Gaslighting by Provider

[ZMontoff]

Hi all, on Christmas Eve I was bored and looking. I found someone who I had wanted to meet for a while, but the opportunity had never presented itself. I contacted him via text. He was a slow responder, which was annoying but that happens. Over the course of several hours, we finally agreed to meet Christmas Day. He responded that he needed 1/2 of his fee by Venmo or CashApp before he could meet. Since I don't like to do that and had the cash in hand, I told him that I wanted to pay cash. He never responded. It was already late, so I went to bed after waiting to see if he would respond, which didn't happen.

The next day (Christmas Day) I followed up via text, and asked if he was still willing to do something that day. He said yes but that I had to send a deposit via Venmo or CashApp first. I regrettably sent him some, which I will try and remember the next time someone asks for an advance. After I sent it, there was no communication from him for an hour. I called and he told me he was with his mother and would get back to me later after he finished with her. After that, I heard nothing. Four hours later, I texted him and said that if he couldn't meet could he just give me a refund. After still not hearing from him, I later tried to go into CashApp and request a refund, but since he had already accepted the money, I had to file a scam complaint to try and get CashApp to do anything. I texted him that I was filing the scam complaint, but if he could just send the refund, I would tell CashApp there was a miscommunication. I even tried to call him again before filing the scam complaint. He didn't answer. There was no response at all from him the rest of the night..

Forward to today, December 26. Almost a full 24 hours after sending him the deposit, he starts texting me about my scam complaint. I think he had either forgotten about me (benefit of the doubt) or never intended to meet (probably the truth)., However, once he got the complaint from CashApp. he decided to do something. We went back and forth via text, and he finally starting asking when I could meet. At this point, I really didn't want to meet him anymore, so I told him I couldn't meet until next Sunday. He got set on that and decided we would meet Sunday, on New Years. I had never actually agreed to that and asked him for a refund again, but he didn't respond. I'm also at this point now just scared to meet him because I don't know what is happening with him and who knows what he will do if I meet him in person.

He has sent several messages since then trying to control the conversation and not listen to my side. I believe that he is gaslighting me to make me think this is my fault and that I am crazy. I really don't think I am wrong about this, but wanted to get other people's views. I can post screenshots of the texts but don't want to do so unless a moderator says it's okay. Also, I won't post his information unless moderators think it is appropriate, and then only to warn others about dealing with him.

Oh yeah, he now has started saying the deposit is non-refundable, which was never said before I sent the money. Once again, I really should know better than to send anyone money in advance unless I know them well.

I mean, under those circumstances, what do others think? How long would have been appropriate to wait when he wasn't responding to my texts?

Thanks all!

[dbar123]

Your experience is a fair warning to all regarding paying deposits to people you don’t know.

Meeting someone who already has an axe to grind does not sound very relaxing. Cut your loss and fuhgettaboutit 

[+ nycman]

Write it off to a lesson learned….and more on.

You’ll be happier….and wiser.

[Jamie21]

I agree with @nycman and @dbar123. Half his fee sounds like a significant sum and must be extremely annoying to lose. I’m sorry to hear it. But I think you should definitely not chase your loss by going through with meeting him. 
 

[Gatlin G]

Definitely don’t meet with him sounds like it could be a problem if you do.   

[Guest]

You’ve asked the question - is it gaslighting?   I don’t think it is - you’re not questioning the facts and you are in complete control of your understanding.  He’s either simply not accepting blame or deflecting from the fact that he tried to defraud you.   It only matters because now he risks getting tagged as a problem with one of his payment platforms.  I’d stay on the course of pursuing the claim through CashApp and have nothing to do with him.  Maybe you should inform him that you are not responding to texts without the refund.  Silence is your advantage … or if he makes an accusation or distortion of fact, four words and only four words - “that is not true.”   

[+ Pensant]

I just tell them that I was phished by those two apps and that I deleted them.

[+ glutes]

Another escort gives a slap in the face.

[ZMontoff]

Yeah, definitely not going to meet this guy now or ever. I guess I'm just wondering if 4 hours was an appropriate time to wait before filing a scam report with CashApp? I felt like it was given the 0 response I received after sending the "deposit", and the fact that he didn't respond at all until almost 24 hours after it was sent.

This is definitely gaslighting now since he started sending more texts after I insisted on the refund. Calling me psychopathic and out of touch with reality. Trying not to engage with him at all, but I want to keep all texts and anything he sends since he is just digging the hole deeper for himself. He even threatened to call the police at one point. I told him to go ahead. He'll find out quickly what wire fraud is along with a chance of up to 30 years in prison.

[StarQualityLuke]

Be careful, but continue your claim for the fraudulent deposit, since no services were rendered.  He should have sent the deposit back if you did not meet as scheduled.  Filing that claim put him in the hot seat with that platform.  It's truly a shame in 2022 people are still in the art of scamming $$.   Be careful and also a lesson learned.  There are others that expect deposits, and are truthful, all it takes is one bad apple.   Keep your chin up. 

[Luv2play]

I noted that the OP is a new member here and this series of posts about gaslighting by a provider is his first. I don't know how long he has been engaged in hiring nor his history with this site. 

We all know about the issue of deposits and it has been discussed ad nauseum on this forum. I've never made deposits and never been requested to since I avoid all ads that suggest this is a requirement. The few times I have been told it was a requirement I terminated the discussion.

I have sometimes been forced to cancell a session and have always provided a good cancellation fee, usually between $150 and $200. I try to give as much notice as possible but even if they had to forego other opportunities, they at least could pay a few bills or treat themselves to a nice meal out.

Frankly from what we've been told I think the op should just cut his losses. He has little to gain from pursuing a remedy.

 

[ZMontoff]

Actually, he just texted me and said he would give me a refund. We'll see if he follows through. I was polite and replied thank you and let it go at that.

[StarQualityLuke]

On 12/27/2022 at 5:28 PM, ZMontoff said:

Actually, he just texted me and said he would give me a refund. We'll see if he follows through. I was polite and replied thank you and let it go at that.

Great, that is good news!!! ⭐

[misterhumphries]

On 12/26/2022 at 8:31 PM, ZMontoff said:

Hi all, on Christmas Eve I was bored and looking. I found someone who I had wanted to meet for a while, but the opportunity had never presented itself. I contacted him via text. He was a slow responder, which was annoying but that happens. Over the course of several hours, we finally agreed to meet Christmas Day. He responded that he needed 1/2 of his fee by Venmo or CashApp before he could meet. Since I don't like to do that and had the cash in hand, I told him that I wanted to pay cash. He never responded. It was already late, so I went to bed after waiting to see if he would respond, which didn't happen.

The next day (Christmas Day) I followed up via text, and asked if he was still willing to do something that day....

 

You took this encounter WAY too far, expended far too much time and energy on it. And in the end all you have is yet another promise to take action that, based on past behavior, may not be kept. The last thing I would want, if I were in your situation, is to pursue a meeting with this man after he may have scammed you and you were threatening to lodge a formal complaint. Too much hurt feeling and possible personal risk of retribution at the escort's hands.

My rules are simple: if an escort doesn't reply or takes what I consider too long to reply. I shrug and move on. Insisting that you meet with only the one escort makes  you appear desperate or stalkerish; primed to be taken for a ride. 

[Marc in Calif]

On 12/27/2022 at 1:43 PM, ZMontoff said:

This is definitely gaslighting now since he started sending more texts after I insisted on the refund. 

BnaC told you that this isn't what the word gaslighting means. Persistent annoying behavior and lying are not the same as gaslighting. 

A gaslighter needs to make you change your memory and perception of the actual events. But your recall of the facts is still perfectly sound. He hasn't "gaslighted" you. 

[Lazarus]

I guess the thought of going to prison for 30 years made him think twice about committing wire fraud. 

[+ nycman]

2 hours ago, Marc in Calif said:

BnaC told you that this isn't what the word gaslighting means.

I just looked up gaslighting, because I evidently didn’t understand the term myself…..

The opening line on Wikipedia……https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

"Not to be confused with Fart lighting."

God, you can’t make this stuff up1

[Marc in Calif]

1 hour ago, nycman said:

"Not to be confused with Fart lighting" 

Wikipedia is our friend:

Fart lighting, also known as pyroflatulence, or flatus ignition is the practice of igniting the gases produced by flatulence. The resulting flame is often of a blue hue hence the act being known colloquially as a "blue angel", "blue dart" or in Australia, a "blue flame". The fact that flatus is flammable and the actual combustion of it through this practice gives rise to much humorous derivation. Other colors of flame such as orange and yellow are possible depending on the mixture of gases formed in the colon.

[mike carey]

5 hours ago, Marc in Calif said:

A gaslighter needs to make you change your memory and perception of the actual events. But your recall of the facts is still perfectly sound. He hasn't "gaslighted" you. 

I'd have thought gaslighting was determined by what's attempted, not what its success is, but apparently not. I guess it could be hard to be sure if something is an attempt at gaslighting or simply different recollections of what had happened. In a dispute between a provider and a client the latter seems more likely but not certain.

[Luv2play]

5 hours ago, Marc in Calif said:

Wikipedia is our friend:

Fart lighting, also known as pyroflatulence, or flatus ignition is the practice of igniting the gases produced by flatulence. The resulting flame is often of a blue hue hence the act being known colloquially as a "blue angel", "blue dart" or in Australia, a "blue flame". The fact that flatus is flammable and the actual combustion of it through this practice gives rise to much humorous derivation. Other colors of flame such as orange and yellow are possible depending on the mixture of gases formed in the colon.

I've seen that done once. It was a straight boy and he was entertaining a bunch of other straight guys ( including me who was straightish at the time). He lit a candle, bent over on his parent's dining room table and farted, producing a blue flame. It was over very quickly but quite the sight!

[+ Coolwave35]

8 hours ago, Marc in Calif said:

Wikipedia is our friend:

Fart lighting, also known as pyroflatulence, or flatus ignition is the practice of igniting the gases produced by flatulence. The resulting flame is often of a blue hue hence the act being known colloquially as a "blue angel", "blue dart" or in Australia, a "blue flame". The fact that flatus is flammable and the actual combustion of it through this practice gives rise to much humorous derivation. Other colors of flame such as orange and yellow are possible depending on the mixture of gases formed in the colon.

I feel like this gold needs its own thread. Wanna start it? 

[Guest]

6 hours ago, Luv2play said:

I've seen that done once. It was a straight boy and he was entertaining a bunch of other straight guys ( including me who was straightish at the time). He lit a candle, bent over on his parent's dining room table and farted, producing a blue flame. It was over very quickly but quite the sight!

So the hairs in the anal area weren't burned/singed?

[+ azdr0710]

thanks to @nycman for that!......had to, of course, click on the provided link and got to see a demonstration video and the chemical composition of a fart!.......yup, did do this a few times with the guys back as a kid......(and in our early 20s!)

[Luv2play]

3 hours ago, Unicorn said:

So the hairs in the anal area weren't burned/singed?

I believe not. The flame was very brief and shot out away from the anus. For a straight boy ( who was somewhat drunk) he then took a candlestick from the dining room table and shoved it up his ass and paraded around the room. 

Obviously his parents were away that weekend and as I recall it was an impromptu party after watching a football game. Just guys. 

[+ Lucky]

Sounds like good New Year's eve fun!