly discern the truth of the matter, if true it be, or lay it to rest, if not.
• To begin to find a cure, for those who seek one for whatever reason.
• To remove from the condition the aura of moral deformity often assigned to it by showing that although not normative for the species, it is normal and natural for those possessing it. And so madmen might stop killing us.

 

[+ WilliamM]

23 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

I've rarely met a gay twin WHO's brother was also gay. ( Otherwise I'd have had my final check off from my sexual bucket list ).

A ctors Max  and Charlie Carver are both gay  and twins

I had a twin brother but he died chortly after we were Born

And two sets of female first cousins all straight.

My first cousin has twin grandsons. Not quite old enough to know if they are gay or  straight

 

[pubic_assistance]

43 minutes ago, WilliamM said:

Actors Max  and Charlie Carver are both gay  and twins

Charlie Carver identifies as  gay. Max does not.

https://people.com/movies/teen-wolfs-charlie-carver-on-how-having-a-gay-father-influenced-his-own-coming-out-story/

Edited February 2, 2023 by pubic_assistance
grammar

[+ WilliamM]

3 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

Charlie Carver identifies as  gay. Max does not.

https://people.com/movies/teen-wolfs-charlie-carver-on-how-having-a-gay-father-influenced-his-own-coming-out-story/

Thank you. Nice to have a member who really cares!

[marylander1940]

Back to subject (if still needed) I was born 100% gay!

[pubic_assistance]

1 hour ago, marylander1940 said:

Back to subject (if still needed) I was born 100% gay!

At what age did you discover you had a physical attraction to boys ?
At what age did you have romantic feelings for boys ?

[marylander1940]

1 hour ago, pubic_assistance said:

At what age did you discover you had a physical attraction to boys ?
At what age did you have romantic feelings for boys ?

early teenage years when many folks didn't even know what it was. 

[MikeBiDude]

1 hour ago, pubic_assistance said:

At what age did you discover you had a physical attraction to boys ?
At what age did you have romantic feelings for boys ?

I always tell my friends I was attracted to and hitting on the girls in my 7th and 8th grade Catholic school classes…..then anxious to get to my Boy Scout camping weekends for experimenting with those friends!

[pubic_assistance]

I remember for me it was my first day of kindergarten. My mother picked me up and asked how my day went. I said the teacher was nice, we had cookies and I met a cute boy and a cute girl.

My mother corrected me saying that I could find the girl to be "cute" but the boys are just your friends. You don't look at boys that way.

So I figured my mother has no idea what she was talking about and so I never discussed it with her again. 😉

 

Edited May 9, 2023 by pubic_assistance
spelling

[sjmuktop]

I personally believe most if not all men are bisexual, to some degree or another, no matter how minuscule the degree to which one is might be.

I think most people who choose to identify their sexual orientation as either 'gay' or 'straight' do so based on their predominant attraction to either the same or opposite gender, respectively; but that ultimately, there is attraction to both genders in all of us (or at the very least, the possibility of attraction to both genders, whether we choose to acknowledge that or not).

How one chooses to express, if indeed at all, their bisexuality is also extremely variable, and many people (if not most) probably don't realise they are bisexual since the way in which it is (or is not) expressed doesn't seem bi to them.

Perhaps there genuinely are people who are 100% one way or the other, but my guess is that such people are extremely rare. I think, for most us, our sexual orientations are a sliding scale or continuum (of bisexuality). 

In my view, nobody chooses their bisexuality - since that bisexuality is just the natural default setting of human (and, indeed, other animal) sexuality. But what people do choose is whether or not they identify as 'gay' or 'straight'; a choice they make based upon their predominant attraction to whichever gender.

[pubic_assistance]

23 minutes ago, sjmuktop said:

In my view, nobody chooses their bisexuality - since that bisexuality is just the natural default setting of human

Which is the basis of my question.

Since humans seem to be able to manage sexual relationships with either gender when left with no choices, it is a reasonable conclusion that there is a degree of sexual flexibility more than people usually admit to. Naval ships are known for their homosexual activity, as are prisons. Extract the choice, and you make do with what you've got.

So yes...bisexuality does seem to be a default setting for the majority of humans.

That's why I was asking how many gentlemen here felt they were absolutely never - ever attracted to the opposite sex and how many have dabbled in both, ultimately choosing a preference. 

For me it's all about the person, not the "parts".

[MikeBiDude]

1 minute ago, pubic_assistance said:

For me it's all about the person, not the "parts".

+1

[Guest]

18 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

...So I figured my mother has no idea what she was taking about and so I never discussed it with her again. 😉

I can just see you explaining this to your mother 😄

 

[pubic_assistance]

3 minutes ago, Unicorn said:

I can just see you explaining this to your mother

To her credit...( and really BOTH my parents )...when I was going through my gay phase in my 20s, they never batted an eyelash and always supported me in any relationships I was involved in. 

The only flack I ever got was when I was 14 years old and came home covered in hickies ....from my then, girlfriend who was 17 and you could probably just smell the sex on me. 

When I started experimenting with men, I (jokingly) blamed my mother for making a big deal about having sex with a girl and said it was all her fault. 😝

 

 

 

[Guest]

4 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

... 

The only flack I ever got was when I was 14 years old and came home covered in hickies ....t.

Hi, Mom!

 

 

[+ sniper]

Eh, even in prisons and submarines the research seems to show about 35% of guys will mess around. That's enough of a fraction of the population that the hot ones will be able to find SOMEone pretty much everywhere they go and then erroneously conclude that everyone is bi...

That 35% is way more than will admit it in surveys though.

Myself I had crushes on girls up until just before puberty started at 9 and suddenly I didn't think boys were icky anymore. Totally lost interest in females. Looking back I wasn't crushing on Lynda Carter,  I was just stanning...and I was kind of drawn to Lyle Waggoner.