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Is escorting really traumatic for men?


socurious

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I don't believe escorting is traumatic for men. Unlike women, I believe most men are motivated by the money and the ego strokes. Then, of course, once reality sets in (rude, demanding, flaky clientele with questionable hygiene or health status) some men may stop  escorting as quickly as they began. I suppose the biggest concern would be that family and loved ones find out. But in general, I like to believe men are doing it because they want to, not at all a Lifetime movie backstory.

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It depends. A friend of mine did it and he found it led him into the wrong path of meeting people with bad intentions and into doing drugs. We talked about it and he told me he enjoyed the attention and the money but it took a toll on his health because of doing drugs. I helped him stop and now he is clean and has stopped escorting. 

I think it depends on your mental strength and your reasons for going into the work, and of course your age.

My friend was in his 20’s when he started and I think at that age you’re probably not mature enough to make sensible decisions. I started doing sex work when I was older and I think it helps to have some life experience otherwise doing sex work can eat you up. If you’re doing it to boost your self esteem then I think that can end badly because you keep needing a bigger hit if that makes sense. If you’re doing it because you enjoy meeting people and are interested in how they enjoy sex then that’s more likely to be sustainable. 

I’ve had only one bad experience with a client and I learned from that and from speaking with other sex workers about how to read signs and avoid bad situations. If you work professionally, with better quality clients and you keep it as only part of who you are then I think it’s a fabulous job. I love it.

I get to meet interesting people, make them happy, and I don’t have to sit at a desk or answer to a boss. Of course I still kiss ass….but it’s literally rather than metaphorically. Much more fun. 


 

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On 12/29/2022 at 9:08 PM, misterhumphries said:

I don't believe escorting is traumatic for men. Unlike women, I believe most men are motivated by the money and the ego strokes. Then, of course, once reality sets in (rude, demanding, flaky clientele with questionable hygiene or health status) some men may stop  escorting as quickly as they began. I suppose the biggest concern would be that family and loved ones find out. But in general, I like to believe men are doing it because they want to, not at all a Lifetime movie backstory.

Yikes. 

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I've known many people who engage in sex work of various types. From what I've seen, there's nothing about sex work that is inherently traumatizing. Rather, doing illegal work and dealing with nasty or violent clients without recourse to the police are the primary issues.

We live in a culture that is very sex-negative and puritanical. So if someone chooses to do sex work, or circumstances of their life push them into it, many people will judge them as damaged, diseased, and other forms of dehumanization. I think that's the primary cause of trauma for sex workers. 

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2 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

I've known many people who engage in sex work of various types. From what I've seen, there's nothing about sex work that is inherently traumatizing. Rather, doing illegal work and dealing with nasty or violent clients without recourse to the police are the primary issues.

We live in a culture that is very sex-negative and puritanical. So if someone chooses to do sex work, or circumstances of their life push them into it, many people will judge them as damaged, diseased, and other forms of dehumanization. I think that's the primary cause of trauma for sex workers. 

I agree with this. There’s a stigma to doing sex work. I’m careful with whom I share about what I do because some people just make lazy assumptions. I really hope society changes and becomes less puritanical about sex work. 

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Escorting in and of itself isn't traumatic.  Experiences encountered while escorting are what can be traumatic.  At least for me the traumatic experiences have come from overly aggressive and pushy clients typically.  My most traumatic experience though was when I first started escorting.  The client wanted me to bareback which I wasn't comfortable doing.  We were having some drinks and I blacked out.  He ended up barebacking me when I was blacked out.  I learned from that experience.

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19 hours ago, Maximus69 said:

The biggest headache is just having to deal with all the fakes/flakes and time wasters I dont think people realize how much bullshit we have to deal with even prior to meeting someone. You got to have a lot of patience a lot of time you may feel like your life is on oncall. A lot of people are rude thinking were just waiting at home close to our phones waiting for someone to call 24/7

Most small businesses will have similar complaints. It's not just escorts who endure the flakes.

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On 12/31/2022 at 8:38 AM, KensingtonHomo said:

I've known many people who engage in sex work of various types. From what I've seen, there's nothing about sex work that is inherently traumatizing. Rather, doing illegal work and dealing with nasty or violent clients without recourse to the police are the primary issues.

We live in a culture that is very sex-negative and puritanical. So if someone chooses to do sex work, or circumstances of their life push them into it, many people will judge them as damaged, diseased, and other forms of dehumanization. I think that's the primary cause of trauma for sex workers. 

It's Time to Decriminalize Sex Work

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On 1/1/2023 at 6:24 PM, Keenan said:

Escorting in and of itself isn't traumatic.  Experiences encountered while escorting are what can be traumatic.  At least for me the traumatic experiences have come from overly aggressive and pushy clients typically.  My most traumatic experience though was when I first started escorting.  The client wanted me to bareback which I wasn't comfortable doing.  We were having some drinks and I blacked out.  He ended up barebacking me when I was blacked out.  I learned from that experience.

Yes. Don't drink alcohol with clients. You could have been given a roofie. And it was rape but who could you tell and not face backlash? Please be careful

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A male stripper interviewed on the YouTube channel Soft White Underbelly and he said women hate being exploited but men love it.

There was an attempt to ruffie me, which I escaped from, and being groped and fondled without my consent was neve fun, but I have legit PTSD and anxiety over different reasons.

I like being exploited and watched and violated but only by men I'm attracted to. After being a provider for so long I am very strict with the body types and smells and ages that I like. I have seen and experienced so many that I just won't compromise. I'm traumatized too in the way with how bad clients smell or how fvcking annoying they are. I hate being irritated and cannot stand being around certain people after a certain amount of time. That's after years of tolerating annoying and weird people who just took advantage of my time and kindness. I've traveled overseas with clients, went to the opera, post office, airport, to a catholic mass, and took them to doctors appointments, LOL and just had enough.

Also, constantly talking to clients that are lonely and sad and desperately need affection got fvcking old and cringey and that wasn't what I did, nor wanted to deal with no matter the amount of money. So I have anxiety when I perceive someone as a pity case. Ouch.

I really grieved when I learned that clients of mine died because they were father figures to me. I grieved for years that so many clients were so lonely and sad despite being successful, rich, and good looking and I didn't know how to help them, nor avoid turning out like them.

It sucked too to really enjoy seeing some regular clients over the years and then they drop off the face of the Earth and move on with their husbands, or got too paranoid over the pandemic.  It sucked to learn that I'm into different than a barber or accountant. This is a business and customers will eventually look elsewhere especially because they are males, and us males love variety and fresh meat, mo matter how good the husband/wife/mistress/provider is.  So it su led to really miss some clients that I got to know over the years.

I warn young men who come off as slutty in general to be very careful and take it slow because they will ruin their ability to pairbond and they can never really repair it once they cross that line. 

Someone told me, "you only have a few chances for monogamy. After 100 dicks you can't be monogamous."

A lot of men these days seem to be open to having open relationships but there still are a lot of men that aren't.

So there's a lot of different forms of trauma and different reasons to be traumatized and it's not just rape and assault that can cause it.

Edited by Vulgarii
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On 1/2/2023 at 8:39 AM, spidir said:

This is a whole other topic for another forum and while I want prostitution to be decriminalized, we will all make much less money because there will be so many more people getting into it.

 

It's funny too that feminist women's groups reallydon't want prostitutes to have less stigma and criminalization, essentially giving women more rights and protections, because they'll have less control over men. Why put up with a womans crap when you can just easily get laid elsewhere? Oh well that's not our problem!

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47 minutes ago, Calix_V2 said:

I can definitely see how the business can be traumatic, and tragic for some people who don't have a good head on their shoulder or any mentors to help them navigate the industry as a whole.  

Having experience dancing in clubs (Canada and U.S.), live events in addition to private client sessions, I've seen the greenest of boys join the ranks of "escort" only to flush their lives down the toilet with drugs, regrets and no direction in their lives.

I was one of the lucky ones, I had mentors who were regulars at the Gaiety pulling in ridiculous cash who, just as I was getting into escorting, were getting out to pursue business ventures, some with clients they built relationships with.  I had these guys to help figure out the industry which was a huge bonus. I never got into the drugs, it seemed counter-productive from a business standpoint, both in club and with clients. I suppose age matters but again, if you're armed with a solid network of veteran providers, it mitigates any potential issues regardless of age.

Question to those providers reading this: Have you ever been contacted by a green provider looking for advice?

I always am open to working with younger green providers and have been contacted by some.  After my own experiences I want to make sure they know how to stay safe and avoid being in harmful situations.  As I have learned in this industry some customers unfortunately see escorts more as a commodity or object to do what they want and will unfortunately take things into their own hands.  I learned from having a drink with a client, passing out and then waking up to being restrained and barebacked as I stated above.  I feel it's important to make sure that those coming in are safe.

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On 1/7/2023 at 9:18 PM, Vulgarii said:

A male stripper interviewed on the YouTube channel Soft White Underbelly and he said women hate being exploited but men love it.

There was an attempt to ruffie me, which I escaped from, and being groped and fondled without my consent was neve fun, but I have legit PTSD and anxiety over different reasons.

I like being exploited and watched and violated but only by men I'm attracted to. After being a provider for so long I am very strict with the body types and smells and ages that I like. I have seen and experienced so many that I just won't compromise. I'm traumatized too in the way with how bad clients smell or how fvcking annoying they are. I hate being irritated and cannot stand being around certain people after a certain amount of time. That's after years of tolerating annoying and weird people who just took advantage of my time and kindness. I've traveled overseas with clients, went to the opera, post office, airport, to a catholic mass, and took them to doctors appointments, LOL and just had enough.

Also, constantly talking to clients that are lonely and sad and desperately need affection got fvcking old and cringey and that wasn't what I did, nor wanted to deal with no matter the amount of money. So I have anxiety when I perceive someone as a pity case. Ouch.

I really grieved when I learned that clients of mine died because they were father figures to me. I grieved for years that so many clients were so lonely and sad despite being successful, rich, and good looking and I didn't know how to help them, nor avoid turning out like them.

It sucked too to really enjoy seeing some regular clients over the years and then they drop off the face of the Earth and move on with their husbands, or got too paranoid over the pandemic.  It sucked to learn that I'm into different than a barber or accountant. This is a business and customers will eventually look elsewhere especially because they are males, and us males love variety and fresh meat, mo matter how good the husband/wife/mistress/provider is.  So it su led to really miss some clients that I got to know over the years.

I warn young men who come off as slutty in general to be very careful and take it slow because they will ruin their ability to pairbond and they can never really repair it once they cross that line. 

Someone told me, "you only have a few chances for monogamy. After 100 dicks you can't be monogamous."

A lot of men these days seem to be open to having open relationships but there still are a lot of men that aren't.

So there's a lot of different forms of trauma and different reasons to be traumatized and it's not just rape and assault that can cause it.

Thank you for sharing your experience and caring for others. You can't help lonely and sad men that desperately need affection if it traumatizes you. The providers that can do so are worth their weight in gold.

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The simple idea of being intimate with "whomever" is a big YUCK for a lot of people.  And so to people who don't partake, this business seems at best sordid, and at worst nearly a war crime.  

For that reason, it's not uncommon for escorts at some point to begin to second guess what they did in the past, or what they are doing now.  People will exclaim, "how can you do something like that?!" They'll compare it to abuse and even rape and it's only because they can't imagine doing it themselves.  If you're not resilient sufficiently you might just start seeing your escort life as they see it, as a traumatic life.

 

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